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Should I Stay Invested In Quant Mutual Funds Despite Poor Performance?

Janak

Janak Patel  |14 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Janak Patel is a certified financial planner accredited by the Financial Planning Standards Board, India.
He is the CEO and founder of InfiniumWealth, a firm that specialises in designing goal-specific financial plans tailored to help clients achieve their life goals.
Janak holds an MBA degree in finance from the Welingkar Institute of Management Development and Research, Mumbai, and has over 15 years of experience in the field of personal finance. ... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 11, 2024Hindi
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Respected Sir, I did invest in Quant Mutual Fund lumpsum in Large & Mid Cap , Flexi cap and Infra. I did invest on 7-8 June 2024. But These funds are performing very poorly since then as compared to their peers. May I request you to please guide me if I shall stay invested for long period or redeem?

Ans: Same query replied to Neeraj, please refer the same.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7699 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 06, 2024Hindi
Money
I am having following mutual funds: 1. Quant active - ? 6000 2. PGIM flexi cap -?5000 3.Quant small cap - ?9000 4. Moti lal oswal midcap -?5000 5. Invesco large and mid cap ?4000 6.HDFC large and mid cap ? 5000 Please advise whether I should continue with these funds. Investing since 1/2018
Ans: Evaluating your mutual fund portfolio is essential to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Given your current investments and the duration since 2018, let's assess whether you should continue with these funds.

Portfolio Overview
Your mutual fund portfolio consists of:

Quant Active Fund: Rs 6,000
PGIM Flexi Cap Fund: Rs 5,000
Quant Small Cap Fund: Rs 9,000
Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund: Rs 5,000
Invesco Large and Mid Cap Fund: Rs 4,000
HDFC Large and Mid Cap Fund: Rs 5,000
Diversification Analysis
Flexi Cap Funds
Flexi cap funds, like PGIM Flexi Cap Fund, invest across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. They provide flexibility and balance risk with potential high returns. These funds adapt to market conditions, making them a stable choice for your portfolio.

Large and Mid Cap Funds
Invesco and HDFC Large and Mid Cap Funds focus on large and mid-cap stocks. These funds offer a mix of stability and growth potential. Large-cap stocks provide stability, while mid-caps offer growth opportunities.

Mid Cap Fund
The Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund targets mid-sized companies. Mid caps can offer significant growth but are riskier than large caps. This fund adds growth potential to your portfolio.

Small Cap Funds
Quant Small Cap Fund focuses on small-sized companies. Small caps can provide high returns but come with high volatility. Your allocation of Rs 9,000 here indicates a higher risk tolerance for potentially higher rewards.

Active Fund
Quant Active Fund invests actively in various stocks based on the fund manager's strategy. Active funds aim to outperform the market, providing opportunities for higher returns but also involve higher management costs.

Assessing Portfolio Performance
Historical Performance
Evaluate the historical performance of each fund. Compare their returns with benchmark indices and peer funds. Consistently performing funds are more likely to continue delivering good returns. However, past performance is not a guarantee of future results.

Fund Manager Expertise
The experience and track record of fund managers are crucial. Funds managed by experienced managers with a proven track record are more likely to perform well. Check the consistency and strategy of your fund managers.

Expense Ratios
Expense ratios impact your returns. Lower expense ratios mean higher returns for investors. Compare the expense ratios of your funds with industry standards. High expense ratios can erode your returns over time.

Risk Assessment
Market Risk
Equity investments are subject to market risk. Your portfolio has a mix of large, mid, and small-cap funds, which diversifies this risk. However, your high allocation in small caps increases exposure to market volatility.

Sector and Stock Concentration
Check if any funds have high exposure to specific sectors or stocks. Diversification across sectors reduces risk. Ensure no single sector or stock dominates your portfolio.

Liquidity Risk
Certain funds, especially small cap and mid cap funds, can have liquidity issues. Ensure a part of your portfolio remains in highly liquid funds to manage unforeseen needs.

