Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 14, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Sep 14, 2022Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hello. I want this to be anonymous.
I'm 25 year old and I have been in a relationship for the last 4-5 yrs with my childhood friend .
According to me she is a complete attention seeker and dosent care about my emotions. Like she used to text boys who proposed her and delete the messages which she replied but used to keep the messages which they did and send me that they are flirting with me I never used to ask for those screenshots anyway she herself would send me those says that only they are messaging her even thought she isnt responding once she fogot to delete one message where I caught her and we had a huge fight regarding and then she claimed i have i deleted the messages and I promised she will not repeat it again but she totally did it multiple times and I caught her doing that multiple times and she used to flirt with people who proposed her and once we were have lunch in a restaurant and one person who has intrest in her came to the same place and was sitting behind us and she suddenly stood up and sat infront of me where she could see him or vice-versa like how can she do that when I'm around and there are many other fights she has a best friend she shares with him everything last year I broke up with her due to all these reasons and we pathed up after 2 months , after getting back her friend asked her if she is talking to me or not she simply replied shes not talking to me even though we are fine and happy and just last month one of my cousins was flirting with me and I showed her the messages and was being open to her but never crossed a line but she went behind my back and talked to my cousins elder brother who is my own sister's husband that his sister is flirting with me even thought i myself made it clear there's nothing going on, after all this she is calling me to get back with her and she promises that she won't repeat the mistake never again which she already did n number of times what should I do I'm not fine and I think I'm depressed I'm spoiling my career thinking about this.

Ans:

Looks like this leopard isn't going to change her spots in a hurry, my friend!

She's full of lies and false promises and let me tell you, people rarely change. You have to accept them for who they are.

So, if I were you, I'd end this relationship. She doesn't sound like anyone worth wasting anymore time over.

You'll always be looking over your shoulder, and you'll never be able to trust her.

She's driving you nuts already; it's just time to call it a day with this relationship. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!

 

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 35, male. We had a love marriage seven years ago after being together for eight years in friendship. During our courtship, she was in other city in India for three years her higher education.There she befriended a guy, her college mate and eventually we broke up. I was hurt badly. In 2013 she messaged me and asked to marry her but I didn't respond on social media. She would message me every 5-6 months initiating a talk but I never responded. She was in a relationship with the guy while she was messaging me (I read her messages post marriage hence I know).She also had one or two guys interested in her where she had casual talk relationship also while she was not interested in marriage with the first guy from her college. Meanwhile she kept messaging me also between 2013 and 2014.Somehow we met in 2015 and got married. Lately I happened to read messages somewhere on social media about her intimate relationship with the first person (the reason we broke up ) and I was devastated to know that as she had promised she didn't have any relationship with the particular person as it was the first condition for marrying her.Recently I read her messages again with some old friend of her where she approached him and instantly got into intimate chat with him to the extent that she said she loves him and plans to go on a trip with him citing official trip since she works. I am stunned since then. She claims to love me and plans our future and everything but somewhere I sense something is fishy.My queries Should I trust her?Should I confront her?What to do if she plans to go on trip with him while lying to me and I know about it? Should I confront her before she goes on trip?If she says sorry after confronting how can I trust?
Ans:

Dear T,

The very fact that you have approached me, a total stranger on the topic of whether you can trust your spouse or not, simply means that somewhere you have lost trust in her.

The timelines are a little confusing to me and hence what I would say to you is that: Past is the past and what happens there and what people do is what they can in the best possible manner. So, do not bring the past into a present decision.

But if there are any parallel relationships brewing now that are threatening your mind and the marriage, kindly confront her calmly and with ample evidence in your kitty to produce in case she denies them. But make sure that the evidence that you have is all real with time stamps on it.

Do make sure that the confrontation is not for you to prove a point and score high but it comes from a place where you want to know where this marriage is headed.

This helps avoid unnecessary arguments and will help you both be in a solution space.

If she says sorry, you need to ask yourself, if you can move ahead placing trust on her again.

