Hi I am 27 M. I am a introverted person but not that much I love meeting new people, party, travelling etc. But Whenever I try to talk with any girl I forgot everything that I want to express and also feels bit nervous and shy. So many thoughts are in my mind but I am unable to express that in front of others, I simply forgot. How can I improve my communication skills with other girls and feel confident about myself.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Two things to understand here:
1. You are an introvert and you are happy being one
2. You are a forced introvert as you are unable to break the walls that you have put around you.

If you belong to the first category, enjoy the state of bliss as is. But from what I gather, you seem to falling under the second category wherein you want to expand your social circle and be a part of activities etc.
Then you have to put yourself out there.
1. Do understand that as much you want to be engaged with like-minded people, even these people will at some point in time think different from you.
2. Do accept people for who they are and that way you will come from a non-judgemental space while engaging with them.
3. Do connect with people who are totally different from you and it will help you expand your mind to be curious about them.

If this is a difficult thing to do...think....What if one of your children came to you with the same problem that you have now? What would you tell them to do?
Also, get into circles on social media that discuss topics which interest you. Join a gym or a hobby class and that is an avenue to make new friends irrespective of gender.
To add more friends, you need to be friendly as well...so open your heart and mind...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Balaji,

Thank you for writing in.

First of all, stop labelling yourself (like you have mentioned in the above question "I am an Introvert type"). As humans our brains are wired to believe what information we feed to ourselves.

Second, acceptance. Accepting the way, you are. That is your strength.

Certain steps that can be considered -
- Know the agenda you are entering into. This will help you prepare in advance on the conversations you need to engage in.
If there are no agendas then you can -
- Initiate small talks. For example- talk about current affairs in the industry (avoid talking about religion or politics) as this can get sensitive. Conversation should be general in nature. This will help you break the ice with the individual.
- Asking open ended questions- such questions help you encourage others to share more information. Instead of asking yes/no questions, ask questions that require a more detailed response, such as "What was that experience like for you?" or "Tell me more about..."
- Focus on your observation- Observe your surroundings and what's happening in the environment. You can use these observations as conversation starters. For example, if you're at a restaurant, you can comment on the decor, the food, or the atmosphere.
- Share Personal Stories- Personal anecdotes can make your conversations more relatable and engaging.
-Use Body Language- Your body language can enhance your communication. Maintain eye contact, use gestures to emphasize points, and smile when appropriate to convey warmth and engagement.
-Don’t hesitate to seek for professional help- If you feel that your difficulty in engaging in conversations is causing significant distress or impacting your personal and professional life, consider seeking professional help. This should help you navigate with the tips and tricks.

Hope this helps.

All the best

Ashwini Dasgupta
To your Success. Be You. Be Confident
Author of Confidence Decoded- Is it a Skill or Attitude?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

You might think you are alone with such an issue, but more people than you know go through the same. It is great that you addressed it and are putting real effort into changing it. How about you start by practicing in low-pressure situations? For instance, practice eye contact with friends or family. Hold brief but intentional eye contact during conversations. Initially, you might feel uneasy, but gradually it will get better. Also, I suggest you consider seeking support from a therapist. Maybe it's a very trivial communication issue right now, but the more you wait, the worse it might get.

Again, remember you are not alone in this. It happens to the best of us.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At your age, being self-conscious is natural...what is more important is how you perceive what is going on in a more mature way rather than worrying about it.
Instead of focusing on why you are unable to speak with girls, why not focus on how you can widen your social circle at school/college? Now this social circle can be girls and boys or only boys...why does that matter? Slowly, as you gain confidence within that social circle, you may start to feel better speaking with girls as well BUT do not make that as a measure of your confidence either way...
Also, play a sport; this is known to boost your self-esteem by working on your mind by keeping the body in a better shape.
Eventually as you grow older, there will be more opportunities to interact with girls; why worry so much about it now? Enjoy the teen years; they don't come back, you know!

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how you are feeling. First of all, you are not alone in this. Secondly, it's time you recognize how much you have achieved in life. Kudos to that.

Now, coming to your concern, being an introvert is not an issue, though it comes with its own set of challenges. I understand that you feel shy when it comes to talking to women. That's where dating apps come in. You have seen no results on them; I hear you. But give it another try, but this time, with a fool-proof strategy. First off, write an appealing bio. It's equivalent to writing a cover letter- you put forward your best attributes and convince people why they should date you. You can mention your achievements, you can be honest and disclose that you are an introvert, mention what you have to offer as a partner and don't forget to mention what you are looking for in your partner. This would give your potential matches a concise idea of you and also help attract the right people. Second, display image matters. While I am not encouraging you to put up an over-edited picture hiding your imperfections, do not put up the worst one either. Make sure it's recent, decent, and of you and you alone, and not in a group. Third, if you like somebody, don't be afraid to send a message. You are not committing to them, nor do you have to see them in person. Leave a message, interact, only if things go well, meet in person. There's no rush and no prior commitment. Fourth and the most important one, be patient. The right match can take a while but when you do find them, it will be worth the wait.

Best Wishes!