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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi sir, I am 39 year old. Earning 1.8 l per month. Invested in stocks upto 1 lakh.Invested in gold for 2lakhs. Invested in ppf upto 13 lakhs and continuing it, investing in SSY upto 1lakhs from 2019 for girl child.Invested in NPS upto 1 lakh. Having term insurance for 2cr paying 3800rs per month. Having endowment policy for next 21 years. Having medical insurance upto 30 lakh sum assured having premium about 70k per year for myself, dependant and a kid. Having medical insurance sum assured upto 5 lakh each for parents having premium of 42k per year. Having a car loan of 20lakhs for next 4 years, having a personal loan of upto 4 lakhs and will end up in December. Planning for retirement corpus of 5 cr in next 15 years, and planning for child higher education for 12 years with 2 cr and marriage in next 20 years for another 2cr. Planning to buy plot in 3 years worth 75 lakhs,Am I going in right financial path? Which mutual fund needs to be considered to achieve these goal?

Ans: Evaluating Your Current Financial Situation
You are 39 years old with a monthly income of Rs. 1.8 lakhs.

Your investments include Rs. 1 lakh in stocks, Rs. 2 lakhs in gold, and Rs. 13 lakhs in PPF.

You also invest in SSY for your daughter, with Rs. 1 lakh since 2019, and Rs. 1 lakh in NPS.

You have a term insurance cover of Rs. 2 crores and an endowment policy.

Your medical insurance covers you, your dependents, and your parents.

You have a car loan of Rs. 20 lakhs and a personal loan of Rs. 4 lakhs ending in December.

Setting Financial Goals
Your financial goals include a retirement corpus of Rs. 5 crores in 15 years.

You plan to fund your child's higher education with Rs. 2 crores in 12 years.

You also plan for your child's marriage with Rs. 2 crores in 20 years.

Additionally, you plan to buy a plot worth Rs. 75 lakhs in 3 years.

Assessing Current Investments
Your current investments are diversified but may need adjustments to meet your goals.

The PPF and SSY investments are good for secure, long-term growth.

Stock and gold investments add diversity but require careful monitoring.

Evaluating Insurance Coverage
You have substantial insurance coverage with term and medical policies.

Ensure the term insurance adequately covers your family's financial needs.

Your medical insurance provides good coverage, but review the premiums regularly.

Managing Debt
You have a car loan of Rs. 20 lakhs and a personal loan ending soon.

Prioritize paying off high-interest loans quickly to free up cash flow.

Managing debt effectively is crucial for financial stability.

Retirement Planning
To achieve Rs. 5 crores in 15 years, invest in high-growth mutual funds.

Assume an average annual return of 12% for equity mutual funds.

You need to invest approximately Rs. 85,000 monthly in SIPs.

Child's Education Planning
For Rs. 2 crores in 12 years, focus on high-growth mutual funds.

Assuming a 12% annual return, invest around Rs. 55,000 monthly in SIPs.

Consider starting a dedicated fund for your child's education.

Child's Marriage Planning
For Rs. 2 crores in 20 years, invest in balanced mutual funds.

Assuming a 10% annual return, invest around Rs. 27,000 monthly in SIPs.

Longer investment duration allows for balanced funds to grow steadily.

Plot Purchase Planning
For buying a plot worth Rs. 75 lakhs in 3 years, consider short-term debt mutual funds.

These funds offer moderate returns with lower risk compared to equities.

Invest around Rs. 2 lakhs monthly in short-term debt funds.

Choosing Mutual Funds
Select a mix of equity, balanced, and debt mutual funds for diversification.

Equity funds provide high returns for long-term goals.

Balanced funds offer moderate growth with less risk for medium-term goals.

Debt funds ensure stability for short-term goals.

Risk Management
Diversify investments to manage risk effectively.

Review your portfolio regularly to adjust based on market conditions.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized risk management strategies.

