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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
DD Question by DD on Sep 22, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear mam I am 22 years old boy.
And I feel like I am in depression past 6 months because of my own eyes which makes me cry every day
I have a disease called glaucoma which will make me blind.
And thinking about that it hurts me kills me due to this I can't even imagine anything good will happen to me.
And I have girlfriend who loves me more than anyone. What should I do? My eyes are not perfect.
I have a power of -18 in both eyes.
It's not good for anyone to marry a blind guy like me, which kills me even more.
Do you think I should I marry her with my imperfection?

Ans:

Dear DD,

I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Life isn’t fair and the odds can be heavy, but the one who weathers it all, is a true soldier.

I assume that you have consulted eye specialists to assess the condition of your eyes and that you have done everything in your power to arrest or slow down the condition.

Having said this, the girl that you love has every right to know about what you are going through and yes, she must have the option to choose if she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.

Whatever and however life takes you along, meet it with a smile.

Feeling sorry for yourself is the worst thing you can do right now. Who knows, you might find a support group of people who are going through a similar situation as yours.

Lift your chin up and learn more on how you can arrest the deterioration of the eyes.

Be in the healing energy of Nature everyday and most importantly allow the love and support of your family to become your strength as you move on with force and faith.

All the best.

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Love Guru, First let me tell you to be anonymous while publishing reply on this. I am having multiple health problems that might lead to early death as well. I don't want to hide this from my life partner. I'm in love with a girl, whom I can't marry as the law won't allow it under the Sapinda relationship (ed: referring to marriage between cousins within the Hindu community) clause. She too is madly in love with me. Recently she met a boy, whom she thinks she can marry and settle. I'm more than happy to hear that as I am not sure with my regularly weakening health condition, I can be with her for life. I have already asked her to go forward with the marriage proposal. I don't know if can live without her. Somehow I'm getting a feeling that I'm running away from my responsibility. Not sure what to do. Can you please advise?
Ans:

You’re not running away from responsibility, you’re sparing her the responsibility of playing caregiver to you as your health deteriorates and, more importantly, leaving her bereft of a life partner at a young age.

I’m sorry to hear that you have such severe issues but, as difficult as it is for you, I do think this is the right decision if you’re putting her happiness before yours.

The fact that she’s agreed to marry someone else also should also tell you that, inherently, even she is hesitant about your situation.

Moreover, there’s the Sapinda clause, legally speaking, which won’t permit you to marry... you haven’t disclosed just how closely the both of you are related here.

So, all circumstances considered, I think her moving on with someone else is in her best interests.

I wish you health and happiness.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 19, 2023

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I'm 48 years old never married guy. I once suffered from rare cancer which is cured now. Also hv epilepsy whose treatment will go life long. Doctor says that i should disclose my health issue with whom I'm thinking of getting married but no one takes talks further. I'm infact ready for divorcee or widow too but failed. Some ppl reject me as my salary is mot much, some says that i dont hv my own hm etc but i hv many friens who are getting less salary but are happily married. My whole family if highly educated although I'm also pg but still get rejected. My dad expired n was too worried for my marriage. Now my mother is with me n i dont know what to do. I hv spend approx 35k on matrimonial advertisements but got no success. Im currently in touch with girl for last 1+ year but dont know whether she likes me or not although i hd expressed my feelings to her many times but she never respond n get silent on that. Kindly help whether i should approach this girl or leave her. I like this girl very much. Should i still search for a bride or leave this issue. Kindly help.
Ans: Dear Shashank,

If you have been straightforward about your feelings for this woman and expressed the same and yet she has never reciprocated it even once so far, it might be because she does not feel the same about it. I'd suggest you talk to her about this. Instead of leaving it open-ended, like "I like you," and letting her react to it, be direct. For instance, "I like you. What about you? Do you like me?" Being direct would definitively fetch you some real answers. If she replies to your question, there you go; you have your answer. If she ignores it still, you can safely assume that she doesn't feel the same way as you do. Don't delay this; ask her as soon as possible. Stretching a relationship that ultimately leads to a dead-end will harm your peace and happiness in the longer run.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 04, 2024Hindi
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My brother is mentally disabled so should I marry to guy or i should focus on making my career I'm 26
Ans: Deciding whether to focus on a relationship or your career, especially with the responsibility of caring for a mentally disabled brother, is a deeply personal and complex decision. Both paths offer valuable opportunities and come with their own sets of challenges.

