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Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi mam plz help me to solve my problem , I was in relation with a guy I met him in office , and he is good boy because he helped me alot in my tasks , slowly I got attracted to him , and the attraction turns into liking ... I did not refused what he says I have to do it ..that time I was engaged ...and he wants me to meet him privately and refused that sir I am engaged I can't do this ..but he threatens if you will not come i will tell to your fiance and it will affect to your marriage ..I am agreeing what he says and he forced me to do this ..now I am married and my husband is abroad ..now he threating and harrassing me for s*x ...he says he will tell your husband ..I am in so much of stress plz help me mam to get rid of this situation what should I do if he tells my husband ..he will ruin my life and can't involve my parents they are both patient ...he is threating me so much if I tell to police they will involve my parents as well which I don't want ...I blocked him from all the social media but he kept messaging because I am getting notification from blocked messages ..and he keep threating me

Ans: The first thing you should do is come clean to your husband. Spare him the sordid details and just tell him this ex-boyfriend is trying to stir up trouble for you both. How long do you want to remain so stressed? Tell him and end the matter once and for all. I hope he has the good sense to accept your past. And then ignore this idiot, period. Once your husband knows, his game is up. With your husband’s support you may even consider filing a police complaint to teach him a lesson.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1452 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 months he was uneducated but I’m a S.E. Initially everything was fine but later he started like u should not talk with other boys you should not go there you should not wear this kind of dress, I’m your husband so you should listen to me whatever I say u should do that like he started. Then he started mentally abused with so many bad words nd he slapped me twice. So I decided I don’t want to be in this relationship so I said him. Then he kept some fellows to follow me to check wat I’m doing where I’m going to get all these details. And then he said I will show both of our to your family, I will kill you like this he started. Now it is almost 2 year I’m leading my life but sometimes he will call me he will threaten me I don’t know what to do how to overcome this I can’t tell to my family I’m depressed can u please tell me what I have to do
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you married? Because he said that he is your husband...I am confused...

Anyway, NO, he has no business controlling you this way...Emotional and Physical Abuse is a strict NO NO...
Tell your family and do that NOW!!!!!!!
This man seems to be acting in a violent manner and your safety should be more of a concern...it was 2 slaps, then after that? When you did not protest for that, he simply has got the message that violence is okay with you...
No, it's not okay, right? And that's why you wrote on this platform...

Do the right thing for yourself...Protect yourself from this person first! Threats of killing you did not set off alarm bells? Why are you still letting him off so easy? This is NOT love...he is just a familiar person to you.
Familiarity does not mean Safety!!!!!! (Read this again)...

Involve your family and let him know that you are not alone; he will stop his threats knowing that you will respond to the rubbish he is subjecting you to! Speak with your family...

All the best!
Dear Anonymous,
No, Age is not so important in a marriage; but if it isn't, then why did you hide the fact of your real age? You have givem it that importance enough to hide it, yeah?
And any relationship based on lies or a hidden fact can cause damages...
The only way that I can see is work with the Counselor and appeal to your husband as well. Tell him that your child needs the love of both parents. Hear what he has to say...and yes, he is bound to bring up the age factor over and over again...it is something that he feels cheated with...so, respect it...Like I said, Apologize like you really mean it...

And oh, why are you so bothered about how he will treat other women in his life? Just focus on your life and your marriage...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |502 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024
Relationship
In 2023 I had met a boy .We have become friends and later on we developed feeling for each other.Then we decided to get into relationship and that would be temporary because I belong to orthodox family and he was not interested in marriage.We went through physical things and everything was fine until I started getting matches for my marriage.Then we had fight and later on the match got cancelled due to groom's intrest.still I was in relationship.Then I got another match in 2024april.I agreed to the match and said it's time we need to stop our relationship.He didn't agree for that and said I need to stay in the relationship until may or else he will send our private pictures to my family and fiancee family.Due to some reason I couldn't meet him in the may month so he extended upto aug .In between he has tortured me that I should not talk with my fiancee also forced me for physical things .I am extremely devastated and tried to take my life for three times.Later on he increased time until October and I lost my patience told my cousin brother about this in September.He spoke with the guy and said you should move on she is not interested in you now One day he texted my mom about us and I got extremely tensed and worried so I have spoke with his parents also my brother did.They said they will talk with him and I felt it was relief .Then a week later he started txtng me again that I have cheated him and he will commit suicide and write my name as reason .I didn't reply for that .Later on he again sent me message that He loves me and want to marry me .I said I don't want to marry you.Now am feeling extremely scared and tensed as marriage is in November and he would stop my marriage.Please help me I don't know what to do.I don't want him in my life as he has tortured me a lot.I am extremely scared of him now I have lost all my feelings.Also he has all my family contacts and my fiance contracts.Please help me .pleaseee
Ans: What you’re describing is a clear form of manipulation and abuse, and no one deserves to be treated this way. First of all, it’s crucial to recognize that his behavior—using threats, emotional blackmail, and manipulation to control you—is not only wrong, but it's also abusive. This situation is likely causing you a lot of fear, anxiety, and distress, and it’s completely understandable that you feel overwhelmed. But you don’t have to face this alone, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself.

