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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2023Hindi
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Hi Ravi, I am currently in relationship of almost 7 years but after the COVID there was some conflict or no contact with my partner just because of a scenario. I always used to order some food for her at his flat. Let me clear one things we were in a long term relationship that time. So I ordered food and she got the order then called me in the night with a different voice tone, I said yes then It felt odd. Then she said someone is here I will call you back. Then she didn't so I called her after 2 hour she rejected and after sometime messaged me on whatsapp that deleted everything our chats and conversation because she caught by his brother (who is 10 years older than her), she told me to not contact her she will call or message only. I got scared I deleted all chats because her brother is so rude and arrogant. After 10 days she called me and said we are not going further with this relationship now on we will not be in touch, I was devastated by listening these things so I tried my best to make her understand that I will talk to your parents or brother but she denied NO and said I will again talk with bro. After these scenario she tried not to contact me and I kept trying to reach out to her via messanger because she has blocked me from everywhere. I cried alot in first 2 month then I started to link all those things that she said and try to find out the matter ( note - she got lot of friends) so I found that she in her flat then I got the tickets and go there to see what is happening I waited for the whole day then in the evening I go upstairs and open the doors, she got scared h and stunned by seeing me and I saw a guy in the flat they having hookah then I said give me my stuff and ask her to talk for the final tine 10 min downstairs. She said not now then didn't came. I took my stuff nd leave the next day I tried to over come this situation nd reaching out to his bro but didn't get connected. She also called me the next day nd her frnd but I was not able to talk. After we got disconnected for sometime. And I am a person who always wanted to know the truth behind the things because I can't live with these traumas in my mind so I tried contacting her asked lot of time why did you do that nd all but kept denying that he is just a friend. After sometime on day she came with sone massages nd saying my mom is not good nd there is nothing going well in my house plss sorry nd all so I took it normally but after sometime we got attracted again little bit then realise that we can try atleast once to be together. I know she loves me but I don't like her priorities she always put his frnds over me. Idk what to do pls tell me the way to cop up with this thing. Also I still have in mind that she has something to tell me about that boy but not telling me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how challenging it must be for you; I get that you are considering giving it another shot, but please be careful. If there is any doubt, anything at all, do address that right now before you are knee-deep in the relationship again. I suggest you tell your partner to first sit and clear out everything that happened before you two broke up and explain how you need a clean slate and for that, you have to know the truth.

If you suspect cheating in the past breakup, be cautious about getting back together and thinking it through. Do you want to patch things up because you love her or is the idea of being together again more comfortable than the idea of having to move on? We go back to the same person, even if it's toxic for us because there's comfort in familiarity, not because it's the best choice. It's time for introspection. Also, don't feel guilty about saying no to getting back together if it's not the right decision for you. Whether it was family issues or infidelity, she chose what seemed best for her at the time, and it's okay for you to do the same.

Best Wishes!
Relationship

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Hi Love Guru, I am in a bit of a pickle and would highly appreciate your advice. My love story in short: Me and my girl are in relation from our college days and are of different caste and girl’s family are in no way interested to entertain our love. They got her married to a person of their choice and moved to US. She has been married for four years as of today. Right after marriage she moved to the US. She used to message me and wanted to be in constant touch to know how I was doing and all. I kept mum and ignored her for a good part of a year. Later I budged in and responded to her messages and started talking not regularly but once or twice a month. Then she came to India, we both met and at no point of time in our relation and till this date we were physically involved with each other. So recently her husband got hold of her WhatsApp chats in which  she expressed she didn't want to go back to US and how she loved me, she missed me and all, and all the chats that showed that we met each other. Now they are going back to US and the husband doesn't want to involve parents so right now divorce is not what they are seeing but might consider after few months depending on how things go. I am stuck here and not sure about her whereabouts and her situation. The feeling that this has happened because of me is killing me. If things go bad she might end up losing all her family and no one to care for her. Looking forward for your advice. Thanks a ton!!
Ans:

You’re having an affair with a married woman, but that’s on both of you, not just you. She should have stood up to her family instead of getting married against her will.

It’s a good thing there are no children in the picture yet, or the situation would get even messier.

Forget what her husband decides, why won’t she just decide what she wants to do with her life and leave him? What’s the point of her going back to the States?

She should start thinking for herself and do the needful before the situation goes from bad to worse.

