Mam I have Tried Many a Times To Get Physical with my wife at least once in 15 Days. But I Think she Has Lost Interest. Please Guide me

Ans: Dear HS, Isn’t it time that you actually asked your wife what she wants rather than just focusing on what you want?

Since you haven’t mentioned her age, I may not be able to relate a particular phase of a woman’s life and sex in relation to that age. But broadly, I can say that for a woman to be in a mood to have sex/make love only when she is emotionally well and fit.

Maybe there is an underlying stress condition that must be looked into as this might make her lose interest in sex.

Also, certain hormonal changes with age can make women less responsive in bed. And sometimes a few medical conditions may also cause this challenge.

Whatever, it maybe, she is your partner and spouse. I would suggest that you first get down to a peaceful communication where the intent is not to drive your agenda of sex but instead being there for her and understanding her as well.

This will create a space of trust where she will be able to share her feelings and what she is going through.

Do get a basic blood work done where a few medical conditions can be ruled out as well.

And if it still persists, then it’s perhaps time to seek a professional out who can help put things into perspective by going deeper into what exactly is going on.

A strong emotional distress maybe the cause for this too.

Whatever it maybe, be with her through this entire journey. She will need a friend to fall back on for sure.

Happy bonding and all the best!

Ans:

There's no rule about couples having sex twice a week, Vaibhav. That said, you should be in sync when it comes to your sex life, whether it's once a month or once a day.

What is her reaction when you do have sex with her? Is it grudging permission? To get it over with, so you'll leave her alone?

You haven't given me enough information to go by here, but I will tell you this -- it's certainly unnatural for a wife to get so upset that she shouts at her husband when he makes a move!

You need to speak to her and get to the root of why she doesn't enjoy sex anymore and move toward remedying the situation.

A marriage counsellor may help, maybe have it be a lady so that she's more comfortable discussing this particular situation, it being of such an intimate nature.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Did you try and find out why she isn't interested in sex or are you too busy focusing on why you are not satisfied. There are two people involved in the act, then why complain about it? Takes two to tango, right?

So, I suggest, instead of convincing her (a woman who is connected with her partner emotionally and feels safe and secure with him does not need any convincing), try to be empathetic and find out what she is feeling. Is she unwell or tired from the day or is simply not aroused enough? (You haven't mentioned her age; if she is a new mother or approaching menopause or is firefighting at her work place, she might not be in that zone that you are in). Do spend time with her outside of the bedroom connecting with her emotionally. Be genuinely interested in her life's moments. Cuddle, watch a movie, go on date nights...

Start by simply focusing on connecting better as a couple and hear what she has to say. It maybe a very simple thing...Key is to not focus on what's not happening but on what more must be done...CONNECT BETTER first...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Sandeep,
Connect with her at an emotional level and maybe things will get better for both of you...Also, have you ruled out any medical issue?

All the best!