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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by Manvander on Aug 11, 2022Hindi

Hey ma'am, I got into a relationship with a girl in 2019. In the beginning it was all good.
We both were committed to each other and we always promised each other of marrying but then I cheated on her.
She was still with me and forgave me and we moved on.
But then lockdown happened and I thought if we can't meet then we should at least be connected virtually most of the time so that she doesn't think I don't love her anymore.
She got irritated by it because her mental peace was not okay in lockdown and I thought I should support her by calling her and texting her all the time.
And now 6 months ago in December 2021 she blocked me.
I tried to sort it but couldn't communicate.
Three months ago we communicated and she told me everything how she got irritated and I told her that it’s both our fault that we didn't communicate.
So now when I know I was at fault can we start again?? She is saying now I am looking for someone better.
I love her ma'am. And I am still committed to marry her.
All her friends, her family, her sister know that I love her so much and they want us to be together but she is just blindly saying she wants someone else.
I can't live like this. Everyone in our circle says the way I handle her mood swings and all no one can do that. But I don’t know how to make her realise.
To be honest ma'am I don't want to lose her. I love her ma'am. Kindly help me ma'am
Thanks

Ans:

Dear MP,

It might be a message from her to you to move on.

It could be because of her losing trust on you. Lockdown has changed the way that we think, feel and act and most of us have had a major overhaul in our lives.

You might have to win her trust back rather than just thinking that you love her and that she must understand this.

Maybe she is still hurt which means you need to go that extra mile to rebuild your relationship.

But if she has moved on and wishes that you move on as well, kindly respect this and move on.

All the best!

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Love Guru | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

Question by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2022Hindi

Hi Love Guru. Please keep my identity as anonymous as possible. I have few issues going on in my mind and want your suggestions. First, to get out of block and unblock chain. I met a girl who is my brother’s friend in 2017. We started chatting on FB, then exchanged numbers. We had a rapport till six months. There was a unique attachment between us during that period. Not chatting with her for even one day would make me uneasy. In October 2017, her engagement was fixed. I was normal, knowing that there cannot be much between us except being in contact. One day, at the end of our talk, she said, Love you. I laughed, saying “What nonsense that you always call me with different weird names. Now, after your engagement is fixed, you are telling me this.” Then, she blocked me on WhatsApp and I really felt like I was in a cage. Then, after a few days, she unblocked me. She got engaged but, after a few months, her engagement broke. We then again got in good contact. After few months her marriage got fixed. Now she is married. After her marriage, our contact was very, very less as priorities changed. I proceeded with my studies and job and she carried on with her personal and professional life. Two months back, she called me and said I am bored and feeling irritated with life so I called you to freshen my mind. I was also happy talking to her. I am that kind of introvert person who opens up with few and she was among them. For one or two weeks, we used to talk 30 to 45 minutes daily. Suddenly, she blocked me on WhatsApp. I called her and she behaved like a stranger to me -- like who’s this, I don’t know you, who you are and she ended the call and blocked me. Till date, she has blocked me. I think there are many things she is hiding from me -- from why her first engagement broke to marring another guy who is not of her caste when she is from a conservative family Post her engagement, there were many times she blocked and unblocked me. She is running in my mind. I want to get rid of her. Please suggest how and what shall I talk to her so I get an end to this. Thank you for bearing to read all this. My second issue is I think I am addicted to pornography. Two to three years back, I used to watch a lot of porn and would prefer MILF porn, ie senior pornstars videos. I think, due to this, I don’t get much attracted to girls of my age. I respect them but I think, because of my addiction, I see females elder to me attractive rather than females of my age. Please help. Suggest how I shall get out of this as this also affects me academically, personally and professionally. Thank you, Anon

Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

I don’t think you really have any serious problems in your life at all; it’s your perceptions that are all wrong.

Let me straighten this out for you, one issue at a time.

First off, you have one weird, unpredictable friend who once told you she loved you and then went and married someone else.

Not once have you stated that you are in love with her or have feelings for her. In fact, when she said she loved you, you brushed it off.

She contacts you when she’s bored and cuts you off when she’s not.

And now, it’s come to the point where you really need to be the one blocking her and not the other way around...

You want to get rid of her? Block her once and for all. And if she still manages to get in touch, tell her politely that you have had enough of this one-sided friendship and not to contact you again.

Second, about what you think is a porn ‘addiction’... An addiction is something that interferes with your normal life, career and relationships. It’s an obsession that consumes you every waking hour.

And, from what you’ve said, I don’t think you’re watching such volumes of pornography every day, are you?

Furthermore, unless you’re into grannies, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to women older than you... everyone has a type!

If after everything I’ve said you still fancy you have problems, I’d suggest visiting a therapist. But before spending that kind of money, think long and hard about what I’ve said and decide for yourself whether you think you need it.

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