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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Rohit Question by Rohit on Apr 13, 2023Hindi
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I am 20 yrs old. I had relationship with a girl for 2years, whom I loved the most. But she cheated me by having sex with other guys. I don't know why she did this to me. I am totally depressed. Not getting rid of her from my mind. Please help.

Ans: Dear Rohit,

I am sorry to hear that. No one should have to go through such an experience. And it is absolutely normal that you are feeling low; you were in love and it isn't easy to forget someone you held dear so quickly. There's nothing that I can say to make you feel better, but here are the facts; you are lucky you found out about it before it's too late, you are worth more than what you have been given, and most importantly, time heals all wounds. But if it's getting increasingly difficult to cope with the situation, to even understand that what happened, though terrible, was a blessing in disguise, I suggest you talk to someone, a close friend or family member or even better, a professional who can truly guide you through these tough times.

Just remember, one day this incident will be a thing that happened in the distant past, and you'll be glad you did not end up with a person who made you feel the way you are feeling now.

Focus on your well-being. Grab a cup of coffee with your best friend; share your sorrow, it helps. Go on a trip to make your mind off this. Allow yourself to feel all the grief and soon the intensity of it will reduce. Trust me, it will get better soon.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 17, 2025
Relationship
I am 36 married and have children. My life was going very well untill a girl who was my junior collegue married with children showed an interest in me as i was her senior some seven years back. The girl kept on keeping in touch with me then and one fine day i expressed my romantic interest in her. She reciprocated. We had some physical then and no sex happened. She kept in touch with me and we exchanged few sex chats too. In this period i helped girl officially. All stopped suddenly three years back where the girl was back to her home place. I felt very disturbed. I wanted to have sex with her but the girl rarely responds now. I send her messages some times but reply is very measured. I lost interest in having sex with my wife gradually. My question is i feel cheated now. I want to know how to get over her thoughts. I still want to have sex with her but there is no interest for her. I am not able to do sex with other woman too as my mind is deeply engrossed in her thoughts still. Please help.
Ans: The first step to getting over her thoughts is to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It's okay to feel hurt, rejected, or confused. You're not alone in this, and these emotions are a natural part of the human experience. However, continuing to chase after someone who isn't reciprocating your feelings is only prolonging your pain.

You need to accept that she has moved on, even if she did show interest in the past. People’s feelings and circumstances change, and it’s likely that she decided to prioritize her family and her life away from you. Holding on to the desire to be with her is preventing you from moving forward. It’s crucial to let go of the fantasy of what could have been and focus on the reality of the situation.

To start the healing process, consider cutting off all communication with her. Continuing to reach out, even if it's just occasionally, keeps the wound open. Delete her contact information, block her on social media, and avoid places or situations that might remind you of her. It may seem extreme, but it’s a necessary step to break the cycle of obsessive thoughts.

Reconnecting with your own life is the next important step. Reflect on your marriage and figure out what led to the emotional distance with your wife. Was it purely because of the attraction to this other woman, or were there underlying issues in your marriage before that? Understanding this can help you decide how to move forward, whether it's by working on rebuilding intimacy with your wife or seeking couples' counseling to address any unresolved issues.

It’s also vital to focus on yourself. Engage in activities that you enjoy, pursue new hobbies, and spend quality time with your children. Sometimes, redirecting emotional energy into positive experiences helps to lessen the emotional grip someone has over you.

If the thoughts about her continue to dominate your mind, or if you’re struggling with feelings of guilt, sadness, or anger, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you process these emotions, explore the reasons behind your attachment, and guide you toward healing and self-acceptance.

