Home > Relationship > Question

Sign In | Create an account

Language:

Now in हिन्दी too

Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Love Guru | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by Anonymous on Jan 13, 2022Hindi

Listen

Relationship

Love Guru,
First let me tell you to be anonymous while publishing reply on this.
I am having multiple health problems that might lead to early death as well. I don't want to hide this from my life partner.
I'm in love with a girl, whom I can't marry as the law won't allow it under the Sapinda relationship (ed: referring to marriage between cousins within the Hindu community) clause. She too is madly in love with me.
Recently she met a boy, whom she thinks she can marry and settle.
I'm more than happy to hear that as I am not sure with my regularly weakening health condition, I can be with her for life.
I have already asked her to go forward with the marriage proposal.
I don't know if can live without her.
Somehow I'm getting a feeling that I'm running away from my responsibility. Not sure what to do.
Can you please advise?

Ans:

You’re not running away from responsibility, you’re sparing her the responsibility of playing caregiver to you as your health deteriorates and, more importantly, leaving her bereft of a life partner at a young age.

I’m sorry to hear that you have such severe issues but, as difficult as it is for you, I do think this is the right decision if you’re putting her happiness before yours.

The fact that she’s agreed to marry someone else also should also tell you that, inherently, even she is hesitant about your situation.

Moreover, there’s the Sapinda clause, legally speaking, which won’t permit you to marry... you haven’t disclosed just how closely the both of you are related here.

So, all circumstances considered, I think her moving on with someone else is in her best interests.

I wish you health and happiness.

RelationshipReply

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu Krishna |1639 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 14, 2023

Question by Ravi - Feb 13, 2023Hindi

Listen

Relationship

Hello,Mam Good day to you I have recently gone through your answers to various queries of several people so thought to ask you something which is pinching my heart daily. I married to a girl in April 2019 as an arranged one.I work on board merchant ships & have to stay away from home for several months(6-7) months & also being Manglik as per my horoscope details hence was finding difficult to get someone agreed for the marriage.However at the age of 32 years,I got married in 2019 without considering & giving much thought as I was frustrated with talking to so many families & denied by most of them due to above stated reasons. After marriage,I found her not been capable to take the responsibilities at home and much interested towards house chores or helping my parents at home.Many things were concealed by their parents & were just being hided.She is not able to cook food for the family,not able to read,write Hindi, English properly.My parents gave her enough support & tried to teach her & learn but even after 4 years of marriage she is unable to take her responsibilities at home.She now also shows some unexpected behaviour like laughing unnecessarily & speaking to herself most of the times while working or sitting at any public place, shop etc which makes me very embarassing. After seeing all this,I took her to the Hospital (Medical College in Lucknow) for check up where the doctors told me that she has Scheophrenia ( mental depression) for which medication will continue for a long time which has a deep rooted shock to me. She stayed twice with her parents 6-7 months in a year when I was at work on board merchant ships. Now again she is staying with her parents as we are unsure if anything goes wrong with her then her family will blame us. I want to give her divorce but don't know how to go for it ? At this age of 36 years will I get someone else or not is what coming in my mind ? Both of us are not talking neither our family members with each other. We don't have any child ,my father is handicapped senior citizen,mother also being old & makes difficult to manage at home. Can she ask for any alimony if I proceed for divorce now ? Please reply Thanks.

Ans: Dear Ravi,
Yes, it has been a very challenging time for you indeed; I can only imagine what you must be going through.
But when Empathy calls, you must realize that your wife is going through a very difficult life too. Living with Schizophrenia is hard for her and for her caregivers as well and the symptoms must be managed lifelong.
But what I don't understand is: Why did her family keep this fact away from you?
This could have been a decision point before the marriage was arranged. It is obvious that their job was to get her married at all costs; even if it meant LYING to you.
Anyway, I am not going to get into what she can and can't do as basic life skills as severe mental ailments can decapacitate the person from easy and obvious usual functions that a human being is expected to perform.

If you have decided on separation. kindly seek the advice of a good lawyer who can check every angle that is fair to you and your wife. And take care of your mental health by not focusing on what could have happened but what can now happen. Kindly proceed on these lines.
Best wishes!

Anu Krishna |1639 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 07, 2023

Question by P - Mar 03, 2023Hindi

Listen

Relationship

I am 42 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some compulsion they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot is still waiting for me and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.

