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Interfaith love: Torn between my parents and my boyfriend. What should I do?

Aamish

Aamish Dhingra  |5 Answers  |Ask -

Life Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2025

Aamish Dhingra is a life coach, educationalist and founder of Cocoweave Coaching International, which provides professional training to empower individuals and organisations.
With over seven years of experience in human resources, he specialises in corporate training, life coaching services and team coaching. His expertise lies in solving complex problems, leading innovative projects and delivering impactful solutions that drive growth and transformation.
Aamish completed his BBA (bachelor of business administration) from Amity University and MBA from Jamia Hamdard University, both in Noida.
He holds a PCC (professional certified coach) certification from the International Coaching Federation, USA, and a credentialed practitioner of coaching certification from the International Coach Guild, Australia.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 16, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

My parents are friendly and supportive as I'm the single child. But , after telling about my interreligious love they hate me, we did everything for you then why don't think of us?...Actually , I love my parents that means to not love someone? I love my boyfriend as well , the problem is religion difference between us, what society say, religion force on future child, etc etc....they even said to choose between two.... I need both my parents and love.... But my parents care about religion... how to convince them?

Ans: You’re in a tough emotional situation where you love both your parents and your partner, but your parents see this as a conflict. Their reaction is driven by deep-seated beliefs about religion, societal expectations, and the future of your family. Right now, they see your love as a threat to their values rather than an expansion of family bonds. Instead of reacting emotionally or feeling trapped, try to approach the situation with patience and understanding.
Start by acknowledging their fears instead of dismissing them. Let them express their concerns, and in return, calmly share your perspective. Reassure them that loving someone from another faith doesn’t mean you are abandoning them or your roots. If they worry about society, show them examples of successful interfaith marriages where both partners have managed to respect each other’s traditions. Address the topic of future children with sensitivity—explain that faith can be a personal choice and that raising children with exposure to both religions can be enriching rather than confusing.
Change takes time, and their resistance is likely coming from fear rather than hatred. Continue to express love and gratitude toward them while standing firm in your decision. If possible, involve a family member, religious elder, or counselor they respect, as an external perspective can sometimes help ease their concerns. Stay patient, and remember that acceptance often comes gradually.
Asked on - Feb 20, 2025 | Not Answered yet
I tried involving family members to convince, but their concern is also religion, they want the boy and future kids to convert and follow our religion only. I consulted counsellor , who also did a interfaith marriage(Hindu-Muslim), he also try to confuse me by saying , interfaith marriage gives lot of pain, there is always confusion between choosing religion for any function for the baby, family will be always suffered. I want my parents to be happy. Me and my bf is always there for them. But, they are not ready to hear my words and no one on my side to convince them..

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hi sir im in a relationship with a guy who i met in hyd we have been together since one year he is a hindu nd im a christian we both love eachother and wanna marry but my parents r against it bcoz he comes from a hindu family and they r forcing me to get married to a christian guy i love him i never got love from my parents when he is giving me the love i want my parents have seperated me from him im not able to understand what to do plz help
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
It’s important to start by having an open and honest conversation with your parents. Try to understand their concerns and share your feelings with them. Express how much this relationship means to you, focusing on the love, respect, and support you and your partner share, rather than just the religious differences.

If this approach doesn’t work, consider involving a trusted family member, friend, or community leader who might help mediate the situation. Sometimes, having an external perspective can help bridge the gap between differing viewpoints. You should also reflect on the long-term implications of your decision. Think about whether you’re ready to face the potential challenges of a mixed-religion marriage, including societal pressures and family dynamics. Having in-depth discussions with your partner about these issues is crucial to ensure you’re both on the same page.

If your parents remain opposed, you may need to consider seeking counseling or therapy. A counselor can help you process your emotions and provide strategies for dealing with family conflicts. They can also offer guidance on how to communicate more effectively with your parents. Building a support system outside of your family, whether through friends, mentors, or support groups, can also be invaluable during this time. It’s important to have people who understand and support your decisions.

Ultimately, the decision about whether to continue with your relationship despite your parents' opposition is yours. You’ll need to weigh the emotional and practical consequences, including the possibility of estrangement or ongoing family conflict. It’s vital to prioritize your happiness and well-being. If you believe that your relationship brings you genuine love and fulfillment, standing by your choice is valid. However, be prepared for the challenges that may come and have a plan in place to manage them. This is a deeply personal decision, and whatever path you choose should align with what feels right for you and your future.

