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I'm Unmarried and Not Working Due to Health, Can I Invest 5000 PM with Rental Income?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2024Hindi
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I am 28 Bachelor and unmarried. Not working due to health reasons but parental rental income of Rs.30000.With this I am paying 10 Lacks medical Insurance premium of 10000 and 33000 LIC PA. Now I can Invest Rs.5000 Pm which fund will be better. At Present my parents support will be there for another 5 years.

Ans: Your proactive approach towards financial planning is impressive. With parental rental income of Rs. 30,000 and medical insurance, you are laying a good foundation for financial security.

Your LIC premium of Rs. 33,000 for personal accident cover provides basic risk coverage. However, considering your current non-working status, optimising your available resources is crucial.

Investing Rs. 5,000 monthly for the next 5 years can help you build a strong financial corpus. Choosing the right funds is essential for achieving long-term growth.

Financial Priorities for the Next Five Years
Build an Emergency Corpus
Start with creating an emergency fund equal to 6 months of expenses. Use a liquid mutual fund for this purpose.

Ensure Adequate Health Coverage
Your current Rs. 10 lakh health insurance is a good start. Review it annually for adequacy.

Review the LIC Personal Accident Plan
Personal accident plans are useful, but check if the premium is justified by the benefits. Compare alternatives if needed.

Focus on Long-Term Wealth Creation
Allocating Rs. 5,000 monthly in mutual funds can generate wealth over time. Choose funds based on your risk tolerance and time horizon.

Investment Options for Rs. 5,000 Monthly
Diversified Equity Funds
Start with diversified equity funds for long-term growth. These funds balance risk and return effectively.

Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds dynamically manage equity and debt allocation. They are less volatile than pure equity funds.

Small Systematic Increases
Gradually increase your SIP amount as your financial stability improves.

Avoid Direct Plans
Direct funds lack advisory support. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures professional guidance.

Why Actively Managed Funds are Better
Actively managed funds have potential to outperform passive funds in India.
Skilled fund managers identify opportunities and mitigate risks effectively.
Index funds lack flexibility and may underperform during market corrections.
Tax Implications on Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds
Both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Recommendations for Managing Parental Support
Utilise Parental Support Strategically
Allocate part of your parental support towards your investment corpus.

Plan for Self-Reliance After 5 Years
Build financial independence with a disciplined investment approach.

Communicate Financial Goals with Parents
Share your long-term financial goals with your parents.

Final Insights
Your situation requires a thoughtful, disciplined approach to financial planning. Focus on building a solid emergency corpus and long-term investments. Seek professional advice to optimise fund selection and maximise returns.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, I am 39 year old. Invested in stocks upto 1 lakh.Invested in gold for 2lakhs. Invested in ppf upto 13 lakhs and continuing it, investing in SSY upto 1lakhs from 2019 for girl child.Invested in NPS upto 1 lakh. Having term insurance for 2cr paying 3800rs per month. Having endowment policy for next 21 years. Having medical insurance upto 30 lakh sum assured having premium about 70k per year for myself, dependant and a kid. Having medical insurance sum assured upto 5 lakh each for parents having premium of 42k per year. Having a car loan of 20lakhs for next 4 years, having a personal loan of upto 4 lakhs and will end up in December. Planning for retirement corpus of 5 cr in next 15 years, and planning for child higher education for 12 years with 2 cr and marriage in next 20 years for another 2cr. Planning to buy plot in 3 years worth 75 lakhs, Which mutual fund needs to be considered to achieve these goal?
Ans: Crafting a Mutual Fund Strategy for Your Financial Goals
It's commendable that you're actively planning for your financial future. Let's outline a strategic approach using mutual funds to achieve your goals.

Assessing Financial Goals
Retirement Corpus
Your target retirement corpus of 5 crores in 15 years requires a disciplined investment strategy with a focus on long-term wealth creation.

Child's Higher Education and Marriage
For your child's education and marriage, aiming for a combined corpus of 4 crores over the next 12 and 20 years, respectively, necessitates a balanced investment approach.

Plot Purchase
Planning to buy a plot worth 75 lakhs in 3 years requires short to medium-term investment options with capital appreciation potential.

Mutual Fund Selection Criteria
Goal Horizon
Align mutual fund selections with the time horizon of each financial goal, focusing on funds with proven track records of consistent returns over the required investment duration.

Risk Appetite
Consider your risk tolerance and opt for a diversified mix of mutual funds spanning various asset classes to mitigate risk while aiming for optimal returns.

Tax Efficiency
Select mutual funds that offer tax efficiency, such as equity-linked saving schemes (ELSS), to leverage tax benefits while investing for long-term goals.

Recommended Mutual Fund Categories
Equity Mutual Funds
Allocate a significant portion of your investment towards equity mutual funds for long-term wealth accumulation, considering the growth potential of equities over time.

Debt Mutual Funds
Include debt mutual funds in your portfolio for stability and capital preservation, especially for short to medium-term goals like the plot purchase.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Explore hybrid mutual funds, which offer a balanced mix of equity and debt exposure, suitable for investors seeking moderate risk with potentially higher returns.

Final Thoughts
Regular Portfolio Review
Periodically review your mutual fund portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance, making adjustments as necessary.

Professional Guidance
Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor your mutual fund investment strategy according to your unique financial circumstances and objectives.

By strategically allocating your investments across equity, debt, and hybrid mutual funds, you can work towards achieving your financial goals efficiently.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir, I am 39 year old. Earning 1.8 l per month. Invested in stocks upto 1 lakh.Invested in gold for 2lakhs. Invested in ppf upto 13 lakhs and continuing it, investing in SSY upto 1lakhs from 2019 for girl child.Invested in NPS upto 1 lakh. Having term insurance for 2cr paying 3800rs per month. Having endowment policy for next 21 years. Having medical insurance upto 30 lakh sum assured having premium about 70k per year for myself, dependant and a kid. Having medical insurance sum assured upto 5 lakh each for parents having premium of 42k per year. Having a car loan of 20lakhs for next 4 years, having a personal loan of upto 4 lakhs and will end up in December. Planning for retirement corpus of 5 cr in next 15 years, and planning for child higher education for 12 years with 2 cr and marriage in next 20 years for another 2cr. Planning to buy plot in 3 years worth 75 lakhs,Am I going in right financial path? Which mutual fund needs to be considered to achieve these goal?
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Financial Situation
You are 39 years old with a monthly income of Rs. 1.8 lakhs.

