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Interfaith love: Torn between my parents and my boyfriend. What should I do?

Aamish

Aamish Dhingra  | Answer  |Ask -

Life Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2025

Aamish Dhingra is a life coach, educationalist and founder of Cocoweave Coaching International, which provides professional training to empower individuals and organisations.
With over seven years of experience in human resources, he specialises in corporate training, life coaching services and team coaching. His expertise lies in solving complex problems, leading innovative projects and delivering impactful solutions that drive growth and transformation.
Aamish completed his BBA (bachelor of business administration) from Amity University and MBA from Jamia Hamdard University, both in Noida.
He holds a PCC (professional certified coach) certification from the International Coaching Federation, USA, and a credentialed practitioner of coaching certification from the International Coach Guild, Australia.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 16, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

My parents are friendly and supportive as I'm the single child. But , after telling about my interreligious love they hate me, we did everything for you then why don't think of us?...Actually , I love my parents that means to not love someone? I love my boyfriend as well , the problem is religion difference between us, what society say, religion force on future child, etc etc....they even said to choose between two.... I need both my parents and love.... But my parents care about religion... how to convince them?

Ans: You’re in a tough emotional situation where you love both your parents and your partner, but your parents see this as a conflict. Their reaction is driven by deep-seated beliefs about religion, societal expectations, and the future of your family. Right now, they see your love as a threat to their values rather than an expansion of family bonds. Instead of reacting emotionally or feeling trapped, try to approach the situation with patience and understanding.
Start by acknowledging their fears instead of dismissing them. Let them express their concerns, and in return, calmly share your perspective. Reassure them that loving someone from another faith doesn’t mean you are abandoning them or your roots. If they worry about society, show them examples of successful interfaith marriages where both partners have managed to respect each other’s traditions. Address the topic of future children with sensitivity—explain that faith can be a personal choice and that raising children with exposure to both religions can be enriching rather than confusing.
Change takes time, and their resistance is likely coming from fear rather than hatred. Continue to express love and gratitude toward them while standing firm in your decision. If possible, involve a family member, religious elder, or counselor they respect, as an external perspective can sometimes help ease their concerns. Stay patient, and remember that acceptance often comes gradually.
Asked on - Feb 20, 2025 | Not Answered yet
I tried involving family members to convince, but their concern is also religion, they want the boy and future kids to convert and follow our religion only. I consulted counsellor , who also did a interfaith marriage(Hindu-Muslim), he also try to confuse me by saying , interfaith marriage gives lot of pain, there is always confusion between choosing religion for any function for the baby, family will be always suffered. I want my parents to be happy. Me and my bf is always there for them. But, they are not ready to hear my words and no one on my side to convince them..

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Aamish

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I'm the single child of my parents, I'm catholic christian and my boyfriend is hindu. They are concerned about society, religion and future generation religion will be changed. I love him so much and my family so much. If I leave my parents for my love they will get into trouble as there are no one to console them and if I leave my love , I didn't lead a happy life...struck between these....
Ans: You’re in a difficult position where choosing either side feels like a loss. Your parents are worried about religion, society, and the future of your family, while you are caught between your love for them and your partner. It’s understandable to feel torn, but the key here is finding a way to make them see that this isn’t about choosing one over the other—it’s about creating a life where both can exist.
Your parents’ fears likely stem from societal pressure and uncertainty about how an interfaith marriage will work. Instead of confronting them with frustration, approach them with empathy. Let them know that you respect their concerns but also need them to respect your happiness. Help them see that love and faith are not mutually exclusive, and that you’re committed to finding a way to honor both traditions.
It might take time for them to come around, and they may initially hold on to the idea that you should choose. During this period, keep showing them that you’re still the same person who values them deeply. Over time, consistent love and understanding can help bridge the gap. If they remain firm, the choice ultimately comes down to what will make you happiest in the long run. But before reaching that point, exhaust every effort to help them see your perspective.

