My 13-year-old son is starting to ask questions about sex and relationships. While I want to be open and honest, I'm unsure how to navigate these sensitive conversations and ensure he has accurate information and make healthy choices.

Ans: Hello. As a parent, I can understand your hurt, disappointment and fear.

It's natural to feel betrayed when your child deceives you and engages in risky behaviour.

Here are some steps you can take to set clear boundaries and help your 14-year-old make responsible choices:

1. Talk about the lies and sneaking out

Once you've calmed down, initiate a conversation without yelling or shaming. Explain how his actions have affected you and why trust is crucial in your relationship.

Set consequences. Grounding or restricting technology access are some options. Be clear about the duration and expectations.

Encourage him to express his feelings and motivation for sneaking out. Listen actively without judgment and validate his emotions.

Emphasise safety. Address the dangers of unsupervised parties and explain why knowing his whereabouts is important for his safety and your peace of mind.

2. Address the vaping

Stay informed. Educate yourself about the risks of vaping, its health impacts, and potential addiction.
Have an open conversation. Discuss the dangers of vaping openly and calmly. Share your concerns and listen to his reasons for trying it.

Set clear expectations. Clearly state your disapproval about vaping. Explain the consequences of continuing, emphasizing both health and disciplinary considerations. Ask him to stop doing it.

Let him know you're there to help him quit the habit. Explore resources like hotlines, support groups or therapists specialising in teen substance abuse.

3. What you can also do

Have a safe space for open communication where he can express his thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. Regular, open communication builds trust and allows you to guide him through challenges.

Establish clear expectations for behaviour, homework, chores and technology use. Discuss them openly and ensure he understands the reasoning behind them.

Acknowledge and praise responsible choices and positive behaviour. Reinforce positive actions to encourage him to make good decisions.

Teach him healthy coping mechanisms for stress, peer pressure and difficult emotions. Encourage activities like sports, hobbies or creative outlets.

Lead by example. Be mindful of your own behaviour and choices. Teens learn by observing so be conscious about how you behave.

Remember, this process takes time and patience. Be consistent, stay calm and be open to working together with your son to build trust and encourage responsible choices. If you feel overwhelmed or need additional support, seeking professional guidance from a family therapist or counsellor can be very helpful.

Ans: First, choose a moment when you both are having an open and comfortable discussion about personal values, lifestyle choices, or habits. Instead of making it a big, serious revelation, introduce it naturally and with confidence. You could say something like:

"I believe in being upfront about certain things so that there are no misunderstandings later. I do enjoy a drink socially and smoke occasionally when I feel like it. I know some people have strong views on these things, so I wanted to be clear about it from the start. It’s not a regular part of my life, but it’s something I do on my terms."

By stating it this way, you’re presenting it as a personal choice rather than something that defines your character. If he reacts negatively, stay calm and give him space to process. If he has concerns, listen without being defensive, and let the conversation flow naturally. The goal isn’t to seek approval but to ensure compatibility and mutual respect.

Would you like help in phrasing it based on his background or personality?

Ans: At 17, he’s at an age where he’s forming his own opinions, and if you try to restrict or overly monitor him, he may just push back harder. The best approach is to have an open, respectful conversation with him rather than making it seem like you’re trying to police him.

Start by acknowledging his interests instead of dismissing them outright. You could ask him what he likes about Ranveer Allahbadia or India’s Got Latent—not in a confrontational way, but out of genuine curiosity. If he feels heard, he’s more likely to listen to your perspective as well.

Once he opens up, steer the conversation toward critical thinking. Talk to him about how media, especially social media, has biases. Encourage him to question what he watches, look at different perspectives, and fact-check before forming strong opinions. Instead of outright saying something is wrong or misleading, help him analyze things logically. You could even watch an episode with him and then discuss what parts made sense and what seemed exaggerated or one-sided.

Since he’s about to turn 18, it’s important to equip him with the ability to think for himself rather than simply filtering his content now. If he sees that you trust him to make informed decisions, he will be more open to discussions with you in the future. Instead of monitoring his internet usage, focus on fostering a mindset where he self-monitors what he consumes.