Your investments include Rs. 1 lakh in stocks, Rs. 2 lakhs in gold, and Rs. 13 lakhs in PPF.

You also invest in SSY for your daughter, with Rs. 1 lakh since 2019, and Rs. 1 lakh in NPS.

You have a term insurance cover of Rs. 2 crores and an endowment policy.

Your medical insurance covers you, your dependents, and your parents.

You have a car loan of Rs. 20 lakhs and a personal loan of Rs. 4 lakhs ending in December.

Setting Financial Goals
Your financial goals include a retirement corpus of Rs. 5 crores in 15 years.

You plan to fund your child's higher education with Rs. 2 crores in 12 years.

You also plan for your child's marriage with Rs. 2 crores in 20 years.

Additionally, you plan to buy a plot worth Rs. 75 lakhs in 3 years.

Assessing Current Investments
Your current investments are diversified but may need adjustments to meet your goals.

The PPF and SSY investments are good for secure, long-term growth.

Stock and gold investments add diversity but require careful monitoring.

Evaluating Insurance Coverage
You have substantial insurance coverage with term and medical policies.

Ensure the term insurance adequately covers your family's financial needs.

Your medical insurance provides good coverage, but review the premiums regularly.

Managing Debt
You have a car loan of Rs. 20 lakhs and a personal loan ending soon.

Prioritize paying off high-interest loans quickly to free up cash flow.

Managing debt effectively is crucial for financial stability.

Retirement Planning
To achieve Rs. 5 crores in 15 years, invest in high-growth mutual funds.

Assume an average annual return of 12% for equity mutual funds.

You need to invest approximately Rs. 85,000 monthly in SIPs.

Child's Education Planning
For Rs. 2 crores in 12 years, focus on high-growth mutual funds.

Assuming a 12% annual return, invest around Rs. 55,000 monthly in SIPs.

Consider starting a dedicated fund for your child's education.

Child's Marriage Planning
For Rs. 2 crores in 20 years, invest in balanced mutual funds.

Assuming a 10% annual return, invest around Rs. 27,000 monthly in SIPs.

Longer investment duration allows for balanced funds to grow steadily.

Plot Purchase Planning
For buying a plot worth Rs. 75 lakhs in 3 years, consider short-term debt mutual funds.

These funds offer moderate returns with lower risk compared to equities.

Invest around Rs. 2 lakhs monthly in short-term debt funds.

Choosing Mutual Funds
Select a mix of equity, balanced, and debt mutual funds for diversification.

Equity funds provide high returns for long-term goals.

Balanced funds offer moderate growth with less risk for medium-term goals.

Debt funds ensure stability for short-term goals.

Risk Management
Diversify investments to manage risk effectively.

Review your portfolio regularly to adjust based on market conditions.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized risk management strategies.

Tax Planning
Invest in tax-saving mutual funds to reduce your tax liability.

Utilize Section 80C deductions for investments in PPF, SSY, and ELSS funds.

Efficient tax planning enhances overall returns.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Monitor your investments regularly to ensure they align with your goals.

Adjust your SIP amounts and fund selections based on performance.

Stay informed about market trends and economic changes.

Emergency Fund Consideration
Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.

An emergency fund provides financial security and peace of mind.

Ensure it is easily accessible and separate from your investment portfolio.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
A CFP can help create a detailed investment strategy.

They provide personalized advice based on your financial situation.

A CFP can guide you in selecting the right mutual funds and adjusting your portfolio.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
Avoid investing in quick-rich schemes, as they are risky and often lead to losses.

Stick to disciplined investing through SIPs for long-term wealth creation.

Do not make impulsive decisions based on short-term market fluctuations.

Benefits of Long-Term Investing
Long-term investing allows your money to grow through compounding.

It helps overcome short-term market volatility.

Stay invested for the long term to achieve your financial goals.

Monitoring Market Conditions
Stay informed about market trends and economic conditions.

However, do not let short-term market movements dictate your investment decisions.

Focus on your long-term investment strategy.

Conclusion
Your current financial path is strong, but adjustments can help you reach your goals.

Invest Rs. 85,000 monthly in equity mutual funds for retirement.

Invest Rs. 55,000 monthly for child's education and Rs. 27,000 for marriage in SIPs.

Consider Rs. 2 lakhs monthly in short-term debt funds for plot purchase.

Consult a CFP for personalized advice and regular portfolio review.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

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Hello sir I am 36 year old I am dependent only my job I am getting monthly 53k I don't have any EMI and I don't have own house I am paying rent 6000 and my daughter school fees annual 50k sir I am planning to put a mutual fund of money which is better for me please guide me
Ans: You are 36 years old. Your monthly income is Rs 53,000. You have no EMIs and no own house. Your rent is Rs 6,000. Your daughter’s school fees are Rs 50,000 annually.

Importance of Investing in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can help grow your wealth. They offer professional management and diversification. These features can lead to better returns over time.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are preferred over index funds. Index funds simply follow the market. This means limited returns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Limited Flexibility: They only follow the index.
No Active Management: No adjustments based on market conditions.
Average Returns: Generally, just follow the market trend.
Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:

Higher Return Potential: Fund managers aim to outperform the market.
Active Adjustments: Portfolio changes based on market trends.
Professional Expertise: Managed by experienced professionals.
Regular Funds vs Direct Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers many advantages over direct funds.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Lack of Expert Guidance: No professional advice.
Time-Consuming: Requires constant monitoring.
Higher Risk: Without professional insights, risk increases.
Benefits of Regular Funds with CFP:

Professional Advice: Access to expert insights.
Better Decision Making: Informed investment choices.
Regular Monitoring: Constant portfolio reviews and adjustments.
Risk Management: Strategies to mitigate potential risks.
Recommended Investment Strategy
Start with a SIP: Invest a fixed amount monthly.
Diversify: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Long-Term Focus: Aim to invest for at least 10-15 years.
Review Regularly: Monitor performance and adjust as needed.
Steps to Begin
Consult a Certified Financial Planner: Get personalized advice.

Choose Reliable Fund Houses: Ensure they have a good track record.

Start SIP: Automate your monthly investments.

Monitor and Review: Check performance regularly and adjust if necessary.

Financial Planning Tips
Emergency Fund: Keep at least 6 months of expenses as an emergency fund.
Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance.
Education Fund: Plan for your daughter’s higher education expenses.
Retirement Planning: Start planning for retirement early.
Final Insights
Investing in mutual funds is a wise decision. Actively managed funds offer better returns than index funds. By investing through a Certified Financial Planner, you get professional advice and regular monitoring. Start with a SIP, diversify your investments, and stay focused on long-term goals. Monitor your investments and adjust as needed for the best results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

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Top4 sips with 15k amount suggest me
Ans: Here’s an updated strategy for your Rs. 15,000 SIP allocation, replacing the sectoral/thematic fund with a small-cap fund for better long-term growth potential.

