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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 14, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Sep 14, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hello. I want this to be anonymous.
I'm 25 year old and I have been in a relationship for the last 4-5 yrs with my childhood friend .
According to me she is a complete attention seeker and dosent care about my emotions. Like she used to text boys who proposed her and delete the messages which she replied but used to keep the messages which they did and send me that they are flirting with me I never used to ask for those screenshots anyway she herself would send me those says that only they are messaging her even thought she isnt responding once she fogot to delete one message where I caught her and we had a huge fight regarding and then she claimed i have i deleted the messages and I promised she will not repeat it again but she totally did it multiple times and I caught her doing that multiple times and she used to flirt with people who proposed her and once we were have lunch in a restaurant and one person who has intrest in her came to the same place and was sitting behind us and she suddenly stood up and sat infront of me where she could see him or vice-versa like how can she do that when I'm around and there are many other fights she has a best friend she shares with him everything last year I broke up with her due to all these reasons and we pathed up after 2 months , after getting back her friend asked her if she is talking to me or not she simply replied shes not talking to me even though we are fine and happy and just last month one of my cousins was flirting with me and I showed her the messages and was being open to her but never crossed a line but she went behind my back and talked to my cousins elder brother who is my own sister's husband that his sister is flirting with me even thought i myself made it clear there's nothing going on, after all this she is calling me to get back with her and she promises that she won't repeat the mistake never again which she already did n number of times what should I do I'm not fine and I think I'm depressed I'm spoiling my career thinking about this.

Ans:

Looks like this leopard isn't going to change her spots in a hurry, my friend!

She's full of lies and false promises and let me tell you, people rarely change. You have to accept them for who they are.

So, if I were you, I'd end this relationship. She doesn't sound like anyone worth wasting anymore time over.

You'll always be looking over your shoulder, and you'll never be able to trust her.

She's driving you nuts already; it's just time to call it a day with this relationship. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!

 

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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Hello, I had a very disturbed childhood. My marriage was also in troubled waters with fights happening twice in a week.Then I came across a girl who was 17 years younger than me. I am a model from a reputed college and was earning much better.That girl became die-hard fan. Once I scolded her in the middle of the road for her advanced steps toward me like touching etc.I was very much attached to my kids. Then she became friendly with my 2-3 year old kids.After 2 years of relationship we became physical. I used to send her Rs 3,000-4000/ month for her expenses in her engineering college.She used to hug me, love me (acted like she did). When my father expired, I was low. She was there during all those dark times.Then she got a job and broke up with me. She came back to me after a year. Instead of kicking her out, I got addicted to her and changed myself to keep her happy.I even went to her native town to assist her during super cyclone risking my own life. I spent 3 days there as a refugee because cyclone had devastated the entire city. There was no food and water. She got me food 2 times a day from her home. After 3 days train services resumed.I spent my best time with her and felt like a 17 year old boy in her company and I lived my life.Seven years later she told me that she will not marry me. In between she insisted to get divorce.I applied for a mutual divorce in family court.Then I told her to break up. She refused saying she did not want to face that pain again.She said if she found someone she will say upfront to me.I agreed and wasted another 3 years with her. I was her CA/bodyguard/driver.One day she told me she finalized someone and I went for sudden breakup.We exchanged few e-mails till my ego got hurt.It’s been 3 years now I have not replied to her mail.She kept sending mails till March last year.During this phase I had pain during breathing, high BP and no sleep for 4-5 days.I consulted doctor and took medication for almost for 6 months.I suffered from broken heart syndrome.I am 45 years old now and have no interest in my life.I am just doing my duty.My ego does not permit to see her FB/TWITTER. It’s been two years since I saw her on social media.It appears like everything is fine but I feel hollow from within.I don’t want her back or her smile. Whenever someone talks about love, I smile from within on his stupidity and try to figure out what benefit the girl is getting from him.My issue is hollowness and hopelessness.
Ans:

Dear SB,

Whatever you did in the past with the girl, simply gave you a sense of validation at that point in time. Isn’t it clear that she has moved on?