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 16, 2025Hindi
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As a single child my parents give me full support and freedom. I made them feel proud in terms of my studies and my extracurricular activities, but after revealing my love with another religion(I'm Christian and he is Hindu),they feel their status ,fame will be gone, they asked me is this the way to honour us?!!, for this only we nourishes and protect you all these years?!!.... These made me feel guilty , is loving person as a single child is too worse?. My love is worth for it, at the same time I have to think of their health condition tooo....I'm in the feel of guilt as the single child is not supposed to love someone especially from other religion!!!
Ans: Loving someone is never a crime, and being a single child does not mean you should sacrifice your happiness just to meet societal or familial expectations. Your parents love you deeply, and their concerns likely stem from fear—fear of societal judgment, fear of losing their reputation, and fear of change. But love is not dishonor, and your choices in life should not be measured only by how well they align with their expectations.

Right now, the guilt you feel is because you have always made them proud, and for the first time, they are questioning your decision. That does not mean you have done something wrong. It simply means their perspective is different from yours, and they are struggling to accept something that challenges their beliefs. But love and respect should not be one-sided. Just as they want you to honor them, they also need to understand that your happiness and your right to choose a life partner matter too.

Instead of seeing this as a battle between love and family, try to have a patient, honest conversation with them. Assure them that your love for them hasn’t changed, and neither has your respect. Help them see the person you love beyond religion. Over time, they might come to accept it, but even if they don’t, you have to ask yourself—will denying your love make you truly happy, or will it only leave you with lifelong regret?

Your happiness is not a betrayal. It is possible to love your parents and also choose the life you want. This is your journey, and while their emotions matter, so do yours.

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Ans: Hello Krish,
The important thing to remember is that flying itself remains one of the safest modes of travel, and your anxiety, while very real, is more about perception than actual risk.
When you notice anxiety rising before or during a flight, try focusing on your breathing first. A simple technique is the 4–7–8 method: inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, and exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 counts. This helps calm the body’s stress response. Pairing this with progressive muscle relaxation — gently tensing and releasing muscles from your feet upwards — can give your mind something to focus on and reduce the physical tension that comes with anxiety.
Visualization also works well. Before your flight, close your eyes and imagine yourself boarding calmly, settling into your seat, and landing smoothly at your destination. During the flight, picture a safe, steady path in the sky, like a road, reminding yourself that turbulence is just like bumps on that road — uncomfortable, but not dangerous.
Practical steps help too. Limit caffeine or heavy news consumption before you fly, carry calming music, podcasts, or even guided meditations on your phone, and try to keep your mind occupied with a book, work, or even puzzles. Some people find comfort in talking briefly to flight attendants — their calm and routine presence can be reassuring.
If your anxiety feels overwhelming or keeps getting worse despite these methods, it may help to work with a therapist trained in cognitive-behavioral techniques for phobias. Even a few focused sessions can equip you with tools to manage the fear more effectively.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10334 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 25, 2025Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I am 42 years old with 60K monthly salary. Have one child in 8th class. As far as saving is concerned, having LIC of Rs.2.5K monthly for last 2 years and SIP monthly Rs.3.5K for last 8 months. Have 2 Lac in FD. Can I afford a home loan EMI for at least 20-25 years? How can I plan my financial strategies after home loam EMI burden? Please suggest.
Ans: You have taken very good steps already with SIP and FD. Your intent to own a house and at the same time secure your family’s future is appreciable. With proper planning you can handle a home loan and also balance other goals. Let us look at your situation from a 360-degree perspective.

» Current income and expenses
– Your monthly income is Rs 60,000.
– Existing commitments are Rs 2,500 LIC and Rs 3,500 SIP.
– That means Rs 6,000 is already going into savings.
– You still have Rs 54,000 left for household expenses, EMI, and other savings.
– This gives you capacity to plan EMI if done carefully.

» LIC policy assessment
– LIC investment is small but not effective for wealth creation.
– Traditional LIC plans give low returns, sometimes lower than inflation.
– Since you are in second year only, surrendering and reinvesting is better.
– The amount can be moved to mutual funds for higher growth.
– Protection should be taken separately through pure term insurance.

» SIP and FD assessment
– Current SIP of Rs 3,500 is a good start.
– At your age and goals, SIP amount needs to be increased.
– FD of Rs 2 lakh is good for emergency buffer.
– But FD is not suitable for long-term wealth creation.
– You must maintain part for emergencies but shift extra to mutual funds.