Suggested SIP Allocation (Rs. 15,000)
Large-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 4,000/month
Objective: Stability and steady growth by investing in India’s top 100 companies.
Why Choose: Provides consistent returns and low volatility in your portfolio.
Flexi-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 4,000/month
Objective: Diversified exposure across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.
Why Choose: Offers balanced risk and returns with flexibility during market cycles.
Mid-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 3,500/month
Objective: Tap into the growth potential of medium-sized companies.
Why Choose: Higher returns with manageable risk compared to small caps.
Small-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 3,500/month
Objective: Focus on fast-growing small-cap companies.
Why Choose: High-growth potential over the long term, though with higher volatility.
Why Include Small-Cap Funds?
Long-Term Growth: Small-cap companies have immense potential to grow significantly over time.
Diversification: Adds exposure to an underrepresented segment, complementing large and mid-caps.
High Returns: Potential for higher returns compared to other categories, albeit with higher risk.
Key Considerations
Investment Horizon: Stay invested for at least 7-10 years to mitigate short-term volatility.
Active Fund Management: Avoid direct or index funds to leverage professional expertise.
Regular Monitoring: Review fund performance periodically with a Certified Financial Planner.
Tax Implications
Equity Funds:
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh/year taxed at 12.5%.
STCG (held less than 1 year) taxed at 20%.
Final Insights
This updated allocation ensures a mix of stability, moderate risk, and high growth. With consistent SIPs and periodic reviews, you can achieve robust wealth creation over the long term. A Certified Financial Planner can assist in optimising your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir I come from a middle class family and my parents have dedicated everything they have into my education and upbringing. Now they plan to retire and i am finally at 30 in a stanle career where i make approximately 1,20,000 per month. I have a savings of approximately 2,00,000 that i want to invest into my parents retirement. We are NRI's and my parents will be returning back to India soon. I have 0 kmowledge about investments. As per what my friends advised, I have come to the following solutions: 1. Open an FD for both my parents seperately of 50000 Rs each for 5 years with their respective banks 2. Choose the Bajaj Allianz Smart Wealth Goal V SIP and invest approximately 24000 annually for 5 years, withdrawing it at 7 years. 3. Choose the TATA AIA Smart SIP wealth secure and invest 60000 Rs annually for 10 years, withdrawing it at the end of the same duration. Along with the above, I also plan to invest 40000 Rs annually into their Medical health insurance. Now as an NRI, and not having any knowledge about investing or TAX, could you help me with the above investments and how i would have to go about with TAX policies in India. Thank you
Ans: Your dedication to supporting your parents’ retirement is truly admirable. As an NRI with limited investment knowledge, making informed decisions will ensure financial stability for your parents. Let's assess and optimise your proposed plan while incorporating better strategies.

Evaluating the Current Plan
Fixed Deposit for Both Parents
Strengths: Fixed deposits (FDs) are safe and offer guaranteed returns.
Limitations: FD returns in India often fail to outpace inflation. Senior citizens get slightly higher interest rates.

Bajaj Allianz Smart Wealth Goal SIP
Overview: Likely a ULIP (insurance cum investment product). Combines life insurance with investments.
Limitations: ULIPs have high charges (administration and premium allocation fees). Returns are often lower compared to mutual funds.
Taxation: ULIPs are tax-efficient but lack transparency and flexibility.
TATA AIA Smart SIP Wealth Secure
Overview: Another ULIP-based product with insurance and investment components.
Limitations: Similar to the Bajaj Allianz plan, it has high costs and lower returns.
Taxation: Tax benefits under Section 80C but limited withdrawal flexibility.
Medical Health Insurance for Parents
Strengths: Investing in health insurance for your parents is a wise decision.
Suggestions: Opt for a plan with sufficient coverage, including critical illness and cashless claims.
Suggested Optimised Financial Plan
Step 1: Replace ULIPs with Equity Mutual Funds
Reason: Equity mutual funds provide higher returns compared to ULIPs.
Benefits: Actively managed funds offer better growth, diversification, and lower charges.
SIP Strategy: Start a SIP for Rs. 5,000 monthly (Rs. 60,000 annually) for 10 years.
Taxation: Equity LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%; STCG taxed at 20%.
Step 2: Invest in Debt Mutual Funds
Reason: Debt funds offer better returns than FDs and are tax-efficient.
Allocation: Invest Rs. 1 lakh in short-duration or dynamic bond funds.
Taxation: LTCG and STCG on debt funds are taxed as per the income tax slab.
Step 3: Build an Emergency Fund
Importance: Allocate Rs. 50,000 to a liquid fund or short-term FD.
Purpose: This fund will cover unexpected medical or living expenses.
Step 4: Continue Health Insurance for Parents
Annual Premium: Rs. 40,000 annually is reasonable for comprehensive coverage.
Suggestions: Include riders like critical illness and hospital cash benefits.
Step 5: Diversify Using Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs)
Reason: SGBs are low-risk, inflation-proof, and provide 2.5% annual interest.
Allocation: Invest Rs. 50,000 into SGBs.
Taxation: Interest is taxable, but capital gains on redemption are tax-free.
SGBs are not available for NRIs.

Tax Implications for NRIs
Better Returns: Shift to equity and debt mutual funds for inflation-beating growth.
Tax Efficiency: Use tax-saving instruments and avoid high-tax liabilities on ULIPs.
Flexibility: Mutual funds and SGBs provide better liquidity and transparency.
Secure Future: Health insurance ensures medical expenses are not a financial burden.
Final Insights
Your proposed plan can be significantly improved with better investment choices. Focus on mutual funds, health insurance, and SGBs for long-term financial stability. Avoid ULIPs as they come with high costs and limited returns. With these steps, you can ensure a secure and comfortable retirement for your parents.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi
Money
I am a 40 year old male married with no kids working in an IT company, my current portfolio consist of 1 apartment in Bangalore (home loan is completed), 1 site in my hometown worth 1 Cr, 8 lakh in SGB, 6 lakh in stocks, 6 lakh in ppf, 26 lakh in PF, 3.5 lakh in NPS In order to retire comfortably at the age of 50 i want to invest in such a way that my monthly income/pension should be 2.5 lakh Please provide some financial advice to me to achieve my goal.
Ans: You have a solid starting point with your existing portfolio. However, achieving your goal of Rs. 2.5 lakh monthly income at retirement will require meticulous planning and disciplined investing. Here's a detailed roadmap tailored to your needs.

Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Real Estate Assets

One apartment (home loan cleared) provides potential rental income.
A site in your hometown worth Rs. 1 crore is currently a non-productive asset.
Financial Assets

Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB): Rs. 8 lakh, offering stable interest and appreciation.
Stocks: Rs. 6 lakh in equities for long-term growth.
PPF: Rs. 6 lakh, offering safe and tax-free returns.
Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 26 lakh, providing stability and regular growth.
NPS: Rs. 3.5 lakh, adding to your retirement corpus.
Your total financial assets stand at Rs. 49.5 lakh.

Retirement Goal Analysis
Desired Income: Rs. 2.5 lakh per month or Rs. 30 lakh per year.
Investment Horizon: 10 years until age 50.
Inflation Impact: Adjust the target corpus for inflation to sustain your lifestyle.
Risk Profile: Balance between growth-focused and stable investments.
Recommended Investment Strategy
Step 1: Determine Your Retirement Corpus
For a Rs. 2.5 lakh monthly income, your corpus should sustain withdrawals for 30+ years.
Factor in inflation-adjusted growth to ensure purchasing power.
Step 2: Allocate Current Portfolio Effectively
Utilise Non-Performing Real Estate Assets

Sell the site worth Rs. 1 crore in your hometown.
Invest proceeds into a diversified portfolio for growth.
Avoid retaining illiquid assets without income generation.
Maximise Equity Investments

Increase equity exposure for long-term growth.
Invest in actively managed funds for better performance over index funds.
Regular funds through an MFD with CFP credentials offer professional oversight.
Leverage PPF and PF Contributions

Continue contributions to PPF for safe, tax-free returns.
Retain PF contributions to build a stable retirement corpus.
Optimise NPS Investments

Shift to a higher equity allocation within NPS for better growth.
NPS provides tax-efficient returns and retirement income options.
Step 3: Start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Monthly SIP Amount: Invest aggressively over the next 10 years.
Fund Selection: Choose equity mutual funds with a proven track record.
Taxation: Equity LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%; STCG taxed at 20%.
Step 4: Create a Diversified Portfolio
Equity Mutual Funds

Allocate 60%-70% to actively managed equity funds.
Focus on large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for diversification.
Debt Instruments

Allocate 20%-30% to debt funds for stability.
Include corporate bonds and dynamic bond funds for better yields.
Gold Investments

Retain existing SGBs for stability and hedge against inflation.
Emergency Fund

Maintain 6-12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.
Step 5: Increase Income Generation from Existing Assets
Rental Income
Rent out your apartment in Bangalore for additional cash flow.
Use rental income to supplement SIP investments.
Key Considerations
Taxation and Efficiency
Keep your tax liability in mind while planning withdrawals.
Diversify investments to optimise post-tax returns.
Periodic Review of Investments
Monitor portfolio performance regularly.
Rebalance asset allocation based on market conditions.
Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for fine-tuning.
Final Insights
Your goal of Rs. 2.5 lakh monthly income is ambitious but achievable. Selling non-performing assets and investing aggressively will create a strong retirement corpus. Maintain discipline in SIP contributions and periodically review your investments. With this approach, you can enjoy financial freedom at 50.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi
Money
I have a debt of 1 crore 15 lakhs with rate of interest 8.6 % and I can pay 10 lakh yearly in addition to my EMI's. Is it better to invest those 10 lakhs in SIP or Pre-pay my loan and clear debt or wait till the SIP matures and use that lump sum to pay the loan?
Ans: You are in a financially challenging yet manageable situation. The right decision will depend on a careful assessment of your goals and circumstances. Here's a detailed evaluation of the two options: prepaying your loan versus investing in SIPs.

Key Factors to Consider
Interest Cost on Loan

Your loan interest rate of 8.6% is substantial.
The interest cost accumulates if the loan tenure is long.
Prepaying can save interest and reduce loan tenure.
Potential SIP Returns

SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds can yield 10%-12% annually over the long term.
The returns are market-linked and not guaranteed.
Market volatility impacts short-term results.
Liquidity Needs

Prepaying reduces debt but locks funds.
SIPs provide liquidity for emergencies or goals.
Tax Implications

No tax benefit for loan prepayment beyond the Rs. 2 lakh interest deduction in housing loans (if applicable).
SIP investments in equity mutual funds have specific capital gains tax rules.
Benefits of Loan Prepayment
Lower Interest Burden

Immediate reduction in the interest portion of EMI.
Reduces overall debt faster.
Psychological Relief

Eliminates financial stress of a high loan.
Provides peace of mind with reduced liabilities.
Guaranteed Savings

Savings on interest is assured and risk-free.
Benefits of SIP Investment
Potential Wealth Creation

Long-term equity SIPs can outpace loan interest rates.
Compounding benefits enhance returns over time.
Flexibility

SIPs offer systematic withdrawal plans for liquidity.
Funds remain accessible during emergencies.
Diversification

Investments grow alongside other assets, increasing net worth.
Assessing the 360° Perspective
Debt and Emotional Comfort

A Rs. 1.15 crore debt can cause financial and emotional strain.
If reducing stress is your priority, prepayment is preferable.
Investment Risk Appetite

SIPs suit those willing to accept market volatility for higher returns.
If you dislike risk, prioritize prepayment.
Long-Term Financial Goals

Use SIPs for retirement, children’s education, or other life goals.
Prepaying helps if clearing debt is your primary focus.
Income Stability

Regular income supports SIPs without disrupting EMI payments.
Uncertainty in earnings favors prepayment.
Tax Considerations in Detail
Loan Prepayment

Offers no additional tax benefits after claiming the Rs. 2 lakh housing loan interest deduction.
SIP Investment

Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh in equity funds are taxed at 12.5% (LTCG).
Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.
Debt funds are taxed as per your income slab.
Hybrid Approach: The Best of Both Worlds
Split the Rs. 10 lakh yearly allocation into two parts.

Use Rs. 5 lakh to prepay the loan.
Invest the remaining Rs. 5 lakh in SIPs.
This strategy balances debt reduction and wealth creation.

