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Dr Deepa

Dr Deepa Suvarna  |130 Answers  |Ask -

Paediatrician - Answered on Jan 23, 2024

Dr Deepa Suvarna is a practising paediatrician with 25 years of experience. She completed her MD in paediatrics from the TN Medical College and BYL Nair Hospital, MBBS from the King Edward Memorial Hospital and Seth Gordhandas Sunderdas Medical College and diploma in child health from the College of Physicians and Surgeons.... more
Naheema Question by Naheema on Jan 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi, doctor iam a auto driver and my daughter is 10 year old and she is going to school and she is in 6th standard, but she is having problem like behaviour, studying and learning and she is good she understands behaviour problem and speaking correctly that's the problem doctor and overall she is good my daughter I love my daughter so much doctor pls help me doctor.. thank you ????????

Ans: Please consult a good child psychologist to screen for dyslexia
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2021

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I need your expert advice in parenting my daughter. I am a 45 year old mother having two children, a daughter (aged 10 years) and a son (aged 7 years). My husband is very bad at finance issues and because of that we had some issues with my marriage. So I shifted to my mother's place with my kids and we were not in touch with my husband for quite some time. It’s been six years I have been bringing up my kids with very less support/ no support either from my husband or my mother. Since my husband is not staying with us, my kids have been missing their father. Of late, my husband visits us often and he spends time with the kids whenever possible. Though she is 10 years old, my daughter is not having that level of maturity. She is very illogical and dull. I have been training her in certain household work like sweeping the house, washing her clothes and all. She is doing all the work with no concentration/involvement/interest and so the output is pathetic. She is like that in her studies also. I have been explaining things in a very detailed way even then she is doing things like that. During my childhood no one was there to explain me but for my daughter I am there but she is not understanding the value of it. I am getting frustrated and irritated because of her. My question is since she was missing her father couple of years in the recent past, her behaviour is like this. Is there anything that I can do for her improvement? Shortly she might be starting her puberty cycle and before that I would like to make her logical and smart. I have been consistently trying for this by chatting with her alone but could not see any betterment. Kindly help me out.
Ans: Dear JR, when you say: She is very illogical and dull, what does this mean?

Does she take time to understand things? Or is it that she is being evaluated based on what others her age are doing?

At age 10, do you want a happy child or a child who excels in washing clothes and doing all your housework.

Sharing responsibilities at home is perfectly fine, but to judge your child based on that by saying: ‘output is pathetic’ only demoralizes the child further.

She possibly has missed her father all these years and what you need to do is fill it with more love, care and what is the point in driving the point that you didn’t have anyone and she has you and she has to understand the value of this.

She is 10, please allow her to be her age and feel free with each of you.

Create an environment that is loving and caring and supporting from both parents will enable her to relax, be cheerful, grow and be active. And this environment is not for any sort of evaluation or to see a favourable behaviour from her in return.

In a few years from now, she will be hitting puberty.

Let her walk into that phase with confidence and pride rather than self-doubt and shame. I am sure that as a mother you know how important that time is for a young girl.

Start thinking of how to be back together as a family as it isn’t easy for you as well to be away from your husband.

This could also be adding to your stress and maybe it comes out in different ways.

Be with your daughter, love her and encourage her and even after that, you see that there is a challenge, then maybe it’s time to visit a professional who can step in and help.

Happy parenting and be well and stress-free!

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Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello Madam, My daughter is 12 yr old and is in class 7th. She is not at all interested in studies. She is also not interested in making new friends. She is always busy on playing games on mobile. Studies just one week prior to exams. Her behavior is also becoming rude day by day. Kindly suggest.
Ans: Hello!!
The addiction to mobile after COVID is a menace every parent is facing. The good part is she is aware about her exams and studies at least one week before her exams.

The rude behaviour, lack of focus on studies is all stemming from the mobile games. They are highly addictive and the thrill they give is beyond imagination. Slowly but surely you have to take away the mobile from her, that's the only way to help her look for other sources to keep her busy .Friends, new skills and studies will get her attention only when the mobile is away.

