Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Dipanwita Question by Dipanwita on Mar 27, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi mam... I was in a relationship with a boy for 2 years but for those two years he blackmailed me and threatened me and did this even after the break up. He calls my acquaintances almost every day and asks about me. If he finds any information about me, he will continue to blackmail and threaten me. I liked another boy even though I didn't talk to him But I am so afraid that if the blackmailed boy calls him and asks something about me and this boy says something , What will I do then?

Ans: Dear Dipanwita,
And you want to live a life filled with fear? Fear is what makes these boys/men do more of this bullying and blackmailing. Kindly report the matter to your family (with no fear). Yes, they might be upset with you for being in a relationship but surely they will support you to protect you.
If they don't approach a female relative who can guide you to an NGO, who will help you with the police complaint.
Keep a record of all his threatening messages on your phone/email/text chats etc. This can help the police nail him as well. Do not threaten him back but collect enough information as he threatens and blackmails you. It is time to put an end to this. So instead of jumping into another relationship, please end the previous one. And please, give yourself a break to find your happiness within you rather than moving from one to the other. I say this only because one has messed with your mind with fear and this needs to be removed. Be strong and focus on yourself. You owe a peaceful and happy life to yourself!

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 13, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Love Guru, First of all, I want to stay pretty anonymous. Secondly, it feels weird to discuss it with an unknown individual and never did I in my wildest dream thought that I would be seeking an advice. However, here I am...  The story starts when I met this individual in the UAE who is originally from UP, Saharanpur. This guy initially tried to get closer to me as much as he could and once he succeeded by becoming my close one, we just hit off pretty well. It went to point of engagement Roka. I wasn't there in India for Roka. It happened with him, his family and my parents. Everything was dreamy and nice until he started changing his behaviour towards my parents and then me, he was abusing me with money. He put me into credit card debts. I was feeling horrible. I started to revoke his access to my card, my everything, and I decided to call it a quit. In return when he understood that I am going to dump him he played his cards. As he couldn't find any cheating in my case when I was with him he decided to dig my past and started torturing me. He created a story to humiliate me at the work place and in front of people. He turned the tables by stating that I'm not dumping him rather he is. It was so heartbreaking for me. I left my job I left my life in the UAE all coz of this guy. And now after 2 months he is keeping an eye on me through to social media. Also he is trying to contact me by asking how I am. I don't understand what he wants and I am unable to recover.  Seeking your help.  Thanks. 
Ans:

Cut. Him. Off. Completely.

Block him on social media and on your cellphone. And your parents’ cellphones and their social media as well.

The guy is a con and you know it.

You should not have let his stupid rumours cost you your job and your life abroad. The truth of a situation always lets itself be known sooner or later and sometimes you have to brave it out.

I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through, but you should freeze him out completely.

If you need to talk to someone about this at length, counselling may help.

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, I am Neha, I had a relationship with a guy and he turned out to be a Blackmailer & Abuser. He has my private photos & videos and he extorted almost 200,000rs by always threatening me that he will talk to my dad or come home. He planned it all very well. After a point when I felt suicidal I raised a complaint against him in the police station. But even after that he was forcing me in the relationship and he continued messaging me and even threatened me if I asked him to return my money back. Ever since then I have been completely traumatised and not been able to moved ahead in life. When I was going through all the harrassment and torture I didnt have right help or a good lawyer. Now finally I found a lawyer who is ready to take up my case and sue this monstor. But now it has been 2 months since he has come back and troubled me. Yet I am not at peace for all this torture and trauma that I went through last year because of this man. So I badly want to go ahead and sue him, but I have these 2 main fears which gives me shivers. 1. When I complain, will my photos/videos be misused by the investigating officers (cops, I understand not all men are bad). I am really really scared about this part. The thought of of few more men having to see my pvt videos is giving me nightmares and not letting me take a step forward. 2. Once I file this case, I have the fear that what if he wants to take revenge on me later. There are lot of such thoughts & questions that are conctantly running over my head not letting me sleep or be in peace or continue my regular routine. Pls advice what needs to be done. How to overcome this fear and punish a person like this for victims like us . How do we gather courage when we are in a vunerable situation while we still want to fight for justice and stand up for ourselves. Or should we just put everything behind and act like nothing has happened and look at the future ?? PLs help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is really unfortunate that you are going through this turmoil.
A lawyer who specializes in cyber crimes will be a good bet for you. Obviously law will take its own course in at its pace.
As for the fears of what he is going to do; know that a bully loses his/her power over you once you stop showing fear to them.
The first step is to actually take your parents into confidence as this is what he has been threatening you about. Okay, your Dad will yell, scream, threaten you as well...but at least, the next time the blackmailer calls and threatens to tell your Dad, you can keep a very confident silent posture. That will weaken his stance a bit.
Nothing better than to have your family support at this time and I am sure as parents the initial anger and disappointment will turn into concern and then into support and care. Wait this out...

