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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Question by on Mar 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi sir, i am 42 divorced male with no child from previous marriage. Now i m getting a girl with three types 1) divorced girl which my parents dont wants (as thy want unmarried girl) 2) unmarried girl but quite aged 3) unmarried girl with decent age but poor family background n very less educated. I m quite confused with whom i should marry as i m quite scare after my breakoff from 1st marriage which was love marriage and not able to take decision on this. I m well educated smart and earning quite decent. My parents wants girl should be unmarried n can manage house n also take care of them n they dont want working girl too but she should be beautiful educated n good family background. Because of this my marriage is getting delayed n also not getting any match. Kindly suggest what should i do how much which type of girl i should i prefer..i m clueless in this n not able to take decision.

Ans: Tell me something, do you want a wife or a glorified live-in maid for your parents? I cannot believe that in this day and age so-called educated men like you are asking questions like this! “My parents want this, my parents want that”… who the hell is getting married, you or them? You’re a divorcee yourself, but a divorced woman is not good enough for you? A working girl will be frowned upon because THEY want a housewife? If this is the kind of backward-thinking family you come from, it’s hardly surprising your first marriage failed! Man up, go for someone who YOU are interested in, and if you have any common sense, stay separately from your parents after marriage!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Hello Anu, I hope you are doing well. I am going through a very strange problem in my life. Anu, I am 39 years old male and unmarried. I lost my father in Jan 2021 and currently live with my mother. Since I was always skeptical about marriage, I never married till this age and this got my parents worried. However, after my dad passed away and upon a constant pressure from my mother as well, I realized I should give up my stubbornness and should get married and settle down in life. I am a proud straight guy but surprisingly I never had the courage to talk to girl and make a girlfriend as well. Infact, I never ever had a physical relation as well with any female so far in my life. Because of these things, I refrained from getting married. In April 2022, a girl from jeevansathi (Miss J) approached me and we had a family meeting. In those days, I was in discussion with one more girl(Miss H). But this girl from jeevansathi really caught my eye. When I had a discussion with my mother as to which one to finally go for, Miss J or Miss H, she insisted on Miss H as she was working and wanted to work after marriage as well. Miss H, who I met earlier was more career-oriented, practical towards life and wanted to work after marriage as well. Miss J, on the other hand was pursuing a course in astrology, was more conservative, and was in fact physically also more appealing than Miss H. Miss J only had 2 conditions, she wanted no pressure in terms of asking her to work after marriage and wanted to have a low-budget marriage in a temple. I agreed to these. My Mom said that since Miss H is working and will bring in money, you should keep her as your first preference. We met Miss H in March 2022. However, we were yet to hear from them in terms of proceeding further with the matrimony. This is where it all went wrong. Miss J's parents approached us very soon after the family meeting and wanted to come to our home. But since we had Miss H as our first preference, we made an excuse that we need some time to think and decide. But believe me Anu, I gradually developed a special liking for Miss J as our tastes and habits matched quite a lot and her physical appearance also appealed to me. Since we were not hearing from Miss H, my mother called her family and asked when they would like to visit us, but they told that Miss H thinks that your boy needs a homemaker which will not suite her. We then discussed to finally approach Miss J, inspite of her asking for becoming a homemaker, as I got interested in her. On 24 April 2022, my mother called Miss J and asked her family to visit our home. She told that she would convey this message to her mother. But till evening, we did not received any call back. We tried back her number but it was not connecting. I suspected she blocked us. Curiously, I also checked her jeevansathi ID, and shockingly, she blocked my ID as well. Since I was deeply interested in marrying her, I went to meet her brother in his office but I didn't told him that his sister has blocked my Jeevansathi ID and phone number. He talked very humbly to me and told him that I agree to all the conditions and would like to go ahead. He said that he will discuss the same when he will go home today. In evening, I got the message that they will connect with us after June 2022 once her exams get over. It sounded strange to me as a family meeting can still happen as exams are still good 2 months away. But I acknowledged his response positively, wished Miss J all the best in preparation and started waiting patiently for the 2 months to get over. These developments happened on 27th april 2022. 28th april 2022 passed nicely. Now, the bomb explodes. On 29th April 2022, Miss J called my mom and started talking very furiously and rudely, complaining about my visit to his brother despite of her blocking us and also told my mom that we are liars and we are actually looking for a working girl. The whole episode came to a very bitter and abrupt end and I was really shocked with her behavior. I then tried contacting her brother too but he didn't replied. But I did send a whatsapp message making him aware about his sister's unruly behaviour towards my mom. But no response was received. But Anu, It's been 9 months and I can't really forget her. I checked her jeevansathi account but it is now coming as deleted from the site, which most probably means that she must have got married by now. Anu, you will not believe, I surrendered myself completely to her both mentally and physically (it is hard for a male to surrender physically to one women Anu) and vowed that she will be the first and the last women of my life. I believe I loved her soul more than her body and she could have been the perfect life partner for me. This was the first time Anu, you will not believe, I developed a very positive attitude towards the institution of marriage and wanted to really give everything into the relationship for a prosperous life ahead. Anu, I feel pretty depressed with this foolish act of mine and my mother of not inviting her parents else the story could have been very different. I am just finding it hard to live with this lifelong regret of not marrying her. Also, since I am 39 now, I am hardly getting any offers for marriage and whatever girls I have met after Miss J, are genuinely no where near her. My mom loves me a lot and can't see me in this situation. Although I am trying hard to live with this regret, somewhere I still feel very much attached with Miss J. Anu, sometimes, I cry silently and pray to Krishna and Radhey maa to help me live atleast till my mother is alive. Anu, this regret is gradually deteriorating me and I am now deciding to remain single through out my life. I feel even if I marry someone, It will be my body which will marry but my soul will not. That's why I don't want to destroy someone's else life as I have no right to do so. Awaiting your valuable thoughts. Hare Krishna !!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's split the issue at hand here distinctively into two areas.
1. Confusion as to what you want in a partner in marriage
2. Misplaced emotions stemming from a decision not made by you

