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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
DD Question by DD on Sep 22, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear mam I am 22 years old boy.
And I feel like I am in depression past 6 months because of my own eyes which makes me cry every day
I have a disease called glaucoma which will make me blind.
And thinking about that it hurts me kills me due to this I can't even imagine anything good will happen to me.
And I have girlfriend who loves me more than anyone. What should I do? My eyes are not perfect.
I have a power of -18 in both eyes.
It's not good for anyone to marry a blind guy like me, which kills me even more.
Do you think I should I marry her with my imperfection?

Ans:

Dear DD,

I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Life isn’t fair and the odds can be heavy, but the one who weathers it all, is a true soldier.

I assume that you have consulted eye specialists to assess the condition of your eyes and that you have done everything in your power to arrest or slow down the condition.

Having said this, the girl that you love has every right to know about what you are going through and yes, she must have the option to choose if she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.

Whatever and however life takes you along, meet it with a smile.

Feeling sorry for yourself is the worst thing you can do right now. Who knows, you might find a support group of people who are going through a similar situation as yours.

Lift your chin up and learn more on how you can arrest the deterioration of the eyes.

Be in the healing energy of Nature everyday and most importantly allow the love and support of your family to become your strength as you move on with force and faith.

All the best.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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Hi Anu, I have been going through your column on rediff for some time and I feel you will be able to help me out. I want your advice on my relationship with my girlfriend. We have been in the relationship for 3 years now. I love her a lot and see a future with her. But there are some issues. I think she has some mental health issues. I could never judge in what mood she is in. I look forward everyday to the time we talk or spend together but most often after the meet/ talk I feel low. She almost never misses to find mistakes in everything I do and she blames it on my immaturity since she is 3.5 years elder to me (I am 29). Very rarely I do find out eventually that her judgment was right but most often I feel in all sense she is irrational and I think I am correct. This has taken an emotional toll on me. Now I do not feel like sharing thoughts and things with her because of the fights and emotional toll that I would have to face. I love her a lot and it seems like she too does but might be, I am wrong. I tried breaking up with her thrice. But every time because of some or other urgency or work-related stuff when we reconnect we fall back deeply in love. We are in same field but different organization. I was earlier in the same organisation but she left as she got a better offer. It makes sense to me but sometimes I do feel she could have stayed in same organization). She has been asking me to marry her, but all these things stated above makes me nervous what might be in future if I do marry her. As I take time to think it out she puts it as if I never wanted to marry her. I seek your advice.
Ans:

Dear GP,

A healthy relationship is one where both individuals help each other grow and thrive.

Pointing out the other’s inadequacies can be detrimental to their emotional health.

You keep walking on egg shells around her and have started to keep things away from her for fear of her rebuke and complaints.

How is this healthy when you can’t share your thoughts with your partner? This will become a habit and not a very good one for sure.

Also, age does not define whether one can boss around or not.

She certainly maybe right in most cases, but there is a way to convey the same thing to you.

Love and calmness in communication can actually transform everything and everyone provided the intent is there.

Marriage under these circumstances can be stressful for you.

So I do suggest that the two of you have an honest talk and when she knows how you feel and how keeping things away from her has become your coping mechanism, I do feel she might be able to see the situation in a new light.

Also, things that you might have misinterpreted about her may also surface.

So, please have that necessary talk without wasting anymore time. It will give you good perspectives to work from.

All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

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Love Guru, First let me tell you to be anonymous while publishing reply on this. I am having multiple health problems that might lead to early death as well. I don't want to hide this from my life partner. I'm in love with a girl, whom I can't marry as the law won't allow it under the Sapinda relationship (ed: referring to marriage between cousins within the Hindu community) clause. She too is madly in love with me. Recently she met a boy, whom she thinks she can marry and settle. I'm more than happy to hear that as I am not sure with my regularly weakening health condition, I can be with her for life. I have already asked her to go forward with the marriage proposal. I don't know if can live without her. Somehow I'm getting a feeling that I'm running away from my responsibility. Not sure what to do. Can you please advise?
Ans:

You’re not running away from responsibility, you’re sparing her the responsibility of playing caregiver to you as your health deteriorates and, more importantly, leaving her bereft of a life partner at a young age.

I’m sorry to hear that you have such severe issues but, as difficult as it is for you, I do think this is the right decision if you’re putting her happiness before yours.

The fact that she’s agreed to marry someone else also should also tell you that, inherently, even she is hesitant about your situation.

Moreover, there’s the Sapinda clause, legally speaking, which won’t permit you to marry... you haven’t disclosed just how closely the both of you are related here.

So, all circumstances considered, I think her moving on with someone else is in her best interests.