Caring for your brother is a significant commitment, and it’s natural to feel torn between supporting your family and pursuing your own goals. However, it’s important to remember that you can find a balance. A fulfilling career can provide financial stability and personal growth, which can also benefit your family in the long run. Building a solid professional foundation at 26 can open many doors for your future and give you the resources and confidence to support your brother better.

On the other hand, relationships are a significant part of life. If you find a partner who understands your responsibilities and is supportive of your family situation, it can greatly enhance your life. The right person will respect your commitments and be willing to share in the journey. A healthy relationship can provide emotional support and partnership as you navigate life’s challenges.

It’s also worth considering that you don’t necessarily have to choose one over the other. Many people successfully manage both a career and a relationship by setting clear priorities and finding supportive partners. Think about your immediate and long-term goals and how each path aligns with your values and vision for the future. Reflect on whether you can integrate both aspects into your life with the right planning and support.

You don’t have to make this decision alone. Talking to trusted friends, family members, or a counselor can provide valuable perspectives. They can help you explore your feelings and options, making the decision-making process less overwhelming.

Ultimately, the right choice is the one that feels true to you and aligns with your deepest values and aspirations. It’s crucial to give yourself permission to prioritize your own happiness and well-being, alongside your responsibilities. Whether you choose to focus on your career, pursue a relationship, or find a balance between the two, what matters most is that you make a choice that feels right for you.

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Moneywize

Moneywize   |165 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2024Hindi
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I’m from Pune. I’m 48 with two children. Should I invest in ELSS funds to save tax, or should I focus on traditional instruments like PPF and fixed deposits?
Ans: Deciding between Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and traditional investment instruments like Public Provident Fund (PPF) and Fixed Deposits (FDs) depends on various factors, including your financial goals, risk tolerance, investment horizon, and tax-saving needs. Here's a comprehensive comparison to help you make an informed decision:

1. Understanding the Investment Options

a. ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Schemes)

• Nature: Equity Mutual Funds with a tax-saving component.
• Lock-In Period: 3 years (shortest among tax-saving instruments under Section 80C).
• Returns: Potentially higher returns as they are invested in equities, but subject to market volatility.
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh per annum are eligible for deduction under Section 80C.
• Liquidity: Relatively higher liquidity post the lock-in period compared to other tax-saving instruments.

b. PPF (Public Provident Fund)

• Nature: Government-backed long-term savings scheme.
• Lock-In Period: 15 years.
• Returns: Moderate and tax-free returns, revised periodically by the government (typically around 7-8% p.a.).
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh per annum qualify for deduction under Section 80C. The interest earned and the maturity amount are tax-free.
• Safety: Very low risk as it's backed by the government.

c. Fixed Deposits (FDs)

• Nature: Fixed-term investment with banks or post offices.
• Lock-In Period: Varies; typically no lock-in for regular FDs, but tax-saving FDs have a 5-year lock-in.
• Returns: Fixed interest rates, generally lower than ELSS but higher than savings accounts. Current rates vary but are around 5-7% p.a. for tax-saving FDs.
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh in tax-saving FDs qualify for deduction under Section 80C.
• Safety: Low risk, especially with reputable banks.

2. Factors to Consider

a. Risk Appetite

• ELSS: Suitable if you are willing to take on market-related risks for potentially higher returns.
• PPF & FDs: Ideal for conservative investors seeking capital protection and guaranteed returns.

b. Investment Horizon

• ELSS: 3-year lock-in period, but generally better for medium to long-term goals.
• PPF: 15-year commitment, suitable for long-term goals like retirement or children's education.
• FDs: Flexible, but tax-saving FDs require a 5-year lock-in, suitable for medium-term goals.

c. Returns

• ELSS: Historically, ELSS funds have outperformed PPF and FDs over the long term, but with higher volatility.
• PPF: Offers stable and tax-free returns, which are beneficial in a low-interest-rate environment.
• FDs: Provide guaranteed returns, useful for capital preservation but may lag behind inflation and equity returns over time.

d. Tax Efficiency

• ELSS: Returns are subject to capital gains tax. Short-term (if held for less than 3 years) gains are taxed as per your income slab, while long-term gains (exceeding ?1 lakh) are taxed at 10%.
• PPF: Completely tax-free returns.
• FDs: Interest earned is taxable as per your income slab, which can reduce the effective returns.