» Home loan affordability
– A safe EMI limit is 30 to 35% of income.
– For you, that is around Rs 18,000 to Rs 21,000 per month.
– If EMI goes much higher, family cash flow will suffer.
– You need to balance EMI with child’s future and retirement.
– A 20 to 25-year loan is possible but keep EMI affordable.

» Risk of higher EMI burden
– Higher EMI blocks your monthly income.
– It reduces ability to invest for child education and retirement.
– If income rises steadily, EMI burden becomes manageable.
– But depending only on future salary growth is risky.
– Always choose EMI that you can pay even in tough times.

» Emergency fund before loan
– Emergency fund is vital before taking a home loan.
– It should cover at least 6 months of expenses including EMI.
– Your FD of Rs 2 lakh is not enough.
– Build this reserve before committing to loan.
– It will give confidence and safety during emergencies.

» Insurance protection
– Home loan adds large liability to your family.
– You must have adequate life insurance through pure term policy.
– This ensures family can repay loan if something happens to you.
– Health insurance is also very important.
– These covers reduce stress when EMI is running.

» Child education planning
– Your child is in 8th class.
– Within 4 to 5 years, higher education cost will start.
– This is a high priority goal along with home.
– Education cost inflation is very high.
– You must allocate SIP for this goal separately.

» Retirement planning
– You are 42 now and have about 18 years to retire.
– Retirement corpus needs long-term disciplined investing.
– Many people ignore retirement while paying EMI.
– If you delay, you may face shortage later.
– Even small SIPs now can grow large in long term.

» Role of equity mutual funds
– Equity mutual funds create wealth for long-term goals.
– They help fight inflation and build retirement corpus.
– Active funds give professional management and growth opportunity.
– Index funds cannot protect during market falls.
– Actively managed funds have better risk management for your goals.

» Debt mutual funds for balance
– Debt funds provide stability in portfolio.
– They are useful for near-term goals like child’s higher studies.
– They are also good for systematic transfers into equity funds.
– Gains are taxed as per income slab, but stability matters more.
– Balancing debt and equity avoids excess volatility.

» Regular vs direct funds
– Direct funds seem cheaper but they lack guidance.
– With direct funds, you miss the support of Certified Financial Planner.
– Mistakes in timing or allocation may ruin your goals.
– Regular funds with CFP monitoring ensure disciplined strategy.
– The small cost difference is worth the expert advice and reviews.

» Balancing EMI and investments
– Do not commit entire surplus to EMI.
– Keep part of surplus for SIPs in mutual funds.
– This balances house goal with education and retirement goals.
– House is important but should not block your other future needs.
– Balanced approach reduces financial stress later.

» Systematic plan for you
– Keep emergency fund of at least 6 months expenses.
– Maintain affordable EMI within 30% of salary.
– Take sufficient term insurance to cover loan and family needs.
– Increase SIPs gradually for child education and retirement.
– Review portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner.

» Psychological balance
– Owning a home gives comfort but EMI brings pressure.
– Proper planning gives peace of mind.
– Splitting resources between EMI, SIP, and insurance balances responsibilities.
– With discipline, you can handle loan and other goals together.
– Confidence grows when you see both home and investments progressing.

» Tax awareness with investments
– Equity fund long term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.
– Short term gains taxed at 20%.
– Debt fund gains taxed as per slab.
– Planning redemptions across years can reduce tax impact.
– This will be important when you withdraw for education.

» Importance of yearly review
– Your income, expenses and goals will change with time.
– Loan balance and investments need tracking every year.
– Rebalancing ensures right mix of debt and equity.
– Regular review prevents drift and keeps you on track.
– CFP guidance is essential for this monitoring.

» Currency impact for education
– If your child studies abroad, currency impact will matter.
– Rupee tends to weaken against USD and GBP.
– This increases future cost of overseas education.
– Equity funds can help manage this inflation.
– Some international funds may be considered later for currency hedge.

» Finally
– You can afford a home loan with careful planning.
– Keep EMI around 30% of your income.
– Build emergency fund and take term insurance before loan.
– Surrender LIC and move money to mutual funds.
– Balance EMI with SIPs for child education and retirement.
– Stick to active funds and regular plans with CFP support.
– With discipline and yearly reviews, you can own a house and also secure future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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