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Am I a Loser for Not Having a Girlfriend at 30?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 14, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am 30 years old not married & now my parents are forcing me to get married. I think i am good looking guy. It's not like i have never been with girls. I have had brief flings with multiple girls. And there was one girl whom i was in a platonic relationship with with lot of emotional sharing & have spent a lot of time with her. The same goes with another girl. Both of them have told me that i have been pretty cool & girls would like me to be their bf or husband. But i am not able to accept anyone because of the guilt that of my past that i never had a relationship. Never been able to tell anyone that i had a gf. I know this is wrong to compare my life but i can't stop thinking that way. Can you tell me what to do? Like a contsant regret of not having a very steamy cool fancy relationship from outside. I know relationships have it's own ups & downs. But this guilt is killing me that i missed out lot of things in life & if get married in an arranged marriage i would feel myself to be a looser who couldn't even find a girl on his own. Though i know all of these comparisons are wrong & i should be rational. I am not able to help it. Please help me out

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Whatever you are feeling, it is very normal. More people than you could imagine go through this same phase. But as you mentioned, these are just thoughts; there is no truth to them. Not having a relationship does not make you uncool. It merely means that you did not meet your perfect match yet. I understand that you feel like you have missed out on something and that feeling is valid. It might not be reasonable, but it's very natural to think this way. I can suggest one thing- why don't you try a dating or matchmaking app to find your own partner? That way, you will be keeping your parents' wishes and won't let yourself down either. It will also give you more control over choosing your life partner.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hey love Gurus I am 24 year old male. Well educated and decent looking. But i have never had a girlfriend not had i ever kissed a girl. I have also never bothered much on this until my 20 year of age. But now for past year or 2 it has started haunting me a bit because I am scared of what would happen when i get married. I don't have any sort of experience and this scares me. I know it's too early to think of marriage but still I feel low when this topic comes to my mind. Please guide me. I really need a good advice Is it that I am thinking too much?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's totally normal to feel anxious about the future and any relationship to come your way in the future. Here are some advice-

• Be kind to yourself. You are not alone in this. Not everyone moves at the same pace. Some start dating early, some start late. Some have more experience than others. But everyone has to face firsts. While it is natural to feel anxious, with the right partner and at the right timeline, things often tend to work out better than we imagine.
• Focus on building confidence. You are more than your dating experience. Pursue a hobby, socialize, work on developing new skills, work to improve your body and mind. Everything in turn will increase your confidence level.
• Educate yourself. You can read books on anxiety or if you have a clear idea of what about a relationship or what about marriage is making you conscious, you can educate yourself on that part. What is known to us, rarely makes us feel anxious. We mostly fear the unknown.
• For your future first relationship- take it slow. Communicate. What you are comfortable with, what you aren't, communicate everything.
• If your anxiety is interfering with your day-to-day activity, I recommend seeing a professional. It's still early and nipped in the bud, this anxiety will lead to nothing serious. But if you let it take root, it might be more difficult to manage.

Understand that it is okay where you are. Also, as you mentioned, you are too young to worry about it. But since you are already worrying, I am glad that you seeked help.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 32 year old male. I have contentment in all major aspects of life such as job, money, friends, family, fun etc. But everytime I try to bring a girl into my life everything just turns in to chaos. There is a lot of pressure from from family, friends and almost everyone that I know for me to get married. But I cannot accept just anyone in my life through matrimony sites or references. I am afraid that the hard work that I have put in all these years to make my life comfortable will be shaken up by marriage. I cannot choose people by their attributes but have to just develop a liking for them. Similarly I have no interest in how a girl looks, what job she does or any material aspects. I am happy with someone who choses me completely and is committed to me. Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone such and I am in the phase of saying no to marriage completely as life is good as it is. I had a girlfriend when I was 25 and she left me after 5 years of relationship because her parents did not accept which I respected. Could connect with anyone else until this year who also left me after an year because her parents will not agree as my parents are not rich enough. I cannot connect with anyone else physically or emotionally. I think it's injustice to the woman I marry if I marry her just for the sake of society. I am completely confused, could you please share your expertise on this. Thanks in advance!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's amazing how you are putting other people's needs over yours. That's very selfless of you. If you don't feel you are ready to commit, there is no rush; no matter what people say. I understand that societal pressure can be very tough, but as you said, being in an incompatible relationship will be tougher on both you and the woman. All I can say here is wait. You are content with your life, and that is more than most people have. Focus on that. Make it even better. If and when the time is right, you will meet someone, and things will fall into place. It might sound cliche, but trust me, this is the best thing to do. Again, I repeat, do not give in to peer pressure. No good things can come out of it.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |56 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 01, 2024Hindi
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Money
We two brothers have inherited a property on 200 sq yard by registered will of our father in 2020. The property was purchased by our father in 1970 and redeveloped in 1990 into three story building. Ground floor is with my brother and first floor. Third floor without roof rights was sold by our father at the time of redevelopment . Me and my brother have terrace rights as per registered will of our father ( each has 50% roof/ terrace rights). My brother is US citizen and want to sell his share for four crores. The expected rental income from the ground floor will be Rupees 60 thousand per month. The circle rate of the property is Rupees 7 lakh per yard. My interest in the ground floor of the property is mainly to live peacefully without any interference by unknown new buyer. I am 65 and my question is from financial point should I purchase from my brother by paying Rs. 4 crore or keep the amount in bank as fixed deposit/ RBI bonds at around 8 percent per year. Second question is if he sell it to other buyer how he will sell terrace as the terrace is undivided and we both have inherited it by registered will. Thirdly there are many builders who want to redevelop the property into four floor with basement and stilt parking. What will be the right option . I have only son .
Ans: Dear Friend,
If you’re considering whether to purchase your brother’s share of the inherited property for ?4 crore, weigh peace of mind against financial returns. Buying his share gives you full control, eliminates potential disputes with a third-party buyer, and ensures no interference in your peaceful living. However, the rental yield of ?60,000/month (~1.8% annual return) is significantly lower than the ~8% return you could get by investing ?4 crore in fixed deposits or bonds, which would generate ~?2.67 lakh/month.