Ans: Dear P,
This is a confused and confusing situation that you are in. Kindly do not confuse yourself any further. She might never be able to step out of her marriage and be with you. So, are you some kind of a 'spare' person? Are you willing to play a secondary role in someone's life when you have the chance to be the primary person in a well-defined relationship?
Being friends and supporting one another is one thing; but being in a relationship that has no structure invariably causes misunderstandings, anger, disappointments and more confusion.
When she is clear that she will stick by her marriage, let this be...why wouldn't you simply be a friend who also wants to create his own life.
It's nice to live in a fantasy world and assume that this kind of an engagement will work; it's far from the truth...You are worried about destroying her disturbed life; do look into what you are doing to your life as well. Chasing behind someone who is married and intends to be in it is like chasing a ghost that will never be seen or heard but will certainly cause anguish in some form to you.
Be wise, at 42, you still can build your life that is not dependent on someone else's emotions and boundaries. You deserve a good life; so create it.

All the best!

Ravi Mittal |612 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 19, 2023

Question by SHASHANK - May 12, 2023Hindi

Listen

Relationship

I'm 48 years old never married guy. I once suffered from rare cancer which is cured now. Also hv epilepsy whose treatment will go life long. Doctor says that i should disclose my health issue with whom I'm thinking of getting married but no one takes talks further. I'm infact ready for divorcee or widow too but failed. Some ppl reject me as my salary is mot much, some says that i dont hv my own hm etc but i hv many friens who are getting less salary but are happily married. My whole family if highly educated although I'm also pg but still get rejected. My dad expired n was too worried for my marriage. Now my mother is with me n i dont know what to do. I hv spend approx 35k on matrimonial advertisements but got no success. Im currently in touch with girl for last 1+ year but dont know whether she likes me or not although i hd expressed my feelings to her many times but she never respond n get silent on that. Kindly help whether i should approach this girl or leave her. I like this girl very much. Should i still search for a bride or leave this issue. Kindly help.

Ans: Dear Shashank,

If you have been straightforward about your feelings for this woman and expressed the same and yet she has never reciprocated it even once so far, it might be because she does not feel the same about it. I'd suggest you talk to her about this. Instead of leaving it open-ended, like "I like you," and letting her react to it, be direct. For instance, "I like you. What about you? Do you like me?" Being direct would definitively fetch you some real answers. If she replies to your question, there you go; you have your answer. If she ignores it still, you can safely assume that she doesn't feel the same way as you do. Don't delay this; ask her as soon as possible. Stretching a relationship that ultimately leads to a dead-end will harm your peace and happiness in the longer run.

Dr Ashish Sehgal | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2024

Question by P - Feb 09, 2024Hindi

Listen

Relationship

I am 43 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 13yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some reason they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she don't want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a condition to give our relationship a NAME in society. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide

Ans: I understand that you're in a complex and emotionally challenging situation. It's commendable that you want to support and ensure the happiness of the person you care about. However, it's crucial to consider your own well-being and emotional health as well.

Here are some steps you might want to consider:

Communication is key: Have an open and honest conversation with her about your feelings, concerns, and expectations. Understand her perspective as well. Clear communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Set boundaries: Determine what you're comfortable with and establish clear boundaries for your relationship. Consider the impact on both of your lives, and ensure that the arrangement is sustainable and healthy for both parties involved.

Consider professional help: Given the complexity of the situation, it might be beneficial for both of you to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor. They can provide support, help you navigate through challenging emotions, and offer practical advice on how to move forward.

Evaluate your own well-being: Reflect on your own needs, aspirations, and emotional health. It's important to prioritize your happiness and fulfillment as well. Consider how the situation might affect your overall life satisfaction.

Explore options: Depending on the circumstances, there might be ways for her to address the challenges in her marriage, such as seeking therapy, counseling, or discussing her concerns with her family. Encourage her to explore these options, and provide support where possible.

Ultimately, the decision on how to proceed is a personal one and depends on the dynamics of your relationship and the well-being of everyone involved. Taking the time to reflect, communicate openly, and seek professional guidance can be instrumental in making informed decisions. Remember to prioritize your own happiness and consider what is sustainable for both of you in the long run.