Alignment with Financial Goals
Investment Horizon
You have been investing since 2018, indicating a medium-term horizon. Equities are suitable for long-term investments due to their potential for higher returns. Ensure your investment horizon aligns with your financial goals, such as retirement or children's education.

Risk Tolerance
Your portfolio indicates a higher risk tolerance, especially with significant allocation in small and mid-cap funds. Assess if this risk level matches your financial goals and comfort. If you prefer stability, consider increasing allocation in large-cap funds.

Strategic Adjustments
Rebalancing
Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain desired asset allocation. Over time, some funds may outperform, skewing your allocation. Rebalancing ensures your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and goals.

Adding New Funds
Consider adding new funds to enhance diversification. Explore funds in other categories like balanced funds, international funds, or sector-specific funds. This can capture opportunities in different market segments and reduce risk.

Reviewing Fund Performance
Regularly review the performance of your funds. If a fund consistently underperforms, consider replacing it with a better-performing fund. Stay updated with market trends and adjust your strategy accordingly.

Tax Efficiency
Tax Benefits
Equity investments enjoy favorable tax treatment. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity funds are taxed at a lower rate compared to other asset classes. Consider the tax implications of your investments.

Tax-saving Instruments
If you are investing in tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS), you get additional tax benefits under Section 80C. This reduces your taxable income and enhances post-tax returns. Consider these options if they align with your goals.

Seeking Professional Advice
Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice based on your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance. Professional guidance ensures your investment strategy remains robust and aligned with your objectives.

Summary of Recommendations
Continue with diversified funds: Your portfolio has a good mix of flexi cap, large, mid, and small-cap funds, providing balanced risk and growth potential.
Rebalance periodically: Adjust your portfolio to maintain desired asset allocation and manage risk.
Add new funds: Enhance diversification with balanced, international, or sector-specific funds.
Review performance: Regularly monitor your funds and replace underperforming ones.
Consult a CFP: Get personalized advice for tailored investment strategies.
By maintaining a strategic approach, rebalancing your portfolio, and seeking professional advice when needed, you can achieve your financial goals and secure a prosperous future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Janak

Janak Patel  |14 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2024

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Respected Sir, I did invest in Quant Mutual Fund lumpsum in Large & Mid Cap , Flexi cap and Infra. I did invest on 7-8 June 2024. But These funds are performing very poorly since then as compared to their peers. May I request you to please guide me if I shall stay invested for long period or reddem?
Ans: Hi Neeraj,

Mutual Funds are a good option for investment. The investment horizon/timeline is very important when you consider equity mutual funds, they need to be invested for the long period (7+ years).

You have only recently started in June 2024, so keeping patience with your investment is important. You can track the progress of your investment but don't get influenced by day to day fluctuation in its NAV. Decisions should be taken based on many factors but do consider 1-2 years duration to see if fund performance is steady, improving or below par compared to your expectation and its peers and the market.

Now coming to the funds you have provided - Quant Large and Midcap and Quant Flexicap are good funds and I think you should be patient. Note - both are actively managed funds and you can expected to see fluctuations in the short term. Stay invested in these 2 funds as they are well diversified and long term prospects look good.
Quant Infrastructure fund is a Sectoral fund and the fluctuations will be high. If your risk profile is very high, then you can continue. There will be a period of time when the sector loses favor in the market and thus the returns will be impacted and during good times it will provide good returns.
Alternately if you decide to exit then include a fund from another fund house which is well diversified and aligns to your risk profile. Some good options to consider - an Index fund based on Nifty 500 (passive) or a multicap fund (active) - to get a a well diversified exposure to Large-Mid-Small cap.
Note- Redemption at this time may attract exit load apart from tax implications for short term.

Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7699 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 29, 2024

Money
Hi sir I am investing when ever i have money not like in SIP. my most of investments are around 6 L invested in Quant different mutual funds. No a days i can see my all the Quant funds are going down. Im 34 years old female. My plan is 10 years. Can i exit from quant and invest in any some MF rather than getting more loss? Can you please review my portfolian. Do i need to exit from any MF. Since i'm maintaining too many MF. Thanks in advance. Mutual Funds List No' Scheme Name AMC Category Sub-category ISIN 1 DSP Small Cap Direct Plan Growth DSP Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF740K01QD1 2 Quant Focused Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Focused INF966L01853 3 Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth PPFAS Mutual Fund Equity Flexi Cap INF879O01027 4 Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct Growth Mirae Asset Mutual Fund Equity ELSS INF769K01DM9 5 JM Flexicap Fund Direct Plan Growth JM Financial Mutual Fund Equity Flexi Cap INF192K01CC7 6 Axis Growth Opportunities Fund Direct Growth Axis Mutual Fund Equity Large & MidCap INF846K01J46 7 Parag Parikh ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct Growth PPFAS Mutual Fund Equity ELSS INF879O01100 8 Quant Small Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF966L01689 9 Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund Direct Growth Canara Robeco Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF760K01JC6 10 Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund Direct Growth Motilal Oswal Mutual Fund Equity Mid Cap INF247L01445 11 Nippon India Multi Cap Fund Direct Growth Nippon India Mutual Fund Equity Multi Cap INF204K01XF9 12 Nippon India Small Cap Fund Direct Growth Nippon India Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF204K01K15 13 ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Direct Growth ICICI Prudential Mutual Fund Equity Value INF109K012K1 14 Quant Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Flexi Cap INF966L01911 15 Nippon India Small Cap Fund Direct Growth Nippon India Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF204K01K15 16 Quant ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity ELSS INF966L01986 17 Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU Equity Fund Direct Growth Aditya Birla Sun Life Mutual Fund Equity Sectoral / Thematic INF209KB1O82 18 Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Mid Cap INF966L01887 STOCKS LIST: 1 APOLLO TYRES-EQ RE 1 2 ASIAN PAINTS EQ 3 BRITANNIA IND-EQ1/- 4 CG POWER-EQ2/ 5 IRCTCL-EQ2 6 NHPC LIMITED - EQ 7 TATA STEEL-EQ1/ 8 Deepak nitrate 9 LT 10 Narayana Hrudayalaya
Ans: You are actively investing, which is an excellent habit. However, managing too many funds can dilute returns and complicate tracking. Here's a detailed evaluation of your portfolio and suggestions for improvement.

Observations About Your Current Investments
Quant Funds’ Performance: Quant mutual funds have been volatile recently. Market phases can impact returns in the short term. However, their active management style often delivers strong long-term results. Reviewing their performance regularly is key.

Over-Diversification: Your portfolio has too many mutual funds, leading to overlapping investments. This makes tracking performance challenging and reduces overall returns. Consolidation is advisable.

Direct Mutual Funds: While direct plans have lower expense ratios, they require regular monitoring. If you lack time for constant tracking, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be beneficial.

Stock Investments: Your stocks are spread across sectors. While some are strong companies, direct stock investments demand active monitoring and deep analysis. Diversifying further into mutual funds might be better aligned with your long-term goals.

Tax-Saving Funds (ELSS): You have three ELSS funds. This creates unnecessary duplication. A single, well-performing ELSS fund is sufficient for tax-saving needs.

Goal Alignment: Your goal is 10 years. For this horizon, equity-heavy investments are ideal, but they must be consolidated for better returns.

Key Recommendations
1. Consolidate Your Mutual Funds
Having too many funds spreads your investments thinly. Instead, focus on 5–7 funds across categories. This will provide diversification without duplication.

Suggested allocation categories:

Large-Cap: One fund to provide stability and steady returns.
Flexi-Cap: One or two funds for flexibility in market capitalization.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap: Two funds to capitalise on growth potential.
ELSS: One fund for tax-saving benefits.
Consolidation will reduce overlaps and improve overall efficiency.