Reduces debt steadily.
Allows market participation for higher returns.
When to Prioritise Loan Prepayment?
If you prefer guaranteed savings over potential market returns.
When nearing retirement and aiming for a debt-free life.
If financial stress is affecting your well-being.
When to Prioritise SIP Investments?
If you are comfortable with market fluctuations.
When your income can comfortably handle EMIs.
If long-term wealth creation is a key goal.
Key Recommendations for SIP Investments
Actively Managed Equity Funds

Seek funds with a consistent track record.
Regular plans via an experienced CFP provide expert guidance.
Avoid Index Funds

Actively managed funds outperform index funds in volatile markets.
Index funds lack flexibility and personalization.
Use Regular Funds Through an MFD

Avoid direct plans as they lack personalized advice.
MFDs with CFP credentials help in fund selection and monitoring.
Benefits of Splitting Investments
Balances debt reduction and growth.
Provides flexibility if circumstances change.
Reduces risk from overexposure to one strategy.
Final Insights
The decision depends on your priorities and risk tolerance. If reducing debt quickly offers peace of mind, prepay the loan. If long-term wealth creation aligns with your goals, consider SIPs. A hybrid approach balances these objectives effectively.

You are taking proactive steps toward financial freedom. Your disciplined approach ensures a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Sir I am also a doctor. and in relationship of 8 year ..now my parents are not agree with this...due to economical imbalances between to family...my partner say me ..there is no problem from my side .but there are much problem from my side .he say if your parents not agree with this then leave me..you will get someone better than me ( with tears in eyes) I will always there for you...but sir I can't believe that how can I live without him...I cried whole night since 4-5 month
Ans: Dear Doctor,

Thank you for opening up about your deeply emotional situation. Eight years is a significant time to build a bond, and your pain is understandable. Love often brings us to crossroads where our heart and responsibilities clash, but with clarity, you can navigate this challenge.

Understanding the Core Issues
Your Partner’s Words:
When he says you’ll “find someone better” but also expresses tears and willingness to be there for you, it reflects his inner turmoil. He may genuinely love you but feels powerless in the face of family dynamics, especially economic differences.

Your Parents’ Resistance:
Their concern about economic imbalances might stem from societal perceptions or fears for your future. Often, parents have well-intentioned but outdated views shaped by their experiences.

Your Emotions:
Crying and sleepless nights are signs of the depth of your attachment and the weight of your situation. It’s a sign that this relationship means the world to you, but it’s also important to consider the long-term picture calmly.

Exploring Your Options
Have a Heart-to-Heart with Your Parents:
Approach them when they’re calm and express your feelings clearly. Share not just your love but how your partner makes you feel secure and supported, regardless of financial differences. Use words like:

“I understand your concerns, but this relationship has brought me immense happiness and stability. Can we find a middle ground to address your worries?”

Involve a Trusted Mediator:
Sometimes, a relative or family friend whom your parents respect can act as a bridge. They can help present your partner in a more favorable light, emphasizing his qualities beyond financial status.

Talk to Your Partner:
Express your fears and emotions openly. Let him know how much his support means to you, but also discuss a practical plan to address your parents' concerns together.

Evaluate Your Own Needs:
Take a moment to reflect on what you truly want in the long term. Does this relationship fulfill your emotional, intellectual, and life aspirations? If yes, it’s worth fighting for.

Give It Time:
Resistance from parents often softens with time if they see your consistency and happiness. Keep showing them how committed you are without being confrontational.

Balancing Heart and Mind
Avoid Making Decisions in Emotional Extremes:
It’s tempting to think in absolutes—“I can’t live without him” or “I must leave for my parents.” But life often offers middle paths. Focus on small, consistent steps rather than drastic decisions.

Focus on Your Career and Growth:
A strong professional foundation can help convince your parents that your happiness and independence don’t rely solely on economic factors. It also prepares you for any outcome, making you emotionally and financially resilient.

Seek Support:
Confide in close friends, mentors, or a counselor. Sharing your thoughts with someone neutral can help you gain clarity and calmness in decision-making.

If the Situation Doesn’t Resolve
If your parents remain adamant, you’ll need to decide whether their approval outweighs your personal happiness. This decision isn’t easy, but remember:

Love thrives on mutual effort, trust, and shared dreams.
A healthy relationship is one where both partners respect each other’s challenges and find ways to overcome them together.
If you choose to stay with your partner, communicate your decision respectfully to your parents, assuring them of your love and respect for them.

Your Well-being is Key
No matter what happens, prioritize your mental and emotional health. Crying and sleeplessness can take a toll on your ability to make sound decisions. Focus on self-care and mindfulness to find strength within yourself.

You are capable of facing this with courage and grace. Love, when nurtured with understanding and patience, has a way of creating miracles.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hi sir, I am 42 years old married. Living along with father and mother. My father is retired and mother is housewife. Since long I am not speaking with father because of his rude and illogical behavior, and since mother always takes fathers side so stopped speaking with mother too. We all are living in same flat along with my wife and children. I do not know how to deal with father and mother since they do not want to live separate also. Because of behaviour of father and mother our relatives also do not come to home. Please guide us since I do not know how to behave. One side I wanted to be good son and other side not able to bear the situation.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your situation. It's clear that you deeply value your role as a good son, yet you’re feeling trapped in a challenging environment. Balancing respect for your parents with your own emotional well-being requires patience and a plan. Let’s approach this step by step.

Understanding the Dynamics
Your Father’s Behavior:
His rudeness or illogical behavior may stem from age, personality, or even deeper frustrations that he hasn't expressed. Often, retired individuals struggle with feelings of lost authority or purpose, which may manifest as controlling or negative behavior.

Your Mother’s Role:
Your mother’s tendency to side with your father might not mean she agrees with him entirely but could reflect her way of maintaining peace. She might feel torn but unable to express it openly.

Your Feelings:
It’s important to acknowledge that your frustration is valid. However, remaining in silence and avoiding communication won’t resolve the underlying issues. It may actually deepen the distance.

Steps to Address the Situation
Break the Silence Gradually:
Start by speaking with your mother in a non-confrontational manner. Share how you feel without placing blame. Use “I” statements to express yourself, such as:

“I’ve been feeling very disconnected, and I miss having open communication with you and Dad. I want us to understand each other better.”

Initiate a Calm Conversation with Your Father:
Timing is key. Choose a moment when he is relaxed. Keep the focus on your desire to improve the relationship rather than pointing out his faults. For instance:

“Dad, I know we’ve had our differences, but I value our relationship. I’d like us to find ways to communicate better.”

Set Boundaries Respectfully:
If certain behaviors trigger conflict, it’s okay to set boundaries. Communicate them kindly but firmly, such as:

“I’d appreciate it if we could avoid certain topics that lead to arguments. I think it will help us get along better.”