Regarding the terrace, your brother cannot sell his 50% share independently since it is undivided and jointly inherited. Any sale requires your consent, limiting his ability to transfer full terrace rights to a new buyer.

Redevelopment of the property is an excellent option, offering increased value and rental income. Builders are likely to provide additional floors or cash components in exchange for development rights, enhancing long-term financial benefits and ensuring modern amenities.

If your priorities are peace of mind and control over the property, purchase your brother’s share. Otherwise, invest in safer financial instruments and consider redevelopment to maximise the property’s potential. Consult a lawyer and financial advisor to ensure the best decision. Your Financial adviser can deeply evaluate all your assets and liabilities and provide a solution which will give you more leverage.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede -Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub,
Free webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

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Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |56 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

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Money
Myself and my sister as joint owner of a property enteredvinto joint development agreementvwith a builder for construction of 8 flats in 4800 sq. Ft land. 2400 sq. Ft was retained for us with 4 flats constructed by builder to be given free of cost and 2400 sq. Ft UDS sold to builder thro PGPA for him to sell 4 flats. After selling 3 flats with 1800 sq. ft UDS by builder, we cancelled GPA and registered with SRO for retaing 600 Sq. ft UDS for our use with the consent agreeing to pay compensation for this cancel of GPA. Now I want clarification as to the ownership of the above said cancelled UDS of 600 Sq. ft as Joint owner or myself as per Joint developement agreement with a rider that myself will take possessionof 600 UDS by cancelling GPA later with builder and paying compensation st the mutually ahreed price. Builder says that myself is the owner for the cancelled 600 Sq. ft retained. I want to know whether I hv to register settlement deed for partingvwith 600 Sq. ft UDS by my sister or the statement of builder as myself will be the owner for 600 UDS regisyeted by cancelling GPA signed by the builder and both of us. Pl. Clarify.
Ans: Dear G,
The ownership of the 600 sq. ft. UDS (Undivided Share of Land) depends on the terms of the Joint Development Agreement (JDA) and the GPA cancellation deed. As per the JDA, the builder agreed to transfer the 600 sq. ft. UDS to you after GPA cancellation in return for compensation. If the GPA cancellation deed and subsequent agreements clearly state that this UDS belongs solely to you and these are registered with the Sub-Registrar’s Office (SRO), you are the legal owner. However, if your sister’s name still appears as a co-owner in the original title deed, you will need her to execute a **Settlement Deed** or **Gift Deed** in your favor, which must be registered to confirm your sole ownership and avoid disputes. The builder’s statement that you are the owner is valid only if it aligns with the registered documents. To confirm ownership, verify the SRO records to ensure the transfer has been legally recorded. If any gaps exist, consult a property lawyer to review the JDA, GPA cancellation deed, and builder’s agreement to ensure proper registration of ownership and resolve any ambiguity. This will safeguard your rights and provide clarity regarding the 600 sq. ft. UDS.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede -Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub,
Free webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