What must she do to gain your trust? State this clearly to her. Move on this quickly before it eats your peace of mind.
All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Ravi, I am currently in relationship of almost 7 years but after the COVID there was some conflict or no contact with my partner just because of a scenario. I always used to order some food for her at his flat. Let me clear one things we were in a long term relationship that time. So I ordered food and she got the order then called me in the night with a different voice tone, I said yes then It felt odd. Then she said someone is here I will call you back. Then she didn't so I called her after 2 hour she rejected and after sometime messaged me on whatsapp that deleted everything our chats and conversation because she caught by his brother (who is 10 years older than her), she told me to not contact her she will call or message only. I got scared I deleted all chats because her brother is so rude and arrogant. After 10 days she called me and said we are not going further with this relationship now on we will not be in touch, I was devastated by listening these things so I tried my best to make her understand that I will talk to your parents or brother but she denied NO and said I will again talk with bro. After these scenario she tried not to contact me and I kept trying to reach out to her via messanger because she has blocked me from everywhere. I cried alot in first 2 month then I started to link all those things that she said and try to find out the matter ( note - she got lot of friends) so I found that she in her flat then I got the tickets and go there to see what is happening I waited for the whole day then in the evening I go upstairs and open the doors, she got scared h and stunned by seeing me and I saw a guy in the flat they having hookah then I said give me my stuff and ask her to talk for the final tine 10 min downstairs. She said not now then didn't came. I took my stuff nd leave the next day I tried to over come this situation nd reaching out to his bro but didn't get connected. She also called me the next day nd her frnd but I was not able to talk. After we got disconnected for sometime. And I am a person who always wanted to know the truth behind the things because I can't live with these traumas in my mind so I tried contacting her asked lot of time why did you do that nd all but kept denying that he is just a friend. After sometime on day she came with sone massages nd saying my mom is not good nd there is nothing going well in my house plss sorry nd all so I took it normally but after sometime we got attracted again little bit then realise that we can try atleast once to be together. I know she loves me but I don't like her priorities she always put his frnds over me. Idk what to do pls tell me the way to cop up with this thing. Also I still have in mind that she has something to tell me about that boy but not telling me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how challenging it must be for you; I get that you are considering giving it another shot, but please be careful. If there is any doubt, anything at all, do address that right now before you are knee-deep in the relationship again. I suggest you tell your partner to first sit and clear out everything that happened before you two broke up and explain how you need a clean slate and for that, you have to know the truth.

If you suspect cheating in the past breakup, be cautious about getting back together and thinking it through. Do you want to patch things up because you love her or is the idea of being together again more comfortable than the idea of having to move on? We go back to the same person, even if it's toxic for us because there's comfort in familiarity, not because it's the best choice. It's time for introspection. Also, don't feel guilty about saying no to getting back together if it's not the right decision for you. Whether it was family issues or infidelity, she chose what seemed best for her at the time, and it's okay for you to do the same.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, myself is 31 years old guy and I was in relationship with the women (collegue of mine in previous company) who is married and had 1 son and she is 9 years elder then me. Basically I was going through a tough time as I had breakup in 2017 and started drinking and smoking which usually everybody does after a heartbreak. In year 2019 she got to know about my drinking habits and she starting giving her time to me so that I stop all this things. She used to behind me to stop all these things but gradually after a year or so we started developing feelings for each other. We used to talk to a lot like almost we used to share everything and in year 2020 we got into relation and we proposed each other. Everything was fine till 2021. In year 2021 I went for a group picnic where my Ex was also present and my biggest mistake was that I didn't shared this thing with her but she got to know this from one of our common collegue who was also part of the picnic & after that disaster started in our life. She started doubting me that I am still in relation with my Ex but I was not there & continuously I have to prove myself that I don't have any feelings for my ex & I love you only. I was ready to do anything for her even just to surprise her I travel to her city where she went on vacation to her parents house. But unfortunately that was the last time we were together the moment I came to my hometown things started getting worse as she again started doubting me and in anger I just burst on her and after that she stopped talking and bcz of which I went into a depression and due to which I was completely mess was not able to do anything in my life except drinking. Now it has been 2 years that we don't talk except only on some occasion she calls or msg. Still I am having the same feeling for her which I had 3 years back & I need her back in my life. Please suggest me what should I do in this scenario.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear you are facing such challenges in your life. Doubt and jealousy can ruin a relationship and your relationship is proof of that. While you might not have had bad intentions when you did not reveal your ex being present in the gathering with you, it is also understandable that your partner's trust suffered a crack which finally gave away completely. The thing to learn here is that open communication could have saved you all these sufferings. But that's all in the past. Right now you are separated from your partner and I assume she is not interested in getting back together. Your question should not be how to get her back, but rather how can I move on. Your job is not to convince her but to convince yourself that this is for the best. And it truly is; no relationship can survive in the shadows of doubt.

Focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends. Understand that you made a tiny mistake but you tried your best to convince your partner of your loyalty to her; it did not work out but you are not to blame. Some things just don't, and your relationship was one of those things. Forgive yourself if you feel guilty for not disclosing the situation to your partner. You know you were not a cheater and it's no longer your job to convince her of that. Give yourself ample time to grieve the loss and accept that it's lost. Don't keep looking for ways to get back together or you will never move on. It will hurt in the beginning but it will get better soon. Once you feel better, go out and meet people. I am not saying your ex-partner wasn't great but trust me, there are more people out there, who are amazing; they will help you not just heal but also grow.

It's time to let go.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

Relationship
Hi , I am 42 year married man in love with 37 yr old married girl , her husband is not a good man in every accepts and my wife is same we are with our partners due to children, Our relationship is 14 year old. We lived in different cities which are 6 hour run away from each other , We often meet 2 to 3 times in a month. Before relation with me she was in love another guy (Before marriage) and this was continued after marriage too. After 1 year of marriage her boy friend passes away in an accident and then Then I enter in her life , Now I come to the point from last 2 year due to some differences and due to corona effect we could not meet and our telephonic conversation was very minimum even once in 10 days and due to some financial problems she started a Job in a school , There she meet with a guy and they become closer and physical too and that guy was in relation with another girl too. After 3-4 month I doubt that she is talking with someone else So I asked her directly that question but she denied, By the time we again start meeting frequently Then After more 3-4 months she accepted that she is in relation with another guy, She told me that he looks like his Ex-boyfriend that why she attracted towards him. She give him 35 K Rs , Then I told her that Why she did not tell me that before ?? She reply that she was in trap of that guy because he is in the same school in which she was a teacher. She left that school then she get a courage to told me that all things. She cry a lot an apologizes many times then I told her we can continue if she never talk with him. She agreed after another 3-4 months later she expose another truth that she is in touch with him through Google chat but she never meet him neither she talk him about past on phone , she told me that she only talk with with him to know his well being only. She told me that one day that guy offer him to again physical and after that she started hating him and stop talking him. Now She is teaching in another school and that boy in other school , When ever she shaw him on Road she tells me about that . Now she asking me that if I caught her again cheating then I can do whatever I want. I love her so much and She loves me too Even we remain in touch on phone 10-12 hr in a day. Now my Question is that Can I believe her again ?? That she will not get in touch that boy in future ?? Should I continue this relation ??
Ans: Dear SPPL
Both of you are in an extra-marital relationship while staying with your respective spouses for the sake of your children. This adds complexity because, beyond trust issues between you and her, there’s the underlying emotional weight of being tied to marriages that neither of you seems emotionally invested in anymore.

Your relationship with her has lasted for 14 years, which shows that there’s a deep emotional bond between you. But the fact that you’re both staying in unhappy marriages out of responsibility to your children means that there’s always going to be a limit to how much emotional and physical freedom you both have in this relationship. That creates emotional pressure because even if you love each other deeply, you’re still navigating within the confines of your separate family lives.

Her getting involved with another man during this time reflects not just on her emotional state but also on the emotional limitations of your relationship. Being in an extra-marital affair means that neither of you can fully give yourselves to each other because of the realities of your existing family commitments. She might have sought comfort or distraction in someone else because the emotional fulfillment she gets from you isn’t enough to bridge the gap created by her marriage and life circumstances.

The fact that she confessed and apologized after initially denying it suggests that she feels guilty and wants to rebuild trust with you. But the emotional vulnerability created by this betrayal will make it hard for you to trust her completely, especially since your relationship already exists in a morally complicated space. Staying with your respective spouses for the children means that your emotional connection with each other will always have to exist in the shadows, which makes it more vulnerable to external distractions and temptations.

The big question here is whether you can genuinely move past the betrayal and continue to trust her despite the complexity of your situation. Love is present, but love alone isn’t always enough when trust is broken—especially in a relationship that already carries emotional and moral complications. If you feel that you can forgive her and she remains consistent in her actions, the relationship might survive. But if this betrayal has planted a seed of doubt that you can’t shake, it could slowly erode the emotional foundation you’ve built over the years.