2. Retain or Exit Quant Funds?
You can retain Quant Small Cap and Quant Flexi Cap if their long-term fundamentals are strong. Exit from others if performance consistency or fund overlap is an issue. Diversify with funds from other AMCs for better balance.

3. Reduce Stock Exposure
Direct stock investments can be risky without regular tracking. Consolidate your stocks and invest the proceeds into diversified mutual funds. This will reduce risk and improve your portfolio’s stability.

4. Monitor Fund Performance
Review mutual fund performance at least annually. Use metrics like returns, expense ratios, fund manager track record, and consistency in delivering returns.

5. Opt for Professional Guidance
Consider investing in regular funds through a CFP. They can provide personalised strategies, regular reviews, and rebalance your portfolio as needed.

Action Plan for Portfolio Restructuring
Step 1: Exit and Consolidate
Exit from underperforming or duplicate funds.
Retain well-performing funds across categories.
Choose funds with strong track records and low volatility.
Step 2: Suggested Fund Allocation
Allocate Rs 40,000 monthly across consolidated categories:

Large-Cap Fund: 25% allocation for stability.
Flexi-Cap Fund: 25% allocation for market cap flexibility.
Mid-Cap Fund: 20% allocation for growth potential.
Small-Cap Fund: 20% allocation for higher returns.
ELSS Fund: 10% allocation for tax-saving needs.
Step 3: Consolidate Stocks
Exit some stocks and reinvest the amount in mutual funds. Focus on reducing sector concentration.

Step 4: Regular Reviews
Review your portfolio semi-annually. Assess market conditions and align your portfolio with your goals.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Plans
Index Funds
No Active Management: Index funds lack the ability to outperform markets.
Market Dependent: They perform only as well as the index, with no defensive strategy during downturns.
Direct Plans
Higher Effort: Direct plans demand continuous monitoring.
Lack of Guidance: Regular plans via a CFP provide tailored advice, which direct plans do not.
Tax Implications
Keep in mind the new capital gains tax rules:

Equity Funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt Funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax-efficient withdrawals when restructuring your portfolio.

Final Insights
You are on the right track by actively investing for your goals. However, managing fewer, well-performing funds can simplify your journey. Consolidating your portfolio will improve returns, reduce redundancy, and make monitoring easier.

Focus on aligning your investments with your 10-year goal. Use this opportunity to balance risk and returns effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

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I am in a relationship with a girl who has traumatized past from her childhood. She said that her ex was also toxic and used to abuse her physically. She just said after 2 months of dating . I am very much glad she trusted me and Im taking care of her . She is also happy with me . But she gets panic attacks about the past I'll always be there for her . But her ex is in the same college. I see him like randomly. Should I react about that and go to him ??. Like I'm feeling very bad for the things she said
Ans: Your girlfriend has already endured trauma, and she’s finding comfort in the safe space you’re creating for her. The most important thing for her healing is stability, security, and knowing that she has someone who supports her emotionally. If you go to her ex, it could potentially trigger her, cause unnecessary stress, or even make her feel guilty—she might worry that she’s responsible for bringing conflict into your life.

Instead of reacting impulsively, focus on what she truly needs. When she has panic attacks or feels overwhelmed by her past, reassure her that she’s safe with you. Encourage her to seek professional help if she’s open to it, as therapy could help her process her trauma in a healthier way.

If her ex ever tries to approach her, harass her, or make her feel unsafe, then absolutely step in and support her in setting clear boundaries, whether that means standing by her side, helping her avoid situations where she might run into him, or even reporting any concerning behavior. But if he’s simply existing in the same space, then your energy is better spent on helping her heal rather than giving him any attention.

