I need your expert advice in parenting my daughter.
I am a 45 year old mother having two children, a daughter (aged 10 years) and a son (aged 7 years).
My husband is very bad at finance issues and because of that we had some issues with my marriage. So
I shifted to my mother's place with my kids and we were not in touch with my husband for quite some time.
It’s been six years I have been bringing up my kids with very less support/ no support either from my husband or my mother.
Since my husband is not staying with us, my kids have been missing their father. Of late, my husband visits us often and he spends time with the kids whenever possible.
Though she is 10 years old, my daughter is not having that level of maturity.
She is very illogical and dull. I have been training her in certain household work like sweeping the house, washing her clothes and all.
She is doing all the work with no concentration/involvement/interest and so the output is pathetic.
She is like that in her studies also. I have been explaining things in a very detailed way even then she is doing things like that.
During my childhood no one was there to explain me but for my daughter I am there but she is not understanding the value of it. I am getting frustrated and irritated because of her.
My question is since she was missing her father couple of years in the recent past, her behaviour is like this.
Is there anything that I can do for her improvement?
Shortly she might be starting her puberty cycle and before that I would like to make her logical and smart.
I have been consistently trying for this by chatting with her alone but could not see any betterment. Kindly help me out.
Ans: Dear JR, when you say: She is very illogical and dull, what does this mean?
Does she take time to understand things? Or is it that she is being evaluated based on what others her age are doing?
At age 10, do you want a happy child or a child who excels in washing clothes and doing all your housework.
Sharing responsibilities at home is perfectly fine, but to judge your child based on that by saying: ‘output is pathetic’ only demoralizes the child further.
She possibly has missed her father all these years and what you need to do is fill it with more love, care and what is the point in driving the point that you didn’t have anyone and she has you and she has to understand the value of this.
She is 10, please allow her to be her age and feel free with each of you.
Create an environment that is loving and caring and supporting from both parents will enable her to relax, be cheerful, grow and be active. And this environment is not for any sort of evaluation or to see a favourable behaviour from her in return.
In a few years from now, she will be hitting puberty.
Let her walk into that phase with confidence and pride rather than self-doubt and shame. I am sure that as a mother you know how important that time is for a young girl.
Start thinking of how to be back together as a family as it isn’t easy for you as well to be away from your husband.
This could also be adding to your stress and maybe it comes out in different ways.
Be with your daughter, love her and encourage her and even after that, you see that there is a challenge, then maybe it’s time to visit a professional who can step in and help.
Happy parenting and be well and stress-free!
