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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Nov 23, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu, plz help
I am 42 years old and married since 9 years. We (husband and I) are childless. It's nine years since our marriage but we have not been intimate for even 90 times.
My husband has no interest in sex. He had shown interest only in first week of marriage after that He never initiate.
I understand his nature and always try to initiate but he always gives cold shoulder, he never reciprocates warmly, never holds me tightly or kisses willing.
I always have to force' him or ask him to kiss or hug me. And this turns my mood off. This way we seldom have sex.
I eagerly want it at least once a month and have told him, forced him several times but all in vain. I get frustrated. I feel restless. I can't share this with anyone.
Whenever I try to get close, he ignores. Both of us respect and love each other. We don’t have extra marital affair. He cares for me too. I feel like running away from this situation but I love him and don’t want to leave him alone. Please respond.

Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

When there is a challenge with physical intimacy, it could be a physiological or a psychological problem. Either case, it needs some treatment.

But the worse could be conditioning about sex from childhood.

We all carry our maps when it comes to sex and beliefs around it. Along comes so many people and media and more who draw on these maps and we are left at the mercy of things that don’t belong to us.

Since he cares for you as you mentioned it, can you request him to sit down with you for an honest conversation where you can express all of this to him.

Who knows he might be willing to understand, and things can flow from there on.

Be kind instead of accusatory in your tone during the conversation. This will help ease him as well. But of course, if he resists the request, you might suggest that he see a professional.

It might again be met with some resistance but well, you need to try every trick in the book to meet an outcome.

Also, be aware that physical intimacy happens when the closeness develops outside the bedroom. So, spend a lot of time together, laugh a lot.

Praise his efforts in the marriage and appreciate the qualities in him.

Most often men who avoid sex simply suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. So, play along and mean every compliment from the heart.

Best wishes to you!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
i have been married for 9 months but my husband is nver interest in sex. He doe not even hug me properly. It is an arrange marriage but our engagement lasted for 1.5 years and at that we had good physical relationship. we used to make out whenever we could get a chance. But after the day we were married he is never interested. he did not even try to have sex on our first night or at our honeymoon. We do make out once a month but that too only if i initiate. We sleep in the same bed but he has never come to cuddle with me after first week of marriage. He is not making any efforts to make me feel loved, special or beautiful. I have tried a lot of time to talk to him openly but he answers to any questions. He says that he loves me but never puts in any effort to make me feel like i am being loved. And whenever i complain he will try to change for 1 week and then everything is as it is. But 1 thing i have noticed is that he wanted to have sex if i go away to my parents house for 1-2 weeks and comeback. Can you help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Economics at play here...
When something is easily available, one loses interest in wanting that product but if something is rarely available, it makes us want it even more...