Allocate time for food, sleep, studies, play time and also mobile time( can't just take away the mobile, has to be weaned away from it gradually), in a day. Set a timer for the mobile usage, she has to return the mobile as soon as the timer bell rings.

Pls remember you are the adult here, she is just a child. Guide her, lead her towards better and interesting things to do. You all as a family have to stop sitting with the mobile, start reading books ,play board games , learn a new skill, sing songs, cook together, bake together, you make everything at home an interesting activity, joyful activity, why will a child sit on the mobile?
It is a going to be lot of hard work for you and if the end result of this is seeing your daughter away from the mobile, laughing and talking to her friends, playing around, studying well.....then this is worth all the effort.

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Archana Deshpande  |65 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2024Hindi
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My daughter is 10 years old, she dnt want to study at all.we forced her to study then she learned as I am also a working women and her father is in abroad. So, we arrange one home tutor and in evening I taught her also. I explained all subjects throughly to understand her basics. At that time only she studied otherwise she didn't want to study by her own. She always need a pressure for studies due to this her marks are not good at all. She is an average student. Pls suggest what to do?
Ans: Hi!!
A working mother, husband working abroad, there is only so much you can do. Spend quality time with your daughter, bond with her on stuff other than studies, that brings happiness to both of you.
If you as a mother know your child's potential then, this should be good. You are saying she is an average student then set a certain percentage that she can score, when she scores that much then celebrate it. Let her live a balanced life, right amount of time spent on studies and other skills. Expose her to other skills like, music, sports, debating, story telling... she will soon discover something where she excels!!

Set a time for studies, let her study during that time and rest of the time don't keep talking about studies, discuss and do something else. Explain to her why studying is important, make gaining knowledge, studying a rewarding experience. Every child comes with their set of strengths and success. As a mother cherish your child and enjoy your time together. Your child is unique, do not compare her with anyone else.
Inspire her to be happy, healthy and knowledgeable by you being so!!

Happy Parenting! Best wishes

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I am seeking guidance on my current financial situation. I am 50 years old, with a net take-home income of 1.42 lacs per month, while my wife earns approximately 75k monthly. We have two daughters pursuing higher education, with annual fees totalling 6.10 lacs. In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, I faced a significant setback when I was unable to pay my home loan EMI, leading me to opt for a moratorium. Despite having already paid approximately 43.85 lakhs towards my home loan of 58.50 lakhs taken in 2017, the principal outstanding has astonishingly increased to 59.45 lakhs. I now find myself committed to an EMI of 65,000 monthly, further straining our financial resources. To cover both my daughters first-year college fees, I took out a gold loan of 5.5 lakhs, for which I currently pay 50,000 a month. I had invested in a family health insurance policy with Star Health, covering 10 lakhs, but due to poor service I stopped paying my premium, which had an accrued value of 17.50 lakhs. I hold a provident fund account with a balance of 2.5 lakhs. I am concerned about planning for my elder daughter's wedding in the next 2 to 3 years and my retirement. I would appreciate any advice or strategies you could provide to help me navigate this situation effectively.
Ans: Hello;

Try and understand from the home loan lender as to how 59.45 L principal is overdue despite paying a sum of 43.85 L, despite factoring 80% of this as interest payment, the overdue principal should be below 50 L.

Double check if this is as per the terms of moratorium.

If you are not satisfied with replies from the lender escalate the matter to the highest authority at lender or RBI.

Lender can't behave irrationally just because you availed moratorium during COVID.

In my view you should have just sold the gold rather then taking loan against it.

That way you could have lessened EMI burden on your finances and ensured investments for retirement and other goals.

Unfortunately we have a tradition of attaching emotional value to precious metals and real estate.

The best "jewellery" you can offer to your kids is good education, which you have already done.

In matters of health insurance never discontinue a policy due to dissatisfaction with the insurer, port it to another insurer, 1.5/2 months before the renewal date so that your benefits remain intact. Now you may be need to find another health care insurance.

You may begin a monthly sip of 25-30 K in diversified large cap oriented mutual fund for 5 years.

Also give a thought to NPS, you can contribute till 70 age, for retirement pension.

Best wishes;

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