Tax Planning
Invest in tax-saving mutual funds to reduce your tax liability.

Utilize Section 80C deductions for investments in PPF, SSY, and ELSS funds.

Efficient tax planning enhances overall returns.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Monitor your investments regularly to ensure they align with your goals.

Adjust your SIP amounts and fund selections based on performance.

Stay informed about market trends and economic changes.

Emergency Fund Consideration
Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.

An emergency fund provides financial security and peace of mind.

Ensure it is easily accessible and separate from your investment portfolio.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
A CFP can help create a detailed investment strategy.

They provide personalized advice based on your financial situation.

A CFP can guide you in selecting the right mutual funds and adjusting your portfolio.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
Avoid investing in quick-rich schemes, as they are risky and often lead to losses.

Stick to disciplined investing through SIPs for long-term wealth creation.

Do not make impulsive decisions based on short-term market fluctuations.

Benefits of Long-Term Investing
Long-term investing allows your money to grow through compounding.

It helps overcome short-term market volatility.

Stay invested for the long term to achieve your financial goals.

Monitoring Market Conditions
Stay informed about market trends and economic conditions.

However, do not let short-term market movements dictate your investment decisions.

Focus on your long-term investment strategy.

Conclusion
Your current financial path is strong, but adjustments can help you reach your goals.

Invest Rs. 85,000 monthly in equity mutual funds for retirement.

Invest Rs. 55,000 monthly for child's education and Rs. 27,000 for marriage in SIPs.

Consider Rs. 2 lakhs monthly in short-term debt funds for plot purchase.

Consult a CFP for personalized advice and regular portfolio review.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 21, 2024

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Hi sir, I am 39 year old. Invested in stocks upto 1 lakh.Invested in gold for 2lakhs. Invested in ppf upto 13 lakhs and continuing it, investing in SSY upto 1lakhs from 2019 for girl child.Invested in NPS upto 1 lakh. Having term insurance for 2cr paying 3800rs per month. Having endowment policy for next 21 years. Having medical insurance upto 30 lakh sum assured having premium about 70k per year for myself, dependant and a kid. Having medical insurance sum assured upto 5 lakh each for parents having premium of 42k per year. Having a car loan of 20lakhs for next 4 years, having a personal loan of upto 4 lakhs and will end up in December. Planning for retirement corpus of 5 cr in next 15 years, and planning for child higher education for 12 years with 2 cr and marriage in next 20 years for another 2cr. Planning to buy plot in 3 years worth 75 lakhs, Which mutual fund needs to be considered to achieve these goal?
Ans: Crafting a Mutual Fund Strategy for Your Financial Goals
It's commendable that you're actively planning for your financial future. Let's outline a strategic approach using mutual funds to achieve your goals.

Assessing Financial Goals
Retirement Corpus
Your target retirement corpus of 5 crores in 15 years requires a disciplined investment strategy with a focus on long-term wealth creation.

Child's Higher Education and Marriage
For your child's education and marriage, aiming for a combined corpus of 4 crores over the next 12 and 20 years, respectively, necessitates a balanced investment approach.

Plot Purchase
Planning to buy a plot worth 75 lakhs in 3 years requires short to medium-term investment options with capital appreciation potential.

Mutual Fund Selection Criteria
Goal Horizon
Align mutual fund selections with the time horizon of each financial goal, focusing on funds with proven track records of consistent returns over the required investment duration.

Risk Appetite
Consider your risk tolerance and opt for a diversified mix of mutual funds spanning various asset classes to mitigate risk while aiming for optimal returns.

Tax Efficiency
Select mutual funds that offer tax efficiency, such as equity-linked saving schemes (ELSS), to leverage tax benefits while investing for long-term goals.

Recommended Mutual Fund Categories
Equity Mutual Funds
Allocate a significant portion of your investment towards equity mutual funds for long-term wealth accumulation, considering the growth potential of equities over time.

