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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025
Relationship

I am 52, mother of a daughter and son. Daughter is married and has two kids. My son is only 23. He is in love with a Bengali woman who is 12 years elder to him. I have met her briefly when my son invited her to a family event. He was laughing and cuddling up to her in front of all our guests much to our embarassment. I am a modern woman who has no qualms about anyone expressing his/her emotions. However, my concern is that this woman has begun to influence my son in a bad way. He has been partying away, splurging his savings and is now seeking my help to buy a flat in his girlfriend's name. I put my foot down and since then he has stopped talking to me. My daughter tells me that he has blocked me on his phone and social media. He has quit his job and I am worried he is not taking good care of himself. Meanwhile, the girl looks happy and has been spotted with other young guys at various places. I have not disclosed any of this to my son but I want him to know that he is being cheated on before it is too late. He is love sick and all our attempts to talk to him about this have failed. I feel helpless. What can I do to help my son recover from this mess?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As a mother you are only trying to protect your son. So, find what you can on this woman and yes, your son needs to be shown that he is just being played and is another one of her 'boys'. Maybe then he will come to his senses. In the meantime, as a family try to surround him with love and a lot of care. He is only experimenting outside by rebelling at home OR he could very well be searching for some validation and attention outside. Give that attention to him at home and that will help him circle right back.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 07, 2024

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Hi, my only son aged 27yrs is in relationship with a girl aged 22yrs and she kept him as guarantor in her home loan of 20 lacs and took personal loan of 5 lacs from my son (which he took from NBFC and gave it to her). This all done without informing any of us in our family. She is from other state and she donot any family members except her single mom. We have undivided family with conservative mind set. Our family members are not willing to accept her in the family as she taking undue advantage from my son and feels untrustworthy....plz advice
Ans: Dear Srinivas,
While it's important to address the concerns within the family, it's also crucial to respect the individual choices and relationships of your adult son. Striking a balance between expressing concerns and allowing autonomy can be challenging but is essential for maintaining a healthy family dynamic Offer support to your son while guiding him about responsible financial decisions. Help him understand the potential consequences of being a guarantor and lending money Seek to understand the dynamics of your son's relationship with the girl. It's essential to know whether they have a stable and healthy relationship or if there are any red flags. Consider having a conversation with the girl to understand her intentions and reasons for involving your son in her financial matters.Keep the conversation respectful and non-confrontational to foster open communication Establish clear boundaries about financial involvement in relationships. Encourage your son to communicate with the family before making significant financial commitments.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, my only son aged 27yrs is in relationship with a girl aged 22yrs and she kept him as guarantor in her home loan of 20 lacs and took personal loan of 5 lacs from my son (which he took from NBFC and gave it to her). This all done without informing any of us in our family. She is from other state and she donot have any family members except her single mom. We have undivided family with conservative mind set. Our family members are not willing to accept her in the family as she is taking undue advantage from my son and feels untrustworthy....We have clarified to my son that in such a scenario you have to choose her or us leaving behind everything including the ancestral property. His girlfriend is not accepting him this and told him that she will accept him only if our family members accepts her. This has chaos in our calm and cool nature of our home as our son is throwing the tantrums everyday and disturbing the mental peace of every member of our family. Please advice us what can be done in this scenario as none of our family members are willing to accept her and also not wanting to part away my only son. Thanking you
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Either your family sees her as someone who wants family approval and be happy with it OR you can doubt her as someone who has managed to cheat your son.
Which of it is true, only time will tell...Your son is blinded by love...how can you appeal to him? What can you say that will make him realize that he possibly can be cheated?
One way is to invite her to your home and ask her to come out clean about these money dealings and why your son chose to keep this information away from his family...If you are all convinced about her honesty, it will be easier to accept her into the family; otherwise there is a possibility that your son maybe able to see through her lies...
So, whether she is the right person for your son or not will be better known when you warmly invite her over and without any judgements give her a chance...making sense?

All the best!

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2024Hindi
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This is urgent. Pls help. My son 18 yrs has been in a relationship with his classmate. He is intelligent and very venerable as he is innocent.She has been abetting him and his behaviour on the family has changed. He shouts at us and kind of surrendered himself to her. Anything we say irritates him. He has started telling lies. He locks the room and is on the phone hours together. Even if he tells that he is sleepy, she doesn't allow him to sleep. He doesn't know that we are aware of it. We tried to indirectly talk but he doesn't care about anything as he blindly follows her instructions. He doesn't listen to anyone. We feel something is wrong. Should we talk to her parents or use some law? Making them sit and advice doesn't work.
Ans: The challenge here is that he’s likely in a highly emotional and intense phase of his life, where his attachment to this person may feel all-consuming. When someone feels like they're being judged or controlled, they tend to push back harder, and it seems that's what’s happening with your son. Approaching him with confrontation or involving legal measures may only cause him to withdraw even more.

What he needs right now, even if he doesn't realize it, is understanding and connection. If you can find a way to express your concern for his well-being, not just your disapproval of his relationship, it might open up a space for dialogue. He may feel trapped in this relationship in ways he can't yet see. Your role can be to help him feel safe enough to reflect on his own choices, rather than feel he has to defend them.

This is a delicate situation, and while it may seem urgent, sometimes a softer approach allows for a deeper breakthrough. Your patience, love, and ability to listen might be the key to guiding him through this

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