Sorry for this kind of comparison, but your husband fits this bill here. You seem to be easily available now at home and for him all the time, so this does not generate any interest in him. When you were in the courtship phase or when you leave for your parent's home, you aren't around much and that makes him interested. There is no right or wrong about it...it's the way your husband functions. So, make sex a rare thing for him. Don't ask, don't initiate...wait for him to actually want it by not showing that you are interested. In fact, there's no harm even in saying NO so that he also starts to feel that your are not all the time available and that will make him also want to get intimate with you...Makes sense, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu I need advice for my marriage. Ours was love cum arrange marriage 14 yrs ago.For first few years all was good .I am financially independent with good salary. My spouse s self employed. We hav one child 10 yrs old.My married s become more like a suffocating situation which I am not able to change.My husband is not at all interested in me now.He treats me invisible when it comes to husband wife relationship. He s good father and human being.But since last few yrs i am not having any emotional relationship with him.We spent so many days and time together yet not a single word of love emotions between us.He s busy with his calls mobile netflix all night while i keep awake all night.I have confronted him many times everytime he says you are always fighting with me and Want all this nonsense. He seem to avoid me all day. He want to discuss about his son and finances since i am earning more than him. its been years i cant handle it now.I want someone to look at me talk to me praise me love me.I deserve happiness but since my son is too small i can't think of living separately but i will die like this one day.I dont knw whats wrong with me seems its like he dont want to touch me as there s no physical relationship between us if we are home alone also.He tortures me mentally but remails happy.I failed as a wife despite giving my everything. I have none to discuss such embarrassing life .Pls advice what shall i do ?Should i found someone else as i dont have capacity to beg again and again?Its very difficult to imagine such long life with a partner who treats u invisible since years ?shall i shift to another city with my son?I am completely lost.Pls help everything. I cant beg for love and attention everytime
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's almost and always a reason for any behavior change. Maybe you might want to understand what exactly made your husband lose interest in you. Did something happen for him to look the other way?
It's really hell living with a spouse who cold shoulders and stone walls you...My suggestion: Rather than blame yourself, have a discussion and not confrontation with him. Confrontations invariably lead you nowhere as you will be caught in an ego tussle. Discussion is where you try and understand what's on his mind and share how you feel.
Now, will he want that? Maybe not...but if this continues, you may want to give him an ultimatum. He must know that he isn't making a great point by ignoring you and that he must communicate the same with you instead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1527 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I am 35 yrs old, it's been 5yrs since I got married, and I am not happy in my marriage. We don't have any kind of physical relationship since we git married, I always tried getting closed with hime but he for some or the other reason didn't let me get close... and I really don't know the reason why, I have been craving for his touch,love and emotions but he is least interested otherwise he holds me and sleep take care of me my needs but when it comes about physical it's zero between us. Since I got married our bedroom door is always open I told him mannier time about privacy after so long he started closing the door that also after my MIL get asleep (FIL passed away when he was 20) and he gets up early in morning and open the door for MIL so that she can use our washroom though we have in all 2 washroom but she wants to use only the western one which is in out bedroom so evry now and then she come in our room randomly also so privacy is zero she always get interfere with some or the other topics whenever me and my husband talks so I don't get chance to have normal conversation with my husband, so coming back or physical relation I had to discuss late night with my husband because of my MIL I have discussed with him and asked him in a very friendly manner that what would be the cause that you don't want to get physical, is there any one you like it's fine just let me know so that I get away between you both rather then wasting time but he said No theirs no such problems he said it's just we don't have that intimacy between us...he dragged me that I also don't have that intimacy which is wrong I have tried getting closer but he didn't allowed me at start we use to try but before somthing start he use to go to washroom and sit for long n I use to wait and sleep I thought it will get improve but it been 5 yrs and we are on same page he is good person he he supports me financially and also helped my family in worse situation he thinks for all problem money is the solution, he says physical is not that important part of relationship. I use to be independent but then I left my job because it was night shift and I could not manage household chores and night job because I didn't get help I couldn't get proper sleep I was facing health issues..I thought I will work on my relationship because it's very stressful and depressive I am not able to sleep I feel suffocated, I feel like running away due to this in between I always go to my moms place for some time cause I feel like m not valued at my In laws place no physical relationship nothing so for what i am leaving there? I am getting habitat with the relationship situation I can leave with him without physical need but not with my mother in law I have shared my problem with her as well as she was behind me for baby planning but she is not taking any action knowing the situation she is quite she asked to my husband that what's going on I got to know from your wife that you both don't have physical relationship what's the problem, my husband reply ye we don't have don't ask for baby and harras her or me, that it. So my MIL is also quite now. I am looking for job again as I want to be independent I don't like to ask for money everytime and also fulfill my dreams and needs on my own but My MIL wants me to see for local job but m not getting in the sam city and what is the need to stay in same city where every one just want me to stay just to show fake that we are married and happy, my MIL wants every puja and vrat for his son to be done by me, after knowing my situation I am so depressed I don't have now any interest in doing these rituals now, I live the in a control way, my husband just think doing shopping, watching movies, savings is enough for happy relationship. Please guide me what should I do is leaving with him is worth.and I cannot leave with my MIN as she is very insecure mother everytime she wants his son to listen her.please tell me should I live with him is their any hope or what would be the solution I am looking for job in other city now cause till these time I just thought of him and wasted my career. Please suggest. Thanks for your time.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You cannot wish your mother-in-law away and I can tell you why.
Your husband and she share a very close and perhaps unhealthy bond which has started to dictate the way he thinks and does things.
Now coming to your husband:
Either
- he is physically unable to have sex (certain physical issues, impotency)
OR
- he is emotionally unable to connect with you (his bond with his mother is hampering his relationship with you)
OR
- he is dissociated from family and life in general (this could be a challenge coming from the mind)
OR
a combination of any of the above.

Now, focus on these if you wish to put your marriage back together as taking up a job is just you running away from it all. Once you are back home, it's the same issue that will stare back at you.
Your chats with your husband can be less about your MIL and more about him and his 'sitting' for a long time in the bathroom. Should that not be a red flag for you? Address this and either he will express anger over being questioned or he will avoid even meeting eyes with you. Either case, you will surely get an idea as to what is going on...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8009 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

