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Heartbroken with Cheating Girlfriend: Seeking Advice at 30

Anu Krishna |1745 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi

Relationship

My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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I had a relationship of 3 years. It was going good , we have a battle for not talking as I as busy in my hectic schedule of job. but then also she had done the effort to not to give up in relationship. But at the mid of job only suddenly I get to know she had a relationship earlier also of 3 yrs after knowing this it was completely a disaster for me and she had a physical relationship with him. Which is like shivering for me that day and upto the week even I am not able to focus on the things as I loved her too. As I love her I have scolded her so much to not to tell before.Now I am at a stage where I had some memories I was being a good connection either it is of intimacy emotions . But the things she has gone is killing me though I love her it is having a different feeling What to do now.

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My married ex still texts me for comfort. Because of him, I am unable to move on. He makes me feel guilty by saying he got married out of family pressure. His dad is a cardiac patient and mom is being treated for cancer. He comforts me by saying he will get separated soon and we will get married because he only loves me. We have been in a relationship for 14 years and despite everything we tried, his parents refused to accept me, so he chose to get married to someone who understands our situation. I don't know when he will separate from his wife. She knows about us too but she comes from a traditional family. She also confirmed there is no physical intimacy between them. I trust him, but is it worth losing my youth for him? Honestly, I am worried and very confused.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how difficult it is to let go of a relationship you have built from scratch, but is it really how you want to continue? It really seems to be going nowhere. His parents are already in bad health and he married someone else for their happiness. Does it seem like he will be able to leave her? So many people’s happiness and lives depend on this one decision. I think it’s about time you and your BF have a clear conversation about the same. If he can’t give a proper timeline, please try to understand his situation. But also make sure he understands yours and maybe rethink this equation. It really isn’t healthy. You deserve a love you can have wholly, and not just in pieces, and in the shadows.

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Hi Anu, My husband doesn't do house chores. We both work full-time, but I still end up cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. When I ask for help, my partner will say, ‘Just tell me what to do,’ but then he conveniently forgets. Maybe he doesn't like it or he is genuinely forgetful. I have tried many ways to make him explain. Once I only did my share of laundry to make him realise but he simply ignored. Every week this pattern repeats. Is this normal? How can married couples divide responsibilities fairly to avoid fights?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Every home has a different routine and share of responsibilities. So, there's no standard norm to challenge it as normal or not!
So, if you want your husband to pitch in, then say it in clear terms, especially since he has told you to tell him what to do.
Once you have told him, do make sure to ask him: Will you find it convenient to do it now or later? If later, when?
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
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Feeling alone in the world and iam not having any close friends everybody is busy with their works and family, help me what to do

Ans: Dear Santosh,
Everybody has a life and so do you; build your life the way that you want...
Start attending weekend events or any social gathering in the city/town that you live in; even a smile or a hi, hello can be start to a good association when you can further discuss and chat on mutual interests and hobbies.
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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