Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 20, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
K Question by K on Oct 20, 2021Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I have a good husband but we barely have sex.
His excuse always is that he is tired.
I do everything he wants so he comfortable
I have tried the things said in the magazines. I dress nicely, even sexily, but he is not interested. We have sex for the sake of it once a month.
Though he is a good man, I am very unhappy. It is too embarrassing to talk to the family and friends about this.
K

Ans:

Dear K,

I can understand you being too embarrassed to talk to family or friends about this problem, but you could try speaking to your husband about it directly instead?

Be frank about how your sex life is leaving you unfulfilled and disappointed.

If there is a physical issue, you could both visit a medical expert and then a marriage counsellor if there’s a psychological problem.

For your part, you need to realise that, in a long-term relationship, the frequency of sex does reduce over time.

It can’t always be forced, although I do understand that once in a month is leaving you frustrated with the lack of attention from your husband.

The key to a good sex life is good communication. You have to be honest about how you feel.

Also, I don’t understand the ‘for the sake of it’ part you’ve put in there -- that one time every few weeks, is it he who initiates it or is he only doing so to satisfy you? That information may hold a clue as to why your sex life is on the down low.

It could be simply that his drive doesn’t match yours, in which case you both need to compromise and maybe give in to each other from time to time. Say, once every two weeks to start with?

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

Listen
Relationship
I have problem with my wife from last 10 months, she is not interested in sex. Every time I told for that she denied me and reason that in winter she says chilling and in summer she told any other reason. Please give some solution to me what can I do?
Ans: Dear HS, Isn’t it time that you actually asked your wife what she wants rather than just focusing on what you want?

Since you haven’t mentioned her age, I may not be able to relate a particular phase of a woman’s life and sex in relation to that age. But broadly, I can say that for a woman to be in a mood to have sex/make love only when she is emotionally well and fit.

Maybe there is an underlying stress condition that must be looked into as this might make her lose interest in sex.

Also, certain hormonal changes with age can make women less responsive in bed. And sometimes a few medical conditions may also cause this challenge.

Whatever, it maybe, she is your partner and spouse. I would suggest that you first get down to a peaceful communication where the intent is not to drive your agenda of sex but instead being there for her and understanding her as well.

This will create a space of trust where she will be able to share her feelings and what she is going through.

Do get a basic blood work done where a few medical conditions can be ruled out as well.

And if it still persists, then it’s perhaps time to seek a professional out who can help put things into perspective by going deeper into what exactly is going on.

A strong emotional distress maybe the cause for this too.

Whatever it maybe, be with her through this entire journey. She will need a friend to fall back on for sure.

Happy bonding and all the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2021

Listen
Relationship
Dear Guruji, Namaskar. I have been married since five years (arranged) and have two beautiful kids. The problem in my married life is that I don't find my wife beautiful or attractive. Why I agreed to marry her back in 2016 is a topic for another day, but it was my decision and I was not forced in any way. I am not a bad guy and believe that physical beauty is not all that matters. She is a very honest and beautiful person by nature. I have tried and tried and tried but she just does not appear attractive to me in any way. We have sex very rarely and now she is beginning to question me about it. I make excuses on and off but now it’s getting on me. I want to feel the desire for sex with my wife too, but there seems to be no way. I cannot leave her coz I know she is not to blame and same goes for the kids. Sometimes I feel that I should tell her I don't find her attractive but I know it will hurt her. The problem is that it’s not just she who is suffering coz of lack of sex; I am also going through same. Please advise, Anonymous
Ans:

Ouch! It’s not every day that someone writes in stating that s/he is quite so turned off by a partner.

You seem to have a good wife and a good marriage outside of the sex.

Instead of hurting her feelings about her appearance, why don’t you make some suggestions that will improve your attraction toward her? Surely you have preferences when it comes to hair/ clothing/ lingerie?

She’s obviously noticed your lack of interest and I think she will be willing to take a few steps to remedy the situation.

As a side note, please remember that beauty runs only skin-deep.

Don’t mess up your family over something like this; and if my advice doesn’t help, you have two other options.

One, visit a therapist to help you work through this problem or, two, just turn off the lights and get down to business with her using your imagination!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, plz helpI am 42 years old and married since 9 years. We (husband and I) are childless. It's nine years since our marriage but we have not been intimate for even 90 times. My husband has no interest in sex. He had shown interest only in first week of marriage after that He never initiate. I understand his nature and always try to initiate but he always gives cold shoulder, he never reciprocates warmly, never holds me tightly or kisses willing. I always have to force' him or ask him to kiss or hug me. And this turns my mood off. This way we seldom have sex. I eagerly want it at least once a month and have told him, forced him several times but all in vain. I get frustrated. I feel restless. I can't share this with anyone. Whenever I try to get close, he ignores. Both of us respect and love each other. We don’t have extra marital affair. He cares for me too. I feel like running away from this situation but I love him and don’t want to leave him alone. Please respond.
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

When there is a challenge with physical intimacy, it could be a physiological or a psychological problem. Either case, it needs some treatment.

