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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |276 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

So I am 25 currently. Most of my classmates and some of my colleagues are married and some have kids or going to have one soon. I know that I am not mentally prepared for marriage at the moment but I don't know why there is a feeling of being an odd man out of being the only single person in the gang. Please guide..

Ans: Feeling like the odd one out when you're the only single person in your social circle, especially when many of your peers are getting married or starting families, is completely normal. It's natural to compare ourselves to others and feel pressure to conform to societal expectations, but it's important to remember that everyone's journey is unique and there's no right or wrong timeline for marriage or starting a family.

Firstly, it's crucial to recognize and accept where you are in your life right now. Being single at 25 is perfectly okay, and it's essential to focus on your own personal growth and happiness rather than comparing yourself to others. Take this time to explore your interests, pursue your goals, and build meaningful connections with friends and family.

It might also be helpful to shift your perspective on being single. Instead of seeing it as a negative or something to be ashamed of, try to embrace it as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal development. Use this time to invest in yourself, nurture your passions, and create a fulfilling life on your own terms.

Additionally, try to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who value you for who you are, regardless of your relationship status. Seek out activities and hobbies that bring you joy and allow you to connect with like-minded individuals who share your interests.

Remember that being single doesn't define your worth or happiness, and there's so much more to life than being in a relationship. Focus on living authentically, staying true to yourself, and enjoying the journey of self-discovery. And when the time is right, you'll find someone who appreciates and complements the amazing person you are.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |276 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. Keep me anonymous. I'm in mid 40s. All my life I m a confused guy with regards to everything. Never married. Never had any love affair. I consider speaking to ladies, proposing them, love making as demeaning and bad. But occasionally I feel lonely, driven by natural human desire to love and to be loved. I have always had a desire to marry and and an equal desire to not marry. I however like more of non married life. And never , not even in dreams like making adjustments which may be required in a married life. My way is always Highway. Wt do you suggest or think in this case?? Not that I accept other's suggestions.
Ans: It's perfectly okay to have different desires and preferences when it comes to relationships and marriage. People have diverse perspectives on these matters, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to life. What matters most is that you understand and accept your feelings and choices.

If you feel content and happy with your non-married life and prefer to live independently without making adjustments for a partner, that is entirely valid. Some individuals find fulfillment and satisfaction in singlehood, and that is absolutely fine. Not everyone feels the need to pursue romantic relationships or marriage, and that doesn't make you any less of a person.

However, if you occasionally feel lonely and desire love and companionship, that is also natural. It's okay to have moments of vulnerability and longing for emotional connection. You can explore ways to address these feelings without necessarily committing to a traditional romantic relationship or marriage. For example, you might consider building strong friendships or participating in social activities that allow you to connect with others on a meaningful level.

Ultimately, what matters most is that you embrace and understand yourself and your feelings. If you find contentment and fulfillment in your current lifestyle, there is no need to feel pressured to conform to societal expectations. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, regardless of external opinions or suggestions.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or conflicted about your feelings, talking to a counselor or therapist can be beneficial. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your thoughts and emotions and help you gain clarity about what you truly want in life.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to approach relationships or marriage. Each person's journey is unique, and the key is to be true to yourself and make choices that align with your values and bring you happiness.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1026 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2023Hindi
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Dear Mam, Kindly note that i am a 39 yrs old guy who is not married yet. The reason behind me not getting married are basically coz i m unable to get a match at my age and none of proposals that i have seen so far, none of dem have turn positive. Now i feel like even though i want to get married, i ll end up alone in life coz at 39 i feel i will not get any match. I am very scared to living the rest of life alone.So mam i want you to help me out ways to live life alone. How to cope up with peers, relatives and colleagues pressure to get married?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's address your concerns:
1. "I want to get married or I'll end up alone.": This is not a reason to get married and you know that. Get married to build a team, a family together where you help each other grow. Incidentally, you also have a companion and lonely days instead become days filled with happy cheer and sometimes challenges as well. So, change your mindset while looking for prospects for marriage so that when you are in conversation with someone who is a match, you don't come across needy but instead focus on how the two of you grow together.
Your fear is right now pulling you into marriage rather than for more positive reasons.