Debt Mutual Funds
Include debt mutual funds in your portfolio for stability and capital preservation, especially for short to medium-term goals like the plot purchase.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Explore hybrid mutual funds, which offer a balanced mix of equity and debt exposure, suitable for investors seeking moderate risk with potentially higher returns.

Final Thoughts
Regular Portfolio Review
Periodically review your mutual fund portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance, making adjustments as necessary.

Professional Guidance
Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor your mutual fund investment strategy according to your unique financial circumstances and objectives.

By strategically allocating your investments across equity, debt, and hybrid mutual funds, you can work towards achieving your financial goals efficiently.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

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Hello Gurus, I am 41 years old and currently working in IT industries. My take home salary is more or less 1.8L/Month (After (income-tax, pf, etc.) all deductions). My monthly expenses (including everything + investments) are around 1.3L/Monthly. Family of four, kids are not started their major studies, still in primary school, dependant parents and relatives. My current investments. 1) LIC – 1.6L/Annum – approx. return would be 50+ Lakhs by 2038 2) HDFC Sanchya + - annually 4L return after 2038 3) PPF – annually 1.5L/Annum and expecting 40+Lakhs by 2034 4) PF – Right now around 20+Lakhs 5) One land – 25L 6) One Flat under construction – 25L invested/paid and total payment will be 1.15 Cr by 2028 7) One MF – Current value 8L, total investment 3.5L(Lumpsum in year of 2017) 8) Cash in hand – 70L(FD) 9) Emergency fund – 20L(FD) 10) Equity 1.6L Invested and current value 2.7L No Loans as of now. Apart from this I have 50L worth of term insurance, 20L health insurance cover for my Family. I am targeting to retire by another 14 years with a corpus of 15cr or more. Please guide me how I can achieve it. If I need to invest in MF then which all MFs I can invest in. (Risk taking appetite is moderate)
Ans: You have a well-diversified portfolio and a clear goal of retiring with a corpus of Rs 15 crores in 14 years. Let's break down a strategy to achieve this goal.

Current Financial Position
Age: 41 years
Monthly take-home salary: Rs 1.8 lakhs
Monthly expenses: Rs 1.3 lakhs
Family: Four members, with kids in primary school, dependent parents and relatives
Investments and Assets
LIC: Rs 1.6 lakhs/annum, expected return of 50+ lakhs by 2038
HDFC Sanchaya+: Rs 4 lakhs/annum, expected annual return after 2038
PPF: Rs 1.5 lakhs/annum, expected return of 40+ lakhs by 2034
PF: Current value around 20+ lakhs
Land: Worth Rs 25 lakhs
Flat under construction: Rs 25 lakhs invested, total payment will be Rs 1.15 crores by 2028
Mutual Funds: Current value Rs 8 lakhs, total investment Rs 3.5 lakhs (lumpsum in 2017)
Cash in hand (FD): Rs 70 lakhs
Emergency fund (FD): Rs 20 lakhs
Equity: Rs 1.6 lakhs invested, current value Rs 2.7 lakhs
Term insurance: Rs 50 lakhs
Health insurance: Rs 20 lakhs
Retirement Goal
Target corpus: Rs 15 crores
Time horizon: 14 years
Risk appetite: Moderate
Investment Strategy
1. Increase SIPs in Mutual Funds:

Considering your moderate risk appetite, invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid mutual funds. Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to index funds.

2. Maximise Tax Savings:

Continue maximising your PPF and PF contributions for tax savings and secure returns.

3. Diversify Further:

Consider diversifying into debt funds for stability and fixed returns. This will balance your equity investments.

4. Real Estate Investments:

Be cautious with the flat under construction. Ensure timely completion and clear legal title to avoid future issues.

5. Emergency Fund:

You already have a substantial emergency fund. Maintain this for liquidity during unforeseen events.

6. Equity Investments:

Continue investing in equities. Direct stocks can offer high returns but require careful selection and monitoring.

