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Girl I Love Keeps Leaving, Should I Wait or Give Up?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |298 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 07, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Ojo Question by Ojo on Aug 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I've been on and off with this girl i really love , she never committed fully but has always been exclusive.. she broke off in may but due to some problems with her family, I helped her which made us very close .. I asked her if this will happen again she said it won't .. 2 months passed and now she has broken up again saying she wants to focus on CAT exam which she has taken drop year for .. I helped her family, her in everything financially and emotionally but she left again even after seeing I am in love with her .. after all I've done she keeps leaving, saying she needs to focus on exam and isn't sure about me even now or in future ... Should I wait or just give up on her totally

Ans: Dear Ojo,

You sound like an amazing person. You loved, you supported and you have been as giving as anyone should be. But now, it is time to focus on yourself. You deserve someone who loves you exactly as much as you do. You deserve to be chosen over everything else every once in a while. I cannot ask you to move on; that's up to you. But, I can tell you that understand your worth. Is this all you want from life? Is this all you deserve? If you answer honestly, I think you would know what's the right thing to do here.

Best Wishes.
Asked on - Aug 07, 2024 | Answered on Aug 08, 2024
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Thank you so much , i understand ..after all I did .. wait for her at hospital, pick her up from the hospital at 6 am or wait 2 hours outside hospital... I always felt i deserved more from her side I am not able to move on because I feel very unfinished..feels like she owns me peace and affection for all I did atleast once by being properly in a relationship with me ,that's what makes it hard to move on
Ans: Dear Ojo,

I understand it is hard to move on, especially without proper closure. But life is unfair at times. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself. It's time you give the same love and care to yourself. Spend time with your close friends and family, who love you and prioritize you. Find new hobbies, follow your passion, and generally do things that make you happy. Right now, you might think that she is the only thing that can make you happy. But, that will pass. She chose herself, which is fine. Now, you should too. I am sure you will come out of this soon.

Best wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1160 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

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Hey ma'am, I got into a relationship with a girl in 2019. In the beginning it was all good. We both were committed to each other and we always promised each other of marrying but then I cheated on her. She was still with me and forgave me and we moved on. But then lockdown happened and I thought if we can't meet then we should at least be connected virtually most of the time so that she doesn't think I don't love her anymore.She got irritated by it because her mental peace was not okay in lockdown and I thought I should support her by calling her and texting her all the time. And now 6 months ago in December 2021 she blocked me. I tried to sort it but couldn't communicate. Three months ago we communicated and she told me everything how she got irritated and I told her that it’s both our fault that we didn't communicate. So now when I know I was at fault can we start again?? She is saying now I am looking for someone better. I love her ma'am. And I am still committed to marry her. All her friends, her family, her sister know that I love her so much and they want us to be together but she is just blindly saying she wants someone else. I can't live like this. Everyone in our circle says the way I handle her mood swings and all no one can do that. But I don’t know how to make her realise.To be honest ma'am I don't want to lose her. I love her ma'am. Kindly help me ma'amThanks
Ans:

Dear MP,

It might be a message from her to you to move on.

It could be because of her losing trust on you. Lockdown has changed the way that we think, feel and act and most of us have had a major overhaul in our lives.

You might have to win her trust back rather than just thinking that you love her and that she must understand this.

Maybe she is still hurt which means you need to go that extra mile to rebuild your relationship.

But if she has moved on and wishes that you move on as well, kindly respect this and move on.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1160 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

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Hey ma'am, I got into a relationship with a girl in 2019. In the beginning it was all good. We both were committed to each other and we always promised each other of marrying but then I cheated on her. She was still with me and forgave me and we moved on. But then lockdown happened and I thought if we can't meet then we should at least be connected virtually most of the time so that she doesn't think I don't love her anymore.She got irritated by it because her mental peace was not okay in lockdown and I thought I should support her by calling her and texting her all the time. And now 6 months ago in December 2021 she blocked me. I tried to sort it but couldn't communicate. Three months ago we communicated and she told me everything how she got irritated and I told her that it’s both our fault that we didn't communicate. So now when I know I was at fault can we start again?? She is saying now I am looking for someone better. I love her ma'am. And I am still committed to marry her. All her friends, her family, her sister know that I love her so much and they want us to be together but she is just blindly saying she wants someone else. I can't live like this. Everyone in our circle says the way I handle her mood swings and all no one can do that. But I don’t know how to make her realise.To be honest ma'am I don't want to lose her. I love her ma'am. Kindly help me ma'amThanks
Ans:

Dear MP,

It might be a message from her to you to move on.

It could be because of her losing trust on you. Lockdown has changed the way that we think, feel and act and most of us have had a major overhaul in our lives.

You might have to win her trust back rather than just thinking that you love her and that she must understand this.

Maybe she is still hurt which means you need to go that extra mile to rebuild your relationship.