Latest Questions

Nayagam P P |8666 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 12, 2025Hindi

Career

My daughter can get thapar enc or dtu lower branches like environmental, production or biotech, she has no particular interest in any, please guide which will be the best

Ans: Thapar Institute’s Electronics & Communication Engineering programme is NBA- and ABET-accredited under a student-centric pedagogy with project-based learning, featuring 19 specialized labs (including VLSI, IoT, AI, and fiber-optics) led by Ph.D.-qualified faculty engaged in cutting-edge research and strong industry partnerships for internships and collaborative projects. Delhi Technological University’s Environmental Engineering holds NBA recognition and offers modern water-resources, air-quality, and waste-management labs, with a balanced curriculum and interdisciplinary electives; around 60–70% of Env students secure placements, and many pursue higher studies or roles in TERI, GAIL, and consulting firms. DTU’s Production Engineering leverages robust manufacturing and CAD/CAM facilities within the Mechanical department, adopts outcome-based learning, and sees approximately 40–45% early placements rising to 80–90% overall, supported by internships with Maruti Suzuki, L&T, and Siemens. Biotechnology at DTU provides core molecular-biology and bioprocess labs, active R&D collaborations, and about 50–70% placement consistency in pharmaceutical and biotech companies, though core recruitment remains limited and many students opt for higher education. All options offer NAAC A++ accreditation, digital-classroom infrastructure, active placement cells, and vibrant campus life.

Recommendation: Prioritize Thapar ECE for its top-tier accreditation, extensive laboratories, and sustained industry immersion; select DTU Environmental next for its balanced infrastructure and interdisciplinary focus; choose DTU Production for strong manufacturing labs and rising placement trends; opt for DTU Biotechnology last given limited core hiring and emphasis on further studies. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

Nayagam P P |8666 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

Question by Divyansha - Jul 12, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir I want to ask which one should I prefer JK Laxmipath University Jaipur or Pimpri Chinchwad University Pune for BTech CSE Program?

Ans: Both JK Lakshmipat University Jaipur and Pimpri Chinchwad University Pune maintain strong credentials for BTech CSE programmes. JK Lakshmipat University holds NAAC 'A' grade accreditation and features specialized AI/ML labs, with notable strategic partnerships with IIT Jammu, IIT Gandhinagar, IIIT Delhi, and global institutions offering semester exchange opportunities. Over the past three years, JKLU achieved consistently excellent placement rates with top recruiters including TCS, Infosys, NTPC, Flipkart, and Bosch, alongside robust faculty with PhD qualifications benchmarked to the 7th Pay Commission. Pimpri Chinchwad University, established under the Maharashtra government with NAAC 'A' grade status, operates through the Pimpri Chinchwad Education Trust and boasts modern infrastructure with computer labs, networking facilities, and Wi-Fi connectivity. PCU's centralized placement cell achieved notable results with companies like Uber, Amazon, TCS, and Infosys, recording an 80-85% placement consistency and a median CSE package of ?7.1 LPA.

Recommendation: Choose JK Lakshmipat University for its strategic IIT/IIIT partnerships, consistently strong placement record, and global exchange opportunities; opt for Pimpri Chinchwad University if you prioritize metropolitan industrial exposure, excellent infrastructure facilities, and strong industry connections within Pune's tech corridor. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

Nayagam P P |8666 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

Question by ANSHUMAN - Jul 12, 2025Hindi

Career

Hello Sir My son is getting Bioengineering At IIT Jodhpur. How is this branch? He wants to get into research in the field of AI-ML? How to plan for thsi?

Ans: Anshuman Sir, IIT Jodhpur’s B.Tech Bioengineering is NBA-accredited and integrates core biology with engineering, offering foundational courses in Signals & Systems and an Introduction to Machine Learning in the third semester alongside interdisciplinary electives in Computational Biology and Cognitive Science. The department operates state-of-the-art teaching and research labs—such as the Cell & Molecular Physiology Lab, which leverages AI-driven computational biology under its Science of Intelligence platform—and a Centre for Biophysics using cryo-EM and structural bioinformatics. Faculty hold Ph.D. credentials with collaborations across CSE and Mechanical Engineering, and active IDRP projects in Smart Healthcare and tumor biology foster translational research . Over the past three years, Bioengineering placement consistency has ranged from 76% to 100%, with internship eligibility from the fifth semester and major tech firms recruiting via a dedicated placement cell . The program’s emphasis on hands-on projects, industry partnerships, and cross-disciplinary expertise equips graduates for advanced AI-ML research and precision health applications.