You also need to consider whether this pattern will repeat itself. Since both of you are married and emotionally unavailable to each other in a fully committed way, emotional gaps might emerge again, and similar situations could arise. You need to have an honest conversation with her about whether you both have the emotional strength to maintain this connection long-term under these circumstances. If you can rebuild trust and stay emotionally strong despite the limitations of your married lives, then you might be able to continue. But if you feel like this betrayal has permanently altered the emotional safety you once felt with her, stepping back to protect your emotional health might be the better choice.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2025

Money
Hello I am 51 years old with 14 years old Son and my spouse is not working. I am working with a Pvt Publishing company with salary 90000/ month but job is not stable. In my 28 years working , I couldn't saved much with other liabilities and circumstances . Now my son is in class 8 and I am still in rented house . I am afraid of coming future since I am not able to save anything. My overall monthly income exceeded to 80000 including my son's education, School fees , House Rent and other house hold expenses. Kindly suggest me how to save more and secure my future
Ans: You have shown great responsibility in raising your family on a single income.

At 51 years, your focus now should be financial security and your son's future.

Your son's education and your retirement both need careful planning from here.

Let us understand how to plan your future with limited income but strong commitment.

Your Current Financial Snapshot
You are 51 years old, with a 14-year-old son.

Your spouse is not working, so you are the only earner.

Your job is in the private sector and not stable.

Monthly income is around Rs. 90,000.

Monthly expenses are touching Rs. 80,000.

You are staying in a rented house.

You are unable to save due to high expenses.

Let us address each concern in a simple, practical way.

Step 1: Create a Small Monthly Surplus
Without surplus, saving is not possible.

First identify all your fixed expenses.

Note down your rent, fees, bills, groceries, transport etc.

Then write all variable or non-essential expenses.

These include outings, subscriptions, online shopping etc.

Keep these expenses under control.

Aim to reduce total monthly spending by Rs. 5,000.

If needed, shift to a slightly cheaper rented house.

This is not about sacrifice, it is about safety.

Step 2: Start a Basic Emergency Fund
Your job is not secure.

Emergency fund is your safety cover.

Save 3 to 6 months of household expenses.

This money must be separate and easy to access.

Keep it in a separate savings account or liquid fund.

Don’t touch this for regular spending.

Build this fund slowly over 6 to 12 months.

Even Rs. 3,000 a month is fine to start.

Step 3: Secure Your Family First
Life insurance is very important at this stage.

You must have a pure term plan.

It should cover at least 10 times your annual income.

If you already have expensive LIC or ULIP policies, stop them.

Surrender those plans and reinvest in mutual funds.

Your family must get protection if anything happens to you.

Do not depend on employer insurance alone.

Also take basic health insurance for you and family.

Step 4: Start Small but Regular Investments
Don’t wait for big savings to start investing.

Start SIP with even Rs. 2,000 per month.

Use actively managed mutual funds through a CFP.

Avoid direct funds, they give no guidance.

Regular plans through Certified Financial Planner give support and review.

Don't invest in index funds.

Index funds just follow the market, even when it crashes.

Actively managed funds adjust better in ups and downs.

Step 5: Focus on Retirement Planning
Retirement may come earlier due to job risk.

You must create your own pension system.

Start SIPs in long-term growth mutual funds.

Don’t wait till son's college is over.

You cannot borrow for retirement.

But you can borrow or get scholarships for education.

Secure your retirement with discipline.

Any salary increase should go into SIPs.

Step 6: Prepare for Son’s Education Wisely
Your son is in Class 8 now.

You have 4 years to plan his higher education.

Create a goal for his college needs.

Don't aim for high-expense private colleges if unaffordable.

Explore central universities, state quota, scholarships etc.

Education loan is a better option than using retirement money.

Guide your son on skill-based courses and cost-effective education.

Talk openly with him about money limitations.

Step 7: Review Your House Decision
At this stage, buying a house is not urgent.

Don’t take a big loan for a home now.

Focus should be on savings, not EMI.

Rent is temporary. Savings are permanent.

You may buy a house later when situation is better.

Don’t consider house as investment.

It locks money, gives low return and creates liability.

Step 8: Create an Annual Financial Calendar
Every month, set one small financial task.

Example: January – review expenses.

February – update term insurance.

March – increase SIP amount.

April – track son’s education cost.

May – recheck emergency fund.

Follow this rhythm each year.

This brings control and confidence.

Step 9: Upskill or Create Secondary Income
Try to learn new skills related to your publishing work.

