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32-Year-Old Man Struggles with Finding Love and Facing Marriage Pressure

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |399 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am 32 year old male. I have contentment in all major aspects of life such as job, money, friends, family, fun etc. But everytime I try to bring a girl into my life everything just turns in to chaos. There is a lot of pressure from from family, friends and almost everyone that I know for me to get married. But I cannot accept just anyone in my life through matrimony sites or references. I am afraid that the hard work that I have put in all these years to make my life comfortable will be shaken up by marriage. I cannot choose people by their attributes but have to just develop a liking for them. Similarly I have no interest in how a girl looks, what job she does or any material aspects. I am happy with someone who choses me completely and is committed to me. Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone such and I am in the phase of saying no to marriage completely as life is good as it is. I had a girlfriend when I was 25 and she left me after 5 years of relationship because her parents did not accept which I respected. Could connect with anyone else until this year who also left me after an year because her parents will not agree as my parents are not rich enough. I cannot connect with anyone else physically or emotionally. I think it's injustice to the woman I marry if I marry her just for the sake of society. I am completely confused, could you please share your expertise on this. Thanks in advance!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's amazing how you are putting other people's needs over yours. That's very selfless of you. If you don't feel you are ready to commit, there is no rush; no matter what people say. I understand that societal pressure can be very tough, but as you said, being in an incompatible relationship will be tougher on both you and the woman. All I can say here is wait. You are content with your life, and that is more than most people have. Focus on that. Make it even better. If and when the time is right, you will meet someone, and things will fall into place. It might sound cliche, but trust me, this is the best thing to do. Again, I repeat, do not give in to peer pressure. No good things can come out of it.

Best Wishes.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2023

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Hi sir, i am 42 divorced male with no child from previous marriage. Now i m getting a girl with three types 1) divorced girl which my parents dont wants (as thy want unmarried girl) 2) unmarried girl but quite aged 3) unmarried girl with decent age but poor family background n very less educated. I m quite confused with whom i should marry as i m quite scare after my breakoff from 1st marriage which was love marriage and not able to take decision on this. I m well educated smart and earning quite decent. My parents wants girl should be unmarried n can manage house n also take care of them n they dont want working girl too but she should be beautiful educated n good family background. Because of this my marriage is getting delayed n also not getting any match. Kindly suggest what should i do how much which type of girl i should i prefer..i m clueless in this n not able to take decision.
Ans: Tell me something, do you want a wife or a glorified live-in maid for your parents? I cannot believe that in this day and age so-called educated men like you are asking questions like this! “My parents want this, my parents want that”… who the hell is getting married, you or them? You’re a divorcee yourself, but a divorced woman is not good enough for you? A working girl will be frowned upon because THEY want a housewife? If this is the kind of backward-thinking family you come from, it’s hardly surprising your first marriage failed! Man up, go for someone who YOU are interested in, and if you have any common sense, stay separately from your parents after marriage!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |392 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. Keep me anonymous. I'm in mid 40s. All my life I m a confused guy with regards to everything. Never married. Never had any love affair. I consider speaking to ladies, proposing them, love making as demeaning and bad. But occasionally I feel lonely, driven by natural human desire to love and to be loved. I have always had a desire to marry and and an equal desire to not marry. I however like more of non married life. And never , not even in dreams like making adjustments which may be required in a married life. My way is always Highway. Wt do you suggest or think in this case?? Not that I accept other's suggestions.
Ans: It's perfectly okay to have different desires and preferences when it comes to relationships and marriage. People have diverse perspectives on these matters, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to life. What matters most is that you understand and accept your feelings and choices.

If you feel content and happy with your non-married life and prefer to live independently without making adjustments for a partner, that is entirely valid. Some individuals find fulfillment and satisfaction in singlehood, and that is absolutely fine. Not everyone feels the need to pursue romantic relationships or marriage, and that doesn't make you any less of a person.

