I am unable to overcome the guilt and grief of losing my father due to Covid since a year now.

My guilt and grief is only increasing daily. I feel suicidal everyday almost most of the time. I have a younger brother, younger sister and mom.

I am only alive, but I am ready to die any moment. Just holding on somehow because I am worried about my family.

What should I do as I only feel deep sadness and guilt and I am unable to work and support my family.

Break this mould that you are in please. You already have by sharing here on this platform. So that’s a courageous step towards a better life.

How can you do this?

This may sound very instructional, but since you aren’t a client that I work directly with, this is something I can offer you on top of my mind.

Firstly, please work with a Psychiatrist who also believes in alternate intensive Mind Therapy that you absolute need right now.

They need to work in tandem for you to get to a better state. There will be a point in time when the medication can be weaned off as the alternate therapy starts to work on you. That’s why both these experts need to see eye to eye and work for you and with you and not stick to their ground. Please touch base with groups/friends who can help you

In the interim, do the following almost like a prescription…it can be an ally to you.

• I want you to cover your walls with pictures of positive quotes and images that you can see first thing in the morning
• Hang out with people who nurture and nourish you
• Eat only freshly cooked food without preservatives
• Everyday pen down 5 things that you are grateful for
• Spend time with Nature; walk barefoot on grass, immerse your hand into water for a few minutes everyday and let go of what doesn’t serve you
• Spend time going back into places in your mind when you actually were happy; celebrate it

And most importantly, move in with your family and allow them to step into care for you till you are back on your feet.

Please take care and I wish you a good healing.

But do know that, these phases are not permanent and that they do have an expiry date on them.

The key to this is with you. How long do you want to lock in that feeling of loneliness or helplessness?

Does it help you to think whether your relatives are sympathising with you? What if they really are caring for you?

Sibling or no sibling, our life is ours and a journey that we must take. And marriage is a decision that is yours to make; you don’t need to yield into any pressure or get yourself to believe that it will drive away your loneliness.

What did you do earlier to move away from loneliness?

How did you keep yourself occupied? Was it a new hobby or could it have been learning a new skill?

Sometimes, doing something absolutely NEW can help de-focus from what we are dealing with currently.

On a long-term thinking, do know that every phase gives rise to a new one.

Join support groups online or any valid meet up group that can bring in some fresh new perspectives.

Connect with old friends. Choose how you want to feel now and move in that direction.

Surround yourself only with happy people and happy thoughts all the time. It does help.

Office colleagues can double up as a good support group, if you are fine sharing your inner feelings with someone that you are close to.

If that isn’t an option, then old friends can do the job really well. But it is important to talk to someone and release what’s holding you back and keeping you away from what you want to feel and what you want to do. All the best.

The pandemic hasn’t been easy on most people across the globe and each person is going through their own challenges.

How each one responds to that is what defines what’s happening next.

This might sound to you like a good preachy note, but do remember, you and only you alone are responsible for your moods and your state of mind.

Times are trying and each of us are going through the Pandemic in different ways. Some of us have lost jobs, some of us have lost our loved ones, some of us have lost our piece of mind…the list is endless.

Why should you choose to go through humiliation when that event is over now?

By replaying it over and over again, does it help change what had happened? What if you choose to move to a thought that empowers you?

If you think this is impossible, NO, it isn’t. It requires you to WANT to move from where you are to where you want to be.

Choosing to be in the same place and thinking the same things repeatedly gives you the same result. A different result, then MOVE please, NOW.

This movement brings in fresh perspectives and fresh ideas that you can infuse in finding an alternative job or career and also into your personal life.

Humiliation is something that you went through and that can’t be changed. But to relive it, is a choice of yours…now, you know what to do. All the best!

It’s unfortunate that you couldn’t spend time or be there earlier to be with him in his final hours.

Also, it’s natural to direct that anger and disappointment towards someone as that’s the way most of us deal with emotions; externalise it and it starts to become bigger and bitter.

Instead, why not, ask yourself: ‘As his wife, what must she be going through?’ Her loss is indeed huge as well!

She has lost her life partner as much as you have lost your brother.

Again, ask yourself, ‘What must have happened that she was unable to call me on time?’ Maybe, she didn’t want to bother anyone especially the way we have been in and out of lockdowns, she might have been sensitive to that.

Like I mentioned, it is simple to place blame on people to cope with grief; but I am sure your brother would not have wanted that. Be the bigger person, permit yourself to…as hard as it is…

This is the time that the family must come together and support one another.

It’s been a year and you have been carrying this seed of poisonous thought within you that will slowly eat your peace of mind and create havoc within the familial relationships.

Do give her the benefit of doubt, if you want to start with it.

Of course, whatever I say here doesn’t matter as it has to come from within you and only you can change the way you feel at this very moment.

Do you want feel sad all your life carrying this animosity OR do you want to forgive and foster positive bonds? Family is meant to stick together no matter what!
Be at peace and may you choose wisely.