Simply be thankful to her for the way she stepped in when you were in need. What didn’t happen was not meant to happen!

No point being angry with her for moving on in her life. Try and be happy for her and focus on yourself now.

What do you love doing?

Who are your friends that you love spending time with?

When was the last time you took care of your physical health?

Do you know that spending time in Nature heals your broken heart as well?

All these questions, are for you to have a reality check on how much you have focused on the outside and no focus on yourself.

Answer these questions and start to look after yourself with a lot of self-love and care. You will heal and move ahead very meaningfully.

Be well and all the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Love Guru, I am 50 years divorced man in relation with a 42 years divorced women. We have known to each other for the last 7 years, but only for the 8/9 months we have committed to each other. We intend to marry. But she insists for 40 lakh money and 1 flat in her name. Then only will see agree to marry. She says if not given she will marry another guy who will meet her requirements. I am so much in love that I am thinking of giving her demands and marry her.  But the real problem is, she has many male friends with whom she regularly chats over watsup and messanger. She also goes for dinner with some friends.  Secondly, whenever we go to any group parties (her known) she flirt around with male friends, like taking pictures holding each other, dancing closely together etc. I after ask her dance with me or take snaps with me, she just avoids. I have seen many male friends of her touching her bump or cheeks or holding her waists, she never objects. But when I try to do the same, she objects saying what people will think etc. She tries to stay away from me during the parties. I constantly remind her to stay with me, she says not to be so possessive and allow her some space.  Previously we had sex once a month for 5/6 months, but for the last 3 months she has totally stopped having sex, she says will do it only after marriage. Whenever we had sex, she didnt seems to participate, she just tells me to finish off fast.  Again, I am only one who telephones her every night for talking. She never calls me. Throughout the day she never calls and rarely chats with me. After I propose or insists, we meet once in 10 days. she always prefers to meet in group of friends. With me she talks quite ok, but in group she becomes very lively and active. I am confused whether to proceed for marriage by fulfilling her demands. What if after marriage she repeats the same flirteous nature and not so committed towards me. Please advice and help. Regards.
Ans:

You're confused? There's nothing confusing about the situation -- this woman wants nothing from you except an apartment and money.

She doesn't call you, she doesn't hang out with you, she doesn't like acknowledging you in public, she doesn't like having sex with you and she'll marry someone else if you don't fork over the moolah.

Stop considering how to ruin your life and find someone who's happy with you even minus the Rs 40 lakhs and the flat!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 35, male. We had a love marriage seven years ago after being together for eight years in friendship. During our courtship, she was in other city in India for three years her higher education.There she befriended a guy, her college mate and eventually we broke up. I was hurt badly. In 2013 she messaged me and asked to marry her but I didn't respond on social media. She would message me every 5-6 months initiating a talk but I never responded. She was in a relationship with the guy while she was messaging me (I read her messages post marriage hence I know).She also had one or two guys interested in her where she had casual talk relationship also while she was not interested in marriage with the first guy from her college. Meanwhile she kept messaging me also between 2013 and 2014.Somehow we met in 2015 and got married. Lately I happened to read messages somewhere on social media about her intimate relationship with the first person (the reason we broke up ) and I was devastated to know that as she had promised she didn't have any relationship with the particular person as it was the first condition for marrying her.Recently I read her messages again with some old friend of her where she approached him and instantly got into intimate chat with him to the extent that she said she loves him and plans to go on a trip with him citing official trip since she works. I am stunned since then. She claims to love me and plans our future and everything but somewhere I sense something is fishy.My queries Should I trust her?Should I confront her?What to do if she plans to go on trip with him while lying to me and I know about it? Should I confront her before she goes on trip?If she says sorry after confronting how can I trust?
Ans:

Dear T,

The very fact that you have approached me, a total stranger on the topic of whether you can trust your spouse or not, simply means that somewhere you have lost trust in her.