See if you can do freelance editing or writing.

Try to earn small extra income from hobby or skill.

Even Rs. 3,000 to Rs. 5,000 extra helps monthly.

Encourage your spouse to try small work from home.

Every extra rupee saved or earned gives strength.

Step 10: Stay Away From Risky Options
Don’t invest in crypto or ponzi schemes.

Avoid chit funds and quick return ideas.

Never buy insurance plans with investment.

Focus only on safe and proven mutual fund SIPs.

Avoid direct funds, they mislead investors with no support.

Stick with regular funds guided by CFP.

You will get personal tracking and adjustment advice.

What You Must Not Do
Don’t feel late or regret the past.

Don’t stop children’s education for savings.

Don’t mix insurance and investments.

Don’t ignore retirement while saving for son.

Don’t depend on children for your old age.

Don’t compare your life with others.

What You Must Do Regularly
Track your monthly spending.

Save before you spend.

Review insurance and investment once a year.

Increase SIP every year.

Protect your health and peace of mind.

Finally
You have taken care of your family all these years.

That itself is a huge achievement.

From now, take one step at a time.

Cut small unnecessary spends.

Start saving even small amounts.

Secure your family with right insurance.

Begin SIPs in regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Don't fear the future.

Plan it, step by step, from today.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2025

Money
Do Bengaluru Real Estate reduce the cost of a house/apartments in future ? I'm really surprise to see that People are keep on buying/investing on houses even though their earnings are less. What's the miracles behind these situations? Is this due to AI ? is there any regulatory on these real estate communities ?
Ans: Your question is very important and timely.

Let us examine it from different angles in a simple and detailed way.

You asked:

Will Bangalore real estate prices fall in future?

Why are people still buying homes even with low income?

Is Artificial Intelligence (AI) causing this?

Are there any rules to control builders and developers?

Let us evaluate these step by step and provide you with a 360-degree view.

Real Estate Prices in Bangalore – Will They Fall in Future?
Real estate does not move like stocks or mutual funds.

Property price changes are slow and unpredictable.

In Bangalore, price fall is rare but price stagnation happens.

Builders usually hold prices even if demand drops.

They prefer giving discounts or free items, not price cuts.

Bangalore is a tech city. Demand comes from many IT hubs.

Migrants and job seekers keep entering the city.

This creates long-term demand in selected areas.

But oversupply can create flat price growth in some zones.

Far-off areas with fewer buyers may see some drop.

But centre areas or prime suburbs stay stable or go up.

Real estate in Bangalore is influenced by job market and IT sector.

AI may change jobs, but not immediately reduce housing need.

Will Bangalore Prices Go Down Due to AI?
AI may reduce some jobs in the long term.

But new tech also creates new jobs.

People will still migrate to Bangalore for jobs.

Housing demand continues if employment exists.

AI doesn’t directly reduce house prices.

Cost of land and materials remains same or increases.

Builders won’t reduce price due to AI speculation.

So no, AI is not pushing prices down.

AI adoption may reduce certain roles, but housing need stays.

Why Are People Still Buying Houses Even with Low Incomes?
Some people buy from peer pressure.

Others buy due to social or family expectations.

Many believe rent is a waste of money.

Some buyers assume real estate will double in few years.

Some fear future prices may go higher.

Some people get help from parents or inherit money.

Builders also give many offers and small EMIs.

People don’t always calculate full cost of ownership.

Many ignore loan interest, taxes, maintenance, etc.

Some buyers use home loan EMIs to reduce tax outflow.

All these reasons create emotional decisions, not rational ones.

Are These Decisions Wise for Everyone?
Not really.

Without cash flow stability, buying a house creates risk.

Some people stretch beyond safe EMI levels.

They skip protection like insurance or emergency fund.

Job loss, medical emergency, or loan hike can cause problems.

It is risky to buy only for tax benefit.

Without proper planning, house buying leads to debt trap.

Is There Any Regulation on Real Estate Developers?
Yes.

There is a law called RERA – Real Estate Regulation Act.

It aims to protect buyers from builder fraud.

Builders must register projects under RERA.

They must declare timelines, approvals and costs.

Delay in possession can lead to penalty.

But enforcement is still weak in some cases.

Some small builders skip RERA or delay registration.

Buyers must verify RERA number and approvals.

Property papers must be verified by legal expert.

RERA helps, but buyer must still be alert.