If her family has any sense, they will accept her decision and stand by her. And if they don’t, well, she’s got you, hasn’t she? 

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Hi Love Guru. Please keep my identity as anonymous as possible.  I have few issues going on in my mind and want your suggestions. First, to get out of block and unblock chain. I met a girl who is my brother’s friend in 2017. We started chatting on FB, then exchanged numbers. We had a rapport till six months. There was a unique attachment between us during that period. Not chatting with her for even one day would make me uneasy. In October 2017, her engagement was fixed. I was normal, knowing that there cannot be much between us except being in contact. One day, at the end of our talk, she said, Love you. I laughed, saying “What nonsense that you always call me with different weird names. Now, after your engagement is fixed, you are telling me this.” Then, she blocked me on WhatsApp and I really felt like I was in a cage. Then, after a few days, she unblocked me. She got engaged but, after a few months, her engagement broke. We then again got in good contact. After few months her marriage got fixed. Now she is married. After her marriage, our contact was very, very less as priorities changed. I proceeded with my studies and job and she carried on with her personal and professional life. Two months back, she called me and said I am bored and feeling irritated with life so I called you to freshen my mind. I was also happy talking to her. I am that kind of introvert person who opens up with few and she was among them. For one or two weeks, we used to talk 30 to 45 minutes daily. Suddenly, she blocked me on WhatsApp. I called her and she behaved like a stranger to me -- like who’s this, I don’t know you, who you are and she ended the call and blocked me. Till date, she has blocked me. I think there are many things she is hiding from me -- from why her first engagement broke to marring another guy who is not of her caste when she is from a conservative family  Post her engagement, there were many times she blocked and unblocked me. She is running in my mind. I want to get rid of her. Please suggest how and what shall I talk to her so I get an end to this. Thank you for bearing to read all this. My second issue is I think I am addicted to pornography. Two to three years back, I used to watch a lot of porn and would prefer MILF porn, ie senior pornstars videos. I think, due to this, I don’t get much attracted to girls of my age. I respect them but I think, because of my addiction, I see females elder to me attractive rather than females of my age. Please help. Suggest how I shall get out of this as this also affects me academically, personally and professionally. Thank you, Anon
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

I don’t think you really have any serious problems in your life at all; it’s your perceptions that are all wrong.

Let me straighten this out for you, one issue at a time.

First off, you have one weird, unpredictable friend who once told you she loved you and then went and married someone else.

Not once have you stated that you are in love with her or have feelings for her. In fact, when she said she loved you, you brushed it off.

She contacts you when she’s bored and cuts you off when she’s not.

And now, it’s come to the point where you really need to be the one blocking her and not the other way around...

You want to get rid of her? Block her once and for all. And if she still manages to get in touch, tell her politely that you have had enough of this one-sided friendship and not to contact you again.

Second, about what you think is a porn ‘addiction’... An addiction is something that interferes with your normal life, career and relationships. It’s an obsession that consumes you every waking hour.

And, from what you’ve said, I don’t think you’re watching such volumes of pornography every day, are you?

Furthermore, unless you’re into grannies, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to women older than you... everyone has a type!

If after everything I’ve said you still fancy you have problems, I’d suggest visiting a therapist. But before spending that kind of money, think long and hard about what I’ve said and decide for yourself whether you think you need it.

 

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Hello. I want this to be anonymous. I'm 25 year old and I have been in a relationship for the last 4-5 yrs with my childhood friend . According to me she is a complete attention seeker and dosent care about my emotions. Like she used to text boys who proposed her and delete the messages which she replied but used to keep the messages which they did and send me that they are flirting with me I never used to ask for those screenshots anyway she herself would send me those says that only they are messaging her even thought she isnt responding once she fogot to delete one message where I caught her and we had a huge fight regarding and then she claimed i have i deleted the messages and I promised she will not repeat it again but she totally did it multiple times and I caught her doing that multiple times and she used to flirt with people who proposed her and once we were have lunch in a restaurant and one person who has intrest in her came to the same place and was sitting behind us and she suddenly stood up and sat infront of me where she could see him or vice-versa like how can she do that when I'm around and there are many other fights she has a best friend she shares with him everything last year I broke up with her due to all these reasons and we pathed up after 2 months , after getting back her friend asked her if she is talking to me or not she simply replied shes not talking to me even though we are fine and happy and just last month one of my cousins was flirting with me and I showed her the messages and was being open to her but never crossed a line but she went behind my back and talked to my cousins elder brother who is my own sister's husband that his sister is flirting with me even thought i myself made it clear there's nothing going on, after all this she is calling me to get back with her and she promises that she won't repeat the mistake never again which she already did n number of times what should I do I'm not fine and I think I'm depressed I'm spoiling my career thinking about this.
Ans:

Looks like this leopard isn't going to change her spots in a hurry, my friend!