I wish you health and happiness.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 14, 2023

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Relationship
Hello,Mam Good day to you I have recently gone through your answers to various queries of several people so thought to ask you something which is pinching my heart daily. I married to a girl in April 2019 as an arranged one.I work on board merchant ships & have to stay away from home for several months(6-7) months & also being Manglik as per my horoscope details hence was finding difficult to get someone agreed for the marriage.However at the age of 32 years,I got married in 2019 without considering & giving much thought as I was frustrated with talking to so many families & denied by most of them due to above stated reasons. After marriage,I found her not been capable to take the responsibilities at home and much interested towards house chores or helping my parents at home.Many things were concealed by their parents & were just being hided.She is not able to cook food for the family,not able to read,write Hindi, English properly.My parents gave her enough support & tried to teach her & learn but even after 4 years of marriage she is unable to take her responsibilities at home.She now also shows some unexpected behaviour like laughing unnecessarily & speaking to herself most of the times while working or sitting at any public place, shop etc which makes me very embarassing. After seeing all this,I took her to the Hospital (Medical College in Lucknow) for check up where the doctors told me that she has Scheophrenia ( mental depression) for which medication will continue for a long time which has a deep rooted shock to me. She stayed twice with her parents 6-7 months in a year when I was at work on board merchant ships. Now again she is staying with her parents as we are unsure if anything goes wrong with her then her family will blame us. I want to give her divorce but don't know how to go for it ? At this age of 36 years will I get someone else or not is what coming in my mind ? Both of us are not talking neither our family members with each other. We don't have any child ,my father is handicapped senior citizen,mother also being old & makes difficult to manage at home. Can she ask for any alimony if I proceed for divorce now ? Please reply Thanks.
Ans: Dear Ravi,
Yes, it has been a very challenging time for you indeed; I can only imagine what you must be going through.
But when Empathy calls, you must realize that your wife is going through a very difficult life too. Living with Schizophrenia is hard for her and for her caregivers as well and the symptoms must be managed lifelong.
But what I don't understand is: Why did her family keep this fact away from you?
This could have been a decision point before the marriage was arranged. It is obvious that their job was to get her married at all costs; even if it meant LYING to you.
Anyway, I am not going to get into what she can and can't do as basic life skills as severe mental ailments can decapacitate the person from easy and obvious usual functions that a human being is expected to perform.

If you have decided on separation. kindly seek the advice of a good lawyer who can check every angle that is fair to you and your wife. And take care of your mental health by not focusing on what could have happened but what can now happen. Kindly proceed on these lines.
Best wishes!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |590 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 19, 2023

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I'm 48 years old never married guy. I once suffered from rare cancer which is cured now. Also hv epilepsy whose treatment will go life long. Doctor says that i should disclose my health issue with whom I'm thinking of getting married but no one takes talks further. I'm infact ready for divorcee or widow too but failed. Some ppl reject me as my salary is mot much, some says that i dont hv my own hm etc but i hv many friens who are getting less salary but are happily married. My whole family if highly educated although I'm also pg but still get rejected. My dad expired n was too worried for my marriage. Now my mother is with me n i dont know what to do. I hv spend approx 35k on matrimonial advertisements but got no success. Im currently in touch with girl for last 1+ year but dont know whether she likes me or not although i hd expressed my feelings to her many times but she never respond n get silent on that. Kindly help whether i should approach this girl or leave her. I like this girl very much. Should i still search for a bride or leave this issue. Kindly help.
Ans: Dear Shashank,

If you have been straightforward about your feelings for this woman and expressed the same and yet she has never reciprocated it even once so far, it might be because she does not feel the same about it. I'd suggest you talk to her about this. Instead of leaving it open-ended, like "I like you," and letting her react to it, be direct. For instance, "I like you. What about you? Do you like me?" Being direct would definitively fetch you some real answers. If she replies to your question, there you go; you have your answer. If she ignores it still, you can safely assume that she doesn't feel the same way as you do. Don't delay this; ask her as soon as possible. Stretching a relationship that ultimately leads to a dead-end will harm your peace and happiness in the longer run.

..Read more

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My son got 95.299 percetile in jee mains. Didnt appear for advanced as he is preparing fot bits. He got CS business system in Thapar. Whats the best option through csab counselling. Whats the order of preference
Ans: With a JEE Main percentile of 95.2, your son is eligible for admission to several NITs and IIITs through CSAB counselling. His best options would be to prioritize NITs with strong computer science programs, followed by IIITs, and finally, GFTIs. A strong choice would be NITs like NIT Calicut, IIIT Allahabad, or VNIT Nagpur, followed by IIITs with CSE programs like IIITM Gwalior or IIIT Delhi.
Order of Preference for CSAB Counseling:
1. NITs with strong CSE programs:
Consider NIT Calicut, NIT Kurukshetra, SVNIT Surat, and VNIT Nagpur, as these are known for their good placements and infrastructure.
2. IIITs with CSE programs:
IIITs offer specialized computer science programs and are a good option if you're aiming for a career in software development or AI. Consider IIIT Allahabad, IIITM Gwalior, IIIT Delhi.
3. GFTIs (Government Funded Technical Institutes):
These are generally less prestigious than NITs and IIITs, but can still offer a good education. Consider COEP Pune or other GFTIs that have good placement records.
4. Thapar CS Business Systems:
While Thapar is a good institution, it's important to consider whether your son's interests align more with a traditional CS program or a more business-oriented one. He could also consider upgrading to a better CS program through CSAB if possible.
Important Considerations for CSAB Counseling:
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Carefully consider your son's interests and career goals when filling out his preferences. Don't just focus on the top-ranked colleges; also consider the specific programs and their faculty.
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Check the previous year's cut-offs for each college and program to understand the level of competition.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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