However, if you occasionally feel lonely and desire love and companionship, that is also natural. It's okay to have moments of vulnerability and longing for emotional connection. You can explore ways to address these feelings without necessarily committing to a traditional romantic relationship or marriage. For example, you might consider building strong friendships or participating in social activities that allow you to connect with others on a meaningful level.

Ultimately, what matters most is that you embrace and understand yourself and your feelings. If you find contentment and fulfillment in your current lifestyle, there is no need to feel pressured to conform to societal expectations. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, regardless of external opinions or suggestions.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or conflicted about your feelings, talking to a counselor or therapist can be beneficial. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your thoughts and emotions and help you gain clarity about what you truly want in life.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to approach relationships or marriage. Each person's journey is unique, and the key is to be true to yourself and make choices that align with your values and bring you happiness.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6988 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
Money
I am a 35 year old guys, I invest around 30K in SIP monthly with proper knowledge and diversification in different types of Equity MF. However this remains my only savings as my CTC is very low. I do have the window to step up 2-3K in SIP every year depending on my salary increment. My portfolio is having an amount of 30L currently. I want to retire with 5Cr as corpus. Can you let me know by what age can I retire and best way to accelerate?
Ans: You are currently 35 years old, investing Rs 30,000 monthly in a diversified portfolio of equity mutual funds. Your total portfolio value is Rs 30 lakh. You plan to increase your SIP contribution by Rs 2,000 to Rs 3,000 annually as your salary increases. Your goal is to retire with a corpus of Rs 5 crore.

I appreciate your consistent investment approach and your dedication to building a significant retirement corpus. With a systematic plan, you can achieve your target sooner than you might expect. Let's explore some strategies to help you reach your goal efficiently.

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Assessing Your Retirement Goal

Your target retirement corpus of Rs 5 crore is substantial. Given your disciplined approach, it's achievable. However, a few key strategies can help you accelerate the process.

The retirement corpus should be sufficient to sustain you through your golden years. It should account for inflation, healthcare costs, and lifestyle needs. At an average inflation rate of 6%, expenses can double every 12 years. So, building a larger corpus than initially planned can add a safety cushion.

At your current investment pace, it may take a while to reach Rs 5 crore. Let's see how you can speed up the process while managing your risks.

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Boosting Your Monthly SIP Contributions Gradually

You have the flexibility to increase your SIP by Rs 2,000 to Rs 3,000 annually. This is an excellent strategy, as it leverages the power of compounding.

Consider increasing your SIP contributions every year by a slightly higher amount. Even an additional Rs 1,000 per month can make a significant difference over the long term. If your salary allows, aim for an annual increase of Rs 5,000.

Automating the step-up in SIPs ensures that you stay on track without manually adjusting each year. This approach will enhance your portfolio growth and help you achieve your Rs 5 crore target earlier.

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Why Actively Managed Equity Funds Are Ideal

It's great that you're investing in diversified equity mutual funds. Actively managed funds offer better potential returns than index funds. Fund managers actively select stocks to outperform the benchmark.

Unlike index funds that simply mimic a market index, actively managed funds can react to changing market conditions. This agility can help generate higher returns, especially during market fluctuations.

Actively managed funds are particularly beneficial in emerging markets like India, where inefficiencies can be capitalized upon by skilled fund managers. They aim to deliver alpha, or returns above the index.

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Avoiding the Pitfalls of Direct Funds

While direct funds seem to offer a cost advantage, they may not be ideal for all investors. Direct plans lack the guidance and expertise provided by certified financial planners (CFP).

By investing through regular plans with the help of a certified mutual fund distributor (MFD) and CFP, you gain access to personalized advice. This includes portfolio reviews, rebalancing, and strategic changes based on market conditions.

Investing through an experienced CFP helps in optimizing your investments. It also ensures you are not emotionally swayed by market noise and short-term volatility.