She's full of lies and false promises and let me tell you, people rarely change. You have to accept them for who they are.

So, if I were you, I'd end this relationship. She doesn't sound like anyone worth wasting anymore time over.

You'll always be looking over your shoulder, and you'll never be able to trust her.

She's driving you nuts already; it's just time to call it a day with this relationship. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!

 

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2023

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I started a relationship with a girl. First we thought it just a relationship no marriage. But as days going we fell deep into each other that we cant live without each other. I found one thing that she loving more than needed. Im so scared of her, what will she do if i run out of her life for my marriage. This thought killed me. So I decided to leave her without telling a reason. I left her with a small issue. I really dont want to loose but i had to. I just said good bye, she also said good bye. Later i never texted her. She too never texted me. But after 2 months i felt guilty of leaving so i came back to her. Previously her parents decided to marry her to their son in law. I know this when were in relationship. So after our breakup i came back to her. But she said no to me because she is committed with her brother in law. I cant take this. Its killing me. After i said good bye she never tried to contact me for patch-up. Even no texts. Her brother in law told her that im ready to marry you. So she too said i too like you and im also ready to marry you. But their marriage will happen in 2026. I told her that untill marriage please be with me and this is our deal when we started our relationship. But she said no. I begged her many times but she always said no to me. And still now i cant believe that she said no to me. All this happened 3 months ago but still i cant forget her. Recently she deleted my number also. Everything making me feel low. What should i do now?
Ans: Dear Srikanth,

To me, it sounds like you broke up with her. No, you ghosted her. How you put her on trial isn't clear to me, given the fact that you stopped contacting her after a mere goodbye and no proper explanation. Why did she not try to contact you? Maybe she has enough self-respect to restrain herself from doing so; I cannot speak for her but judging the events, you were the one who broke up and you need to own up to it.

Moving on to her deciding to get married- I am assuming she told you she's happy to marry her intended; if so, please accept the reality and move on. Next, why is she not agreeing to be in a relationship with you till the time she gets married? To expect otherwise from any sane, self-respecting person is delusional.

You knew that the two of you could not end up together and took a decision; immature as it was, your intentions were good. Similarly, your ex chose to move on. I don't see either of you making any considerable mistakes here. Both were right in their ways, except for the "you leaving her without a word" part. It is time you move on, and let her live her life in peace. You might feel low for a while, but nothing feels worse than hurting the people you once loved, and compelling your ex to commit to you when she doesn't want to is the same as hurting her. Make the right choices.

Best Wishes!
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2023Hindi
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Hi, myself is 31 years old guy and I was in relationship with the women (collegue of mine in previous company) who is married and had 1 son and she is 9 years elder then me. Basically I was going through a tough time as I had breakup in 2017 and started drinking and smoking which usually everybody does after a heartbreak. In year 2019 she got to know about my drinking habits and she starting giving her time to me so that I stop all this things. She used to behind me to stop all these things but gradually after a year or so we started developing feelings for each other. We used to talk to a lot like almost we used to share everything and in year 2020 we got into relation and we proposed each other. Everything was fine till 2021. In year 2021 I went for a group picnic where my Ex was also present and my biggest mistake was that I didn't shared this thing with her but she got to know this from one of our common collegue who was also part of the picnic & after that disaster started in our life. She started doubting me that I am still in relation with my Ex but I was not there & continuously I have to prove myself that I don't have any feelings for my ex & I love you only. I was ready to do anything for her even just to surprise her I travel to her city where she went on vacation to her parents house. But unfortunately that was the last time we were together the moment I came to my hometown things started getting worse as she again started doubting me and in anger I just burst on her and after that she stopped talking and bcz of which I went into a depression and due to which I was completely mess was not able to do anything in my life except drinking. Now it has been 2 years that we don't talk except only on some occasion she calls or msg. Still I am having the same feeling for her which I had 3 years back & I need her back in my life. Please suggest me what should I do in this scenario.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear you are facing such challenges in your life. Doubt and jealousy can ruin a relationship and your relationship is proof of that. While you might not have had bad intentions when you did not reveal your ex being present in the gathering with you, it is also understandable that your partner's trust suffered a crack which finally gave away completely. The thing to learn here is that open communication could have saved you all these sufferings. But that's all in the past. Right now you are separated from your partner and I assume she is not interested in getting back together. Your question should not be how to get her back, but rather how can I move on. Your job is not to convince her but to convince yourself that this is for the best. And it truly is; no relationship can survive in the shadows of doubt.

Focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends. Understand that you made a tiny mistake but you tried your best to convince your partner of your loyalty to her; it did not work out but you are not to blame. Some things just don't, and your relationship was one of those things. Forgive yourself if you feel guilty for not disclosing the situation to your partner. You know you were not a cheater and it's no longer your job to convince her of that. Give yourself ample time to grieve the loss and accept that it's lost. Don't keep looking for ways to get back together or you will never move on. It will hurt in the beginning but it will get better soon. Once you feel better, go out and meet people. I am not saying your ex-partner wasn't great but trust me, there are more people out there, who are amazing; they will help you not just heal but also grow.

It's time to let go.

Best Wishes!
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Which is the best health insurance policy in india? Self -39yrs, Spouse -38yrs,Son-13yrs, son-7yrs. I have thyroid.
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Hi I have following SIPs. Can you suggest whether they are good, bad or ugly and suggest changes if any. Quant small cap direct growth-10000 Canara robecco small cap DG- 10000 PGIM india mid cap Opp DG-10000 SBI contra Direct plan growth-10000 Parag parik flexi cap DG-10000 Quant infrastructure DG-10000 ICICI prudential tech fund-10000 Tata digital India regular plan-10000 Aditya birla sun life digital India regular plan -10000 - I hv started investing in last 6months and aim is to make atleast 3cr by next 10yrs. I hv certain other investments in SIPs, equity and PF (about 50000 per month) Thank you
Ans: Your portfolio seems well-diversified across different categories and themes, which is a good approach. However, there are a few considerations to keep in mind:

