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Worried Mom: How to Help My Daughter Cope with Bullying & Sibling Rivalry?

Aruna Agarwal | Answer |Ask -Follow

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on May 24, 2024

Aruna Agarwal is a qualified child psychologist and behaviour therapist with over 20 years of experience.
She has a master’s degree in psychology with a specialisation in behaviour analysis. She focuses on children between the ages of 2-10 years who face challenges related to behaviour, language development or attention issues and providing them with the right life skills.
Agarwal is the owner of Kidzee, a pre-primary school, and Mount Litera Zee School that caters to primary students.... more

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi

I am writing to express my concerns about my daughter, who is 10 years old. Over the past six months, she has been experiencing difficulties at school due to bullying from one of her classmates. This classmate has been isolating her from her other friends and has been making her feel uncomfortable. Consequently, her grades have started to decline, and she has been expressing a reluctance to attend school. My daughter has confided in me about this issue, and she is desperate to distance herself from this classmate. However, she is feeling scared and lacks the confidence to do so. Additionally, I have observed changes in her behavior at home. She has become more irritable, moody, and adamant. I believe this may be due to feelings of being neglected in comparison to her younger brother, who is three years old. While she loves her brother dearly, she sometimes feels that I give him more attention due to his age. As a parent, I am trying my best to support and reassure her, but I feel that I may not be providing enough help. I am seeking your guidance and assistance in addressing these issues and helping my daughter navigate through this challenging time.

Ans: Bullying in the school has to be taken seriously by the school and parents. I am glad that you are trying to provide her with strength to deal with this. Try to understand about the other child who is doing that,if possible take the help of teachers,peers and counselors in the school to counsel the child . Meanwhile try to help your child to develop self confidence and deal with this confidently. Make your child have strong self belief to have a better self esteem.

DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.

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I need your expert advice in parenting my daughter. I am a 45 year old mother having two children, a daughter (aged 10 years) and a son (aged 7 years). My husband is very bad at finance issues and because of that we had some issues with my marriage. So I shifted to my mother's place with my kids and we were not in touch with my husband for quite some time. It’s been six years I have been bringing up my kids with very less support/ no support either from my husband or my mother. Since my husband is not staying with us, my kids have been missing their father. Of late, my husband visits us often and he spends time with the kids whenever possible. Though she is 10 years old, my daughter is not having that level of maturity. She is very illogical and dull. I have been training her in certain household work like sweeping the house, washing her clothes and all. She is doing all the work with no concentration/involvement/interest and so the output is pathetic. She is like that in her studies also. I have been explaining things in a very detailed way even then she is doing things like that. During my childhood no one was there to explain me but for my daughter I am there but she is not understanding the value of it. I am getting frustrated and irritated because of her. My question is since she was missing her father couple of years in the recent past, her behaviour is like this. Is there anything that I can do for her improvement? Shortly she might be starting her puberty cycle and before that I would like to make her logical and smart. I have been consistently trying for this by chatting with her alone but could not see any betterment. Kindly help me out.

Ans: Dear JR, when you say: She is very illogical and dull, what does this mean?

Does she take time to understand things? Or is it that she is being evaluated based on what others her age are doing?

At age 10, do you want a happy child or a child who excels in washing clothes and doing all your housework.

Sharing responsibilities at home is perfectly fine, but to judge your child based on that by saying: ‘output is pathetic’ only demoralizes the child further.

She possibly has missed her father all these years and what you need to do is fill it with more love, care and what is the point in driving the point that you didn’t have anyone and she has you and she has to understand the value of this.

She is 10, please allow her to be her age and feel free with each of you.

Create an environment that is loving and caring and supporting from both parents will enable her to relax, be cheerful, grow and be active. And this environment is not for any sort of evaluation or to see a favourable behaviour from her in return.

In a few years from now, she will be hitting puberty.

Let her walk into that phase with confidence and pride rather than self-doubt and shame. I am sure that as a mother you know how important that time is for a young girl.

Start thinking of how to be back together as a family as it isn’t easy for you as well to be away from your husband.

This could also be adding to your stress and maybe it comes out in different ways.

Be with your daughter, love her and encourage her and even after that, you see that there is a challenge, then maybe it’s time to visit a professional who can step in and help.

Happy parenting and be well and stress-free!

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