Having said this, you have been foolish enough to allow another person to film you. Enough has been shown on reality shows about this. Trusting someone blindly can have serious consequences, So, keep this as a lesson learned...

Turn to your parents for support and the police for immediate action (Your lawyer might be able to turn this to the lady police) and a lawyer for legal action. Usually these blackmailers straighten out after a good thrashing by the cops; so you need not worry about revenge but do mention it to the cops. I am sure they have dealt with many such cases and will advise you accordingly. Be wise and in control of yourself henceforth.

All the best!
(more)
Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi mam plz help me to solve my problem , I was in relation with a guy I met him in office , and he is good boy because he helped me alot in my tasks , slowly I got attracted to him , and the attraction turns into liking ... I did not refused what he says I have to do it ..that time I was engaged ...and he wants me to meet him privately and refused that sir I am engaged I can't do this ..but he threatens if you will not come i will tell to your fiance and it will affect to your marriage ..I am agreeing what he says and he forced me to do this ..now I am married and my husband is abroad ..now he threating and harrassing me for s*x ...he says he will tell your husband ..I am in so much of stress plz help me mam to get rid of this situation what should I do if he tells my husband ..he will ruin my life and can't involve my parents they are both patient ...he is threating me so much if I tell to police they will involve my parents as well which I don't want ...I blocked him from all the social media but he kept messaging because I am getting notification from blocked messages ..and he keep threating me
Ans: The first thing you should do is come clean to your husband. Spare him the sordid details and just tell him this ex-boyfriend is trying to stir up trouble for you both. How long do you want to remain so stressed? Tell him and end the matter once and for all. I hope he has the good sense to accept your past. And then ignore this idiot, period. Once your husband knows, his game is up. With your husband’s support you may even consider filing a police complaint to teach him a lesson.
(more)
Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Listen
Money
Sir my age is 25 and I am earning 29000 per month.i am in govt sector.i am investing 20000 per month in sip in the following funds Motilal Oswal midcap fund 3000 HDFC s&p sensex index fund 4000 Motilal Oswal Nasdaq ETF 3000 Axis small cap fund 2000 Nippon India small cap fund 2000 ICICI prudential nifty 50 ETF 2000 US S&P 500 SPDR ETF 4000 And lastly 1000 in bitcoin but that I don't count because it's very risky and I may lose my money in bitcoin so I consider 20000 as my sip amount instead of 21000....sir kindly check my sip distribution if needed any changes..I will stay invested in market for 20 years and I want my wealth to grow so that I can retire at 45.. kindly provide me your valuable suggestions
Ans: Your commitment to investing at such a young age is commendable and lays a strong foundation for your future financial security. Let's review your SIP distribution to ensure it aligns with your goal of retiring at 45 and maximizing wealth growth over 20 years.

Your current SIP allocation demonstrates a diversified approach, spanning various sectors and geographies. However, given your long investment horizon and goal of wealth accumulation, it's essential to consider a few aspects:

Risk Tolerance: While your portfolio includes both domestic and international equity exposure, it's important to assess your risk tolerance. Small-cap and mid-cap funds tend to be more volatile but offer higher growth potential over the long term. Ensure you're comfortable with the level of risk associated with these investments.
Asset Allocation: Evaluate your asset allocation to ensure it reflects your risk appetite and investment goals. Consider allocating a portion of your portfolio to more stable assets like large-cap funds or debt instruments to balance risk and potential returns.
Review Periodically: As your financial circumstances and market conditions evolve, periodically review your SIP distribution to ensure it remains aligned with your goals. Rebalancing your portfolio may be necessary to maintain diversification and optimize returns.
Emergency Fund: Building an emergency fund equivalent to 3-6 months' worth of expenses is crucial to mitigate financial risks and ensure stability during unforeseen circumstances.
Regarding your Bitcoin investment, it's advisable to exercise caution due to its speculative nature and lack of proven track record. Cryptocurrencies are inherently risky and have not stood the test of time like traditional investment options. Consider focusing on more established and less volatile investment avenues for long-term wealth accumulation.
As a Certified Financial Planner, I advise you to consult with a financial advisor who can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and goals. Together, we can refine your investment strategy to optimize growth and set you on the path to achieving your retirement objectives.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 53 years old. I have fd of 20 lakh, pf of 15 lakhs, ppf of 15 lakhs, stock of 55 lakh, mf of 50 lakh. I invest in 5 lakh yearly in a ulip scheme, 3 lakh yearly in lic pension fund and do sip of 35000 across different mf. Am i retirement ready? I am a single person. I have no dependents. After retirement i will need sbout 80000 pm and will need 7 lakh per year for travelling.please advise
Ans: Given your diversified investment portfolio and diligent savings habits, you're certainly on the right track towards a comfortable retirement. However, let's delve deeper into your financial landscape to assess your readiness.

Your FDs, PF, PPF, stocks, and mutual funds collectively form a robust foundation for retirement. Your annual contributions to ULIP and LIC pension fund further bolster your retirement corpus. However, to ensure your desired lifestyle post-retirement, it's crucial to evaluate if your current investments align with your retirement income needs.