Small Cap Exposure: Having significant exposure to small-cap funds like Quant Small Cap and Canara Robeco Small Cap can add volatility to your portfolio. While they have the potential for high returns, they also come with higher risk. Ensure you have a high-risk tolerance and a long-term investment horizon if you intend to stay invested in these funds.
Sectoral and Theme Funds: Funds like ICICI Prudential Tech Fund, Tata Digital India, and Aditya Birla Sun Life Digital India focus on specific sectors/themes. While these can offer opportunities for growth, they also carry concentration risk. Monitor these funds closely and be prepared for volatility, considering the dynamic nature of sectoral investments.
Mid Cap and Flexi Cap: PGIM India Mid Cap Opp and Parag Parik Flexi Cap provide exposure to mid-cap and flexible-cap segments, which can complement your small-cap investments. Ensure you review the performance and portfolio composition of these funds regularly to confirm they align with your investment objectives.
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Overall, your portfolio appears to have the potential to achieve your long-term financial goals, but it's essential to monitor and adjust it periodically based on your changing financial situation and market conditions. Consider consulting with a financial advisor for personalized advice tailored to your specific needs and objectives.
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sir, pl. advise me whether to continue or wait with this fund. I have invested in these funds sip / lumpsum. Aditya Birla Sun Life Small Cap Fund (formerly known as Aditya Birla sun Life Small & Midcap fund) Lumpsum Aditya Birla sun Life frontline equity fund Lumpsum Aidtya Birla sun life liquid fund Lumpsum Aditya Birla sun life tax relief '96 SIP stopped ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund ‐ Growth Lumpsum Hdfc Balanced advantage fund-Direct Plan-Growth Option Lumpsum ICICI prudential value discovery fund_direct plan- Growth earlier known as ICICI prudential value fund series 19 direct plan subsequently switch out (merger) on 24.06.2021 Lumpsum Nippon India Focused Equity Fund ‐Growth Plan Lumpsum Nippon India Large Cap Fund‐ Growth Plan ‐Growth Option Lumpsum Axis Small Cap Fund ‐ Regular Plan ‐ Growth SIP Canara Robeco Emerging Equities ‐ Regular Plan Growth SIP HDFC Multi Cap Fund ‐ Growth Option SIP ICICI Prudential Flexicap Fund ‐ Growth SIP ICICI Prudential Transportation And Logistics Fund SIP SBI Magnum Midcap Fund - Regular Plan - Growth SIP
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Performance: Evaluate the performance of each fund over different time periods. Look at their returns compared to benchmark indices and peer funds in the same category.
Fund Objectives: Ensure that the objectives of the funds align with your investment goals and risk tolerance. Review the fund's investment strategy and portfolio composition.
Fund Manager: Assess the track record and expertise of the fund manager managing each fund. A skilled and experienced fund manager can significantly impact fund performance.
Expense Ratio: Consider the expense ratio of each fund, as higher expenses can eat into your returns over time. Compare the expense ratios of your funds with similar funds in the market.
Market Conditions: Take into account the current market conditions and economic outlook. Certain funds may perform better in specific market environments.
Changes in Personal Financial Situation: Evaluate any changes in your personal financial situation or investment goals that may necessitate adjustments to your portfolio.
Review Periodically: Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your objectives. Consider rebalancing or making changes if needed based on market trends or changes in your financial situation.
By carefully considering these factors and possibly seeking advice from a financial advisor, you can make informed decisions about whether to continue or wait with your current mutual fund investments.
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Hello Sir, I am 43 yrs of age and following is the list of my MF holdings which are all 15 Months Plus......Can you pls advice me if I should continue to remain Invested in the same or should I change any of these....I am looking at an aggressive and high return Funds in the next 3 Years....Also one very important point is all my Investments are thru an Agent, do you suggest i shud withdraw them all and go for Direct Plans.....Pls advice - SIP Details - CANARA ROBECCO EMERGING EQUITIES FUND – 10000 PGIM INDIA MID CAP OPPORTUNITIES FUND – 5000 ICICI PRUDENTIAL TECHNOLOGY FUND – 4000 SBI FOCUSED EQUITY FUND – 6000 QUANT ACTIVE FUND – 10000 MIRAE ASSET LARGE CAP FUND – 10000 INDIA INFOLINE - 5000 LUMPSUM Details - PGIM INDIA MID CAP OPPORTUNITIES FUND – REGULAR GROWTH – 3 LACS K1155 - KOTAK MULTICAP FUND – REGULAR PLAN GROWTH – 3 LACS AXIS MULTICAP FUND REGULAR PLAN GROWTH – 3 LACS IIFL FOCUSED EQUITY FUND – 4 LACS UTI FLEXI CAP FUND – 2.5 LACS MIRAE ASSET LARGE CAP FUND – 3 LACS LIC MF LARGE AND MID CAP FUND – 4 LACS CANARA ROBECCO BLUE CHIP EQUITY FUND – 3 LACS QUANT ACTIVE FUND – 2.5 LACS PARAG PARIKH FLEXI CAP FUND – 2.5 LACS
Ans: Given your desire for aggressive growth in the next 3 years, it's crucial to assess your current mutual fund holdings and make informed decisions. Here are some considerations:

Performance Review: Evaluate the performance of your existing funds over the past few years. Look at their consistency, returns, and how they have performed during different market cycles.
Risk Appetite: Consider your risk tolerance and whether your current funds align with your risk profile. Aggressive funds typically carry higher risk, so ensure you are comfortable with potential volatility.
Diversification: Check the diversification of your portfolio across different fund types (large cap, mid cap, small cap) and sectors. A well-diversified portfolio can help mitigate risk.
Expense Ratio: Assess the expense ratio of your funds, especially if they are regular plans. Direct plans generally have lower expense ratios, which can significantly impact returns over the long term.
Exit Loads and Tax Implications: Understand any exit loads or tax implications associated with redeeming your existing investments, especially if they are less than 3 years old.
Consideration of Direct Plans: Switching to direct plans can save on expenses in the long run, potentially boosting returns. However, ensure you are comfortable with managing your investments independently or seek the assistance of a fee-based advisor.
After considering these factors, you can decide whether to continue with your current holdings, reallocate investments, or explore new funds that align better with your goals and risk appetite. It's essential to periodically review your portfolio and make adjustments as needed to stay on track with your financial objectives.
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