I lost my younger brother to Covid in August 2020.
It’s been a year but I am stuck in a time frame which says 1st August 2020, the day my brother died.
I haven’t been able to forgive my sister in law for not calling me on time. She called me hour before his death!
By the time I reached , I only could see my brothers face for few seconds one last time.
As I am writing thing I can’t stop my tears. I tried talking to therapist but it’s not helping.
Can you help me?
Ans: Dear S, I am so sorry for your loss and can only imagine what you are going through at this point in time.
It’s unfortunate that you couldn’t spend time or be there earlier to be with him in his final hours.
Also, it’s natural to direct that anger and disappointment towards someone as that’s the way most of us deal with emotions; externalise it and it starts to become bigger and bitter.
Instead, why not, ask yourself: ‘As his wife, what must she be going through?’ Her loss is indeed huge as well!
She has lost her life partner as much as you have lost your brother.
Again, ask yourself, ‘What must have happened that she was unable to call me on time?’ Maybe, she didn’t want to bother anyone especially the way we have been in and out of lockdowns, she might have been sensitive to that.
Like I mentioned, it is simple to place blame on people to cope with grief; but I am sure your brother would not have wanted that. Be the bigger person, permit yourself to…as hard as it is…
This is the time that the family must come together and support one another.
It’s been a year and you have been carrying this seed of poisonous thought within you that will slowly eat your peace of mind and create havoc within the familial relationships.
Do give her the benefit of doubt, if you want to start with it.
Of course, whatever I say here doesn’t matter as it has to come from within you and only you can change the way you feel at this very moment.
Do you want feel sad all your life carrying this animosity OR do you want to forgive and foster positive bonds? Family is meant to stick together no matter what!
Be at peace and may you choose wisely.
