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Aruna

Aruna Agarwal  |76 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Jul 15, 2023

Aruna Agarwal is a qualified child psychologist and behaviour therapist with over 20 years of experience.
She has a master’s degree in psychology with a specialisation in behaviour analysis. She focuses on children between the ages of 2-10 years who face challenges related to behaviour, language development or attention issues and providing them with the right life skills.
Agarwal is the owner of Kidzee, a pre-primary school, and Mount Litera Zee School that caters to primary students.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2023Hindi
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mam, my daughter is 3 and half yours old and in class pre nursery she is the only child she is well developed and very energetic she likes to go to the school,but the only problem we are facing is she is very stubborn do not listen to her class teachers and often pick up fight with her classmates its a very worrying matter there is always complain from the school

Ans: Understand what is causing the rigid behaviour. In which circumstances, she gets rigid.
After understanding that we can give proper intervention.Incase she gets agitated to share her things with her peers ,we can give her choice and put her on waiting.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2021

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I need your expert advice in parenting my daughter. I am a 45 year old mother having two children, a daughter (aged 10 years) and a son (aged 7 years). My husband is very bad at finance issues and because of that we had some issues with my marriage. So I shifted to my mother's place with my kids and we were not in touch with my husband for quite some time. It’s been six years I have been bringing up my kids with very less support/ no support either from my husband or my mother. Since my husband is not staying with us, my kids have been missing their father. Of late, my husband visits us often and he spends time with the kids whenever possible. Though she is 10 years old, my daughter is not having that level of maturity. She is very illogical and dull. I have been training her in certain household work like sweeping the house, washing her clothes and all. She is doing all the work with no concentration/involvement/interest and so the output is pathetic. She is like that in her studies also. I have been explaining things in a very detailed way even then she is doing things like that. During my childhood no one was there to explain me but for my daughter I am there but she is not understanding the value of it. I am getting frustrated and irritated because of her. My question is since she was missing her father couple of years in the recent past, her behaviour is like this. Is there anything that I can do for her improvement? Shortly she might be starting her puberty cycle and before that I would like to make her logical and smart. I have been consistently trying for this by chatting with her alone but could not see any betterment. Kindly help me out.
Ans: Dear JR, when you say: She is very illogical and dull, what does this mean?

Does she take time to understand things? Or is it that she is being evaluated based on what others her age are doing?

At age 10, do you want a happy child or a child who excels in washing clothes and doing all your housework.

Sharing responsibilities at home is perfectly fine, but to judge your child based on that by saying: ‘output is pathetic’ only demoralizes the child further.

She possibly has missed her father all these years and what you need to do is fill it with more love, care and what is the point in driving the point that you didn’t have anyone and she has you and she has to understand the value of this.

She is 10, please allow her to be her age and feel free with each of you.

Create an environment that is loving and caring and supporting from both parents will enable her to relax, be cheerful, grow and be active. And this environment is not for any sort of evaluation or to see a favourable behaviour from her in return.

In a few years from now, she will be hitting puberty.

Let her walk into that phase with confidence and pride rather than self-doubt and shame. I am sure that as a mother you know how important that time is for a young girl.

Start thinking of how to be back together as a family as it isn’t easy for you as well to be away from your husband.

This could also be adding to your stress and maybe it comes out in different ways.

Be with your daughter, love her and encourage her and even after that, you see that there is a challenge, then maybe it’s time to visit a professional who can step in and help.

Happy parenting and be well and stress-free!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2022

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Dear Anu,My second child is 8 years old. She is lovable and kind in heart. Nowadays she talks in a loud voice, not interested in studying, never heeds us. We are both employed and find it difficult to teach her anything as she shows zero interest in studies. We are both mentally stressed with her sound and she never obeys both of us and skips everything by arguing. Since we do not have T.V. she watches mobile and never gives it back when we ask and quarrels with us all the time for mobile. Nowadays I tend to beat her due to her sound. Please advise me to overcome the problem.
Ans:

Dear AC,

Never ever raise your hand on a child! It only makes matters worse…So, kindly refrain from that first.

Now, let’s deal with the challenge at hand. It seems like with both if you out on work, she might feel parental neglect. Who is the primary caregiver now?

I suggest take this seriously. It might require some professional help to handle the situation with a lot of care and expertise.

She is protesting against your absence at home and this neglect that she faces (which I am sure is unintentional from your end), is what comes out as a behavioural tantrum.

Beating is not the solution. Understanding the situation for what it is, is the solution.

Your daughter needs love and care from both her parents

She did not have enough knowledge or understanding that both her parents will be out on work

No other primary caregiver (assuming there is none or is ineffective) is around to hold space for her at her age

The absence of parents at home after dreadful school hours can be very stressful on her

Her emotional needs are facing starvation which shows up as anger and tantrums

To bring it to a place where it can be handled, she needs to feel hope and believe that you and your wife are around for her.

Start by:

  • Talking a lot to her and reassuring her that you both are there for her no matter what
  • No guilt buying of gadgets or otherwise to make up for your absence as it gives out the wrong message
  • Appointing a caregiver who is equipped to be with children her age (preferably an older lady) OR a grandparent who is physically and emotionally able to be a child of age 8
  • Use weekends to only be with her no matter what. Extended family and friends can wait; your daughter is your priority
  • Look into her eyes and say: I love you and hug her a lot; this is not a gesture but a lifeline to children facing parental neglect

Do this for the next couple of weeks and if nothing changes, kindly seek professional help.

This is not to send you on a guilt trip, but to sensitize you that a child needs a lot of attention and eye to detail in the family set up when both parents are working. So, step up to it NOW.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Apr 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2023Hindi
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Hi Madam, I am a 46 yrs old male doing business, my wife is a housewife and 37 yrs old and we have a baby boy of 8 yrs old studying in class III in a reputed ICSE board school. My issue is with my child. Issue no. 1. Most of the time, he does not listen to both of us, whether we are telling him in soft voice or in angry voice. It is applicable not only in studies but also in other activities also. Issue no. 2. He is telling unnecessary lie. It is related to studying, playing and also day to day activities. Issue no. 3. This is most vital, he is studying in one of the best school in our city. But he is not at all interested in writing, we every time need to push him a lot for writing in the time of studies. His teachers often complain that even in exam time he is seating idle and they used to push him to write. But as he is now in class III, it is not possible for the teachers to push him to write in the exams. We are very much scared about this issue. Pls help.
Ans: Dear Parents, here are a few suggestions:
1.Find out the root cause- is it too much technology and that’s why the child cannot concentrate; or learning gaps and your child is unable to understand his studies. Or is he getting tired of writing? Or a focus concern?
2. Peer check: find out what he enjoys with his friends, and work in short periods to revise his studies, write in bullet points and then play. Come back, blurt his study understanding and do a little more studies.
3. Fear builds escaping attitude: once cause is settled, building on his basic knowledge can start.
4. Talk and express as a family: it helps to build relationships.
Do let me know the progress!

..Read more

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