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Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 26, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu, I am Neha, I had a relationship with a guy and he turned out to be a Blackmailer & Abuser. He has my private photos & videos and he extorted almost 200,000rs by always threatening me that he will talk to my dad or come home. He planned it all very well. After a point when I felt suicidal I raised a complaint against him in the police station. But even after that he was forcing me in the relationship and he continued messaging me and even threatened me if I asked him to return my money back. Ever since then I have been completely traumatised and not been able to moved ahead in life. When I was going through all the harrassment and torture I didnt have right help or a good lawyer. Now finally I found a lawyer who is ready to take up my case and sue this monstor. But now it has been 2 months since he has come back and troubled me. Yet I am not at peace for all this torture and trauma that I went through last year because of this man. So I badly want to go ahead and sue him, but I have these 2 main fears which gives me shivers. 1. When I complain, will my photos/videos be misused by the investigating officers (cops, I understand not all men are bad). I am really really scared about this part. The thought of of few more men having to see my pvt videos is giving me nightmares and not letting me take a step forward. 2. Once I file this case, I have the fear that what if he wants to take revenge on me later. There are lot of such thoughts & questions that are conctantly running over my head not letting me sleep or be in peace or continue my regular routine. Pls advice what needs to be done. How to overcome this fear and punish a person like this for victims like us . How do we gather courage when we are in a vunerable situation while we still want to fight for justice and stand up for ourselves. Or should we just put everything behind and act like nothing has happened and look at the future ?? PLs help

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is really unfortunate that you are going through this turmoil.
A lawyer who specializes in cyber crimes will be a good bet for you. Obviously law will take its own course in at its pace.
As for the fears of what he is going to do; know that a bully loses his/her power over you once you stop showing fear to them.
The first step is to actually take your parents into confidence as this is what he has been threatening you about. Okay, your Dad will yell, scream, threaten you as well...but at least, the next time the blackmailer calls and threatens to tell your Dad, you can keep a very confident silent posture. That will weaken his stance a bit.
Nothing better than to have your family support at this time and I am sure as parents the initial anger and disappointment will turn into concern and then into support and care. Wait this out...

Having said this, you have been foolish enough to allow another person to film you. Enough has been shown on reality shows about this. Trusting someone blindly can have serious consequences, So, keep this as a lesson learned...

Turn to your parents for support and the police for immediate action (Your lawyer might be able to turn this to the lady police) and a lawyer for legal action. Usually these blackmailers straighten out after a good thrashing by the cops; so you need not worry about revenge but do mention it to the cops. I am sure they have dealt with many such cases and will advise you accordingly. Be wise and in control of yourself henceforth.

All the best!

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