But the worse could be conditioning about sex from childhood.

We all carry our maps when it comes to sex and beliefs around it. Along comes so many people and media and more who draw on these maps and we are left at the mercy of things that don’t belong to us.

Since he cares for you as you mentioned it, can you request him to sit down with you for an honest conversation where you can express all of this to him.

Who knows he might be willing to understand, and things can flow from there on.

Be kind instead of accusatory in your tone during the conversation. This will help ease him as well. But of course, if he resists the request, you might suggest that he see a professional.

It might again be met with some resistance but well, you need to try every trick in the book to meet an outcome.

Also, be aware that physical intimacy happens when the closeness develops outside the bedroom. So, spend a lot of time together, laugh a lot.

Praise his efforts in the marriage and appreciate the qualities in him.

Most often men who avoid sex simply suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. So, play along and mean every compliment from the heart.

Best wishes to you!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Hi sir, my son got 9323 rank in comedk and 23350 rank in KCET. As per last year cutoff he may get Mechanical seat in BMS or MSRIT. Please suggest which one is good for Mechanical engineering
Ans: Both are equally good for Mechanical. Some factors to keep in mind before choosing either college for your Son: (1) Location Preference (2) Will stay in Hostel (or) study as Day Scholar (3) Your affordability for fees (if there is a major difference in fees between these 2 colleges & (4) Availability of transport from your home to college. Whatever Institute / University & Branch your Son chooses, he should keep upgrading his skills from his 1st year itself till his Campus Placement during his last year, from LinkedIn, Coursera, NPTEL, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by his College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students.

All The BEST for your Son’s Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
EduJob360 |
CERTIFIED Career Coach | Career Guru |
https://www.linkedin.com/in/edujob360/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
I'm a girl from Jharkhand, I got 91.87%ile in jee mains, crl 1.22 lakh, category rank 40k. In which counselling program should I apply for and what colleges can I get at this rank? Is there any chance to get colleges through board %age as I got 95% in CBSE class XII
Ans: With your CBSE marks and Category Rank, you can try with any one of the top Private Colleges. And, try NIT Tier 2 Institutes. However, you have to compromise on the Stream or NIT Location you prefer. Whatever Institute / University / Branch / Domain you choose, keep upgrading your skills from 1st year itself till your Campus Placement during your last year, from LinkedIn, NPTEL, Coursera, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by your College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students, for jobs.

All The BEST for your Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad)’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
EduJob360 |
CERTIFIED Career Coach
https://www.linkedin.com/in/edujob360/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
My daughter scored 251 in BITSAT, and 25k in jee mains. She is getting mechanical and chemical in warangal nit. What should we do?
Ans: Order of Preference , keeping in view his Score / Ranks, for online counselling (1) BITS-Pilani for Mechanical | MSc (if she prefers) (2) NIT-Mechanical with Warrangal (2) BITS-Hyderabad (Electrical & Electronics | Electronics & Instrumentation | MSc Courses (3) BITS-Goa - (Mechanical | Electrical & Electronics | Electronics & Communication | Electronics & Instrumentation | MSc Courses). (4) NIT-Chemical with Warrangal. Before taking final decision to the most suitable option, please consider some important factors such as (1) Her interest for Stream & (2) Location Preference. Whatever Institute / University & Branch your Son chooses, she should keep upgrading her skills from his 1st year itself till his Campus Placement during her last year, from LinkedIn, Coursera, NPTEL, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by her College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students.

All The BEST for your Daughter’s Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
EduJob360 |
CERTIFIED Career Coach | Career Guru |
https://www.linkedin.com/in/edujob360/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Listen
Career
Hi,My son got sandip University nashik cse (AIMl) is it good college to go for his studies or else need to try another colleges in Bangalore??
Ans: Raju Sir, you have asked the need for Bengaluru Colleges. If your son has appeared for COMEDK or any other Private Colleges' its own entrance exams, better he tries through them. It depends upon your son's Rank / Score & the streams he prefers. Recommended before your son goes for Sandip University (if he has no other option, as time is very less now). Whatever Institute / University & Branch your Son chooses, he should keep upgrading his skills from his 1st year itself till his Campus Placement during his last year, from LinkedIn, Coursera, NPTEL, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by his College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students.

All The BEST for your Son’s Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
EduJob360 |
CERTIFIED Career Coach | Career Guru |
https://www.linkedin.com/in/edujob360/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |3754 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I want to invest in 10 L lumpsum for 3-5 years. What is the best strategy for getting good returns (at least 12-15 %)? I want to use this money further for my own business.
Ans: Understanding the Investment Landscape
Investing a lump sum of Rs 10 lakh with the goal of achieving good returns requires a thorough understanding of the investment landscape. Given your objective to use this money for your own business in 3-5 years, it's important to choose a strategy that balances potential returns with acceptable levels of risk.

The Importance of Time Horizon
Your investment time horizon significantly impacts the type of investment strategy you should adopt. While you are considering a 3-5 year period, achieving a 12-15% return may require a slightly longer horizon.

