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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 13, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Sistla Question by Sistla on Jan 11, 2025
Relationship

my name is madhuri. i am married for almost 8 years but not having children. I am not having sex life with my husband due to his busy work schedule i am suffering a lot due to pressure of having children.my age is 34 years and my husband age is 37 years he is bank employee. he is not interested in having sex with me he says he doesn't like me.i am depressed about it . please give any suggestions to improve our relationship.

Ans: Dear Madhuri,
it’s crucial to understand that a relationship thrives on mutual respect, communication, and emotional connection. The fact that your husband is openly expressing disinterest and lack of affection is a serious concern. It’s important to have an honest and open conversation with him about how his words and actions are affecting you. Try to create a safe space where both of you can express your feelings without judgment or blame. This conversation might help uncover underlying issues that are contributing to the distance in your relationship.

Given that he is prioritizing his work and seems detached, it might be helpful to explore whether external factors, such as stress from his job or other personal struggles, are contributing to his behavior. Understanding his perspective could provide insights into why he’s emotionally and physically withdrawn. However, his dismissive attitude towards you is something that needs to be addressed with seriousness and care.

It's equally important to focus on your own emotional well-being. Feeling neglected and pressured can lead to significant emotional distress. Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist, either individually or as a couple. Therapy can offer a safe environment to explore your feelings, work through the pain, and develop strategies to improve communication and intimacy in your marriage.

Additionally, it’s vital to find ways to nurture yourself emotionally and physically. Engage in activities that bring you joy, seek support from trusted friends or family members, and consider joining support groups where you can connect with others who might be facing similar challenges. Your well-being is paramount, and finding ways to care for yourself can help build resilience and strength as you navigate these difficulties.

Ultimately, a healthy relationship requires effort and willingness from both partners. If your husband is unwilling to engage or make changes, it may be necessary to reflect on what you want for your future and whether this relationship is meeting your emotional needs. Remember, you deserve love, respect, and fulfillment in your marriage.
Asked on - Jan 20, 2025 | Answered on Jan 20, 2025
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thank you for your reply madam
Ans: all the best Madhuri

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |217 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 20, 2021

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Dear Love Guru, I have a good husband but we barely have sex. His excuse always is that he is tired. I do everything he wants so he comfortable I have tried the things said in the magazines. I dress nicely, even sexily, but he is not interested. We have sex for the sake of it once a month. Though he is a good man, I am very unhappy. It is too embarrassing to talk to the family and friends about this. K
Ans:

Dear K,

I can understand you being too embarrassed to talk to family or friends about this problem, but you could try speaking to your husband about it directly instead?

Be frank about how your sex life is leaving you unfulfilled and disappointed.

If there is a physical issue, you could both visit a medical expert and then a marriage counsellor if there’s a psychological problem.

For your part, you need to realise that, in a long-term relationship, the frequency of sex does reduce over time.

It can’t always be forced, although I do understand that once in a month is leaving you frustrated with the lack of attention from your husband.

The key to a good sex life is good communication. You have to be honest about how you feel.

Also, I don’t understand the ‘for the sake of it’ part you’ve put in there -- that one time every few weeks, is it he who initiates it or is he only doing so to satisfy you? That information may hold a clue as to why your sex life is on the down low.

It could be simply that his drive doesn’t match yours, in which case you both need to compromise and maybe give in to each other from time to time. Say, once every two weeks to start with?

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Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

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Hi Anu, plz helpI am 42 years old and married since 9 years. We (husband and I) are childless. It's nine years since our marriage but we have not been intimate for even 90 times. My husband has no interest in sex. He had shown interest only in first week of marriage after that He never initiate. I understand his nature and always try to initiate but he always gives cold shoulder, he never reciprocates warmly, never holds me tightly or kisses willing. I always have to force' him or ask him to kiss or hug me. And this turns my mood off. This way we seldom have sex. I eagerly want it at least once a month and have told him, forced him several times but all in vain. I get frustrated. I feel restless. I can't share this with anyone. Whenever I try to get close, he ignores. Both of us respect and love each other. We don’t have extra marital affair. He cares for me too. I feel like running away from this situation but I love him and don’t want to leave him alone. Please respond.
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

When there is a challenge with physical intimacy, it could be a physiological or a psychological problem. Either case, it needs some treatment.

But the worse could be conditioning about sex from childhood.

We all carry our maps when it comes to sex and beliefs around it. Along comes so many people and media and more who draw on these maps and we are left at the mercy of things that don’t belong to us.