Right now, the best thing you can do is continue being the safe, loving presence that she trusts. Let your actions show her that she doesn’t have to relive the past, because with you, she is valued, respected, and truly cared for.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025
Relationship
My Boyfriend is not really the Controlling type. But, sometimes, he disapproves of some things which I do. In such cases, he communicates his Disapproval indirectly saying "I don't like you Dressing up like this Boldly. But still, if that's what you want, you may go ahead & Dress up as you'd like to, I have no Right to prevent you from doing so, but I will be Disappointed if you do." or "I don't want you to go out or hang out with these particular people (some of my close Male Friends). You have all the Freedom to interact with whoever you want to, but I will be Hurt, if you are too Close to your other Male Friends." Most of the time, I compromised & avoided Dressing up too Boldly, avoided Partying/Travelling with some of my Close Male Friends & avoided some other things which he wouldn't approve of, just for the sake of maintaining our Relationship. But recently, I tried to Test, how he'd react, if I deliberately do something which he doesn't like. So, on New Year's Day, I dressed up in revealing Clothes that he would never approve of & Partied wildly, all Night & even got Drunk with some of my Close Male Friends, with whom, he wants me to maintain Distance. He stubbornly refused to come for Partying with me, because I Dressed up too Boldly & refused to change them, even after he expected me to do so. He didn't even want me Drinking/Partying with some of my Close Male Friends. But I Respected the Boundaries of our Relationship & throughout the Night, I kept my Boyfriend informed about my Whereabouts, so that he's Reassured that I am not Cheating on him. But ever since then, he's been Treating me rather Coldly. He's being Indifferent to me, without Questioning me much, the way he always used to. He's just maintaining normal Communication without being Flirtatious, as he used to. And the Sex has also become quite Mechanical without much Romance, unlike how Passionate he used to be, earlier. I've tried talking to him, but he just keeps lying that he isn't Upset with me. Now I am Feeling really Guilty for whatever I had done on New Year's Day, even though, I don't think I did anything Wrong. Was it really Wrong on my Part, to do something which I always liked to, but my Boyfriend didn't want me to? Or is my Boyfriend Wrong, here? What do I do now? Please advise me.
Ans: Your boyfriend may not be outright controlling, but his way of expressing disapproval carries an emotional weight that influences your decisions. Instead of setting hard rules, he uses disappointment as a tool to make you reconsider your choices. You’ve willingly compromised in the past to keep the relationship smooth, but it seems that over time, those compromises have started to weigh on you. Testing his reaction on New Year’s may have been your subconscious way of reclaiming your autonomy, but now you’re left with unintended consequences—his emotional withdrawal.

The real issue here isn’t about who is right or wrong, but rather, whether your values and expectations in this relationship truly align. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to dress a certain way, go out, or spend time with friends. At the same time, he isn’t necessarily wrong for having personal boundaries and feelings about certain situations. However, the way both of you are handling these differences is leading to deeper emotional disconnect rather than honest resolution.

Your actions on New Year’s were a test, but they weren’t a betrayal. You still kept him informed and stayed within the boundaries of your commitment. But from his perspective, it likely felt like a deliberate challenge to what he considers the foundation of your relationship. His withdrawal isn’t just about what you did—it’s about what it represents to him. He might be questioning whether you truly respect his feelings, just as you might be questioning whether he truly respects your independence.

