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My girlfriend's 18, her family disagrees, and I'm 28 – should I wait or move on?

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Mohit Arora is a relationship coach, image consultant, soft skills trainer and the founder of Real Dating School. He has a BTech degree in computer science from the Rayat & Bahra Institute of Engineering and Biotechnology, Mohali, Punjab. He has been conducting customised skilling and communication workshops since 2014.... more
Umesh Question by Umesh on Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My name is Umesh and my age is 28 and loving girl age is 18 since two years ago. Before started the relationship i spoken to her mother she agree for marriage. Now I am asking for engagement because two years happened and her mother discussed with her brother. But brother is not agree. Girls is saying you should wait after some time he will agree. Note girls father is ded. As I mentioned my age 28 family is forcing me for marriage but girls family not agree. Girls is agree but she wants to wait again for next two years without any confirmation. What should I do. Should I wait her or can I move forward

Ans: There are a few things to consider in this situation.

First, it is important to remember that you are both adults. You are free to make your own decisions about your relationship. However, it is also important to be respectful of your families' wishes.

Second, it is important to be realistic about your expectations. It is possible that the girl's brother will never agree to your marriage. If you are not willing to wait indefinitely, then you may need to move on.

Third, it is important to communicate with your girlfriend. She needs to understand your feelings and your concerns. If she is not willing to compromise, then you may need to reconsider your relationship.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to wait for your girlfriend is up to you. However, I would encourage you to consider the following points:

Why are you in a hurry to get married?
There is no need to rush into marriage. You are both still young and have plenty of time to find the right person for you.

Are you sure that your girlfriend is the right person for you?
You have only been dating for two years. It is important to make sure that you are both compatible and that you have similar goals for the future.

Are you willing to wait indefinitely for your girlfriend's brother to agree to your marriage?If you are not willing to wait, then you may need to move on.

If you do decide to wait for your girlfriend, I would recommend that you set a deadline. This will give you something to work towards and will help you to stay motivated. It is also important to communicate your deadline to your girlfriend so that she knows what to expect.

There are many other girls out there. If you are not willing to wait for your girlfriend, then you can easily find someone else. However, it is important to remember that finding the right person takes time. Don't rush into anything. Take your time and find someone who is right for you.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1180 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a girl from my office for nearly 1.5 years now. We both speak Marathi only sub caste is different.At start of our relationship we discussed about it as she tells me her parents will not support her, so I convinced her that I will support her in every way possible to convince her parent and will stand with her though every situation. I am 31 years old and she is 27. Her parents told her that she has 2 years for marriage so she is currently focusing on career right now.My parents are forcing me for marriage. As her family has issues with my subcaste and she is not willing to disclose our relationship for another 2 years. So I told her that I will wait for 1 year then we can disclose our relationship to both families mines and her, if your family agrees we can wait for one more year so that she can focus on career and she can get 2 years as per her parents. Moreover I will always support her in career and family issues. But still she is not ready she told me that she will not tell her family about our relationship until 2 years are complete. Can you please suggest me any solution for this?
Ans:

Dear TG,

At this point, what is missing for you possibly is if after the wait, if she will still be there in the relationship?

If she isn’t willing to complicate her family life at this point in time, I guess she has valid reasons for that which must be respected.

But what If the two of you sit down where you can put down your feelings and find an amicable way of easing this.

I am sure there are a lot of ifs and buts that is making you feel the way that you are. It is only imperative that you called out to her and be firm and assertive as to how this might be playing in your mind.

For all you know, once she hears your side of the story and she shares hers, solutions emerge from that especially when the commitment is strong.

So, have that one meaningful conversation where feelings, fears and insecurities are shared and watch how the two of you will come up with something wonderful as a solution.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |358 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

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Relationship
I m in a relationship which is just 6 months old but we decided to take it up to marriage as we just hit our 30s. But once our parents met, the guy's mother started delaying marriage by first pointing out our kundali did not match and then asking whether I ll shift to their new house ( which is not even constructed) after it is constructed as it is far away from my place of work . Whenever I ask the guy, he is like his mother has no problems with our marriage. But when my mom called his mom , she simply said that she did not like my mom's way of talking and did not want to proceed as she felt disrespected being the groom's parents. My mom tried to explain that she needs surity whether they really want to do marriage or not and she was like I ll talk with my son and get back to you soon. And that soon never comes. I am now 30 and I have to marry, should I wait and will it be worth waiting?
Ans: Dear Chetna
I can understand your concerns and frustrations. Marriage is a significant decision, and it's essential to ensure that both you and your partner are on the same page and that your families are supportive It's crucial to have open and honest communication with your partner about your concerns and expectations regarding marriage. Express your feelings about the delays and uncertainties and try to understand his perspective as well. Discuss how you both envision your future together and whether you're both willing to address the concerns raised by your families. While marriage is an important milestone, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Evaluate whether the current situation aligns with your values, goals, and expectations for the future. Consider whether waiting for resolution and working through challenges with your partner is worth it to you in the long run Ultimately, the decision to wait for resolution or move forward with your life is a deeply personal one. Take the time to reflect on what matters most to you and what you're willing to compromise on in your pursuit of a fulfilling and meaningful relationship. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own happiness and well-being above all else.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6504 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I am 40 year old and back in 2019 I opted for SBI privilege where I invested 6 lacs a year for 6 years that is 30 lacs in total. And now its valued 65 lacs as of today. I am curious to know how can I try and get a monthly income around 1 lac using this money? are there any paths for swap OR change to make my desire come true? Please could you suggest? Thank you!
Ans: You’ve done well to accumulate Rs 65 lakhs in your investment. The SBI privilege policy has given you a fair growth on your initial capital of Rs 30 lakhs. But now, you’re looking for a more reliable income stream. Generating Rs 1 lakh per month as income from this corpus is indeed achievable, but the current product may not be the best fit for this goal.