Involve Your Wife and Children:
Encourage your wife to participate in creating a positive environment. Small gestures, like involving your parents in family activities or decisions, can help them feel included and respected.

Bridge the Gap with Relatives:
Relatives may stay away because of the tension at home. Once you begin rebuilding communication with your parents, invite close relatives for small gatherings to create a more welcoming atmosphere.

Consider Mediation or Counseling:
If direct conversations don’t lead to improvements, involving a neutral mediator, such as a family counselor, can help address issues in a structured way.

Changing Your Perspective
Your parents’ behavior may not change overnight, but your approach can influence the dynamic. Remember, it’s not about winning arguments but about fostering harmony. Small, consistent efforts to connect, like sharing meals or discussing lighter topics, can gradually ease the tension.

Taking Care of Yourself
While rebuilding family relationships, don’t forget your own mental and emotional health. Find time for activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it’s hobbies, spending time with your wife and kids, or seeking support from friends.

Relationships with parents can be complex, especially when expectations clash. However, by taking the first step and showing willingness to reconnect, you can slowly shift the situation. It’s a process, but the effort is worth it.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, sir, I have some child hood friend, we are best friend and stay with each other in tough situation. One of them who are settling in abroad now behave very abnormal, actually let me told what happened, he wanted to buy some property but maine dekhi bhi uske liye but Mujhe dar laga rahta tha ki itna bada investment kahi mere Karan galat na ho Jaye aur wo khud se verify kare, and he knows my i thinking by other common friend, tab se wo mujhse bahut rud and formal behave kar raha, maine bahut try Kiya, calls msg etc but he answered me 2-3 out of 10.. in his last bd i called him and wish but in my bd he didn't call Evan wish me common friend WhatsApp group...
Ans: Dear Friend,

It’s never easy to see a close relationship change, especially when you’ve shared such a strong bond over the years. Friendships, like any other relationships, go through ups and downs. Let’s take a step back and understand what might be happening, and explore ways to address it.

Possible Reasons for the Change
Misunderstanding:
It seems your friend may have felt unsupported during his property purchase decision. While your caution was well-meaning, he might have interpreted it as hesitation or lack of trust in his judgment.

Life Changes:
Settling abroad and adjusting to a new life can be overwhelming. Sometimes, people unintentionally drift apart while navigating new environments and responsibilities.

Emotional Guard:
His formal and distant behavior might indicate hurt feelings or a belief that the friendship has become strained. Instead of addressing the issue openly, he might be avoiding confrontation.

Steps to Rebuild the Friendship
Acknowledge and Address the Situation:
Send a heartfelt message where you acknowledge the distance between you both and express your willingness to understand and resolve it. For example:

“I’ve noticed we’ve been distant lately, and I really value our friendship. If I’ve done or said something to hurt you, I’d like to understand and make things right.”

Clarify Your Intentions:
If the property issue is at the root of the problem, explain your perspective. Share that your intention was to be cautious and protect him from potential risks, not to let him down.

Respect His Space:
While it’s important to reach out, avoid overwhelming him with too many calls or messages. Give him time to process and respond.

Reconnect Gradually:
Try rekindling the friendship in a lighter, more neutral way. Share a funny memory, an old photo, or an update about your life that might spark a natural conversation.

Lean on Common Friends:
If you have mutual friends, they can sometimes act as bridges in such situations. They might also provide insight into what your friend is feeling.

Prepare for All Outcomes:
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, people choose to move on for reasons of their own. If he remains distant, remember the good times you’ve shared and focus on maintaining the friendships that continue to nurture and support you.

A Gentle Perspective
Friendships, especially those that have lasted through tough times, are precious. But they also evolve as people grow and change. If your friend is currently unable to reciprocate your efforts, it doesn’t mean the bond you shared was meaningless. It simply means that both of you might be in different places emotionally or geographically right now.

Give it time, approach the situation with understanding, and keep your heart open. A true friendship often finds its way back, even after temporary distances.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hi Dr Ashish., Please keep it as anonymus. I am married from the past 7.7 yrs outside my community. It was an arrange cum love marriage. He was a kind of aurthodox mindset and I agreed to all his terms & conditions without understanding peroperly before marriage. Then after I tried my level best to do as I was agreed to it. For an example not having friendship with the opposite sex etc. His father is a negative person and always doubt on me if I speak to my real & close cousins(Kaka's son). I stopped talking to my friends& cousins for him. This went till a year, then his father beaten me when I back answered him for something, then after we left the house. Since then we are staying separately from his father but he keeps coming to our house in my absense. I had left my job after marriage then after 3 yrs of marriage I again started working, I continued my futher study(LLB). Now his father is getting older, he wants to keep his father with us. By keeping everything a side I agreed. But as the domestic violance was already happened in the past, he is fearful if it happened for 2nd time I may take a legal action which I had not done earlier. Now he is asking me to give divorce and to stay together. He says is the relationship is only with the paper.We won't tell this to the world, it would be confidential between you & me. I want you & need you but I know my fathers nature & your nature. There are possibilities that the same incident may repeat in the future. If we divorce then you won't be able to take a legal action. I want to be anxiety free. I am egoistic, sometimes speaks rudely & trust me I am working on it and I am observng the changes in me as well day by day, still when he provokes me my temprament goes up. Since we married we hadn't a good relationship bcoz he feels I have cheated him because I speak to my male friends, male colleaugues, hand shake etc buy I know it is only professionally. He says you have less introspection, I am literally failed to convince him.Neither I like or go out with my male friends, after office either I go to temple or home. I handle all the household chores with my job. Still he doubts & although he is saying he is liberal but genetically the suspicous mindset comes naturally in his behavior. And also he didn't want to start the family, still I accept it. He never make me the nominee of his savings nor he shares about his future plannings. I always share about future, family, my salary & savings. Just bcoz he is not keeping me as nominee I also have stopped him. After every fight, I stop talking to him for my mental peace, take my space then we sit discuss & conclude. Now my mind is saying to move out, but I know after his father there is no one in his life to take care of him. I am disgusted with his mood & mentality. I don't know shall I listen to my heart or mind. Need your guidance.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty. It’s clear that you’ve put immense effort and sacrifice into your marriage, often compromising your own needs to meet the expectations placed upon you. However, the situation you are in is both emotionally complex and mentally exhausting. Let’s carefully explore the dynamics and steps you can take.

