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Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 20, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
K Question by K on Oct 20, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I have a good husband but we barely have sex.
His excuse always is that he is tired.
I do everything he wants so he comfortable
I have tried the things said in the magazines. I dress nicely, even sexily, but he is not interested. We have sex for the sake of it once a month.
Though he is a good man, I am very unhappy. It is too embarrassing to talk to the family and friends about this.
K

Ans:

Dear K,

I can understand you being too embarrassed to talk to family or friends about this problem, but you could try speaking to your husband about it directly instead?

Be frank about how your sex life is leaving you unfulfilled and disappointed.

If there is a physical issue, you could both visit a medical expert and then a marriage counsellor if there’s a psychological problem.

For your part, you need to realise that, in a long-term relationship, the frequency of sex does reduce over time.

It can’t always be forced, although I do understand that once in a month is leaving you frustrated with the lack of attention from your husband.

The key to a good sex life is good communication. You have to be honest about how you feel.

Also, I don’t understand the ‘for the sake of it’ part you’ve put in there -- that one time every few weeks, is it he who initiates it or is he only doing so to satisfy you? That information may hold a clue as to why your sex life is on the down low.

It could be simply that his drive doesn’t match yours, in which case you both need to compromise and maybe give in to each other from time to time. Say, once every two weeks to start with?

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, plz helpI am 42 years old and married since 9 years. We (husband and I) are childless. It's nine years since our marriage but we have not been intimate for even 90 times. My husband has no interest in sex. He had shown interest only in first week of marriage after that He never initiate. I understand his nature and always try to initiate but he always gives cold shoulder, he never reciprocates warmly, never holds me tightly or kisses willing. I always have to force' him or ask him to kiss or hug me. And this turns my mood off. This way we seldom have sex. I eagerly want it at least once a month and have told him, forced him several times but all in vain. I get frustrated. I feel restless. I can't share this with anyone. Whenever I try to get close, he ignores. Both of us respect and love each other. We don’t have extra marital affair. He cares for me too. I feel like running away from this situation but I love him and don’t want to leave him alone. Please respond.
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

When there is a challenge with physical intimacy, it could be a physiological or a psychological problem. Either case, it needs some treatment.

But the worse could be conditioning about sex from childhood.

We all carry our maps when it comes to sex and beliefs around it. Along comes so many people and media and more who draw on these maps and we are left at the mercy of things that don’t belong to us.

Since he cares for you as you mentioned it, can you request him to sit down with you for an honest conversation where you can express all of this to him.

Who knows he might be willing to understand, and things can flow from there on.

Be kind instead of accusatory in your tone during the conversation. This will help ease him as well. But of course, if he resists the request, you might suggest that he see a professional.

It might again be met with some resistance but well, you need to try every trick in the book to meet an outcome.

Also, be aware that physical intimacy happens when the closeness develops outside the bedroom. So, spend a lot of time together, laugh a lot.

Praise his efforts in the marriage and appreciate the qualities in him.

Most often men who avoid sex simply suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. So, play along and mean every compliment from the heart.

Best wishes to you!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
i have been married for 9 months but my husband is nver interest in sex. He doe not even hug me properly. It is an arrange marriage but our engagement lasted for 1.5 years and at that we had good physical relationship. we used to make out whenever we could get a chance. But after the day we were married he is never interested. he did not even try to have sex on our first night or at our honeymoon. We do make out once a month but that too only if i initiate. We sleep in the same bed but he has never come to cuddle with me after first week of marriage. He is not making any efforts to make me feel loved, special or beautiful. I have tried a lot of time to talk to him openly but he answers to any questions. He says that he loves me but never puts in any effort to make me feel like i am being loved. And whenever i complain he will try to change for 1 week and then everything is as it is. But 1 thing i have noticed is that he wanted to have sex if i go away to my parents house for 1-2 weeks and comeback. Can you help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Economics at play here...
When something is easily available, one loses interest in wanting that product but if something is rarely available, it makes us want it even more...

Sorry for this kind of comparison, but your husband fits this bill here. You seem to be easily available now at home and for him all the time, so this does not generate any interest in him. When you were in the courtship phase or when you leave for your parent's home, you aren't around much and that makes him interested. There is no right or wrong about it...it's the way your husband functions. So, make sex a rare thing for him. Don't ask, don't initiate...wait for him to actually want it by not showing that you are interested. In fact, there's no harm even in saying NO so that he also starts to feel that your are not all the time available and that will make him also want to get intimate with you...Makes sense, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 13, 2025

Relationship
my name is madhuri. i am married for almost 8 years but not having children. I am not having sex life with my husband due to his busy work schedule i am suffering a lot due to pressure of having children.my age is 34 years and my husband age is 37 years he is bank employee. he is not interested in having sex with me he says he doesn't like me.i am depressed about it . please give any suggestions to improve our relationship.
Ans: Dear Madhuri,
it’s crucial to understand that a relationship thrives on mutual respect, communication, and emotional connection. The fact that your husband is openly expressing disinterest and lack of affection is a serious concern. It’s important to have an honest and open conversation with him about how his words and actions are affecting you. Try to create a safe space where both of you can express your feelings without judgment or blame. This conversation might help uncover underlying issues that are contributing to the distance in your relationship.