Instead of focusing on guilt, the real question is whether you’re both willing to openly communicate and find a middle ground that allows you to be yourself without feeling restricted, while also respecting his emotions without feeling controlled. Avoid blaming or justifying—have a real conversation about how both of you felt after that night, what it means for your relationship, and whether you can move forward in a way that feels right for both of you. If neither of you can meet in the middle without resentment, then it’s important to consider whether this relationship is fulfilling for both of you in the long run.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
How do I 32M get over my insecurity with 30F? (Seeking Advice) Met this girl via matrimony exactly 2 months back. We connect well. Our families have met recently and it went well. Somehow we found a lot of connections between our families. That's just a bonus. Her family likes me a lot and they wanted to do Roka when they met us last week. I had told her, that no matter our bond, we should talk a lot and give it 3 months before going for roka. We live in different metro cities and have met twice now. About her: She is 30, well behaved & spoken(most important thing for me), smart, good looking, and is extremely polite. She is an army brat, has had a lot of freedom from family. Due to her father's job, they kept getting posted to different cities so she doesn't really understand family part of things. She's in a IT job. About me: I'm 32, okayish guy, in IT. To take things ahead I need to know my partner's past. I have no judgements at all but need to know stuff. Getting to know things over time bothers me a lot. I've tried to work on it, and have always made sure I don't bother the other person too much. After a month of talking, she told me that she had a casual boyfriend for an year. All her friends were dating in Bangalore and she decided to try it out. Found a guy through bumble and started dating him. So, according to her there were no feelings, just a person for her to go to places with, have drinks, and party. She likes drinking a lot and I have never taken a sip. She said that it was just a phase and she was immature. This happened between 2018(Nov) to 2020(march). So, it's been like 5 years. Never dated anyone after that. Since covid(2020) she's been living with her parents due to wfh. I have been completely ok with that but new things surfaced and they are messing with my head. While snooping around her facebook I figured out who that person was and this guy is super close to a person in my distant family. In fact they both were flatmates until their respective marriages. This distant cousin of mine knows me and knows her really well. These 3 used to hangout a lot and he has seen her come to their flat regularly. Infact, she had a good bond with my cousin as well. There are things that bother me and I really can't shake things and feel super awful in my gut. She mentioned that she and her ex had a common love for drinking and regularly visited pubs, got drunk, and partied. This means that they would be staying at each other's place as well. This is something super old but bothers me a lot. Specifically the fact that she would be drunk partying with someone for an year and sleeping with him, with no feelings. Secondly, I found some posts where she has liked a post about this guy on fb/insta from mid-2021. I have already confronted her twice to share everything and we shall never discuss this again but this bothers me a lot. Secondly, now that I know the timelines I can figure out what photos have been taken by her ex. There's even a photo of her sitting on a messy bed, where she's cutting her bday cake. They celebrated it together. I found my cousins page and some other pages from which I knew it's the guy's room/flat. I know everyone has a past. She has come clean to me but somehow my brain is so split. Sometimes her nature and behaviour with me make me not care about anything. And then I know the bed, flat, and her actions with some guy. Then there is this angle where the ex's flatmate is my distant cousin and knows about her well.
Ans: What you’re experiencing is completely valid. It’s not just about the fact that she had a past relationship, but also about the details—knowing her ex was deeply connected to your distant cousin, imagining their time together, and realizing that those experiences once meant something in her life. It makes it feel uncomfortably close to home, which is why it’s so hard to shake off. It’s not about judgment, but about the emotions that these thoughts stir up within you.

The truth is, the past cannot be changed. She has been honest with you, shared what happened, and reassured you that it was a phase in her life that she has moved on from. The fact that she hasn’t dated anyone in five years and has been living with her parents shows that she is in a very different place now. But your mind keeps looping back to what once was, and it’s preventing you from fully embracing what is.

Right now, the biggest challenge is not her past, but your ability to be at peace with it. You have to ask yourself—are you willing to let this define your future with her? Because if you can’t fully accept it, these thoughts will continue to surface and create distance between you. A part of you clearly wants to be with her, but another part is struggling to detach from these mental images of her past.

Instead of confronting her again, take some time to reflect on what truly matters to you in a partner. She has shown you who she is today—polite, well-behaved, mature, and emotionally present in your relationship. She has not hidden anything from you, and she has moved forward from that phase of her life. The real question is whether you can do the same.