The timelines are a little confusing to me and hence what I would say to you is that: Past is the past and what happens there and what people do is what they can in the best possible manner. So, do not bring the past into a present decision.

But if there are any parallel relationships brewing now that are threatening your mind and the marriage, kindly confront her calmly and with ample evidence in your kitty to produce in case she denies them. But make sure that the evidence that you have is all real with time stamps on it.

Do make sure that the confrontation is not for you to prove a point and score high but it comes from a place where you want to know where this marriage is headed.

This helps avoid unnecessary arguments and will help you both be in a solution space.

If she says sorry, you need to ask yourself, if you can move ahead placing trust on her again.

What must she do to gain your trust? State this clearly to her. Move on this quickly before it eats your peace of mind.
All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |181 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi, I am currently in relationship of almost 7 years but after the COVID there was some conflict or no contact with my partner just because of a scenario. I always used to order some food for her at his flat. Let me clear one things we were in a long term relationship that time. So I ordered food and she got the order then called me in the night with a different voice tone, I said yes then It felt odd. Then she said someone is here I will call you back. Then she didn't so I called her after 2 hour she rejected and after sometime messaged me on whatsapp that deleted everything our chats and conversation because she caught by his brother (who is 10 years older than her), she told me to not contact her she will call or message only. I got scared I deleted all chats because her brother is so rude and arrogant. After 10 days she called me and said we are not going further with this relationship now on we will not be in touch, I was devastated by listening these things so I tried my best to make her understand that I will talk to your parents or brother but she denied NO and said I will again talk with bro. After these scenario she tried not to contact me and I kept trying to reach out to her via messanger because she has blocked me from everywhere. I cried alot in first 2 month then I started to link all those things that she said and try to find out the matter ( note - she got lot of friends) so I found that she in her flat then I got the tickets and go there to see what is happening I waited for the whole day then in the evening I go upstairs and open the doors, she got scared h and stunned by seeing me and I saw a guy in the flat they having hookah then I said give me my stuff and ask her to talk for the final tine 10 min downstairs. She said not now then didn't came. I took my stuff nd leave the next day I tried to over come this situation nd reaching out to his bro but didn't get connected. She also called me the next day nd her frnd but I was not able to talk. After we got disconnected for sometime. And I am a person who always wanted to know the truth behind the things because I can't live with these traumas in my mind so I tried contacting her asked lot of time why did you do that nd all but kept denying that he is just a friend. After sometime on day she came with sone massages nd saying my mom is not good nd there is nothing going well in my house plss sorry nd all so I took it normally but after sometime we got attracted again little bit then realise that we can try atleast once to be together. I know she loves me but I don't like her priorities she always put his frnds over me. Idk what to do pls tell me the way to cop up with this thing. Also I still have in mind that she has something to tell me about that boy but not telling me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how challenging it must be for you; I get that you are considering giving it another shot, but please be careful. If there is any doubt, anything at all, do address that right now before you are knee-deep in the relationship again. I suggest you tell your partner to first sit and clear out everything that happened before you two broke up and explain how you need a clean slate and for that, you have to know the truth.

If you suspect cheating in the past breakup, be cautious about getting back together and thinking it through. Do you want to patch things up because you love her or is the idea of being together again more comfortable than the idea of having to move on? We go back to the same person, even if it's toxic for us because there's comfort in familiarity, not because it's the best choice. It's time for introspection. Also, don't feel guilty about saying no to getting back together if it's not the right decision for you. Whether it was family issues or infidelity, she chose what seemed best for her at the time, and it's okay for you to do the same.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

