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Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Question by on Mar 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi sir, i am 42 divorced male with no child from previous marriage. Now i m getting a girl with three types 1) divorced girl which my parents dont wants (as thy want unmarried girl) 2) unmarried girl but quite aged 3) unmarried girl with decent age but poor family background n very less educated. I m quite confused with whom i should marry as i m quite scare after my breakoff from 1st marriage which was love marriage and not able to take decision on this. I m well educated smart and earning quite decent. My parents wants girl should be unmarried n can manage house n also take care of them n they dont want working girl too but she should be beautiful educated n good family background. Because of this my marriage is getting delayed n also not getting any match. Kindly suggest what should i do how much which type of girl i should i prefer..i m clueless in this n not able to take decision.

Ans: Tell me something, do you want a wife or a glorified live-in maid for your parents? I cannot believe that in this day and age so-called educated men like you are asking questions like this! “My parents want this, my parents want that”… who the hell is getting married, you or them? You’re a divorcee yourself, but a divorced woman is not good enough for you? A working girl will be frowned upon because THEY want a housewife? If this is the kind of backward-thinking family you come from, it’s hardly surprising your first marriage failed! Man up, go for someone who YOU are interested in, and if you have any common sense, stay separately from your parents after marriage!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 20, 2021

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My name is 'X' and I belong to a middle class family. Right now, I am 46 and my marriage was solemnised about 10 yrs back. It was a totally arranged marriage would like to state here that I didn't like the girl or her appearance right from the start. I am a teacher by profession and my mother wanted her would be daughter- in law to have a similar background that is like that of a teacher. Initially, I was hesitant to marry this girl selected by my parents, but then I consented to the marriage thinking that whatever my elders and my parents had thought about my future would be the correct decision related to my life. Moreover, everybody had started to say that the girl would suit me. But right from the 1st day of marriage, I started resenting the relationship. Nothing happened between us on the 1st night of marriage. The girl didn't have any specific faults, but somehow she didn't appear to be attractive at all for me. The colour of her skin was dark, maybe I wanted a fair skinned girl. Finally, the situation came to such an extent that she, in collusion with her family, lodged a false case of domestic violence against us because they felt that the girl was unfairly neglected by me. They also wanted to derive unfair financial gain at my parents and my cost. The case continued for 7 years and ultimately we won it. And now, after many years, I have once again started to feel that I should marry even though I am of advanced age. I want a partner who is attractive, beautiful and above all, who is so matured in her outlook that after marriage, we will not even care for any petty issues and not fight over silly matters. I am also taking the help of Shaadi.com in this matter through all the attractive membership schemes launched by them. Now, at this juncture, I really need your advice as to whether I should proceed forward and take this step at my age. This is moreso because as a life partner, I want an elite kind of girl who is far above the kind of girl which we see in most common middle-class societies. I do not want to disclose my name.
Ans: Dear KS, before you proceed on this journey of finding a life partner for yourself, it is time to rework your strong beliefs on appearance, skin colour etc.

What went wrong with your first marriage maybe anybody’s guess, but there’s no judging here!

Not that, you were coerced into it; you fully know you always had the option of saying you didn’t want to marry the girl.

Yet, you went ahead convincing yourself that your family knew what they were doing for you.

The unfair financial gain that they wanted might have been a direct result of the unfair treatment from you towards their daughter.

Did that occur to you?

You say you want a life partner who will not rake up petty issues and be matured as well, don’t you feel that is what she will expect from you as well?

Since I don’t have the details, it would be unfair of me to presume anymore on this.

It was to simply turn your head towards how your old-fashioned thinking might step into your next marriage as well?

How would you feel if on the first night in your next marriage, your wife comments on your physical appearance or your performance in bed?

Are you going to walk around with a high self-esteem even after that?

Let’s now lead you to a place that can make it a beautiful experience for you…

So much has changed and I truly wish that you look at your spouse for what she can add into your life instead of harping on what she doesn’t possess?

I mean, as humans the flaws that we walk around, if it were pointed to us on a daily basis, it would depress us to a point that we may end up feeling that we are not good enough.