Investing for at least 7 years could better align with your return expectations and allow your investment to ride out market volatility.

Embracing Market Volatility
Investing in the market inherently involves dealing with volatility. Market fluctuations are natural and can impact short-term investment performance.

However, historically, equity markets have shown growth over longer periods, offering potential for substantial returns. Embracing this volatility is crucial to achieving your financial goals.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer a diversified investment option that can help mitigate risks while providing exposure to growth opportunities. Actively managed funds, in particular, are managed by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market by making strategic investment decisions.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Skilled fund managers actively monitor and adjust the portfolio, aiming for higher returns.

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a variety of assets, reducing the risk associated with individual investments.

Liquidity: Mutual funds offer liquidity, allowing you to redeem your investment when needed.

Transparency: Regular updates and reports keep investors informed about their investments.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Market Mimicry: Index funds aim to replicate the performance of a specific index, limiting their potential to outperform.

No Active Management: Lack of professional management can lead to missed opportunities in dynamic market conditions.

Limited Flexibility: Index funds follow a predetermined strategy, offering little flexibility in response to market changes.

Benefits of Investing Through Certified Financial Planners
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures that your investments are aligned with your financial goals.

CFPs offer personalised advice and can help navigate the complexities of the financial markets.

Advantages of Regular Funds
Expert Guidance: MFDs with CFP credentials provide valuable insights and strategic advice.

Tailored Solutions: Regular funds offer customised investment strategies based on individual goals and risk tolerance.

Support and Service: Professional support for investment decisions and portfolio management.

Holistic Planning: CFPs consider your overall financial situation, ensuring comprehensive financial planning.

Understanding Investment Risks
Every investment carries a certain level of risk. It's crucial to understand and accept these risks when aiming for higher returns.

Types of Risks
Market Risk: The risk of investments declining due to market fluctuations.

Interest Rate Risk: The risk of interest rate changes affecting investment values.

Inflation Risk: The risk of inflation eroding purchasing power over time.

Importance of Staying the Course
Investing with a long-term perspective requires patience and discipline. Market volatility can be unsettling, but staying the course is essential for achieving your investment goals.

Strategies for Staying the Course
Avoid Emotional Decisions: Base your investment decisions on facts and long-term goals, not short-term market movements.

Regular Reviews: Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.

Rebalancing: Adjust your portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation.

Reinvestment Strategies
If you hold LIC, ULIP, or investment-cum-insurance policies, consider evaluating their performance.

Surrendering underperforming policies and reinvesting in mutual funds can potentially yield better returns.

Benefits of Reinvestment
Higher Returns: Mutual funds typically offer higher returns compared to traditional insurance policies.

Flexibility: Reinvestment in mutual funds provides more flexibility and control over your investments.

Cost Efficiency: Mutual funds often have lower costs and fees compared to insurance policies.

Strategic Asset Allocation
Asset allocation is crucial for managing risk and achieving your desired returns. A well-balanced portfolio should include a mix of equity, debt, and other instruments.

Suggested Allocation
Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for growth potential.

Debt Funds: Include debt funds for stability and regular income.

Hybrid Funds: Consider hybrid funds for a balanced approach to risk and return.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Continuous monitoring and adjustments to your portfolio are necessary to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals.

Benefits of Regular Monitoring
Performance Tracking: Monitor the performance of your investments regularly.

Timely Adjustments: Make necessary adjustments to optimise returns and manage risks.

Goal Alignment: Ensure your investments remain aligned with your evolving financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing a lump sum of Rs 10 lakh requires careful planning and a strategic approach.

Understanding the investment landscape, embracing market volatility, and opting for actively managed mutual funds are key steps towards achieving your financial goals.

Staying the course, regularly reviewing your portfolio, and seeking professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner can enhance your investment experience and outcomes. By focusing on a balanced and diversified investment strategy, you can work towards achieving your desired returns while preparing for your business ventures.

Invest wisely, stay informed, and be patient to see your investments grow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Please include one more choice in the selection criteria 1. Vit Vellore CSE in 4th category 2. Pes ec campus CS 3. MIT BANGALORE CSE We are staying in Bangalore, which choice is better and please help with reasoning?
Ans: You have not mentioned in which-all Entrance Exams you appeared (COMEDK \ KCET etc.)? However, order of Preference (1) PES (Electronic City) (2) MIT-Bengaluru (here, however, please note, for some students this is not suitable due to its culture (non-academic / psychological factors). (3) VIT-Vellore (check the fee structure of all 4-years for affordability). If you have appeared in COMEDK & KCET also, find out 1-2 options even the colleges belong to Tier 2 category. Whatever Institute / University / Branch / Domain you choose, keep upgrading your skills from 1st year itself till your Campus Placement during your last year, from LinkedIn, NPTEL, Coursera, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by your College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students, for jobs.

All The BEST for your Bright Future.
To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
EduJob360 |
CERTIFIED Career Coach | Career Guru |
https://www.linkedin.com/in/edujob360/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x