Since he cares for you as you mentioned it, can you request him to sit down with you for an honest conversation where you can express all of this to him.

Who knows he might be willing to understand, and things can flow from there on.

Be kind instead of accusatory in your tone during the conversation. This will help ease him as well. But of course, if he resists the request, you might suggest that he see a professional.

It might again be met with some resistance but well, you need to try every trick in the book to meet an outcome.

Also, be aware that physical intimacy happens when the closeness develops outside the bedroom. So, spend a lot of time together, laugh a lot.

Praise his efforts in the marriage and appreciate the qualities in him.

Most often men who avoid sex simply suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. So, play along and mean every compliment from the heart.

Best wishes to you!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 25, 2023Hindi
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Hi Mam, I am a 30 year old woman, married since 11 years. My husband is 36 years years old and have a normal intellectual relationship. The problem is since the past 2 years, we have had a very poor physical relationship. we have intercourse once in a month or 2 months (we indulge in foreplay weekly though) since my husband has been facing medical issues relating to the same and somewhat refrains visiting a doctor. He has even confessed to self consummate occasionally. We do not have a child and since many years we have been trying naturally and medically, but results have not come favorable. We have noticed that recently that our interests in each other has begun fading. My husband really loves me and takes care of me at the same time, I love him too, but things have not been very good of late. We both are very eager to start a family as well and plan to go for another medical attempt soon. Can you guide us how to get back to the healthy relationship we had?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a challenging time in your relationship. It's important to address both the physical and emotional aspects of your relationship to work towards a healthier and happier dynamic. Here are some steps you can consider:

Open Communication: Sit down with your husband and have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and concerns. Share your thoughts about the changes in your physical relationship, the impact it's having on your emotional connection, and your mutual desire to start a family.
Seek Professional Help: Since your husband is experiencing medical issues related to your physical relationship, it's crucial for him to consult a doctor. Encourage him to see a medical professional who specializes in sexual health. It's common for people to feel uncomfortable discussing such matters, but a doctor's guidance can help identify the underlying issues and recommend appropriate treatment.
Counseling or Therapy: Consider seeking couples therapy or counseling to address the emotional aspects of your relationship. A therapist can help both of you communicate more effectively, understand each other's needs, and work through any emotional barriers that might be affecting your intimacy.
Quality Time: Spend quality time together outside of your physical relationship. Engage in activities you both enjoy, communicate openly, and strengthen your emotional bond. This can help rekindle the connection you had before.
Support Each Other: Going through medical challenges and fertility issues can be emotionally draining. Support each other during this time by being patient, understanding, and showing empathy. Remember that you're a team, facing these challenges together.
Intimacy Beyond Sex: Explore ways to maintain intimacy that don't necessarily involve intercourse. Engage in activities that foster emotional closeness, like cuddling, holding hands, or having deep conversations.
Manage Stress: Fertility struggles and relationship issues can lead to increased stress. Find healthy ways to manage stress, such as exercise, meditation, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy.
Set Realistic Expectations: While it's natural to want to conceive and start a family, try not to let this desire put excessive pressure on your relationship. Setting realistic expectations and timelines can help alleviate some of the stress.
Rediscover Each Other: Take time to learn about each other anew. People change over time, so invest effort into discovering your partner's evolving interests, dreams, and aspirations.
Stay Positive: It's important to maintain a positive outlook. Focusing on the strengths of your relationship and the progress you make, both emotionally and physically, can make a significant difference.
Remember that relationships go through ups and downs, and it's not uncommon to face challenges. With open communication, patience, and a willingness to work together, you can navigate these difficulties and work towards reestablishing a healthy and fulfilling relationship. If needed, consider reaching out to professionals, such as therapists or doctors, to provide specialized guidance.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11062 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 14, 2026

Money
I am 61, minimalist with no bad habits in the life style of NO PILL; NO ILL. Now, the market is down and NAV falls down. my investments are comfortably positive even in the negative market. becuase the investment started very early and unis purchased at very low price. Now, the question is should I withdraw the funds; a portion of profit and invest in the downward trend so that I will get more units and i will not loose the capital because I am planning to withdraw only the portion of the profits. Please guide me should I need to reshuffle by withdrawing and re investing ..!!
Ans: Your disciplined lifestyle and long investing journey are truly inspiring. Starting early and holding investments patiently has created a comfortable cushion for you. Even when the market is falling, your portfolio remains positive. That itself shows the power of long-term investing.

Now your question is about withdrawing profit and reinvesting during the market fall. Let us examine this carefully.