What Should You Do Before Buying Any House?
First check your job security.

Next check your income stability.

Keep 3–6 months emergency fund ready.

Ensure no other major loans running.

Home loan EMI must not exceed 35% of income.

Add future expenses also like school or medical cost.

Don’t buy just because others are buying.

Buying without planning causes stress.

Buying House is Emotional – Make It Financially Smart
Everyone wants to own their own home.

It gives security and pride.

But emotional decision must match financial reality.

Your house should not create money problems.

It must not kill your savings or investments.

If you can’t afford now, wait.

Rushing into house buying leads to regret.

Why Real Estate is Not an Investment Option
Real estate has poor liquidity.

You cannot sell it quickly in need.

Cost of holding is very high.

You pay maintenance, tax, loan interest.

There is no regular income unless rented.

Rental income is only 2–3% of cost.

Real estate also has legal and paperwork risks.

Good areas are costly and low margin.

Average or low areas have risk of non-appreciation.

Mutual funds and SIPs are better for wealth building.

What Happens if Job Market Weakens in Bangalore?
Real estate may become unsold or under-occupied.

Builders may reduce new launches.

Resale flats may flood the market.

Rental rates may soften.

But prime areas still stay in demand.

So choose location wisely, not just price.

Steps Before Buying Any Property
Check RERA registration of project.

Ask builder for all documents.

Compare prices in nearby projects.

Don’t believe only advertisements.

Visit actual site during working hours.

Talk to residents if resale property.

Check age of construction and resale history.

If You Still Wish to Buy – Do This
Don’t use all your savings for down payment.

Keep some cash for emergency.

Take property loan only after financial health check.

Consult Certified Financial Planner for proper budgeting.

Plan your insurance, cash flow and future savings.

Don’t Delay Mutual Fund Investing
Many people delay investing due to property buying.

But investment must run in parallel.

Mutual funds grow money faster than property.

SIPs create discipline and wealth.

Avoid direct funds.

Direct funds give no guidance or support.

Regular plans via MFD and CFP are better.

You get long-term hand-holding.

Also, active funds outperform index funds.

Index funds don’t manage downside.

They copy the market, including all losses.

In tough times, actively managed funds adjust better.

You get better return and less stress.

Final Insights
Bangalore real estate is unlikely to crash.

But price appreciation is not guaranteed.

Don’t buy emotionally or blindly follow others.

Every house buyer must check cash flow first.

Don’t compare your decision with neighbours.

Most people stretch loans without future planning.

Artificial Intelligence is not the main reason.

It’s lifestyle pressure and FOMO – fear of missing out.

RERA provides regulation, but buyer must stay cautious.

Never invest fully in property, keep diversification.

Mutual funds with CFP guidance create real wealth.

Property is shelter. It is not an investment.

Take your time. Think in all directions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8462 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2025
Money
Have EPF Amount of 14 Lakhs. Is withdrawing a good Idea for clearing of my current loan amount of 18 Lakhs (Land Loan (13.5L) + Vechicle Loan(3.5)) approx. and Zero Cash in Hand and looking for a house to buy. Buying a 2nd Hand House is good or should go for 1st Hand House in Bangalore?
Ans: Let us assess your situation in a complete and structured way.

You have:

EPF of Rs. 14 Lakhs

Loan of Rs. 18 Lakhs (Land Loan Rs. 13.5L + Vehicle Loan Rs. 3.5L)

Zero cash in hand

Planning to buy a house in Bangalore

Let us review this in multiple aspects to give you a 360-degree perspective.

Understanding the Role of EPF
EPF is your retirement backup.

It grows with compounding over long term.

Interest earned is tax-free.

Withdrawals reduce your retirement strength.

Once you withdraw, building back is tough.

You lose long-term compounding power.

Use EPF only when there is a real need.

It is not ideal to treat EPF like an emergency fund.

It gives security when regular income stops.

Analysing Your Current Debt Position
Your total loan is Rs. 18 Lakhs.

Land loan of Rs. 13.5L is not tax-benefit eligible.

Vehicle loan of Rs. 3.5L is high interest and no tax benefit.

Carrying both loans with zero savings is risky.

Loan EMIs strain your monthly cash flow.

Risk increases if job or health issues arise.

Emergency fund is totally missing.

Clearing loan can give mental and financial peace.

Should You Use EPF for Loan Closure?
Withdrawing EPF reduces future security.

