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Kanchan Rai  |276 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 21, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Amar Question by Amar on May 20, 2024Hindi

Mam, I was in physical relation ship for 2.5 yrs with one woman. We both have families. We met each either at her home or lodges. But suddenly 2 yrs back she stopped all things completely. But i have zero percentage sex life with my wife. So I am forcing her to continue it. But she is refusing for her family sake. So how can i covence her? Or may be it is not possible now.

Ans: Dear Amar,
I understand that you're in a challenging and complex situation. It's important to recognize that attempting to force someone back into a relationship, especially one that was secretive and has since ended, is not ethical or respectful. The woman you were involved with has made it clear she wants to prioritize her family, and it's crucial to respect her decision.

Your frustration likely stems from a lack of fulfillment in your marriage, particularly regarding your sex life. This is a significant issue that needs to be addressed directly within the context of your marriage. Open and honest communication with your wife about your needs and concerns is essential. Express how you feel and discuss the impact it’s having on you emotionally and physically. It's possible that your wife might also have unspoken issues or concerns, and addressing these together can pave the way for a deeper understanding and connection.

Seeking professional help, such as a marriage counselor or therapist, can be incredibly beneficial. A neutral third party can facilitate conversations that might be difficult to have on your own and can provide tools and strategies to improve your intimacy and overall relationship.

Respecting boundaries is fundamental. The woman you were involved with has chosen to end the affair for her family's sake, and continuing to pressure her can cause significant harm to both her family and yours. It's important to let go and focus on the relationships that are truly sustainable and healthy.

Consider focusing on your personal growth and fulfillment outside of your relationship issues. Engaging in activities and interests that bring you joy can help alleviate some of your frustration and provide a new perspective on your needs and desires.

Ultimately, addressing the core issues in your marriage with empathy, respect, and professional support is the best approach. This way, you can work towards finding fulfillment and resolving the underlying issues in a constructive and respectful manner.

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Kanchan Rai  |276 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 02, 2023

Hello Kanchan I'm 43 & my wife is 39. We have known each other for almost 25 yrs now (8 yrs before marriage and 17yrs of married life). We had our ups and downs in our relationship. But somehow we stayed together. We have a daughter who is 8. I've been working abroad for 4yrs and I used to come only once in a year to see my family. Now I'm back and doing a full time job. My wife works from home as a freelancer. I've observed that, after I returned, my wife has lost interest in me. She's also not interested at all in physical relationship. It is really very irritating as I am a romantic person. She simply says she doesn't feel like having intercourse. She does love me but what's the solution? How do I satisfy my feelings? She agrees to have intercourse so that I don't feel bad. But it is not satisfying! How do I tackle this situation?
Ans: Hello Keshav

It sounds like you're going through a tough time in your relationship. It's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding towards your wife's perspective. It could be that she's going through her own challenges that are affecting her desire for physical intimacy. It could also be that the dynamic of your relationship has shifted with your return, and you both need to find a new balance.

The first step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings and concerns. Listen to her perspective and try to understand what might be causing her lack of interest in physical intimacy. It's important to approach this conversation without judgment or blame.

If there are underlying issues that need to be addressed, it might be helpful to seek the support of a couples therapist or counselor. They can help you both work through any challenges and find ways to improve your intimacy and connection.

In the meantime, it's important to focus on building emotional intimacy in your relationship. This can be done through spending quality time together, having meaningful conversations, and expressing appreciation and gratitude for each other. This may help to improve your physical intimacy over time.

Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, but with effort and communication, you can work through challenges and strengthen your connection with your partner.

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