» Understanding What You Are Trying To Do

Your idea is:

– Withdraw only the profit portion
– Reinvest when NAV is lower
– Get more units
– Protect original capital

This approach looks logical on the surface. But in practice it becomes very difficult to execute consistently.

» The Challenge of Timing the Market

To succeed in this strategy two things must happen correctly.

– You must sell at the right time
– You must reinvest at the correct lower level

Predicting market movement precisely is extremely difficult. Even experienced investors struggle with this.

If markets suddenly recover after you redeem, you may lose the opportunity of further growth.

» Impact of Taxes on Withdrawal

Whenever you redeem equity mutual funds:

– Long term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%
– Short term capital gains are taxed at 20%

So withdrawing profit may trigger tax liability. This reduces the benefit of trying to buy more units.

Frequent reshuffling can quietly reduce long-term wealth.

» Your Age and Investment Objective

At 61, your goal should shift slightly.

Earlier the focus was:

– Maximum growth

Now the focus should be:

– Capital protection
– Controlled growth
– Income stability

So instead of frequent buying and selling, gradual portfolio balance is more suitable.

» A Better Approach for Your Situation

Rather than timing the market, consider this approach:

– Keep the core long-term equity investments untouched
– If equity allocation has grown very large, slowly shift small portion into safer assets
– Continue enjoying compounding from existing units purchased at low prices

This maintains growth while protecting accumulated wealth.

» Systematic Withdrawal Planning

If you need regular income later:

– You can withdraw small amounts periodically
– This reduces market timing risk
– Portfolio continues to grow while providing income

This is usually more comfortable for retired investors.

» Emotional Discipline

Your biggest strength so far has been patience.

The temptation to reshuffle during market movements often disturbs long-term success.

Many investors lose wealth not because of bad investments but because of unnecessary switching.

» Finally

Since your investments were made early and units were bought at very low prices, the best strategy is usually to stay invested and allow compounding to continue.

Avoid frequent profit booking and reinvestment based on market movements.

Instead:

– Maintain a balanced asset allocation
– Protect capital gradually
– Allow long-term equity investments to keep growing

Your disciplined journey has already created strong financial security. Preserving that strength is now more important than trying to capture short-term opportunities.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11062 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 14, 2026

Money
I am a retired doctor with 1lac pension kindly suggest to invest 30000per month
Ans: Your disciplined habit of investing even after retirement is very encouraging. With a pension of Rs 1 lakh per month, planning to invest Rs 30,000 shows that you are thinking about preserving and growing your wealth in a structured manner.

At this stage of life, the focus should be balanced between safety, regular growth, and liquidity.

» Understanding Your Financial Stage

You are a retired professional receiving steady pension income.

This means:

– Your regular expenses are already supported
– Investment goal is wealth preservation and moderate growth
– Liquidity for health and family needs is important

So the investment approach should be balanced and not aggressive.

» Emergency and Medical Reserve

Before starting monthly investment, ensure:

– At least 12 months of expenses kept in safe liquid instruments
– Adequate health insurance coverage

Medical expenses increase with age. Having a dedicated medical reserve prevents disturbance to investments.

» Balanced Investment Approach

For a retired person, full equity exposure is not suitable. But avoiding equity completely also reduces growth.

A balanced structure is ideal.

For the Rs 30,000 monthly investment:

– Around Rs 15,000 in actively managed diversified equity mutual funds
– Around Rs 10,000 in short duration or conservative debt mutual funds
– Around Rs 5,000 in gold allocation for diversification

This structure provides growth with stability.

» Importance of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed mutual funds are suitable because:

– Fund managers actively select strong companies
– They adjust portfolio when market conditions change
– Aim to generate better returns than the market

This professional management helps investors who prefer not to monitor markets regularly.

» Investment Horizon and Liquidity

Even after retirement, investments can continue for 10 to 15 years.

So:

– Continue SIP regularly
– Review portfolio once every year
– Keep sufficient liquidity for emergencies

Avoid locking large amounts into instruments with long lock-in periods.

» Tax Awareness

If you redeem equity mutual funds:

– Long term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%
– Short term gains taxed at 20%

Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Planning withdrawals carefully can reduce tax impact.

» Finally

Your plan to invest Rs 30,000 monthly is a strong step toward maintaining financial independence.

A balanced portfolio with equity, debt, and gold can help:

– Preserve your wealth
– Provide moderate growth
– Maintain liquidity for future needs

Regular review with a Certified Financial Planner can ensure that your investments remain aligned with your lifestyle and health needs during retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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