Recommendation: For an AI-ML research trajectory, embrace IIT Jodhpur’s Bioengineering to build strong bio-data analytics expertise through its ML coursework and interdisciplinary labs. Complement the curriculum with elective projects in computational biology, secure internships in AI-centered healthcare startups, and engage in IDRP research groups to position for postgraduate AI-ML research roles abroad. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

Nayagam P P |8666 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

Question by Priyanshi - Jul 12, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir my daughter got cse in graphic era deemed to be uni and cse in chandigarh university. Which one should she choose??

Ans: Priyanshi Madam, Both Graphic Era University (Deemed to be) in Dehradun and Chandigarh University hold strong reputations in computer science education, yet they differ significantly in scale, placement outcomes, and institutional focus. Graphic Era University, established in 1996, carries NAAC A+ accreditation and seven NBA-accredited programmes including Computer Science & Engineering, with specialized laboratories for AI/ML, high-performance computing, and cloud technologies, supported by Amazon partnership making it India's first Gen AI campus. The university features distinguished faculty with PhD qualifications from IITs, NITs, and foreign universities, maintains industry collaborations with Tata Technologies, IBM, and global universities for student exchange programmes, and achieved a CSE placement rate of approximately 75-85% over the past three years with top packages reaching ?54.03 LPA from companies like Google, Microsoft, and Amazon. Chandigarh University, established in 2012, became the youngest private university to secure NAAC A+ grade in the first cycle and holds both NBA and ABET accreditations for engineering programmes. The university operates across a 150-acre campus with 30+ industry-sponsored R&D labs, maintains MOUs with global giants including Google, Microsoft, IBM, and 900+ recruiting companies, and demonstrated exceptional CSE placement performance with 2,030 CSE students placed in 2024, achieving 90% overall placement consistency and packages up to ?54.75 LPA domestically and ?1.7 crores internationally.

Recommendation Choose Chandigarh University CSE for its superior placement statistics, larger industry network with 900+ recruiters, extensive ABET-NBA dual accreditation, and significantly higher scale of operations; select Graphic Era University CSE if you prefer a smaller cohort environment, established faculty credentials, and focused research opportunities within a traditional deemed university framework. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

Nayagam P P |8666 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

Question by Sivachandra - Jul 12, 2025Hindi

Career

Hi Sir, My Son got Civil Engineering in IIT Kharagpur, this is better course or not? What is the features and better pack

Ans: Sivachandra Sir, I have already answered your question. If any recent developments have taken place as far as admissions are concerned, please let us know to answer. Thanks.

Nayagam P P |8666 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 11, 2025Hindi

Career

Hi sir, I am getting BITS Hyderabad Msc Chemistry(bitsat marks -222) after bitsat iteration 1. Is there any chance that I may get Msc maths/physics after iteration 5/6 since I have put those above msc chemistry in my priority list. Also shall I go with nit DGP electrical or bits h

Ans: I have already answered your question. If any recent developments have taken place as far as admissions are concerned, please let us know to answer. Thanks.

Nayagam P P |8666 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2025Hindi

Career

Can I get nit or iit I got 60k sc rank??

Ans: I have already answered your question. If any recent developments have taken place as far as admissions are concerned, please let us know to answer. Thanks.

Nayagam P P |8666 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir, my jee rank crl is 191000 and obc 65k. I am getting iiit manipur cse with specialisation and bit mesra patna and deoghar off campus in csab rounds. I am also getting csvtu cse specialisation in the same. I am also getting iet lucknow chemical engineering in aktu along with kiet, akgec, gl bajaj, lucknow university amd iert allahbad cse core in aktu. Sir pls help me choose the best college in terms of placements, coding culture, internships etc.

Ans: I have already answered your question. If any recent developments have taken place as far as admissions are concerned, please let us know to answer. Thanks.

Kanchan Rai |617 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 12, 2025

Question by Prashant - Jul 09, 2025Hindi

Relationship

Waiting for your answer

Ans: can you pls repeat your question

Kanchan Rai |617 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 12, 2025

Question by prasanna - Jul 11, 2025Hindi

Relationship

Please reply to my question

Ans: can you please repeat your question

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Video Reply
Audio Reply

WhatsApp
Facebook
Twitter
Copy link

Delete

Close

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus

Sign up

email

uname

mobile no

Country Code

Mobile number

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

LOGIN

x