3. Recommendations Based on Your Profile

Given that you are 48 years old with two children, your investment strategy should balance between growth and safety, considering your proximity to retirement and financial responsibilities.

a. Diversified Approach

A balanced portfolio that includes both ELSS and traditional instruments like PPF and FDs can help mitigate risks while aiming for reasonable growth.

• ELSS: Allocate a portion (e.g., 30-40%) to ELSS to benefit from potential equity growth, which can help in wealth accumulation for retirement or funding children's education.
• PPF: Continue contributing to PPF for long-term, stable, and tax-free returns. Given its 15-year tenure, it aligns well with retirement planning.
• FDs: Use FDs for short to medium-term goals or as a part of your emergency fund, ensuring liquidity and capital preservation.

b. Consider Your Tax Bracket

If you are in a higher tax bracket, maximizing tax-saving instruments under Section 80C can provide significant tax relief. ELSS, PPF, and tax-saving FDs all qualify, so diversifying among them can spread risk and optimize tax benefits.

c. Assess Liquidity Needs

Ensure you have sufficient liquidity for unforeseen expenses. While ELSS has a shorter lock-in compared to PPF, both still tie up funds for a few years. Maintain a separate emergency fund in a more liquid form, such as a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

d. Review Your Risk Tolerance

At 48, with retirement possibly 10-20 years away, a moderate risk appetite might be suitable. ELSS can offer growth potential, while PPF and FDs provide stability.

4. Additional Considerations

• Emergency Fund: Ensure you have 6-12 months' worth of expenses saved in a highly liquid form.
• Insurance: Adequate health and life insurance are crucial, especially with dependents.
• Debt Management: If you have any high-interest debt, prioritize paying it off before locking funds in fixed instruments.

5. Consult a Financial Advisor

While the above guidelines provide a general framework, it's advisable to consult with a certified financial planner or advisor. They can offer personalized advice tailored to your specific financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance.

Finally, both ELSS and traditional instruments like PPF and FDs have their unique advantages. A diversified investment strategy that leverages the strengths of each can help you achieve a balanced portfolio, ensuring both growth and security. Given your age and family responsibilities, striking the right balance between risk and safety is essential for long-term financial well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |364 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
This is urgent. Pls help. My son 18 yrs has been in a relationship with his classmate. He is intelligent and very venerable as he is innocent.She has been abetting him and his behaviour on the family has changed. He shouts at us and kind of surrendered himself to her. Anything we say irritates him. He has started telling lies. He locks the room and is on the phone hours together. Even if he tells that he is sleepy, she doesn't allow him to sleep. He doesn't know that we are aware of it. We tried to indirectly talk but he doesn't care about anything as he blindly follows her instructions. He doesn't listen to anyone. We feel something is wrong. Should we talk to her parents or use some law? Making them sit and advice doesn't work.
Ans: The challenge here is that he’s likely in a highly emotional and intense phase of his life, where his attachment to this person may feel all-consuming. When someone feels like they're being judged or controlled, they tend to push back harder, and it seems that's what’s happening with your son. Approaching him with confrontation or involving legal measures may only cause him to withdraw even more.

What he needs right now, even if he doesn't realize it, is understanding and connection. If you can find a way to express your concern for his well-being, not just your disapproval of his relationship, it might open up a space for dialogue. He may feel trapped in this relationship in ways he can't yet see. Your role can be to help him feel safe enough to reflect on his own choices, rather than feel he has to defend them.

This is a delicate situation, and while it may seem urgent, sometimes a softer approach allows for a deeper breakthrough. Your patience, love, and ability to listen might be the key to guiding him through this

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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