Hi, I had an arranged marriage at the age of 30 which ended within a year as she had a lover and went back to him, in the process took away my money putting a false domestic violence case to claim alimony. My dream of happy married life was shattered, I lost faith in concept of marriage and remained single just focusing on my work. I never had any relationship with any female all through these years due to the phobia that women bring trouble to my life :) Now I'm 45 and feel the need to have a trustworthy life companion. The problem I'm facing is the trust issues and female phobia. Also since my so called married life was very short, I'm not mentally ready to consider marriage proposals of divorced women who got divorced after 4-5 years of their bad marriage since they have the past luggage. Its difficult to find unmarried singles also. Can you guide me on how can I overcome this situation and find a trustworthy, reliable companion for rest of my life?

Ans: Dear Cyril,
Do past experiences define your present? If that's the way that you have accepted it, that is what has caused you to be where you are now.

If I were to assume that you your divorce has what has made you not explore it ever again after that, haven't you done great dis-service to yourself?
Why generalize that it will repeat or that all relationships might be the same as before?
For anything new to take place, the old thoughts might be replaced...give yourself that chance at exploring a new relationship. I am sure that your Mom will support you on your newer ways of thinking about relationships. Put your best foot forward and look forward to inviting something new and different. It takes that one small step...
PONDER:
One relationship gone sour DOES NOT mean that all future ones will end the same way
INSTEAD
One relationship gone sour CAN mean that you now know better what relationships can be like

A small tweak can create wonders...

All the best!

Ans: I understand your concern. This requires introspection. Did she cheat because she wasn't into you? Or you don't seem to attract any girl? Or she cheated just coz. Don't rush got marriage. Meet new girls, date them and then see.

Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.