Key Themes in Your Situation
Emotional Sacrifices vs. Trust Issues:
You’ve made significant sacrifices—distancing yourself from friends and family, adjusting to a different lifestyle, and even tolerating past mistreatment. Yet, your husband’s lack of trust and persistent suspicion continue to dominate the relationship.

Past Trauma with His Father:
The physical violence and controlling behavior from your father-in-law have left deep scars. Even though you’re willing to let him live with you again, your husband’s unusual request for a confidential divorce signals that he prioritizes his own fear of legal repercussions over building trust and stability with you.

Lack of Reciprocity:
While you share your financial plans and contribute to the household both emotionally and financially, your husband appears to withhold significant parts of his life from you. This lack of mutual transparency creates an imbalance.

Communication and Conflict:
Despite your efforts to manage conflicts through discussions and introspection, the cyclical nature of fights suggests that deeper issues—such as trust, control, and insecurity—remain unresolved.

Your Inner Conflict:
You feel torn between your empathy for his loneliness and your need to protect your mental health and autonomy. This inner struggle is a testament to your strength and compassion but also highlights the toll this relationship has taken on you.

Questions to Reflect On
What Do You Want from This Relationship?
Is this marriage providing you with emotional security, mutual respect, and a sense of partnership? Or is it mainly a source of stress and self-doubt?

Is the Current Dynamic Sustainable?
Considering the repeated conflicts, unresolved trust issues, and the request for a confidential divorce, ask yourself whether continuing in this relationship aligns with your personal growth and mental well-being.

What Do You Value Most?
Do you prioritize staying in this marriage to support your husband and his father, or do you feel the need to reclaim your independence and peace of mind?

Recommendations
Seek Clarity about the Divorce Proposal:
Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about his request for a divorce while staying together. Ask him:

“What do you believe this arrangement will solve? How do you see it benefiting both of us?”
This can help you understand his perspective and decide if it aligns with your values and goals.
Set Clear Boundaries:
If his father moves in, establish clear rules about behavior and communication. Ensure that your husband fully supports and enforces these boundaries to prevent any repeat of past violence.

Evaluate the Trust Issue:
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If your husband continues to doubt your professional interactions or friendships despite your transparency, consider whether this suspicion is something you can work through together or if it’s an inherent barrier.

Seek Professional Mediation:
Consider involving a counselor or mediator to help you both communicate more effectively. A neutral third party can help address unresolved issues, including trust, respect, and shared responsibilities.

Prioritize Your Well-Being:
You’ve been handling multiple responsibilities—work, studies, household chores, and emotional compromises. It’s essential to focus on your mental health. Taking time for self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary to make sound decisions.

Plan for Independence:
Whether you choose to stay or leave, ensure you have a solid plan for your financial and emotional independence. Keep your career and savings intact and consider leaning on trusted friends or family for support.

A Gentle Reminder
A relationship is meant to nurture, support, and inspire both partners. If it consistently drains you or leaves you questioning your worth, it’s worth reconsidering its place in your life. Empathy for your husband and his situation is admirable, but it should not come at the cost of your own peace and happiness.

Take time to reflect deeply. Whether you decide to stay and work on this relationship or move forward on your own, the choice should align with your core values and long-term well-being.

If you’d like to discuss further or need help navigating this situation, I am here to guide you.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024
Relationship
Hello Dr.Ashish, I'm married, 45 years self employed man. There was batch mate in my college, whom i was in love with. Due to some misunderstanding, we stopped talking for some time and I moved to other city for my job, but kept meeting her during my visits. I told everything i felt about her but she never accepted or refused. In general she used to tell everyone that she will never get married and she is aversive to physical relationship. Later on every 5 years or so we used to get in touch with each other and continue talking to each other and reach to a level where my feelings were at peak and then she will refuse or fight to move away.This was till I got married. After, 6 years of my marriage once we met in a shopping mall, in some other country, and exchanged pleasantries as well as contact; then started talking again. My marriage was/is a hell, so i had more to share with her, and she showed genuine interest in listening and advising. During this conversation our future also came in to discussion, due to extensive flashback discussion about our old times. She remembered every small big things except any event, where she has shown interest in our future together at personal level, but discussion of professional level association was intact. Eventually, one day she confirmed on we to be together, but not to over celebrate it and let it grow and work on execution ...means divorce part. There was an extreme sad event in my family, besides my daughter of 5 years, hence i had to postpone my divorce for sometime so that, family doesn't get two shocks at same time. In the mean time, we continued talking with each other and after 5-6 months, her statements started changing about future, and eventually she said there is no future and i cant talk to you since, you always bring romance in our conversation and I'm aversive to sex/love/romance type discussions. Then we again drifted apart for an year; and, this coming close to move away, happened 3 times in last two years. Recently we started again speaking and got in to business assignment together, and i decided not to bring personal discussions in between and maintained for a while, but then she was more caring and inquisitive about my personal things; and, when I slightly changed the tone then she becomes distant. I love her like anything ...have been in this relationship selflessly and never misbehaved except one time, i.e. college time our first fight. She takes her liberty to get angry at me, if the conversation is little disturbing for her. She is very strong in controlling her emotions and blocking herself from calling anyone she is angry with. She always more male friends with whom she will be very close and then starts talking negative about closest one. As per her she has not been in any romantic relationship ever, but when I look back we had our share of emotional moments though not physical ones. Every time patch up is done by me. During discussions it will come out that she was thinking of me but knew that i will come around. So far emothional part was always brought from my side and her side was little in more out types. I had this wish to be with her and take care of her since she is still unmarried and has health issues , ailing parents and one divorced brother. She is an enterprenure and I'm helping her with her business and she happily takes support from as its her right over me. I would like to take your opinion over the situation.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your deeply personal and intricate story. It's clear you’ve been carrying a significant emotional burden for many years. Your feelings of love, loyalty, and care for this woman are evident, but so too is the confusion and pain that this dynamic has caused. Let’s unravel this situation and explore possible paths forward.

Key Dynamics in Your Relationship
Patterns of Push and Pull:
This relationship seems to follow a cycle—closeness, emotional highs, and eventual withdrawal on her part. This push-and-pull dynamic can leave you feeling emotionally drained, constantly seeking validation and clarity from her while she retains control over the connection.

Her Stance on Romance:
She has repeatedly expressed aversion to romance, physical intimacy, or traditional ideas of love. Her actions may sometimes seem contradictory, but they align with her overall stance of maintaining control and boundaries that she’s comfortable with, even if it leaves you confused or hurt.