7. Review Insurance Cover:

Ensure your term insurance cover is adequate. Consider increasing it to match your financial responsibilities and future goals.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Annual Review:

Regularly review your portfolio performance. Adjust investments based on market conditions and financial goals.

Financial Planner Consultation:

Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner periodically. They can provide tailored advice and keep your investments on track.

Final Insights
You are on a good financial path with a diversified portfolio. Focus on increasing your SIPs in mutual funds and diversifying further into debt funds. Ensure your real estate investments are secure and maintain your emergency fund. Regularly review your portfolio and seek professional advice to stay on track for a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 26, 2024

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Hi Ramalingam Sir, Hope you doing great and healthy. Sir, I am 34 year old and having 2 daughter 7 year old and 6 months old. My house hold (me and spouse) income is 1 lakh 30k in hand. My monthly expenses are around 35000 and school expenses are 20000 quarterly. I have monthly EMI of 50000 which will be ending on July-25. I have a land worth 31 lakh, and investing 5k monthly in PPF. I have term insurance of 1cr. I want to plan my financial in systematic way. I have surplus of 10k more monthly which I have to invest, please suggest any Mutual Fund in 60% equity and 40% debt. I have a future goal in 2026 of building my own home on land I purchased with construction loan. Also I want to build some corpus for both daughters education. Please help me how I can plan to meet a good financial life.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
You have a stable household income of Rs. 1,30,000 per month. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000, with quarterly school expenses of Rs. 20,000. You have a significant EMI of Rs. 50,000, which will end in July 2025. You invest Rs. 5,000 in PPF monthly and have a term insurance of Rs. 1 crore. You own land worth Rs. 31 lakhs and have an additional Rs. 10,000 monthly for investment.

Financial Goals
Build a home on your land by 2026.
Create a corpus for your daughters' education.
Systematically invest the surplus Rs. 10,000.
Expense Management
Your expenses are well-managed, but optimizing them can provide more room for savings. Review your expenses periodically and adjust where possible. Consider small lifestyle changes that can help reduce costs without impacting your quality of life.

Investment Strategy
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You are already investing in PPF, which is a good long-term, tax-saving investment. Continue this as it provides a secure and tax-efficient growth for your funds.

Mutual Funds: Equity and Debt Allocation
For your surplus Rs. 10,000, investing in a balanced mutual fund with a 60% equity and 40% debt allocation is wise. This provides growth potential with moderate risk.

Equity Component (60%):

Invest in diversified equity mutual funds.
Focus on funds with a track record of consistent performance.
This portion will help in wealth creation over the long term.
Debt Component (40%):

Invest in debt mutual funds for stability and regular income.
These funds have lower risk and provide steady returns.
They will balance the volatility of the equity portion.
Home Construction Goal
You aim to build a home by 2026. Start planning for the construction loan early. Ensure you have a clear budget and timeline. Keep a portion of your savings in liquid assets for this purpose, so you can access funds quickly when needed.

Children's Education Fund
To build a corpus for your daughters' education, start a dedicated investment plan.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):
Allocate a portion of your surplus to equity mutual funds via SIPs.
SIPs provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.
Consider child-specific mutual funds with a mix of equity and debt.
Insurance Coverage
Your term insurance of Rs. 1 crore is a good safety net. Review your insurance needs periodically to ensure it covers your growing responsibilities.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of your household expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a savings account or liquid fund.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Track Your Investments:

Regularly review your investment portfolio.
Ensure your investments align with your financial goals.
Financial Health Check:

Conduct an annual financial health check.
Adjust your investments based on market conditions and personal circumstances.
Tax Planning
Leverage tax-saving instruments like PPF, ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme), and National Pension System (NPS) to reduce your taxable income. Proper tax planning can enhance your savings and investments.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong. By strategically investing your surplus and planning for future goals, you can achieve financial security and growth. Regularly monitor and adjust your plan to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

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I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
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Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
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Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

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Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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