What I would suggest after having worked with couples over years helping them rebuild their marriages is to change your way of thinking and embrace the next person for who she is once you know your initial check boxes have been ticked that might involve matching value systems.

This helps in rooting your marriage on a strong foundation; rain or storm, the two of you will be smiling and holding hands to walk the journey together.

Wishing you a beautiful life!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Hello Anu, I hope you are doing well. I am going through a very strange problem in my life. Anu, I am 39 years old male and unmarried. I lost my father in Jan 2021 and currently live with my mother. Since I was always skeptical about marriage, I never married till this age and this got my parents worried. However, after my dad passed away and upon a constant pressure from my mother as well, I realized I should give up my stubbornness and should get married and settle down in life. I am a proud straight guy but surprisingly I never had the courage to talk to girl and make a girlfriend as well. Infact, I never ever had a physical relation as well with any female so far in my life. Because of these things, I refrained from getting married. In April 2022, a girl from jeevansathi (Miss J) approached me and we had a family meeting. In those days, I was in discussion with one more girl(Miss H). But this girl from jeevansathi really caught my eye. When I had a discussion with my mother as to which one to finally go for, Miss J or Miss H, she insisted on Miss H as she was working and wanted to work after marriage as well. Miss H, who I met earlier was more career-oriented, practical towards life and wanted to work after marriage as well. Miss J, on the other hand was pursuing a course in astrology, was more conservative, and was in fact physically also more appealing than Miss H. Miss J only had 2 conditions, she wanted no pressure in terms of asking her to work after marriage and wanted to have a low-budget marriage in a temple. I agreed to these. My Mom said that since Miss H is working and will bring in money, you should keep her as your first preference. We met Miss H in March 2022. However, we were yet to hear from them in terms of proceeding further with the matrimony. This is where it all went wrong. Miss J's parents approached us very soon after the family meeting and wanted to come to our home. But since we had Miss H as our first preference, we made an excuse that we need some time to think and decide. But believe me Anu, I gradually developed a special liking for Miss J as our tastes and habits matched quite a lot and her physical appearance also appealed to me. Since we were not hearing from Miss H, my mother called her family and asked when they would like to visit us, but they told that Miss H thinks that your boy needs a homemaker which will not suite her. We then discussed to finally approach Miss J, inspite of her asking for becoming a homemaker, as I got interested in her. On 24 April 2022, my mother called Miss J and asked her family to visit our home. She told that she would convey this message to her mother. But till evening, we did not received any call back. We tried back her number but it was not connecting. I suspected she blocked us. Curiously, I also checked her jeevansathi ID, and shockingly, she blocked my ID as well. Since I was deeply interested in marrying her, I went to meet her brother in his office but I didn't told him that his sister has blocked my Jeevansathi ID and phone number. He talked very humbly to me and told him that I agree to all the conditions and would like to go ahead. He said that he will discuss the same when he will go home today. In evening, I got the message that they will connect with us after June 2022 once her exams get over. It sounded strange to me as a family meeting can still happen as exams are still good 2 months away. But I acknowledged his response positively, wished Miss J all the best in preparation and started waiting patiently for the 2 months to get over. These developments happened on 27th april 2022. 28th april 2022 passed nicely. Now, the bomb explodes. On 29th April 2022, Miss J called my mom and started talking very furiously and rudely, complaining about my visit to his brother despite of her blocking us and also told my mom that we are liars and we are actually looking for a working girl. The whole episode came to a very bitter and abrupt end and I was really shocked with her behavior. I then tried contacting her brother too but he didn't replied. But I did send a whatsapp message making him aware about his sister's unruly behaviour towards my mom. But no response was received. But Anu, It's been 9 months and I can't really forget her. I checked her jeevansathi account but it is now coming as deleted from the site, which most probably means that she must have got married by now. Anu, you will not believe, I surrendered myself completely to her both mentally and physically (it is hard for a male to surrender physically to one women Anu) and vowed that she will be the first and the last women of my life. I believe I loved her soul more than her body and she could have been the perfect life partner for me. This was the first time Anu, you will not believe, I developed a very positive attitude towards the institution of marriage and wanted to really give everything into the relationship for a prosperous life ahead. Anu, I feel pretty depressed with this foolish act of mine and my mother of not inviting her parents else the story could have been very different. I am just finding it hard to live with this lifelong regret of not marrying her. Also, since I am 39 now, I am hardly getting any offers for marriage and whatever girls I have met after Miss J, are genuinely no where near her. My mom loves me a lot and can't see me in this situation. Although I am trying hard to live with this regret, somewhere I still feel very much attached with Miss J. Anu, sometimes, I cry silently and pray to Krishna and Radhey maa to help me live atleast till my mother is alive. Anu, this regret is gradually deteriorating me and I am now deciding to remain single through out my life. I feel even if I marry someone, It will be my body which will marry but my soul will not. That's why I don't want to destroy someone's else life as I have no right to do so. Awaiting your valuable thoughts. Hare Krishna !!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's split the issue at hand here distinctively into two areas.
1. Confusion as to what you want in a partner in marriage
2. Misplaced emotions stemming from a decision not made by you

