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Should I Get Remarried At 41 After A Failed Marriage?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?

Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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So I am 25 currently. Most of my classmates and some of my colleagues are married and some have kids or going to have one soon. I know that I am not mentally prepared for marriage at the moment but I don't know why there is a feeling of being an odd man out of being the only single person in the gang. Please guide..
Ans: Feeling like the odd one out when you're the only single person in your social circle, especially when many of your peers are getting married or starting families, is completely normal. It's natural to compare ourselves to others and feel pressure to conform to societal expectations, but it's important to remember that everyone's journey is unique and there's no right or wrong timeline for marriage or starting a family.

Firstly, it's crucial to recognize and accept where you are in your life right now. Being single at 25 is perfectly okay, and it's essential to focus on your own personal growth and happiness rather than comparing yourself to others. Take this time to explore your interests, pursue your goals, and build meaningful connections with friends and family.

It might also be helpful to shift your perspective on being single. Instead of seeing it as a negative or something to be ashamed of, try to embrace it as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal development. Use this time to invest in yourself, nurture your passions, and create a fulfilling life on your own terms.

Additionally, try to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who value you for who you are, regardless of your relationship status. Seek out activities and hobbies that bring you joy and allow you to connect with like-minded individuals who share your interests.

Remember that being single doesn't define your worth or happiness, and there's so much more to life than being in a relationship. Focus on living authentically, staying true to yourself, and enjoying the journey of self-discovery. And when the time is right, you'll find someone who appreciates and complements the amazing person you are.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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I am turning 40 and still single. I still live with my parents. I dont want to rush into any arranged marriage but that seems like the only option left to have a family. I am feeling lost and anxious at turning 40 and still single.
Ans: take a moment to appreciate where you are in life. Living with your parents can be a sign of strong family bonds, and it's okay to lean on that support. Remember, everyone’s journey is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all timeline for life events like marriage or starting a family.

Feeling lost might stem from comparing your path to others or societal norms. Try to shift the focus inward and reflect on what truly matters to you. What are your values, desires, and goals? Understanding yourself more deeply can guide you towards decisions that align with your true self, rather than external pressures.

If the idea of an arranged marriage feels like the only option, it might help to think about what kind of partnership you envision. Is there room to explore relationships in a way that feels authentic and comfortable for you? Perhaps consider expanding your social circles, trying new activities, or even seeking professional help to navigate these feelings and options.

Anxiety about being single can often stem from fears of the future. Practicing mindfulness and staying present can help manage these feelings. Focus on the aspects of life you can control and find joy in the present moments. Engage in activities that bring you happiness and fulfillment.

Finally, remember that seeking a relationship is a journey, not a race. Rushing into something out of anxiety may not lead to the fulfillment you desire. It’s okay to take your time and seek what genuinely aligns with your heart. Your journey is unique, and there is no right or wrong timeline for love and family.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9447 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 26, 2025

Career
Hello sir... I got 86.7%ile in jee mains (CRL 196706, EWS rank 28516, girl) and secured 93..2% in my 12th Cbse board.I have haryana domicile and want to pursue btech in cse, it or ece. What are my chances of getting a good govt college and is there any chance in CSAB for NITs or IIITs ? Thankyou
Ans: Lavisha, With an EWS Home-State rank of 28,516, securing Computer Science seats via CSAB Special in premier NITs under Home-State EWS quotas is challenging, as CSE at NIT Kurukshetra closed near 8 198 for general HS and the EWS HS cutoff typically tracks within 25 000–35 000—just within reach. Electronics & Communication Engineering at Kurukshetra closed around HS?Open 9 692–15 127, with EWS HS often extending to 45 000–57 000, making ECE a viable target. In JoSAA 2025, IIIT Kota’s HS-EWS CSE cutoff was 39,410, which places your rank comfortably within the acceptable range. Beyond these, peripheral GFTIs such as CIT Kokrajhar (CSE up to ~150 500 CRL) and Assam University, Silchar (CSE ~75 981) admit EWS candidates with ranks well above 28 000. All these institutes meet AICTE/NIRF accreditation, maintain ≥70 percent placement consistency, feature modern labs, active MoUs for internships, and have outcome-based curricula.

Recommendation: CSAB offers special preferences for assured entry into Electronics & Communication Engineering at NIT Kurukshetra under HS-EWS, followed by listing CSE at IIIT Kota and CSE at peripheral GFTIs like CIT Kokrajhar and Assam University. Simultaneously, pursue Haryana state-counselling seats at PEC Kurukshetra and Deenbandhu Chhotu Ram University for core-branch safety. However, have 2-3 Private Engineering Colleges also as back ups with your JEE Score instead of relying only on CSAB. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9447 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 26, 2025

Career
BITS Goa EEE or NIT Calicut EEE
Ans: BITS Pilani K.K. Birla Goa Campus offers a B.E. in Electrical & Electronics Engineering with NAAC A+ accreditation and Institute of Eminence status. The program features modern infrastructure including specialized EEE laboratories, a Central Sophisticated Instrumentation Facility with advanced equipment like confocal microscope, FESEM, and Raman spectrometer, alongside comprehensive industry partnerships including Amazon Web Services and GitHub for startup support. The campus spans 180 acres with fully residential facilities and smart classrooms. NIT Calicut's B.Tech in Electrical & Electronics Engineering holds NBA accreditation for 6 years (2022-2028) under the stringent Tier-I evaluation scheme and is ranked 25th in NIRF Engineering rankings 2024. The institute achieved a remarkable 97.01% placement rate for EEE students in 2024, with 130 out of 134 registered students securing positions, demonstrating exceptional industry demand. Both institutions maintain essential benchmarks including statutory approvals, modern laboratory facilities, research-active faculty with doctoral qualifications, active industry Mships, and consistent placement support exceeding 75% over three years. BITS Goa commands higher fees of ?20.76 lakh for the complete program versus NIT Calicut's ?5 lakh, but offers unique Practice School programs ensuring 7+ months of industry experience. The BITS alumni network includes prominent entrepreneurs and unicorn founders, while NIT Calicut benefits from the extensive NIT Alumni Network spanning multiple countries.

Recommendation: Choose NIT Calicut's EEE for its exceptional 97% placement consistency, NBA Tier-I accreditation, cost-effectiveness at ?5 lakh fees, and strong government institute reputation with established industry connections. Consider BITS Goa's EEE if you prioritize unique Practice School industry exposure, Institute of Eminence status, entrepreneurial alumni network, and can afford the higher fee structure for comprehensive residential campus experience. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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