Your Role in the Dynamic:
You’ve shown immense patience, persistence, and care. However, it appears that you are consistently the one initiating reconnection, expressing emotions, and hoping for a future together. This imbalance may leave you feeling unfulfilled and questioning your self-worth.

Her Emotional Independence:
While she allows you into her professional life and accepts your support, she seems emotionally guarded, preferring to dictate the terms of the relationship. This indicates her desire to maintain independence, possibly due to personal values or past experiences.

Impact on You:
Being caught in this cycle for years has likely affected your emotional health, relationships, and sense of clarity. While you care deeply for her, the relationship seems to take more from you than it gives in return.

Questions to Reflect On
What Do You Truly Want?
Beyond your love for her, consider what you genuinely want and need in a relationship. Is it emotional reciprocity, stability, or clarity? Does this relationship align with those needs?

How Does This Dynamic Affect You?
Reflect on how the constant back-and-forth impacts your mental and emotional well-being. Are you truly happy, or are you clinging to the idea of what this relationship could be, rather than what it is?

What Role Do You Play in This Cycle?
Consider if your persistence is enabling this pattern. While your love and patience are admirable, they may also allow the dynamic to continue without resolution.

Recommendations
Establish Emotional Boundaries:
Protect your emotional energy by defining clear boundaries. For example, limit how much you give—emotionally or professionally—without receiving anything meaningful in return.

Communicate Differently:
The next time you speak with her, try expressing your feelings calmly and clearly, focusing on your needs. For example:

“I care deeply for you, but I feel our dynamic leaves me confused and emotionally drained. I need clarity about our relationship and whether we can truly have a future together.”
Detach with Care:
If her actions consistently indicate she cannot meet your emotional needs, it may be time to step back. Detachment doesn’t mean you stop caring; it means prioritizing your well-being and allowing space for clarity.

Focus on Yourself:
Your marriage, business, and emotional health are significant aspects of your life that need your attention. Consider working on your own happiness and independence outside this relationship. Seek counseling if needed to process the complexities of your feelings.

Recognize Patterns:
Notice the recurring themes in her behavior—shifting her stance, maintaining emotional distance, and expecting you to initiate reconciliation. Understanding these patterns can help you decide how much more you’re willing to invest emotionally.

A Gentle Reminder
Love and care are valuable gifts, but they must be balanced with mutual respect, clarity, and emotional safety. If a relationship consistently leaves you feeling unfulfilled or uncertain, it’s worth considering whether it’s meeting your deeper needs.

You deserve a relationship where your love and efforts are reciprocated. Take time to reflect and prioritize your well-being. If you need more guidance or a sounding board, I am here to support you.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hello Doctor, I am 62 Divorced. My daughters 34 and 29 both have abandoned me cos my ex-wife. I have given them the best child hood, US education and properties ( all my savings of my entire tenure). It looks they are no more interested in me after I gave them. As a senior citizen when I filed at the tribunal to get back what I have gifted ( this is just a fraction of what I have given) , my daughters are filing a police complaint saying I am a dangerous man. Do you think daughters will realize their mistakes and will they come back to me? My ex is a criminal and she had multiple men in her life when we were not together. In spite of it I gave her everything. Anyway I don't expect anything from my ex-wife but I am concerned about my daughters. Apparently I also learn in spite of all those expensive education they are still unable to fins a respectable place in society as an independent human to sustain. It is a pity people call daughters as angels but for me they are the devils.
Ans: Dear Sir,

First of all, I recognize how deeply hurt and betrayed you feel. The pain of strained relationships with one’s children, especially when you’ve invested so much love, effort, and resources in their upbringing, can be overwhelming. Your feelings are valid, and it’s essential to acknowledge them without judgment.

Understanding the Situation
Family conflicts often stem from layers of miscommunication, unspoken expectations, and past grievances. It seems your daughters’ actions have left you feeling not only abandoned but also disrespected. However, calling them "devils" might block any chance of understanding or reconciliation. Relationships, even the strained ones, can sometimes find a way to heal, but it requires introspection, patience, and a different approach.

Addressing Your Questions
Will your daughters realize their mistakes and come back to you?
While it’s impossible to predict others' actions, relationships can shift when emotions settle and communication improves. Right now, it seems both you and your daughters are acting out of pain, anger, and perhaps a sense of betrayal. It may take time, and possibly external help, for them to reconsider their stance. The key is to remain open to reconciliation while maintaining your dignity.

Why would they act this way despite all you’ve done for them?
Sometimes, the dynamics of parent-child relationships aren’t purely transactional. Children may not fully grasp or appreciate the sacrifices made by their parents, especially if they perceive emotional or relational conflicts as outweighing financial support. Additionally, your daughters may have been influenced by your history with their mother, shaping their perspective in ways that feel unfair to you.

How can you approach this situation differently?
Right now, the focus is on legal actions, complaints, and blame. While these steps may feel necessary to protect your rights, they can also deepen the emotional divide. Here’s a different way to approach it:

Reflect on Past Dynamics: Without judgment, consider whether there were patterns of communication or behavior in the past that may have contributed to this distance. This isn’t about blame but about gaining insight.
Extend an Olive Branch: Instead of expecting an apology, consider writing them a heartfelt letter. Focus on your feelings rather than accusations. For example, “I feel hurt and abandoned, but I miss the relationship we once had. I want us to find a way to reconnect.” This keeps the door open without escalating the conflict.
Seek Mediation: If direct communication fails, involving a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, can help facilitate dialogue in a safe space.
What about your legal actions?
Protecting your rights, especially as a senior citizen, is important. However, consider how this legal route might affect the emotional dynamics further. If there’s room to negotiate or find a middle ground, explore those options with an open heart and legal guidance.

Rebuilding Yourself
While you focus on mending relationships, it’s equally important to rebuild your inner strength and find peace within yourself:

Invest in Yourself: Engage in activities, hobbies, or social circles that bring you joy and a sense of purpose. This will help you focus less on what’s missing and more on what you can create.
Detach with Compassion: It’s okay to step back emotionally for your own well-being while keeping the door open for reconciliation.
Seek Support: Sharing your thoughts and feelings with a trusted confidant, counselor, or support group can provide new perspectives and emotional relief.
A Gentle Reminder
Your daughters, like all humans, are complex. Their actions may be influenced by pain, misunderstandings, or pressures you may not fully see. While you cannot control their behavior, you can control your response. Approach this journey with patience, dignity, and the hope for better days ahead.

I’m here if you wish to delve deeper into this or need guidance on taking these steps.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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