The first thing I would advise is to take your power back emotionally. His threats are designed to make you feel like you’re trapped, but the truth is, he’s the one in the wrong, and what he’s doing can be dealt with. I understand that he’s threatening to expose your private photos and contact your family, which feels terrifying, but this is actually a form of blackmail and is illegal. The important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for his actions, nor his threats, and you have every right to protect your life, your dignity, and your peace of mind.

It’s also clear that he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by saying he will harm himself if you leave. This is another form of abuse, and it’s important to recognize that you cannot control or be responsible for his decisions or behavior. People who make threats like this often do so as a way to trap the other person, but it is not your burden to carry. If you continue to allow his threats to control your decisions, it could lead to further emotional and psychological harm.

Now, I know you’re scared, especially with your marriage coming up in November, and you’re worried that he might do something to sabotage it. This fear is completely valid, but you don’t have to let him hold this power over you. It’s really important to bring in support from trusted people in your life. You’ve already involved your cousin, which was a great step, and you’ve tried to communicate with his parents, but it’s clear that more needs to be done.

At this point, I would recommend involving someone in a position of authority, whether that’s the police, a legal professional, or even a women’s protection organization in your area. In many countries, including India, there are specific laws protecting women from blackmail, harassment, and abuse. If you don’t feel comfortable going to the police on your own, you can ask your cousin, brother, or another trusted person to support you through this process. You can explain that this individual is threatening you with your private photos and trying to manipulate you into staying in a relationship, which is a crime.

On an emotional level, I know how hard it must be to face this kind of stress, especially when you’re preparing for a new chapter in your life with your fiancé. But it’s crucial to not let fear paralyze you. Instead, take it one step at a time. By telling the truth to the right people, such as your cousin or fiancé, you’ll likely find more support than you realize. I know it feels like everything might collapse if he exposes your relationship, but staying silent often gives him more power. The moment you start taking action, you will regain control over your life.

I would also recommend considering some professional emotional support for yourself, like speaking with a therapist or counselor. It sounds like this has taken a heavy toll on your mental health, and you’ve already been pushed to such an extreme point that you’ve considered self-harm. This is a sign that you need emotional support to help you cope with the trauma of what you’ve been through.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1151 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jan 22, 2025

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What should I do after my bsc in medical
Ans: Hello Priyanka.
It is not clear whether either of you has completed your B.Sc. in Medical or not. But I am assuming that you are presently pursuing it. The scope of this branch is wide. Either you can pursue the job, or you can start your own business. However, I would like to suggest that if possible, you do a DMLT course to start an authentic lab. Working as a technician or technical assistant may not boost your career to a great extent, and the salary may also not increase proportionately. Hence, it is better to add a course with a B.Sc. that will help you start your business. With a small capital, you can even start a business selling surgical items, which could turn into a big business in just a few years. Best of luck for your upcoming future.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7606 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 22, 2025

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Money
Where should I invest Rs. 50000 in Index mutual fund or in ETF?
Ans: When deciding between Index Mutual Funds, ETFs, and actively managed diversified equity funds, actively managed funds often stand out. Let’s analyse why active diversified equity funds are a better option for your Rs. 50,000 investment.

Understanding Index Funds and ETFs
Index Funds: These passively replicate an index like NIFTY 50 or SENSEX. They aim to match the market’s performance, not beat it.

ETFs (Exchange Traded Funds): Similar to index funds but trade like stocks on exchanges. They require a Demat account.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and ETFs
Limited Returns Potential
Index funds and ETFs only track the market.
They cannot outperform the benchmark, even when market conditions allow for superior performance.
No Protection in Market Downturns
Index funds replicate the index, so they fall equally during market downturns.
Active funds may reduce losses with better sector and stock allocation.
Lack of Professional Judgment
Index funds follow pre-set rules, ignoring company-specific fundamentals.
Actively managed funds use professional fund managers who adjust portfolios to maximise gains.
Hidden Costs in ETFs
ETFs may seem cost-effective but involve additional brokerage and Demat account charges.
Liquidity issues can lead to price variations between the market price and NAV.
Benefits of Active Diversified Equity Funds
Potential for Superior Returns
Experienced fund managers aim to outperform the benchmark.
They carefully select high-potential stocks across sectors and market caps.
Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not restricted to index stocks.
They pick companies with strong fundamentals, growth prospects, and attractive valuations.
Downside Protection
Fund managers can reduce exposure to risky sectors during market downturns.
This minimises losses compared to passive funds.
Tax Efficiency with Strategic Planning
Gains can be optimised with periodic review and rebalancing.
Active funds often deliver better after-tax returns over the long term.
Why Rs. 50,000 Fits Well in Active Diversified Equity Funds
A one-time investment of Rs. 50,000 deserves active management for maximised growth.
Over 5–10 years, active funds are better positioned to beat inflation and create wealth.
Suggested Allocation for Active Diversified Equity Funds
Large-Cap Equity Funds (30%-40%): Stability and consistent returns.
Flexi-Cap Equity Funds (40%-50%): Flexibility to invest across market caps.
Mid-Cap Equity Funds (20%-30%): Higher growth potential with moderate risk.
Key Considerations
Stay invested for at least 7–10 years for compounding benefits.
Review performance annually and rebalance if needed.
Avoid chasing short-term trends or reacting to market noise.
Final Insights
Index funds and ETFs are suitable for certain scenarios, but they lack active management benefits. By investing Rs. 50,000 in actively managed diversified equity funds, you can maximise returns, minimise risks, and benefit from professional expertise.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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