First, make sure you know what you are looking for in a partner. Your post/email suggests to me that you haven't been able to figure out Miss J and Miss H, working or not-working...Both the ladies has mentioned this to you separately which means they have spotted the confusion as well.

This is bound to push a woman away as she would want her life partner to be sure of what he wants in a marriage. Being on a marriage portal, make sure your profile reflects what you want and that is indeed what you want. You cannot go back and confuse yourself and the person who shows interest in you.
So, first take time off to go back to the drawing board and list down what you want in your life partner.
Next, in arranged marriages, the families involvement is going to be heavier right from the first go. So make sure that the core value systems of both families are similar before choosing to proceed with an alliance. Social media matches are not the truth; there is no fairy tale stories of 'happily ever after'. So clarity first and if you need to rework the profile on the matrimonial site, then please do so.

Now, how on earth did you place so much on time and emotion on a woman that you possibly met once? Did she promise to marry you? Isn't it your own doing of actually letting your heart loose and having feelings for someone who under no circumstances made any commitment to you? So, now letting yourself believe that it's not possible to find anyone else, is something that you are fooling yourself with. Pick yourself up NOW. There's a world out there and am sure there's someone out there for you as well.

Pursue this time with clarity and with that you will understand when the matters of the heart can come to knock. So, you are not destroying anyone else's life but you are certainly destroying your peace of mind over this. Time to dust it off...

All the best!
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 19, 2023

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I'm 48 years old never married guy. I once suffered from rare cancer which is cured now. Also hv epilepsy whose treatment will go life long. Doctor says that i should disclose my health issue with whom I'm thinking of getting married but no one takes talks further. I'm infact ready for divorcee or widow too but failed. Some ppl reject me as my salary is mot much, some says that i dont hv my own hm etc but i hv many friens who are getting less salary but are happily married. My whole family if highly educated although I'm also pg but still get rejected. My dad expired n was too worried for my marriage. Now my mother is with me n i dont know what to do. I hv spend approx 35k on matrimonial advertisements but got no success. Im currently in touch with girl for last 1+ year but dont know whether she likes me or not although i hd expressed my feelings to her many times but she never respond n get silent on that. Kindly help whether i should approach this girl or leave her. I like this girl very much. Should i still search for a bride or leave this issue. Kindly help.
Ans: Dear Shashank,