Limitations of Your Current Investment
The SBI privilege scheme, while it may have given decent returns, isn't designed to offer monthly income.

Traditional insurance products like this one usually focus on providing life cover and maturity benefits, not cash flow.

The growth here is likely due to compounded returns, but switching to a different approach might align better with your income goals.

Reinvesting for Monthly Income
To generate regular income, it might be better to withdraw your Rs 65 lakhs from the current policy and reinvest it in mutual funds. Mutual funds can offer systematic withdrawal plans (SWP), which allow you to withdraw a fixed amount every month.

SWP is a structured withdrawal option. You can choose the amount and frequency of withdrawals.

You could aim to withdraw Rs 1 lakh monthly. Your principal remains invested while you receive regular payments.

This method provides flexibility, allowing you to adjust withdrawals based on market performance or personal needs.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
While you're considering reinvestment, it's important to choose the right type of mutual funds.

Actively managed funds are preferable because fund managers adjust portfolios according to market conditions, offering potential for higher returns.

Actively managed funds may outperform in volatile markets, which is a significant advantage for those looking to generate regular income.

Why Avoid Direct Mutual Funds?
Although direct funds seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, they come with their own set of challenges:

Managing direct funds yourself requires time, effort, and understanding of market trends.

Without professional guidance, it's easy to miss critical decisions on fund switching or rebalancing.

Instead, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures that your portfolio is regularly monitored and adjusted to meet your financial goals.

The Advantages of Working with a CFP
By working with a CFP, you'll get access to expert advice on fund selection, timing of withdrawals, and tax planning.

A CFP will help you navigate the complexities of SWP, ensuring the longevity of your investment.

You will also receive recommendations on how to adjust your withdrawals or reinvestment strategy based on changing market conditions.

Mutual Fund Capital Gains Taxation
Understanding how withdrawals from mutual funds are taxed is critical:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakhs are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab.

With SWP, the tax liability will depend on how long your funds have been invested, but a CFP can guide you on how to minimize taxes.

Diversifying Your Investments
To ensure stable monthly income, it's wise to diversify within mutual funds. Different categories of funds offer different risk-reward combinations:

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These invest in both equity and debt, reducing risk while providing stable returns.

Equity Funds: These offer potential for high returns but come with higher risk. Ideal for long-term growth, but not recommended for short-term income generation.

Debt Funds: These offer stability, but returns are generally lower. Suitable for short-term income needs.

How to Structure Your SWP
You could consider withdrawing Rs 1 lakh per month, but this withdrawal amount must be structured carefully to ensure that the corpus lasts over time:

If your fund grows by 10-12% annually, a 6-8% annual withdrawal rate (Rs 1 lakh per month) could work, ensuring your corpus lasts longer.

You may need to periodically review and adjust the withdrawal rate based on market conditions.

Planning for Future Needs
It's important to consider future expenses as well. The Rs 65 lakhs, while sufficient for now, might need to grow to accommodate inflation or unexpected costs.

Reinvesting in mutual funds ensures that the remaining corpus continues to grow, providing a buffer for future financial needs.

Periodic reviews of your investment and withdrawal strategy with your CFP will keep your plan on track.

Best Practices for Long-Term Income
Keep your withdrawal rate sustainable. Drawing too much too soon might deplete your corpus quickly.

Reinvest in growth-oriented funds for better long-term returns while withdrawing only what’s needed.

Keep some funds in low-risk debt funds for emergencies or market downturns.

Final Insights
Switching your Rs 65 lakhs into a mutual fund portfolio with SWP could provide the Rs 1 lakh monthly income you desire. It's a flexible and tax-efficient option, and with the right actively managed funds, you can balance growth and stability. Work closely with your CFP to review and adjust your strategy over time, ensuring that your investments meet your evolving financial needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |653 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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