...Read more

Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |56 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi sir/mam, I'm 32 years old working in a private firm as Manager. I own 9 lacs in FDs, accumulated 17 lacs in Mutual funds through SIP of around 23k pm (currently XIRR at 15-16% in with 75% in equity). I also have 2.5 lacs in PPF and 1.2 lacs in NPS. For tax savings I do yearly investments in PPF and NPS of about 1 lacs and rest I cover with ELSS (part of my SIPs). I want to retire at the age of 50, my current salary is 1.2 lac per month in hand, and receive few incentives of 1.5 lac a yr. I live in Mumbai with my wife and plan to buy a house of 60 lacs (out of which 20 L I'm borrowing from family, and rest of it will be loan with about 35k EMI). I also have a flat in NCR worth 80 L (purchased at 35 lacs), for which I have an EMI of 11k per month which is covered by rent I receive from there. I don't have kids yet, but I plan to have two of them. What should be my plan of investing that I can retire by max between 50 and 55 yrs of age with an upper middle class lifestyle in either Mumbai or NCR. How much should my corpus be? My current expenses are around 60k including rent in Mumbai, and my parents are independent. I have both health and life insurance of 1 cr+ cover.
Ans: Dear Friend,
To retire comfortably at 50-55 with an upper-middle-class lifestyle, you’ll need a retirement corpus of ?5 crore. Currently, your mutual funds, PPF, and NPS are projected to grow to ~?1.82 crore by 50. To bridge the gap of ?2.18 crore, increase your SIPs by ?30,000/month in equity funds, which can grow to ~?2.25 crore at 12% CAGR in 18 years. Prioritize repaying the ?20 lakh family loan after buying the Mumbai house, ensuring the ?35,000 EMI doesn’t hinder your additional investments. Post-retirement, rely on rental income from your NCR property and a 4% systematic withdrawal strategy from your corpus to cover inflation-adjusted expenses. Maintain ?5-6 lakhs in an emergency fund and continue tax-saving investments like ELSS, PPF, and NPS. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals. With disciplined savings and investments, you’re on track for a secure retirement.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede
-Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub,
Free webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I am 35yo with 2 (4yo, 1yo) children. Can I retire now, with following corpus: mutual fund and stocks : 3.5 crore, lands: 50 lakh, PF&PPF: 80 lakh, FD: 25 lakh, SGB &Gold:50 lakh. Currently doesn't own any house. Monthly expense is around 1 lakh.
Ans: Your corpus and monthly expenses show a solid foundation. Retirement at 35, however, requires careful assessment. Let’s analyse your situation step by step.

Current Financial Assets and Allocations

Mutual Funds and Stocks: Rs 3.5 crore

This is a significant part of your corpus. Equity investments offer high growth potential.

Lands: Rs 50 lakh

Real estate investments are illiquid. Consider them only for long-term growth or inheritance.

PF and PPF: Rs 80 lakh

These provide stability and assured returns. These are good for meeting long-term goals.

Fixed Deposit: Rs 25 lakh

FDs are low-risk and ensure liquidity. This is beneficial for emergencies.

SGB and Gold: Rs 50 lakh

Gold is a strong hedge against inflation. It also offers diversification.

Monthly Expense Analysis

Your monthly expense of Rs 1 lakh equates to Rs 12 lakh annually.

Accounting for inflation, this expense will grow over time. Planning for this is crucial.

Core Observations

Your total corpus is Rs 5.55 crore. This is substantial for your age.

Inflation and rising expenses over time will impact your corpus.

Without a house, rent becomes a recurring expense. Factor this into your calculations.

You have no guaranteed income sources post-retirement.

Key Areas of Improvement

Housing

Consider buying a house if feasible. Owning a house ensures stability and reduces rent.

Do not invest excessively in real estate as it is illiquid.

Corpus Utilisation

Avoid over-reliance on equity investments for withdrawals. Equity is volatile in the short term.

Use a mix of debt and equity for regular withdrawals.

Children’s Education and Marriage

Both are major financial goals. Plan dedicated investments for these.

Use long-term instruments for education and marriage funds.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund of at least 12 months of expenses.

Keep it in liquid funds or high-yield savings accounts.

Recommended Financial Strategies

Asset Allocation

Diversify your portfolio across equity, debt, and gold.

Maintain 60% equity, 30% debt, and 10% gold as a starting point. Adjust as needed.

Mutual Fund Investments

Continue with actively managed funds. These can outperform index funds in emerging markets like India.

Avoid direct funds if you lack time or expertise. Regular funds offer advisor support and insights.

Debt Investments

Increase debt allocation for stability. Consider high-quality debt mutual funds.

Ensure these align with your withdrawal needs.

Tax Planning

Monitor tax implications of mutual fund withdrawals.

LTCG from equity funds above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Plan withdrawals to minimise tax liabilities.

Insurance Needs

Ensure adequate health insurance for your family. Cover at least Rs 25 lakh for each member.

Check if you have term insurance. Secure Rs 2-3 crore coverage for your family’s financial safety.

Inflation and Lifestyle Adjustments

Inflation can erode your purchasing power. Plan investments to counter inflation.

Avoid lifestyle inflation. Stick to essential expenses wherever possible.

Income Generation Options

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)

Use SWP from mutual funds for regular income.

Choose hybrid funds for better stability and returns.

Rental Income

Invest part of your corpus in commercial properties.

Ensure this aligns with your liquidity needs and risk profile.

Freelance or Part-Time Work

Consider light work for additional income. It can extend your corpus.

Use your skills to generate flexible income streams.

Monitoring and Review

Review your portfolio annually. Adjust allocations as goals evolve.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner for periodic checks.

Final Insights

Retirement at 35 is ambitious but achievable with meticulous planning. Your current corpus is strong, but consider the following:

Plan for inflation, children’s needs, and healthcare costs.

Diversify investments and secure guaranteed income sources.

Avoid premature decisions. Evaluate thoroughly before retiring.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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