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Dr Deepa

Dr Deepa Suvarna  |171 Answers  |Ask -

Paediatrician - Answered on Jul 28, 2023

Dr Deepa Suvarna is a practising paediatrician with 25 years of experience. She completed her MD in paediatrics from the TN Medical College and BYL Nair Hospital, MBBS from the King Edward Memorial Hospital and Seth Gordhandas Sunderdas Medical College and diploma in child health from the College of Physicians and Surgeons.... more
San Question by San on Jul 06, 2023Hindi
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How Do I Get My Infant to Sleep

Ans: Try and fix a bedtime routine. There should be a meal followed by a play time. This could be followed by a warm bath. Depending on the age of the child , a story could be read or a soothing song. Avoid rocking. Just place the child in bed with comfortable bedding, clothing. Lighting should be dim. At the most pat the baby for a while. Then you should leave the room. Even if the baby cries in protest avoid rushing back. Return only if the crying is distressed. Some therapists advise returning only up to the door and speaking soothingly to the child.
It goes without saying, no screen time at all.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Hello Anu Madam!I have two kids (daughter 13 and son 10 years old).My son has a habit to go to sleep at 10 pm but he always requires me to be besides him.Whenever, I tell him that I will come after some time, then he asks me at what time, if I say 10.30 or 11 pm then he keeps on watching the clock for the time. And he comes to me that the time is up and come to sleep.If sometimes, I scold him and put to sleep and I go out in the hall, he is still awake after two hours also.If I sleep with my son then he has a sound sleep and is not disturbed.I am worried about his behaviour of sleeping with me as he is growing up and I want him to sleep on his own.Please help, how can I do it naturally without harming his feelings.Thanking youRegards,M
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Dear M,

Is there a reason why he insists on you being with him?

When did this exactly start, or has it been like this right from when he was a baby? Wanting to still cling on could also be a sign of some underlying stress within the family.

Whatever the reason is, it is certainly useful to wean him off from the emotional security he seeks from you which is satisfied by your physical presence.

What if this emotional security can be fulfilled in other ways?

Like for example: Stories. Stories are a way by which you can bring real life situations without really suggesting anything but driving the point home through a character.

Now, will this work? You can surely give this a fair chance. Start by introducing a character that is around your son’s age and height but with a different name and build a story of his triumph over insecurity and fear and into confidence and happiness.

Also, you can wean off the time you are with him during his bedtime; like if you need to be with him for an hour before he sleeps, bring it down to 30 mins, 15 mins, 10 mins.

Keep a warm, soft light on till he sleeps.

Reassure him that no matter what; you love him and will always do.

Hug him a lot during the day (if he is a child that likes the sensory touch and feel).

Watch movies that show care and love in the family system.

And love, love and love him a lot and show him just that.

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It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
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I understand how difficult it is to let go of a relationship you have built from scratch, but is it really how you want to continue? It really seems to be going nowhere. His parents are already in bad health and he married someone else for their happiness. Does it seem like he will be able to leave her? So many people’s happiness and lives depend on this one decision. I think it’s about time you and your BF have a clear conversation about the same. If he can’t give a proper timeline, please try to understand his situation. But also make sure he understands yours and maybe rethink this equation. It really isn’t healthy. You deserve a love you can have wholly, and not just in pieces, and in the shadows.

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