First, make sure you know what you are looking for in a partner. Your post/email suggests to me that you haven't been able to figure out Miss J and Miss H, working or not-working...Both the ladies has mentioned this to you separately which means they have spotted the confusion as well.

This is bound to push a woman away as she would want her life partner to be sure of what he wants in a marriage. Being on a marriage portal, make sure your profile reflects what you want and that is indeed what you want. You cannot go back and confuse yourself and the person who shows interest in you.
So, first take time off to go back to the drawing board and list down what you want in your life partner.
Next, in arranged marriages, the families involvement is going to be heavier right from the first go. So make sure that the core value systems of both families are similar before choosing to proceed with an alliance. Social media matches are not the truth; there is no fairy tale stories of 'happily ever after'. So clarity first and if you need to rework the profile on the matrimonial site, then please do so.

Now, how on earth did you place so much on time and emotion on a woman that you possibly met once? Did she promise to marry you? Isn't it your own doing of actually letting your heart loose and having feelings for someone who under no circumstances made any commitment to you? So, now letting yourself believe that it's not possible to find anyone else, is something that you are fooling yourself with. Pick yourself up NOW. There's a world out there and am sure there's someone out there for you as well.

Pursue this time with clarity and with that you will understand when the matters of the heart can come to knock. So, you are not destroying anyone else's life but you are certainly destroying your peace of mind over this. Time to dust it off...

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 19, 2023

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Relationship
I'm 48 years old never married guy. I once suffered from rare cancer which is cured now. Also hv epilepsy whose treatment will go life long. Doctor says that i should disclose my health issue with whom I'm thinking of getting married but no one takes talks further. I'm infact ready for divorcee or widow too but failed. Some ppl reject me as my salary is mot much, some says that i dont hv my own hm etc but i hv many friens who are getting less salary but are happily married. My whole family if highly educated although I'm also pg but still get rejected. My dad expired n was too worried for my marriage. Now my mother is with me n i dont know what to do. I hv spend approx 35k on matrimonial advertisements but got no success. Im currently in touch with girl for last 1+ year but dont know whether she likes me or not although i hd expressed my feelings to her many times but she never respond n get silent on that. Kindly help whether i should approach this girl or leave her. I like this girl very much. Should i still search for a bride or leave this issue. Kindly help.
Ans: Dear Shashank,

If you have been straightforward about your feelings for this woman and expressed the same and yet she has never reciprocated it even once so far, it might be because she does not feel the same about it. I'd suggest you talk to her about this. Instead of leaving it open-ended, like "I like you," and letting her react to it, be direct. For instance, "I like you. What about you? Do you like me?" Being direct would definitively fetch you some real answers. If she replies to your question, there you go; you have your answer. If she ignores it still, you can safely assume that she doesn't feel the same way as you do. Don't delay this; ask her as soon as possible. Stretching a relationship that ultimately leads to a dead-end will harm your peace and happiness in the longer run.

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Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

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My name is Umesh and my age is 28 and loving girl age is 18 since two years ago. Before started the relationship i spoken to her mother she agree for marriage. Now I am asking for engagement because two years happened and her mother discussed with her brother. But brother is not agree. Girls is saying you should wait after some time he will agree. Note girls father is ded. As I mentioned my age 28 family is forcing me for marriage but girls family not agree. Girls is agree but she wants to wait again for next two years without any confirmation. What should I do. Should I wait her or can I move forward
Ans: There are a few things to consider in this situation.

First, it is important to remember that you are both adults. You are free to make your own decisions about your relationship. However, it is also important to be respectful of your families' wishes.