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Optimizing Tax Efficiency on Mutual Fund Investments

As per the latest tax rules, the long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

To reduce tax liabilities, consider staggering your withdrawals over multiple financial years. This can help you stay below the LTCG exemption threshold of Rs 1.25 lakh annually.

Additionally, avoid redeeming funds too frequently. Holding investments for the long term not only benefits from compounding but also from a lower tax rate on LTCG.

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Exploring the Power of Systematic Transfer Plans (STP)

An STP is an efficient way to move funds from a debt mutual fund to an equity mutual fund. This strategy helps in averaging the cost of units and managing volatility.

You can park any lump sum bonus or extra income in a debt fund initially. Then, use an STP to transfer a fixed amount into equity funds monthly. This optimizes returns and minimizes the impact of market fluctuations.

STPs are especially useful during market downturns, allowing you to gradually invest in equities when prices are lower.

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Emergency Fund and Insurance Coverage

Before increasing your SIP contributions, ensure you have an adequate emergency fund. Ideally, keep at least 6 to 9 months of expenses in a liquid fund or fixed deposit.

Review your insurance coverage. If you do not have a term insurance plan, consider getting one. Ensure your health insurance is sufficient to cover medical emergencies, which can deplete your savings if not planned for.

Avoid mixing insurance and investments. Focus on term insurance for coverage and mutual funds for wealth creation.

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Diversification Beyond Equities Without Real Estate

While equity mutual funds are your primary investment, consider diversifying into debt mutual funds for stability. Debt funds offer better tax efficiency compared to fixed deposits, especially for investors in higher tax brackets.

Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) can also be a good addition for diversification. They provide an annual interest and the potential for capital appreciation, with no tax on capital gains if held till maturity.

However, refrain from investing in real estate as it requires significant capital and lacks liquidity. Instead, focus on a diversified portfolio of mutual funds to meet your retirement goal.

?

Evaluating Your Existing Portfolio Regularly

Periodic portfolio reviews are crucial to ensure you are on track to meet your Rs 5 crore target. At least once a year, evaluate the performance of your funds with the help of a certified financial planner.

Ensure your portfolio remains diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Each category performs differently based on market cycles.

Rebalancing your portfolio can help lock in profits from high-performing funds and reinvest in underperforming but promising segments.

?

Additional Strategies to Accelerate Your Journey

Look for ways to increase your income, such as upskilling or side projects. The extra income can be directed towards increasing your SIPs.

If your salary increments are higher than expected, allocate a larger portion of the increase to your SIPs. This will significantly reduce the time needed to reach your Rs 5 crore goal.

Consider investing lump sums, such as annual bonuses, into equity mutual funds or STPs. Lump sum investments, when timed well, can accelerate your portfolio growth.

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Final Insights

You are already on the right track with your disciplined SIP approach. Consistent investing, even with small step-ups, will yield impressive results.

Focus on a balanced approach: increasing SIPs, diversifying within mutual funds, and maintaining an emergency fund.

The key to reaching your Rs 5 crore retirement goal is consistency, disciplined savings, and leveraging the power of compounding. Keep reviewing and optimizing your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1281 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1281 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

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Relationship
Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself.
Ans: Dear Harsh,
If in the past you have had the urge to QUIT, how is this time going to be different? This is not to discourage you from taking up 'new work' but pointing out that there is some amount of work that you need to put to clear the mind out of blockages.
-What is limiting you?
- What is the reason for putting off things?
- What comes first to the mind when you start something new?
Also, focus on one thing at a time; study and go deep into it...what's this thing with work? I don't understand. When the mind is unsettled, take one thing/activity, pursue it and finish it. It could simply be studying for Year 1 of your college...just only do that...once your mind is trained in completing an activity, you can add another one the next year along with studying and then pursue both...it could be some sport and studying...then the next year, you could add a third activity. This is called 'training the mind in discipline'. Discipline will make sure that you start and finish things...So, go slow and do one thing at a time.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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