But if she has moved on and wishes that you move on as well, kindly respect this and move on.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1160 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 23, 2022

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |298 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2023

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I started a relationship with a girl. First we thought it just a relationship no marriage. But as days going we fell deep into each other that we cant live without each other. I found one thing that she loving more than needed. Im so scared of her, what will she do if i run out of her life for my marriage. This thought killed me. So I decided to leave her without telling a reason. I left her with a small issue. I really dont want to loose but i had to. I just said good bye, she also said good bye. Later i never texted her. She too never texted me. But after 2 months i felt guilty of leaving so i came back to her. Previously her parents decided to marry her to their son in law. I know this when were in relationship. So after our breakup i came back to her. But she said no to me because she is committed with her brother in law. I cant take this. Its killing me. After i said good bye she never tried to contact me for patch-up. Even no texts. Her brother in law told her that im ready to marry you. So she too said i too like you and im also ready to marry you. But their marriage will happen in 2026. I told her that untill marriage please be with me and this is our deal when we started our relationship. But she said no. I begged her many times but she always said no to me. And still now i cant believe that she said no to me. All this happened 3 months ago but still i cant forget her. Recently she deleted my number also. Everything making me feel low. What should i do now?
Ans: Dear Srikanth,

To me, it sounds like you broke up with her. No, you ghosted her. How you put her on trial isn't clear to me, given the fact that you stopped contacting her after a mere goodbye and no proper explanation. Why did she not try to contact you? Maybe she has enough self-respect to restrain herself from doing so; I cannot speak for her but judging the events, you were the one who broke up and you need to own up to it.

Moving on to her deciding to get married- I am assuming she told you she's happy to marry her intended; if so, please accept the reality and move on. Next, why is she not agreeing to be in a relationship with you till the time she gets married? To expect otherwise from any sane, self-respecting person is delusional.

You knew that the two of you could not end up together and took a decision; immature as it was, your intentions were good. Similarly, your ex chose to move on. I don't see either of you making any considerable mistakes here. Both were right in their ways, except for the "you leaving her without a word" part. It is time you move on, and let her live her life in peace. You might feel low for a while, but nothing feels worse than hurting the people you once loved, and compelling your ex to commit to you when she doesn't want to is the same as hurting her. Make the right choices.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |298 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 26 years old. Doing job in an Mnc, earning decent enough for me and my family. I had a breakup in my early 20s with my long term girlfriend from my school days, since then I am single. Last year I met a girl at the office gym, she works in a different department. We both speak the same language so she approached me and my friend and gave her number. Then we became good friends, used to hangout everything. Even though she had a boyfriend she used to get jealous seeing me with other female friends. 3 months back, her bf married to some other girl of his cast and dumped her. She had physical relationship with her bf as she told but i never had physical with anyone. She used to come and cry in front of me and asked me once as well whether i loved her or not. I ignored as i knew she is just seeing me as an option. Nowadays she is avoiding me a lot giving excuses like she is busy and all and I feel she went into a relationship and just breadcrumbing me because of attention. I also stopped giving her free attention and barely call. But my heart still miss her. I know I don't love her and don't wanna be with her in future as she is very manipulative but being very lonely myself with no friends she used to fill a void in my life. I want her presence, attention, and maybe want to do physical with her casually as she is that type of girl who can get laid easily with someone she likes. What shall I do? I am unable to move on from this and it is affecting my career. Also I want a stable relationship with whom I can have a good future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

The answer to your question is right there in the question. You do not want her; you want her attention which will feed your ego. It's not love and you know it. If you pursue a casual or serious relationship, chances are one or both of you will get hurt. Now, you mentioned that you want a stable relationship. You should start by focusing on that.

One more thing- it is not up to us to judge someone and call them names like "that type of girl." Wanting to hook up with her casually because you think she'll let you should then make you "that type of boy." These are baseless labels and it's best not to hurl these insults at people. Focus on yourself. Find a date- you can ask your friends to set you up, or family, or you can try out a dating app. Mention that you want a serious relationship; it can increase your chances of finding the right match.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |298 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 16, 2024

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Hii sir ! This is ritika and I love a boy and we are in relationship since 7 years but there are some behavior of him he always have doubt on me that I am dating another boy he always says that start you screenshare in WhatsApp I even do because I don't want to lose him and he saw all of things of my phone yesterday he again asking for that and I do and there was a tab of instagram which was belongs to my roommate it was her I'd open in my chrome browser where she only wants to delete the I'd which she did from my phone these instagram thing happened approx one year ago but when he saw this I told him that was not mine but he continuously said I am cheater I cheated with him again he was like I know you have two mobile phones and you cheated with me. I love him soo much but he cannot try to accept that . Even I don't talk to my male classmate because he didn't want ki main kisi boy se baat karu Is it fair , am I cheater ? I love him unconditionally I support him in all his career or decision but again he was like I cheated with him we are in long distance relationship but I can't cheat him . Literally I am feeling depressed ????
Ans: Dear Ritika,

Please understand that you did nothing wrong. Why would you even question yourself? You know you never cheated. It's his issue that he cannot trust. Yes, in a relationship we all try to comfort our partners but that too should be to a certain extent. And, in that process, if your mental health is being compromised, I don't see how it's a healthy relationship.

I don't want to tell you what to do, but I would reassure you that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You don't need to prove yourself anymore. And I can also assure you that no matter what you do, he will still manage to find some flaws and doubt you. It's a typical behavior we see in some partners. You deserve peace, love, and above all, to be trusted.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

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