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I have taken a floating home from Axis Bank for 30 lakh last year, with a interest rate of 8.5%, i have also prepaid 5 Lakh within five months, now i have an outstanding amount of arround of 24 lakh, as the RBI reduced the repo rate, Bank is refusing to reduce interest rate from 8.5% to 8.25%. please suggest what should i do now?
Ans: You took a floating-rate home loan from Axis Bank at 8.5% interest.
You prepaid Rs 5 lakh within five months, reducing your outstanding amount to Rs 24 lakh.
RBI reduced the repo rate, but Axis Bank refuses to lower your rate to 8.25%.
Why Your Interest Rate Is Not Reducing
Banks do not always pass repo rate cuts immediately to all borrowers.
Some loans are linked to MCLR (Marginal Cost of Funds Based Lending Rate), which adjusts slowly.
New loans might be under RLLR (Repo Linked Lending Rate), which reacts faster to RBI rate cuts.
Your loan agreement decides how and when rate cuts apply.
What You Can Do
1. Ask for a Rate Reduction
Request Axis Bank to switch your loan to an RLLR-based loan.
Banks charge a conversion fee, but it might save you lakhs in interest over time.
2. Compare with Other Banks
Check other banks' home loan rates for balance transfer options.
If a bank offers a lower rate, consider switching the loan.
Ensure the processing fee & charges don’t negate the benefit.
3. Negotiate with Axis Bank
If you have a good repayment record, negotiate for a lower spread or margin.
Mention that other banks offer better rates, increasing your bargaining power.
4. Make Partial Prepayments
If you have extra savings, consider small prepayments to reduce interest burden.
Prepaying reduces the principal, which lowers total interest paid.
5. Use a Home Loan Overdraft Account
Check if Axis Bank offers a home loan overdraft facility.
You can park surplus money and withdraw when needed, reducing interest payments.
Best Action Plan
Contact Axis Bank and request a switch to an RLLR-based loan.
Compare other banks for balance transfer options.
Negotiate for a lower spread if staying with Axis Bank.
Consider prepayments to reduce long-term interest costs.
By taking the right step now, you can save a significant amount on interest payments.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8009 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025Hindi
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Money
I have sold a plot worth for 1.85 cr... I have bought a plot worth 1.4 cr... can i keep the remaining in my saving account for house construction or do i put the balance amount in a cgas account
Ans: Since you sold a plot for Rs 1.85 crore and purchased another plot for Rs 1.4 crore, you have a balance of Rs 45 lakh.

Capital Gains Tax Implication
Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): If the plot you sold was held for more than 2 years, the profit is considered long-term capital gains (LTCG) and is subject to tax.
Tax Rate: LTCG on real estate is taxed at 20% with indexation benefit.
Reinvestment for Tax Saving: You can save tax by reinvesting the gains in a residential property under Section 54F of the Income Tax Act.
Can You Keep Rs 45 Lakh in a Savings Account?
No, if you intend to claim tax exemption under Section 54F, you cannot keep the balance amount in a savings account beyond the due date for filing your Income Tax Return (ITR).
If you don't invest in a residential house before filing your ITR, you must deposit the unutilized amount in a Capital Gains Account Scheme (CGAS).
You must use the CGAS amount within 3 years for house construction.
What Should You Do?
If You Are Constructing a House
Deposit Rs 45 lakh in a CGAS account before the due date of filing your ITR.
Use this amount within 3 years for house construction to claim full tax exemption under Section 54F.
If You Are Not Constructing a House
The Rs 45 lakh will be taxed as LTCG, and you must pay 20% tax (after indexation benefits).
Consider other tax-saving options, like investing in bonds under Section 54EC (with a 5-year lock-in).
Final Insights
If you plan to construct a house, deposit the Rs 45 lakh in a CGAS account before filing ITR.
If you don’t use this amount within 3 years, it will be taxed as LTCG in the year of expiry.
If you don’t want to construct a house, be ready to pay LTCG tax or invest in 54EC bonds for tax saving.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Rajesh Kumar

Rajesh Kumar Singh  |62 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, GATE Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

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T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |364 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Feb 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025Hindi
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Money
My father started a business with his brother in XYZ name and got a Gala in Apmc in the same name where they shared 50-50% share in both business n property after my fathers death i was admitted in as a partner with same ratio after few years my uncle passed in his share to his son so as of now i and my cousin brother are partner the proerty was purchased 296200 in the year 1995 along with registration so 148100 was the share of each and now i want to leave the partnership and also to let go of my share in the premises for which my exixting partner will pay me 3750000 on or before 31.3.2025 I wanted to know how much capital gain tax will be for me if i do not invest secondly can i invest in residential property I would appreciate if guided Thanking you in anticipation
Ans: 01. Considering receipt of Rs.37,50,000.00 as Sale of your share in property/ premises, it would be LTCG in this case.
02. Amount of LTCG without Indexation is Rs.36,02,000.00 (Sale Rs.37,50,000.00 Less Cost Rs.148,100.00). Tax @ 12.50% is Rs.4.50 lakh app.
02. Amount of LTCG with Indexation is Rs.32.12 lakhs (Sale Rs.37,50,000.00 Less Cost Rs.5,37 lakhs {Index 100/363}). Tax @ 20.00% is Rs.6.40 lakh app.
03. You may go for the first option & plan your tax liability. You can invest in residential property to save LTCG tax.
04. Other option to save tax is to purchase Capital Gain bonds. However, investment in Real Estate is always better than other investment.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

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