Remember, it’s not just about moving on from her but also about rediscovering yourself and finding fulfillment in your life and marriage once again. You're not alone, and it's okay to seek help when you're feeling stuck.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10872 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Sir/Ma'am, I need some guidance and advice for continuing my mutual fund investments. I am a 36 year old male, married, no kids yet and no debts/liabilities as such. I have couple of savings in PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and long term investing in direct stocks. I recently started below mentioned SIPs for long term to grow wealth. Request you to review the same and let me know if I should continue with the SIPs or need to rationalize. Kindly also advice on how to invest a lumpsum amount of around 6lacs. invesco small cap 2000 motilal oswal midcap 2700 parag parikh flexicap 3000 HDFC flexicap 3100 ICICI prudential largecap 3100 HDFC large and midcap 3100 HDFC gold etf FOF 2000 ICICI Pru equity and debt fund 3000 HDFC balanced advantage fund 3000 nippon india silver etf FOF 2000
Ans: You already built a solid foundation. Many investors delay planning. But you started early at 36. That gives you a strong advantage. You have no liabilities. You have long term thinking. You also have diversified savings like PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and direct stocks. That shows clarity and discipline. This approach builds wealth with less stress over time.

You also started systematic investments in equity funds. That is a positive step. Your selection covers multiple categories like large cap, mid cap, small cap, flexi cap, hybrid and precious metals. So the intent is right. You are trying to create a broad portfolio. That gives balance.

» Your Portfolio Composition Understanding
Your current SIP list includes:

Small cap

Mid cap

Flexi cap

Large cap

Large and mid cap

Hybrid category

Gold and Silver FoF

Equity and Debt allocation fund

Dynamic hybrid fund

This shows you are trying to cover many segments. But too many categories can create overlap. When there is overlap, you get confusion during review. It also makes portfolio discipline difficult. You may think you are diversified. But the holdings inside may repeat. That reduces efficiency.

Your portfolio now looks like:

Equity dominant

Hybrid for stability

Metals for hedge

So the broad direction is fine. But simplifying helps in long-term habit building.

» Fund Category Duplication
You hold:

Two flexi cap funds

One large and mid cap fund

One pure large cap fund

One mid cap fund

One small cap fund

Flexi cap funds already invest across large, mid, small. Then large and mid also overlaps. So the large cap exposure gets repeated. That may not add extra benefit. But it increases monitoring complexity.

So I suggest rationalising. Keep one fund per category in core. Keep satellite space for only high conviction.

» Core and Satellite Strategy
A structured portfolio follows core and satellite method.

Core portfolio should be:

Simple

Long term

Stable

Satellite portfolio can be:

High growth

Concentrated

Based on your thinking level, you can structure like this:

Core funds:

One large cap

One flexi cap

One hybrid equity and debt fund

One balanced advantage type fund

Satellite funds:

One mid cap

One small cap

One metal allocation if needed

This division gives clarity. You can continue SIPs with review every year. No need to stop and restart often. That reduces behavioural mistakes.

» Your Current SIP List Review with Suggested Streamlining

You can consider continuing:

One flexi cap

One large cap

One mid cap

One small cap

One balanced advantage

One equity and debt hybrid

You may reconsider keeping both flexi caps and both gold silver funds. One of each category is enough. Because too many funds do not increase returns. It complicates tracking.

Precious metal funds should not be more than 5 to 7 percent in your portfolio. This is because metals are hedge assets. They do not create compounding like equity. They act as protection during cycles. So keep them small.

» How to Use the Rs 6 Lakh Lump Sum
You asked about lump sum investing. This is important. Lump sum should not go fully into equity at one time. Markets move in cycles. So use a staggered method. You can invest the lump sum through STP (Systematic Transfer Plan). You can keep the amount in a liquid fund and set STP toward your chosen growth funds over 6 to 12 months.

This reduces timing risk. It also creates discipline. So your Rs 6 lakh can be deployed gradually. You may use 50% towards core equity funds and 30% toward satellite growth category. The remaining 20% can go into hybrid category. This gives balance and comfort.

» Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
One important point many investors miss. Direct funds look cheaper. But they demand deep knowledge, discipline, and behaviour control. Most investors lose more through emotional selling and wrong timing than they save on expense ratio.

With regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor with Certified Financial Planner qualification, you get guidance, structure and correction. The advisory discipline protects you during market extremes. That is more valuable than a small saving in expense ratio.

A personalised planner also tracks portfolio drift, rebalancing need and category shifts. So regular fund investing gives long-term benefit and behaviour coaching.

» Actively Managed Funds over Index or ETF
Some investors choose index funds or ETF thinking they are simple and cheap. But they ignore drawbacks.

Index funds or ETF will not avoid weak companies in the index. They will invest whether the company grows or struggles. There is no fund manager decision making. So when markets are at peak, index funds continue aggressive exposure. In downturns also they fall fully. There is no cushion.

Actively managed funds work with research teams. They can avoid bad sectors. They can shift allocation based on market and economy. Over long term, this gives better alpha and stability. So continuing with actively managed funds creates better wealth compounding.

» SIP Continuation Strategy
Once the rationalisation is done, continue SIPs every month without interruption. Pause and restart behaviour damages compounding power. SIP works best when you go through all market cycles. You benefit more during corrections because cost averaging works.

So continue SIP amount. You can also review SIP increase every year based on income. Increasing SIP by 10 to 15 percent every year helps you reach large corpus faster.

» Asset Allocation Based Approach
One key point in wealth creation is having the right asset mix. Equity gives growth. Hybrid gives balance. Metals give hedge. Debt gives safety. Your asset allocation should stay aligned to your risk profile and time horizon.

Since you are young and have long term horizon, higher equity allocation is fine. But as time moves, rebalancing is important. Rebalancing protects gains and restores allocation.

So review your asset allocation every year or during major life events like child birth, home buying or retirement planning.

» Behaviour Management
Many portfolios fail not due to bad funds. They fail due to bad decisions. Selling during correction. Stopping SIP when market falls. Chasing past return performance. These mistakes reduce wealth.

Your discipline so far is good. Continue to stay patient during volatility. Equity rewards patience and time.

» Financial Goals Clarity
Since you have no children now, you can decide your long-term goals. Typical goals may include:

Retirement

Future child education

Dream lifestyle purchase

Health care reserves

When goals are clear, investment purpose becomes stronger. So you can map each fund category to goal horizon. Short-term goals should not use equity. Long-term goals should use equity with hybrid support.

» Role of Review and Monitoring
Review once in a year is enough. Frequent review can create anxiety. Annual review helps check:

Fund performance

Expense drift

Category relevance

Allocation balance

Then adjust only if needed. This progress helps you stay confident and aligned.

» Taxation Awareness
Equity mutual funds taxation rules are:

Short term (below one year holding) taxable at 20 percent

Long term (above one year holding) gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxable at 12.5 percent

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

So always hold equity funds for long term. That reduces tax impact and gives better growth.

» SIP Increase Plan
You can create a simple plan to increase SIP over time. For example:

Increase SIP at every salary increment

Increase SIP during bonus time

Use rewards or extra income for investing

This habit accelerates wealth. So by the time you reach 45 to 50 years, your investments could reach a strong level.

» Insurance and Protection
Before investing large, ensure you have term insurance and health insurance. If not already done, it is important. Insurance protects wealth. Without insurance, even a small medical event can impact investment plan. So review this part also. Since you are married, cover both.

» Wealth Behaviour Mindset
You are already disciplined. Just keep these simple principles:

Invest without stopping

Review once a year

Avoid funds overlap

Follow asset allocation

Avoid reacting to media noise

This helps you reach long term milestones.

» Finally
You are on the right track. Only fine tuning and simplification is needed. Your discipline is visible. Your portfolio will grow well with structure, patience and periodic review. Use the Rs 6 lakh with STP approach. And continue SIP with rationalised categories.

With time and consistency, wealth creation becomes effortless and peaceful. You just need to stay committed and avoid overthinking during market movements.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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