But having high debt and no cash is worse.

Compare risk of debt stress vs. EPF withdrawal loss.

If interest rate on loans is high, paying them off helps.

But EPF is not enough to clear Rs. 18 Lakhs fully.

You will still have a Rs. 4 Lakhs gap after withdrawal.

That again pushes you into zero buffer stage.

Instead, partial payment of high-cost loan is better.

What is the Better Loan to Close First?
Vehicle loan is not productive.

It depreciates and has no future value.

Clearing vehicle loan first is a smart step.

Land loan stays as asset, though not income-generating.

Use part of EPF to pay off vehicle loan.

The EMI of vehicle loan can then be saved monthly.

Create emergency buffer from that saving.

Importance of Cash Buffer
Zero cash is dangerous in personal finance.

Even Rs. 50,000 – 1 Lakh emergency fund helps.

It protects you from taking credit card or personal loan.

After using EPF, you again become zero in cash.

So don't use entire EPF to clear full loan.

Use some EPF, some cash flow discipline to reduce EMI burden.

Your Plan to Buy a House – Assessment
You already have land.

Now planning to buy a second-hand or new house.

Let us compare both options carefully.

Buying a Second-Hand House – Things to Know
Lower cost than new homes in same location.

Faster availability for possession.

Less GST or zero GST cost impact.

Old construction may need repair, repainting.

Legal verification is very important.

Check if property papers are clean.

Check for water, drainage, occupancy clearance.

Confirm no pending dues or litigations.

Location may be central or premium in some cases.

Buying a First-Hand House – Things to Consider
High cost due to premium and GST.

Builder reputation matters a lot.

Construction delays are common in new flats.

Possession may take 2–3 years.

Some builders overpromise and underdeliver.

New house means new fittings, less maintenance.

May come with warranty period.

Which is Better? First-Hand or Second-Hand?
If location and documents are clear, second-hand home is better.

You save GST and possession is quick.

Prices are more negotiable with second-hand homes.

Buying from builder has higher tax and premium.

Check age of house. Not more than 10–12 years is better.

Ensure society is well-maintained.

Budgeting Before You Buy the House
You already have Rs. 18 Lakhs loan.

Don't stretch loan again without repaying current one.

Buying house before clearing debt creates risk.

EMI-to-income ratio must be below 40%.

Home loan EMI with current loan EMI becomes too much.

Use current land loan equity before buying house.

Sell or part-mortgage land only if papers are clean.

Property Buying Tips in Bangalore
Check if the area has metro, school, hospital access.

Avoid outskirts if you plan to stay soon.

Compare price per sq.ft. with similar areas.

Visit in day and night to judge locality.

Prefer ready-to-move homes with proper documents.

Emotional vs Financial Decision
Buying house is emotional, but must be rational.

Don't buy house just to ‘own something’.

First make cash flow and debt stable.

Keep at least 3–6 months of expenses in cash.

Only then plan big commitments like home.

Do You Have Health Insurance?
Loans are risky without health protection.

Any health issue can derail finances.

Ensure you and dependents are covered.

Don’t skip term life insurance either.

Mutual Fund Planning – Once Loans are Controlled
After clearing high-cost loan, begin investing.

Start SIPs even if it is Rs. 2,000 per month.

Avoid direct mutual funds.

Direct funds have no support, no goal tracking.

Mistakes in fund selection cost more than savings.

Invest through Certified Financial Planner and MFD.

Regular plans give expert rebalancing.

You get behavioural support in market corrections.

Also get fund changes done as per performance.

Avoid Index Funds in Your Case
Index funds don’t beat market returns.

They carry full downside during fall.

No downside protection or fund manager control.

Actively managed funds adapt better in volatility.

You need good alpha for wealth building.

Protect Your Financial Future
EPF is long-term. Use with caution.

Make a step-by-step roadmap for loan clearing.

Track your monthly surplus and control expenses.

Once you are cash positive, plan house.

Never mix emotional wish with current affordability.

Build wealth gradually, not urgently.

Seek support from Certified Financial Planner always.

Finally
Do not use full EPF for loan.

Use part of it to reduce pressure.

Keep emergency fund aside.

Clear vehicle loan first to reduce risk.

Delay home purchase till loans are under control.

Second-hand home is a good option if papers are clean.

Maintain 360-degree view of finances.

Don’t rush. Stay disciplined.

Keep savings, debt and protection balanced.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x