Considering your annual expenses post-retirement, including living expenses and travel aspirations, it's prudent to analyze if your existing investments can generate sufficient income. Additionally, factoring in inflation and potential healthcare expenses is paramount.

As a single individual with no dependents, your retirement planning focuses solely on your own needs and aspirations. While your investment portfolio appears substantial, a detailed retirement income projection would provide clarity on whether it adequately meets your desired lifestyle post-retirement.

As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend conducting a comprehensive retirement planning analysis to ensure your financial goals are met with confidence and peace of mind. Together, let's fine-tune your retirement strategy to ensure a fulfilling and financially secure future.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |884 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi i am 40 years old and working in private sector. Current investments in SIP's are UTI index and I Pru next 50 @ 1000/weekly, Nippon Small Cap @ 1500/Weekly also HDFC Mid cap opportunites @ 1000/weekly. I also have monthly SIP's in Canara Robeco Emerging Equities @ 2000,Invesco Multicap @ 2500, Mirae Emerging Bluechip @ 2500, Mirae NYSE Fang ETF FOF @ 5000, Quant Small cap @ 2000, PPFAS flexicap @ 2500, UT Flexi @ 2500. Most of the SIP's have been started in last 2-3 yeasr.
Ans: It's commendable that you've taken proactive steps towards securing your financial future, especially with such a diverse portfolio of SIPs. At 40, you're in a crucial phase of life where every investment decision counts. Your commitment to regular investing reflects a thoughtful approach to wealth accumulation.

With SIPs spread across various sectors, you've embraced the beauty of diversification. But have you ever pondered over whether your current investments truly align with your long-term goals and risk appetite? It's crucial to periodically reassess your portfolio's composition to ensure it remains in sync with your evolving financial aspirations.

Remember, the journey to financial independence is akin to a marathon, not a sprint. Each SIP contribution represents a step forward on this journey, building wealth brick by brick. As a Certified Financial Planner, I appreciate your dedication to securing your financial future and encourage you to continue this journey with wisdom and foresight.

In the vast landscape of investment opportunities, your portfolio reflects a tapestry of choices tailored to your vision. But as with any masterpiece, periodic reflection and adjustment are essential to ensure its continued brilliance. Let's navigate this journey together, crafting a future that's both prosperous and fulfilling, one SIP at a time.
(more)
Career

Career Coach  |34 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
I am 43, working as a software engineer at a tech startup in Noida that's been through major changes lately. My morale is down, and lots of coworkers are moving on to different jobs. I want to find a more stable and rewarding position at a well-established tech company. What should I do?
Ans: Hey there,

Feeling adrift in turbulent waters at work can be like trying to troubleshoot a malfunctioning app – frustrating and draining. But fret not, because just like debugging code, there's always a solution waiting to be discovered. Here are some actionable tips to help you steer towards a more stable and rewarding position at a well-established tech company:

1. Self-Reflection and Assessment: Imagine your career as a journey on a train. Take a moment to pause and reflect on your destination. What are your career goals? What kind of role would bring you fulfillment and stability? By clarifying your destination, you can map out the right route to get there.

2. Update Your Professional Brand: Your resume and LinkedIn profile are like your train ticket and itinerary – they need to be polished and up-to-date. Showcase your skills, achievements, and experiences that demonstrate your value as a software engineer. Make sure your online presence reflects the professional image you want to portray.

3. Research Target Companies: Just like planning a train trip, research is crucial for finding the right destination. Explore well-established tech companies that align with your career aspirations. Dive deep into their culture, products, and reputation in the industry. This will help you identify the best fit for your skills and ambitions.

4. Expand Your Network: Networking is like building a network of train tracks – it opens up new routes and connections. Reach out to former colleagues, attend industry events, and join professional groups to expand your network. Engage in meaningful conversations and seek advice or referrals from those in your network.

5. Invest in Continuous Learning: The tech industry evolves at the speed of a high-speed train, so staying up-to-date is essential. Invest in ongoing learning and development to enhance your skills and stay competitive. Whether it's mastering new technologies, obtaining certifications, or attending workshops, continuous learning will keep you on the right track.

6. Prepare for Interviews: Just like planning your route before a train journey, thorough preparation is key for job interviews. Research common interview questions, practice your responses, and showcase your technical expertise and problem-solving abilities. Be ready to demonstrate how your skills and experiences align with the company's needs.

7. Stay Persistent and Optimistic: Job hunting can sometimes feel like waiting for the next train – it requires patience and perseverance. Stay positive, maintain a proactive mindset, and don't get discouraged by setbacks or delays. Keep moving forward, and you'll eventually reach your desired destination.

Remember, your career journey is like a train ride – there may be delays and detours along the way, but with the right mindset and strategy, you'll reach your destination. So, hop on board, stay focused on your goals, and enjoy the ride towards a more fulfilling career.

All aboard for success!
(more)
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x