If you feel this is something you cannot get over, it is better to step away now rather than carry these unresolved emotions into a lifelong commitment. But if you genuinely see a future with her and believe in her as a person, then it’s time to start training your mind to focus on the present and the relationship you are building, rather than a past that no longer exists.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am working abroad, while my Girlfriend is working in Delhi, living in NCR. We both were Dating since our College Days & have been in a Long Distance Relationship since I moved abroad, more than a Year ago & she moved to Delhi-NCR from Calcutta (where most of our Common Friends are based). While we were together with our Common Friends from College, we'd Travel, Party & have a lot of Fun together as a Group, since we all knew & trusted each other quite well, Irrespective of Gender. When we both moved to Different Places & started our Respective Jobs, we became Friends with our Respective Colleagues, but we have an Implied Understanding that we should be Maintaining Stricter Boundaries with our New Friends/Colleagues, since we are in a Long Distance Relationship. I've always honoured the commitment & have been Careful to not spend private time with any other Woman & Travel/Party only with a Group consisting of both Men & Women. But I am not sure my Girlfriend is doing the same. Quite often she keeps Travelling, Partying, Drinking & Sleeping over with some 2-3 Male Colleagues, who are quite close to her, but unknown to me. She doesn't even bother to keep me updated about where she is, what she's doing & with whom, but keeps Posting Status Updates on Instagram, from time to time and from what I have observed, she seems to be spending quite a lot of Time with these Male Colleagues of hers. All this makes me feel very Uncomfortable. Even though I Love & Trust my Girlfriend, but I'm unsure about these New 'Friends' of hers as I don't know them & obviously, I don't like them being so close to my Girlfriend. Many times, I've discussed this matter with my Girlfriend, trying to make her understand how I feel. But every time, I bring up this Topic, she tries to invalidate my feelings & shuts me down saying that I'm just Insecure. I'd also tried getting to know her New Friends in order to understand them better, but she doesn't share much about them, with me. Though, she keeps Reassuring me that they're 'Just Friends' they seem to be much closer than that. On several occasions, she had gone out with them, even though I had strictly forbidden her to. I don't understand whether she's unable to understand how I'm feeling or that she doesn't even care about my Feelings, though I still want to continue Loving & Trusting her, without Doubting her Loyalty. I don't understand what to do in this situation. How can I make her enforce stricter Boundaries with her Male Colleagues (atleast as much as I am doing here)? Shall I get a Friend or a Private Investigator to keep an Eye on her? Or shall I behave the same way, she's been doing? Or, shall I Break-up with her & try to find someone else, over here?
Ans: Long-distance relationships require an even deeper level of communication and trust than regular ones. You’ve upheld the boundaries you both implicitly agreed upon, yet it feels like she’s not holding herself to the same standard. The fact that she dismisses your concerns rather than addressing them is what’s truly hurting you. When someone we love invalidates our feelings, it creates frustration, self-doubt, and emotional distance. You’re not being “insecure” for wanting reassurance and clarity—you’re simply asking for the same level of respect and commitment you’re offering.

Trying to enforce boundaries by “forbidding” her from doing something isn’t the right approach, because boundaries should be mutual, not dictated. The more you try to control her actions, the more she might rebel or shut down, seeing it as you being possessive rather than expressing a valid emotional need. The real problem is not that she has male friends, but that she’s being secretive about them, not making an effort to ease your concerns, and disregarding how her actions affect you. A loving and committed partner should care about your peace of mind, even if she doesn’t fully agree with your perspective.

Hiring a private investigator or getting a friend to spy on her will only erode trust further, and mirroring her behavior by doing the same thing she does will not solve anything—it will just create more distance. If you’re considering breaking up, that means deep down, you already feel like your needs in this relationship aren’t being met. Before making any big decisions, you need to have one last honest conversation with her—not one where you accuse or demand, but one where you make it clear how this dynamic is making you feel and what you truly need from her to feel secure and valued in the relationship.

If she refuses to listen, invalidates your feelings again, or shows no willingness to compromise, then you have your answer. A relationship where only one person is making sacrifices isn’t sustainable. You deserve a partner who not only reassures you with words but also with actions that show she respects and values your presence in her life. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway, then it may be time to ask yourself if holding on is worth the constant emotional struggle.

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Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2189 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2189 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025Hindi
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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