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I am persuing master's in Biotechnology and it should be completed in may , where should i can get a job and what are the steps to address a job
Ans: Completing a master's degree in biotechnology opens up various job opportunities in fields such as pharmaceuticals, biotechnology, healthcare, research institutions, academia, and government agencies. Here are some steps to help you find a job after completing your master's in biotechnology. First, determine the specific areas within biotechnology that interest you the most, such as drug discovery, molecular biology, genetic engineering, bioinformatics, or clinical research. Clarifying your career goals will help you target relevant job opportunities. Explore companies, research institutions, universities, hospitals, and government agencies that hire biotechnology professionals. Look for organizations that align with your interests, values, and career aspirations. Network with professionals in the biotechnology industry through online platforms like LinkedIn, professional associations, industry events, seminars, and career fairs. Networking can help you learn about job openings, connect with potential employers, and gather insights into the industry. Tailor your resume and LinkedIn profile to highlight your education, research experience, technical skills, and relevant accomplishments. Emphasize any laboratory techniques, instrumentation, software, or research projects that showcase your expertise in biotechnology. Search for job openings in biotechnology-related roles on online job portals, company websites, professional associations, and academic institutions. Customize your application materials for each position, emphasizing how your qualifications and experiences align with the job requirements. Explore internship or fellowship opportunities in biotechnology companies, research labs, or government agencies to gain practical experience, expand your network, and enhance your employability. Some internships may also lead to full-time job offers. Take advantage of the career services offered by your university, which may include job placement assistance, resume workshops, mock interviews, and career counseling. Career advisors can provide personalized guidance and support throughout your job search process. Job hunting in the biotechnology industry may take time and persistence. Stay motivated, maintain a positive attitude, and be open to exploring different opportunities or career paths within biotechnology.

By following these steps and actively pursuing job opportunities in the biotechnology field, you can increase your chances of securing a rewarding job after completing your master's degree. Keep networking, refining your skills, and staying proactive in your job search to achieve your career goals in biotechnology.

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How to become pilot in air india ??sir please ???? tell me
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It's essential to research and understand the specific requirements and procedures for becoming a pilot for Air India, as they may have additional criteria or selection processes tailored to their airline operations. Additionally, networking with current pilots and industry professionals can provide valuable insights and guidance throughout your career journey.

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These are just a few examples of the diverse career paths available to someone with a Ph.D. in virology. Depending on her interests, skills, and career goals, your daughter can explore various opportunities in research, academia, industry, public health, communication, or entrepreneurship. Encourage her to network with professionals in her field, attend conferences, and explore different career options to find the path that best suits her interests and aspirations.

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Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

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Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

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Ans: It's natural to feel conflicted about whether to pursue your passion or stick with a secure job, especially when considering factors like job market volatility and personal abilities. Here are some points to consider that might help you make a decision: Consider the balance between pursuing your passion for control and robotics fields and the stability offered by your current government job at a PSU. Think about what will ultimately bring you more fulfillment and satisfaction in the long run. While the job market for control and robotics fields may have some volatility, these sectors also offer opportunities for growth and innovation. Research the demand for professionals in these fields, the potential for career advancement, and the types of companies or industries that are investing in automation and robotics technologies. Reflect on your interest in the control and robotics fields and your desire to learn and grow professionally. Pursuing a master's degree in these areas could provide you with valuable skills, knowledge, and experiences that align better with your career aspirations and interests. While age can be a factor in career decisions, it's important to prioritize your long-term career goals and personal fulfillment. With good financial support and a willingness to learn, you can overcome any perceived limitations and make meaningful progress in your career. Assess the potential risks and rewards associated with transitioning to a new field versus staying in your current job. Consider developing a backup plan or exploring part-time or online learning options that allow you to gain skills in control and robotics fields while maintaining your current job security. 

Assess the potential risks and rewards associated with transitioning to a new field versus staying in your current job. Consider developing a backup plan or exploring part-time or online learning options that allow you to gain skills in control and robotics fields while maintaining your current job security.