Second, it is important to be realistic about your expectations. It is possible that the girl's brother will never agree to your marriage. If you are not willing to wait indefinitely, then you may need to move on.

Third, it is important to communicate with your girlfriend. She needs to understand your feelings and your concerns. If she is not willing to compromise, then you may need to reconsider your relationship.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to wait for your girlfriend is up to you. However, I would encourage you to consider the following points:

Why are you in a hurry to get married?
There is no need to rush into marriage. You are both still young and have plenty of time to find the right person for you.

Are you sure that your girlfriend is the right person for you?
You have only been dating for two years. It is important to make sure that you are both compatible and that you have similar goals for the future.

Are you willing to wait indefinitely for your girlfriend's brother to agree to your marriage?If you are not willing to wait, then you may need to move on.

If you do decide to wait for your girlfriend, I would recommend that you set a deadline. This will give you something to work towards and will help you to stay motivated. It is also important to communicate your deadline to your girlfriend so that she knows what to expect.

There are many other girls out there. If you are not willing to wait for your girlfriend, then you can easily find someone else. However, it is important to remember that finding the right person takes time. Don't rush into anything. Take your time and find someone who is right for you.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello, I am 3 yr neet dropper.in 2025 it will be my third attempt... I'm trying my best to crack neet ...i don't know what will happen will i score good marks or not ... please help me in suggesting good career options if not crack neet .....there are many options through neet marks also like bhms , veterinary...etc. i will also give entrance exam also like cuet ,gbpuat ,....but i want that what to choose which course will be best for me ...i want to make my life good and happy... having a good degree, good job ,...
Ans: Hello.
Have you analyzed your failure in 2 successive attempts in the NEET examination? If yes, then the question is what you have done for improvement and not then again the question arises why not? Here, I would like to suggest you focus now only on the NEET examination which is your 3rd attempt. Don't think about any other options right now till May 2025. After the NEET exam is over, you have ample time to explore the options available. Depending on your score in NEET 2025, we will guide you at that time. But yet, if you are confused, then looking towards your question and anxiety, you need personal counseling where you can express yourself face-to-face. Only after the NEET exam is over, you contact a counsellor for one-to-one counseling. Till then, keep mum and focus only on NEET. Take this exam as your mission and project. Work on this project, apply forces from all sides, success is there which is waiting for you eagerly.
Best of luck for your bright future.

Some tips: (1) Analyse separately Phy, Che, Bio (2) Prepare a list of hard topics (3) First focus more on the topics which are easy for you and then try to excel in hard topics (4) Appear more and more online/offline examinations (4) Prepare your short-cut file for all subjects (5) Prepare a file for each subject having only synopsis of all chapters (6) Try to solve the problems at the lightening speed and observe the period on regular basis (7) Create your time table to revise the topics on regular basis (8) Do not hesitate to ask your difficulties to your teachers, if you have joined to offline classes (9) Keep the habit of marking the answers which you know 100%. Don't guess the answers and mark them, as there is -ve marking scheme. (10) Be calm, quite, and smiling all the time to release the tension and always have a healthy chat with your friends.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Pradeep

Pradeep Pramanik  |186 Answers  |Ask -

Career And Placement Consultant - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Career
I am looking for a job, I had uploaded my resume in job site. A consultant called me & introduced himself telling he know some of the openings. He had a detailed discussion about my job & my skills. He told need to register to his consultancy for scheduling interview. I registered with him & he got me a interview. Interview was done by the company through skype. I could not see the company persons. They told only they can see me. Interview went on well & regarding salary I told my expectation but they told it is not possible & they told their proposal. Finally I agreed to them. They gave me code & told to visit the company for next round. Consultant called me after first round & told recruiter is very happy with the interview. Regarding salary he told why I agreed for the proposal,he will discuss again & asked to pay charges for some of his services which he will refund the day I visit to the company & take the orders. I paid him. He told there is a increase in salary he has discussed with recruiter & again asked for the money I did only partial payment & further will not pay anything. Second round also happened through skype instead of in person. Interview went on well & salary offered was good comparing to before & there was a big jump. Recruiter told they have planned to give additional responsibilities so they have increased. Finally they gave me a date to visit company. I asked when will I get the order, he replied he will send to consultant as I was taken by them. Till now i did not get the orders, consultant is keep on postponing. Now he told visit to company date is also postponed, he will update in next week & not to worry as job is confirmed. Now not understanding what to do, am I been cheated or wait.
Ans: Dear Mr. Keshava ,

There are many unscruplous job agents who are fake and claim themselves to be a Placement consultant. In short You have been cheated . Before paying any fee for registration , you must ensure that the agency is genuine . If not don't even upload your resume . You may write to company , lodge a complaint against the agency. If the amount is very high , pl. take the help of police . .

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