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2025
Relationship
Recently, we got Engaged after a Courtship Period of 6 Months. Prior to this, my Fiancee had been in a Long Term Relationship, while I had never been into any Serious Romantic Relationship, apart from Platonic Friendship, with the Female Gender. Some 3 Months ago, my Fiancee confessed everything about her Past Relationship. Apparently, her Ex Boyfriend was quite Toxic. He used to Abuse her Emotionally but still Manipulate her into having Sexual Intercourse with him, which he was really good at. She also confessed that she enjoyed the Sexual Intimacy, even though she felt Emotionally invalidated in her previous Relationship. Apparently, their Relationship ended when she started being Assertive & tried taking a stand for herself. Then he Gaslighted her & Broke up the Relationship which was almost 5 years long. Initially, I felt uncomfortable hearing all these details from her as I was Virgin without any Prior Relationship Experience. But gradually, I began to Empathize with her. I appreciated her Honesty, as most other Women may not have Confessed all these before having an Arranged Marriage. Hence, I decided to Love her, without Judging her Past. Over the next 3 Months, we both became Emotionally close to each other & got Engaged with the Blessings of both Families. At the beginning of the Valentine's Week, I expressed my desire to lose my Virginity to her & also check our Sexual Compatibility, only if she's comfortable with it. She agreed & promised me that she would be taking the lead to ensure that my 'First Experience' would be memorable. On the 14th of February (Valentine's Day), she was the one who took me out on a Romantic Date, pampered me with Gifts, Treated me to exquisite Food & Drink. She had Pre-booked a Room in a Classy Hotel & had it arranged like it was meant for the First Night of a Just-Married Couple. We freshened up & got into the act. Initially, it was going great, but when we were in the middle of it, she started moaning the name of her Ex Boyfriend, in a Sub-conscious state. I was shocked & turned off. Immediately, I left the Hotel Room & went back Home & cried throughout the Night, thinking about my First Experience which was Ruined like this. The next day, she came over to meet me at my Place & gave me a Flower Bouquet with an Apology Note. My Heart wouldn't let me meet or talk with her. Hence, she expressed herself in Text. She profusely apologized for ruining my First Experience, though it was not intentional. She promised me that she would make up for this Bad Experience with a much better Experience, if I am willing to give her another chance. But I have a Gut Feeling that she was missing the Sexual Intimacy, which she used to enjoy with her Ex Boyfriend & that she can never Love me, as deeply as she Loved him, that she was unable to forget him even after going through an Abusive Relationship & a Traumatic Breakup. During the last 3 Months, I had treated gently with Empathy, showering her with Affection, so that she'd heal from her Past Relationship Trauma & I never tried to Pressurize her into having Sex with me, I just expressed my Desires & gave her the choice, whether or not to fulfill them. She seemed to have agreed, wholeheartedly. Several times, I asked her whether she was Physically, Mentally & Emotionally Prepared for it, just to Reassure myself that I am not being Manipulative like her Ex Boyfriend. Even if she had expressed 1% Uncertainty to go ahead, I wouldn't have insisted her & put it away to a later point of time, when she felt comfortable with me. She reassured me that she's completely ready & did all the Arrangements herself, which really touched my Heart as most other Girls expect the man to put in most of the efforts & feel as if they are doing him a Favour by 'giving him Sexual Pleasure'. But what happened on our First Night, Devastated me completely. Now I feel that she had been Faking it all the time. I told her clearly that I felt Cheated & that it would be Difficult for me to Trust her again. She excused herself saying that it was just a 'Mistake' & she didn't even consider it as 'Cheating' as it happened involuntarily. But I am Worried about such scenarios recurring after we get Married. What if she keeps thinking & fantasizing about her Ex Boyfriend, everytime we get Intimate? It would be as if, she's just present with me, physically but not Emotionally. It Would Ruin my Peace of Mind as I want to Enjoy a Blissful Sex Life with my Wife after getting Married. I am worried that this Incident may keep playing in my Subconscious Mind, everytime we get Intimate & that I'll never be able to enjoy Sexual Intimacy ever again. I told her that I am not really Sure about going ahead with the Marriage, but I am not able to discuss this matter with my Parents (or even her Parents) as they wouldn't approve of the Pre-marital Sex, which we engaged in. I am also Worried that even if I Cancel this Marriage, I may or may not get another Girl who's as good as this one & I am also worried about how the Next Girl would be Judging me, if I disclose all this to her. I am losing my Sleep over-thinking all this & unable to lead my Daily Life, Peacefully. Meanwhile, my Fiancee messages me several times every day, Requesting for another chance to Please me Sexually (in order to keep me attached to her, so that I don't try to Cancel the Marriage). I don't understand what to do, in this situation, Please advise me. Shall I Cancel the Marriage? What shall we tell our Parents? Or does she really Deserve another Chance?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I am really sorry you are going through such a tough time. Secondly, from all the details you have given, you were certainly not manipulative. Now coming to your query, I understand that it can be very difficult to discuss such an intimate moment with parents or make them understand why you decided to break things off, but if that is the only thing holding you off, I would say it's better to have a few uncomfortable discussions than a lifetime of wondering "if your wife is thinking about her ex." And even if she does not, would you ever truly believe that? You have two options- either you postpone the wedding and ask for some time to figure things out, in the meanwhile seek couples' counseling and see if this is a compatible match, or you completely rethink the alliance. After all, it is a matter of your entire life. The one thing I would definitely suggest is not to make hasty decisions or decisions based on "will I find someone else?" These both will make you make choices that are made in desperation. Remember it is better to be alone than in an unhappy and lonely marriage. And why would anyone judge you? You are not in the wrong here.

One more thing, as far as telling your parents is concerned, you can cite a reason like "compatibility issues which are slightly personal." I am sure they won't press on it. But please do not rush into anything.
Hope this helps.

...Read more

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