2. Pressure from relatives and peers: Is it their life that you are leading? NO! Then stop focusing on what they tell you and focus on how you can make the best use of matrimonial sites or dating apps (if you choose that). Also, request your friends to set you up with someone that they might know since they know you well.

You can also join groups and communities online (beware of scams and scamsters here) where you might find like-minded people to meet and interact with. Being part of some hobby class or adventure camps may also allow for similar meeting points where you can hit it off with people who hold similar interests as yours.

Lastly, don't give up...when the time is right, it is...So, don't lose hope BUT certainly lose your current fearful mindset and embrace a mindset that is joyful and cheerful and selfless.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1026 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I do follow you from sometime and thought to ask you...NO... share my inner turmoil and get some suggestions.... DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT ? I am 35 year old, unmarried female, I work in small firm, living a good life with my family. I am happy being single and don't have any thought about getting married sooner. Actually that something strange.... is it ? Sometime I wonder if I am going to regret today's decision of being single ? of not having a family of my own? It scare me sometime.... I always say I won't be regretting it because it’s the best what I can do for myself now BUT... Also, recently one of my relative is pregnant - seeing her and think about the child, I feel connected to babies... So, It also come to mind I won't be able to experience it.... Though I am freaking shit scared of the whole thing... but a new born child of your own... it give such a good feeling. I know I can adopt and will if, but it not an easy thing in India ... the procedure are a lot. Also i am not that financial stable, belong to lower middle class family, unmarried, aged.... One more thing that i found strange about me is.... I am never get attracted toward man or woman (LOL) physically or emotionally.... I don’t feel like my body/ heart/mind need it.... That one big reason I never thought of marriage.... I can't ruin a persons life by getting married to him even after knowing... I will never be able to become his wife completely; RIGHT ? I don't feel any thing about physical relationship... not good not bad. It a big part of married life - some thing that MUST. I also sometime wonder may be with time as duty i will accept it, may be like it..... but that a whole experiment thing... I know my personal space it quite bigger... when I actually start thinking about it i found out i never show love or emotions physically to anyone..... like hugging your parents siblings... giving kiss to kids... patting animals... holding friends hand.... anything I don't do it... So I am sure the experiment is going to fail... I may become a good support but never a good partner. Man are different when it come to physical relation, I have read a lot of your posts, It clearing say - It mean a lot to them So, I found my decision of not getting married correct.... Baby I don’t thing I am at a stage to handle it now... but sure love them... I sound like a hypocrite wanting and not wanting...it's so confusing. Is any thing wrong with me.... I am overly emotional too....i carved care and support... but I am not a lonely person, has a very beautiful happy family. There are no questions just if you can say something in reply.... My thoughts confuse me a lot, your view on it may help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How many thoughts do you want to handle at one go?
1. You feel connected to babies but at this stage you can't handle
2. You want to adopt but you worry about procedural difficulties
3. You don't want to get married as you feel that not being attracted will ruin someone's life
4. You don't want a physical relationship
5. Your personal space matters a lot to you
6. You can't show physical affection to anyone
7. You are overly emotional
8. You crave care and support
In all of this, I still want you to think:
- What is it that I actually want?
- What is it that I am actually good at within the family?
- What is it that I am uniquely different when it comes to relationships?
- What can I change to make a marriage/relationship work on a long-term basis?

Your challenge/issue is that you choose to focus on what you don't want and that keep you in a confused state for long. Instead focus on what you want and what can help you get to that place; this can be the beginning of clearing confusions...So, if your thoughts confuse you, then shift focus to better thinking by answering the above questions...it will be a good place to start...

All the best!

..Read more

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