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Dear M,

Is there a reason why he insists on you being with him?

When did this exactly start, or has it been like this right from when he was a baby? Wanting to still cling on could also be a sign of some underlying stress within the family.

Whatever the reason is, it is certainly useful to wean him off from the emotional security he seeks from you which is satisfied by your physical presence.

What if this emotional security can be fulfilled in other ways?

Like for example: Stories. Stories are a way by which you can bring real life situations without really suggesting anything but driving the point home through a character.

Now, will this work? You can surely give this a fair chance. Start by introducing a character that is around your son’s age and height but with a different name and build a story of his triumph over insecurity and fear and into confidence and happiness.

Also, you can wean off the time you are with him during his bedtime; like if you need to be with him for an hour before he sleeps, bring it down to 30 mins, 15 mins, 10 mins.

Keep a warm, soft light on till he sleeps.

Reassure him that no matter what; you love him and will always do.

Hug him a lot during the day (if he is a child that likes the sensory touch and feel).

Watch movies that show care and love in the family system.

And love, love and love him a lot and show him just that.

All the best!

Oh, boy!

When you’re living with a miser, and particularly if he holds the purse strings in your household, I don’t see an easy solution.

The only thing I can think of is, make your own money and spend it how you see fit. Because when you’re nowhere on the same wavelength financially, it’s unlikely that either party will change their ways.

People don’t change. Compromises can be made, and maybe you can work through your disagreements by discussing each expense, but it will remain an issue.

I would suggest seeing a marital counsellor, who can maybe explain to him that he’s being irrational about money. Hearing it from someone else may give him some food for thought.

You may be in love with her, but she's marrying someone else.

I don't see any reason why you should be bending over backwards to help this woman do precisely what is breaking your heart!

If I were you, I'd wish her all the best and let her know, respectfully, she's on her own with this eloping business.

What do you want to get entangled in the whole mess for anyway? The situation is complicated enough for you as it is!

I’m sorry to burst your bubble, M, but love isn’t always forever. It can change and people do fall out of love. Ergo break-ups and divorce.

I understand that your boyfriend having moved on so fast has hurt you, but that happens sometimes.

Don’t waste too much time pining over someone who didn’t deserve you.

You should make an effort to move on too.

Even if this is not the issue, it is imperative to understand the reason for her mood ups and downs.

Since I don't have any information on her age, if she’s in her 40s, it could hormonal also. Bringing the past can simply be a manifestation of what’s going on within her.

It is possible that she is simply exhausted from all the house-work that has surely gone up for all homemakers in the past year or so.

Give her a day off every week and offer to take care of the household chores with the help of your daughters.

They are old enough to be part of this and they maybe able to reach out to their mother faster.

Also set aside some time from your schedule as a couple to talk about the day/week and plan for some activity to do together that involves just the two of you.

Marriages after a point in time reach a plateau and needs some spice and excitement.

Taking each other or each other’s needs for granted can cause a deterioration in relationships and it helps if every individual in that relationship takes the onus of doing ‘more’, thinking ‘more’, feeling ‘more’ for the other individual.

This definitely helps recreate the relationship and you get a chance to start all over again.

Best wishes for a beautiful life.

The pandemic has created newer challenges that are unfamiliar to most of us.

It is imperative that we adapt to the best of our knowledge and make the best of what is right now.

Having said this, what I can suggest is work on your mind. It isn’t supporting you and what you feed it regularly is the way it will serve you.

So, the decision will be taken by you as you know your skills, knowledge, industry and your finances to arrive at that decision that will take you out from where you are now. But, what I can share is how you can strengthen your mind to make that decision.

1. Start where you are now without harping on what you could have done or should have done. The past is a learning. Learn from it.

2. Write down the pros and cons of staying in the current job, taking a new job and starting a new business. Factor the element of the Pandemic in all the three scenarios

3. Once you know which one is the best for now, begin with telling yourself that you are doing this for a reason.

What is the reason? Managing your home, paying loans etc. Make these responsibilities not an enemy but a friend as it’s not just you but possibly many others who are doing the same

4. Motivation can be from outside or from within you. Tap into both as it comes in handy when a friend keeps you on the right path or you visualize the happiness and comfort that you are seeing yourself and your family in with the decision taken. Meditate for calming the mind if you can.

5. Lastly and most importantly, be grateful for having a job, no matter what it is as there are many who are losing jobs and this is actually a reward for you having one

Life has changing phases and nothing is permanent, so even this phase will give rise to a new and better one. Till then, make the best of this.

Happy Navigating! Have a good life!