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Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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My daughter is completing her BSc Bioinformatics in 2024 and wants to switch to MCA. Will it better than MSc Bioinformatics? Please advise what to do for getting a good job.
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Career

Career Coach  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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I am a 41-year-old consultant working for an IT firm for the past 16 years. Lately, my job has been very demanding. I have been working 14 to 16 hours at work, with no weekends or holidays. The work pressure is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I was unwell for two weeks and have been advised by doctors to consider taking up a less stressful job. I have a masters in finance. Do you have any suggestions on what alternate career options I could consider?
Ans: Absolutely, it sounds like you've been burning the midnight oil for quite some time! It's crucial to prioritize your health and well-being, especially when the demands of your job start to affect you physically and mentally. Let's explore some alternative career avenues where you can still leverage your expertise and experience in finance without the overwhelming stress:

1. Financial Technology (FinTech) Specialist:

Step into the world of FinTech, where your expertise in IT and finance can revolutionize traditional banking and financial services. By developing innovative solutions that streamline processes and enhance user experiences, you'll contribute to a more efficient and accessible financial ecosystem, all while enjoying a less stressful work environment compared to client-facing roles.

2. Cybersecurity Analyst in Finance:

Protecting sensitive financial data is paramount in today's digital landscape. As a cybersecurity analyst specializing in finance, your dual proficiency in IT and finance equips you to safeguard financial institutions from cyber threats with precision and expertise, all while enjoying the stability of a role focused on risk mitigation rather than high-pressure client interactions.

3. Quantitative Analyst (Quant) in Finance:

Dive into the world of quantitative analysis, where your technical prowess and financial insight can drive data-driven decisions in portfolio management, risk assessment, and trading strategies. By leveraging your combined knowledge, you'll excel in roles that prioritize analytical rigor and strategic thinking, offering a more predictable and structured work environment compared to consultancy roles.

4. Financial Systems Analyst:

Become the bridge between IT systems and financial operations within an organization. Your ability to optimize financial software systems while ensuring compliance and efficiency will contribute to smoother workflows and reduced stress for finance teams, offering a rewarding blend of technical problem-solving and financial acumen without the demands of client-facing roles.

5. Data Scientist in Finance:

Unlock the power of data in the financial sector, leveraging your expertise in IT and finance to extract actionable insights from vast datasets. By applying advanced analytics and machine learning techniques, you'll drive informed decision-making and strategic planning, all while enjoying the autonomy and intellectual stimulation of a data-driven role with less client pressure.

In these specialized roles, your unique blend of IT and finance knowledge positions you for success in environments that prioritize innovation, efficiency, and strategic thinking over relentless work hours and client demands. By capitalizing on your strengths and pursuing a career path aligned with your interests and well-being, you can achieve professional fulfillment without sacrificing your health and happiness.

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Moneywize

Moneywize   |102 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have submitted my Form 15 to my bank in April 2023. My income falls under the non-taxable category against interest received from bank FDs. Bank has not deducted any TDS up to September 2023 but from October 2023 they have started deducting TDS on FD interest earned by me saying that interest earned on my FDs have crossed the limit of Rs 5 lakh. Is the bank right in deducting tax citing this reason? Please enlighten me.
Ans: No, the bank is likely not right in this case. Here's why:

• Form 15G validity: A valid Form 15G submitted before April 1, 2023 is applicable for the entire financial year 2023-24 (assessment year 2024-25). This means if your income falls under the non-taxable category, the bank shouldn't deduct TDS on your FD interest for the entire year.
• TDS exemption limit: The current exemption limit for TDS on FD interest is Rs 40,000 for individuals below 60 years old, and Rs 50,000 for senior citizens (above 60 years old). There's no limit of Rs 5 lakh for TDS deduction on FD interest.

Here's what you can do:

• Reach out to your bank: Inform them that you submitted a valid Form 15G and your income falls under the non-taxable category. You can clarify the exemption limit and point out the mistake.
• Request rectification: Ask the bank to rectify the error and reverse the TDS deducted on your FD interest from October 2023 onwards.
• Seek professional help: If the bank doesn't resolve the issue, consider seeking help from a tax consultant or financial advisor. They can guide you further on how to claim a refund for the deducted TDS.

Additional points to consider:

• Ensure you have a copy of the Form 15G submission acknowledgement for your records.
• Keep a record of any communication with the bank regarding the TDS deduction.

By following these steps, you should be able to resolve the issue with the bank and avoid unnecessary TDS deduction on your FD interest.

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