If you have been straightforward about your feelings for this woman and expressed the same and yet she has never reciprocated it even once so far, it might be because she does not feel the same about it. I'd suggest you talk to her about this. Instead of leaving it open-ended, like "I like you," and letting her react to it, be direct. For instance, "I like you. What about you? Do you like me?" Being direct would definitively fetch you some real answers. If she replies to your question, there you go; you have your answer. If she ignores it still, you can safely assume that she doesn't feel the same way as you do. Don't delay this; ask her as soon as possible. Stretching a relationship that ultimately leads to a dead-end will harm your peace and happiness in the longer run.
(more)
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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Hi, i have completed my masters in food technology and want to work as freelancers as a auditor in food industry could you guide how to go about doing.
Ans: Transitioning to freelance work as a food industry auditor can offer you flexibility and autonomy in your career. Evaluate your qualifications, experience, and skills in food technology, quality assurance, and auditing. Identify areas where you have expertise and experience that are valuable to potential clients in the food industry. Familiarize yourself with the requirements and standards for food auditing, including regulatory requirements, industry standards (such as ISO 22000, HACCP), and customer specifications. Understand the auditing process, documentation requirements, and audit protocols. Consider obtaining relevant certifications or training in food safety auditing, such as Certified Food Safety Auditor (CFSA), Lead Auditor Training, or other accredited programs. These credentials can enhance your credibility and qualifications as a freelancer. Network with professionals in the food industry, including food manufacturers, suppliers, distributors, and regulatory agencies. Attend industry conferences, seminars, and networking events to connect with potential clients and collaborators. Determine the specific services you will offer as a food industry auditor, such as food safety audits, quality management system audits, regulatory compliance assessments, or supplier audits. Identify your target market, including food manufacturers, processors, retailers, or food service providers. Develop a professional brand identity for your freelance auditing services, including a business name, logo, website, and marketing materials. Highlight your expertise, qualifications, and unique value proposition to attract potential clients. Determine your pricing structure based on factors such as the complexity of audits, scope of services, and industry standards. Establish clear policies regarding payment terms, project timelines, and confidentiality agreements to protect both your interests and those of your clients. Promote your freelance auditing services through online channels, social media platforms, industry forums, and professional associations. Create content related to food safety, quality assurance, and auditing best practices to showcase your expertise and attract potential clients. Cultivate relationships with potential clients by offering value-added services, such as training, consulting, or ongoing support. Build trust and credibility through transparent communication, professional conduct, and delivering high-quality audit reports and recommendations. Establish systems and processes for managing your freelance business, including client communication, project management, invoicing, and record-keeping. Prioritize time management and organization to balance your freelance work effectively. 

Keep learning, networking, and refining your approach to meet the needs of your clients and achieve your professional goals as a freelancer.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
I retired earlier now at 53. Invested 7L in ELSS and using 60L on short term equity trading (with monthly average gain 2L) and having own apartment home worth 40L. Having dependent widowed mother, wife with 13 yrs old daughter. Intended to raise daughter as doctor. Please suggest better investment options.
Ans: Congratulations on your early retirement! It sounds like you've made some good initial decisions, but there's definitely room for improvement to secure your family's future, especially considering your dependents. Here's how you can optimize your investments:

Reduce Risk in Short-Term Equity Trading:

While a ?2 lakh monthly gain from short-term trading sounds impressive, it's a very risky strategy. The market can be volatile, and these gains may not be sustainable. Consider allocating a much smaller portion (maybe 10-20%) to short-term trading and focus on more stable options for the majority of your investable assets (?60 lakh currently in trading).
Focus on Long-Term Growth and Stability:

Increase Investment in ELSS: ?7 lakh is a good start, but for your daughter's education and your retirement needs, you'll likely need a much larger corpus. Consider increasing your SIP amount in ELSS or similar diversified equity mutual funds with a long-term horizon (10+ years).
Explore Debt Options for Regular Income:

You mentioned having a dependent mother and daughter's education to plan for. Consider investing a portion (maybe 20-30%) of your investable amount in safer debt options like Public Provident Fund (PPF), Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) for your mother (if she's above 60), or fixed deposits to generate a regular income stream.
Plan for Daughter's Education:

Doctorate studies can be expensive. Start an SIP in a dedicated child education plan or invest in aggressive equity funds specifically for this goal. Talk to a Certfied Financial Planner for personalized recommendations based on the estimated cost of medical education.
Utilize Your Apartment:

While your apartment fulfills your housing needs, consider if it could generate additional income. Explore options like renting a room if feasible.
Seek Professional Guidance:

Given your multiple financial goals and risk tolerance, consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be highly beneficial. They can create a personalized investment plan considering your risk appetite, time horizon, and financial goals.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
Dear Sir My age is 34 yrs. I have working alredy 10 yrs and my average total income till date 40L minimum. Still I did not save 1rs till now. Request you please advice how to start savings also make future retirement plan. My expected retirement age is 55yrs.
Ans: It's never too late to start saving for retirement, and kudos to you for taking this important step at 34! Here's how to get on track:

1. Assess your situation:

Track your expenses: For a month, track where your money goes. This will help identify areas to cut back and free up savings.
Emergency fund: Aim for 3-6 months of living expenses in an easily accessible savings account for emergencies.
2. Start saving:

Automated savings: Set up a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in a mutual fund. Start small, even with ?1,000 per month, and gradually increase as you get comfortable.
3. Retirement plan:

Employer benefits: Check if your employer offers a retirement plan like a Provident Fund (PF). Contribute the maximum allowed for tax benefits and long-term savings.
Individual options: Explore options like National Pension System (NPS) or Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) for long-term growth. Talk to a Registered Investment Advisor (RIA) for personalized advice based on your risk tolerance and goals.
Here's a breakdown based on your income:

You mentioned an average annual income of ?40 lakhs. Aim to save at least 10-15% of your income, which translates to ?4,000-?6,000 per month.
Remember: Consistency is key! Starting early, even with a small amount, allows time for your savings to grow through the power of compounding. Don't be discouraged if you can't save a lot initially. Every little bit counts!
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir, I'm 45 years old investing for retirement corpus and plan early retirement at 55. Below is my portfolio and current value-23 lacs 1.Nippon small cap 2.quant ELSS 3.Kotak flexicap 4.UTI nifty 50 index-new 5.Motill Oswal midcap150 index-new 6.HSBC midcap am doing a sip of 50k-is it enough? to reach Target of 1 crore in 10 years.
Ans: It's fantastic that you're already thinking about retirement at 45. Life has a way of whizzing by, doesn't it? Having a 10-year plan towards a ?1 crore corpus for early retirement at 55 shows real foresight.

Now, looking at your portfolio with a mix of large, mid, and small-cap funds, it's clear you've diversified across market capitalizations. That's a smart approach! But with a goal ten years down the line, have you considered how much risk you're comfortable with? Remember, the ride might get bumpy closer to retirement, and you might want to consider a chat with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can help you fine-tune your asset allocation to balance growth potential with stability as you near your retirement mark. Think of it like planning a trek to the Himalayas – you want the right gear for every stage of the climb!
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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Career
I am 62 years old healthy person having more then 30 years experience in commercial field I want a job. Is it is possible to get job anywhere in this age.
Ans: Yes, it is possible to find employment opportunities at any age, including 62 years old. While some employers may have preferences for younger candidates, many organizations value the experience, wisdom, and expertise that mature professionals bring to the table. Leverage your professional network and connections to explore job opportunities, gather insights, and seek referrals. Attend industry events, networking mixers, and professional association meetings to expand your network and connect with potential employers or recruiters. Be open to flexible work arrangements, such as part-time roles, consulting opportunities, contract work, or project-based assignments. Many companies are willing to hire experienced professionals on a flexible basis to leverage their expertise without committing to full-time employment. Research companies or industries that value and prioritize experienced professionals. Look for organizations known for their inclusive workplace cultures, diversity initiatives, and appreciation of older workers' contributions. Customize your job search approach to align with your career goals, preferences, and lifestyle. Focus on opportunities that match your skills, interests, and desired work environment, whether it's a small business, a nonprofit organization, or a corporate enterprise. Approach your job search with confidence, positivity, and enthusiasm. Highlight your unique strengths, accomplishments, and value proposition to prospective employers, and convey your eagerness to contribute and make a difference in a new role.

Remember that finding a job at any age requires persistence, patience, and resilience. Stay proactive, adaptable, and open-minded throughout your job search journey, and remain optimistic about the opportunities that lie ahead. With determination and effort, you can find a fulfilling job that aligns with your skills, experience, and career aspirations, even at 62 years old.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2023Hindi
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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