Given that he is prioritizing his work and seems detached, it might be helpful to explore whether external factors, such as stress from his job or other personal struggles, are contributing to his behavior. Understanding his perspective could provide insights into why he’s emotionally and physically withdrawn. However, his dismissive attitude towards you is something that needs to be addressed with seriousness and care.

It's equally important to focus on your own emotional well-being. Feeling neglected and pressured can lead to significant emotional distress. Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist, either individually or as a couple. Therapy can offer a safe environment to explore your feelings, work through the pain, and develop strategies to improve communication and intimacy in your marriage.

Additionally, it’s vital to find ways to nurture yourself emotionally and physically. Engage in activities that bring you joy, seek support from trusted friends or family members, and consider joining support groups where you can connect with others who might be facing similar challenges. Your well-being is paramount, and finding ways to care for yourself can help build resilience and strength as you navigate these difficulties.

Ultimately, a healthy relationship requires effort and willingness from both partners. If your husband is unwilling to engage or make changes, it may be necessary to reflect on what you want for your future and whether this relationship is meeting your emotional needs. Remember, you deserve love, respect, and fulfillment in your marriage.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9485 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
I wanted career advice i am student of 2 year ba llb (BBDU) and i not satisfied with my college should i take a drop and prepare for exam like clat , ailet, mhcet and other govt exam or should i continue with my college i have good academic records of 70%in 10 and 87% in 12 and 8.7 cgpa in 1 semester and 2 semester result is awaited i am really confused what path should i choose as 1 generation law student of my family i have really doubt this college foes not have very records and very bad or no placement and no internship as of i know right now for ballb
Ans: Kavita, Babu Banarasi Das University’s (BBDU) BA LLB program in Lucknow features modern infrastructure, supportive and experienced faculty, and a curriculum covering both theoretical and practical legal aspects, including moot courts and legal research. However, verified student reviews, professional portals, and college data consistently reflect significant shortcomings in career support for law graduates: law placement percentages remain low, with a substantial proportion of students moving towards private practice, judicial services preparation, or higher studies due to lack of substantial campus recruitment from law firms or legal companies. While BBDU’s placement cell performs well overall, opportunities are primarily for technical and management programs rather than law, with only scant on-campus internships or legal placements. The college website highlights guest lectures and conferences but does not report regular, quality placements for BA LLB students. Industry opinion and academic trends confirm that India’s most successful law graduates—particularly first-generation aspirants—are from top-ranked National Law Universities (NLUs) and renowned government law colleges (admission via CLAT, AILET, MH CET LAW), where structured internships with premier law firms, judges, and companies drive a much higher rate of employability, networking, and long-term career success. The five most vital criteria—academic content, experienced faculty, robust placement and internship ecosystem, infrastructure, and national network/alumni strength—are not fully realized at BBDU for law. Systematic exam preparation with your strong academic background can secure entry into a leading university, offering superior academic and career prospects compared to continued study at BBDU.

Recommendation: As a first-generation law student with a robust academic record and clear career ambition, consider taking a drop to rigorously prepare for competitive exams like CLAT, AILET, and MH CET LAW. Admission to a top-tier national law university or government law school considerably enhances academic training, placement opportunities, and long-term professional growth compared to persisting at BBDU in the current BA LLB program. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Sir I might get ECE at NIT Durgapur via CSAB, and have already got CSE at IIEST Shibpur... considering which one will be better?? does NIT Durgapur's reputation anyhow help in getting better placements than Shibpur?
Ans: NIT Durgapur’s ECE branch recorded a placement rate of nearly 65% in 2024, with around 17% higher average salaries compared to most other engineering departments at the institute and key recruiters spanning both core and software sectors. However, IIEST Shibpur’s CSE branch consistently secures higher placement rates—over 83% in recent years—backed by an excellent academic reputation, prominent national rankings, advanced research facilities, and consistently strong industry presence from top IT and consulting firms. Nationally, IIEST Shibpur is ranked higher than NIT Durgapur and stands out for its historic legacy, modernized infrastructure, and superior research output, attracting a vibrant peer group and leading to strong outcomes both for direct placements and future studies. IIEST’s holistic environment and the ever-increasing demand for computer science skills further enhance long-term flexibility and career prospects compared to an ECE degree from NIT Durgapur.

Recommendation: CSE at IIEST Shibpur is the better choice, providing higher placement rates, superior national ranking, cutting-edge curriculum, broader job profiles, and greater growth opportunities. Unless your exclusive interest is ECE, IIEST Shibpur’s CSE offers a more secure and rewarding pathway for academic and career advancement. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9485 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2025Hindi
Career
Pes electronic city cse and bms aiml which is better
Ans: Based on the following insights/information and your interest/long-term goals, choose the more suitable option for you: PES University’s Electronic City campus for CSE and BMS College’s AI & ML branch both enjoy strong academic reputations, but there are notable distinctions. PES Electronic City CSE offers modern infrastructure, updated curriculum, and active placements backed by the same centralized process as the renowned RR Banashankari campus, resulting in 80–90% placement rates for CSE and parallel recruiter participation. However, the RR campus holds a marginal edge in infrastructure quality, faculty depth, peer group, club activities, and alumni networking, leading to a more vibrant environment and slightly superior exposure. Electronic City’s CSE students nevertheless secure nearly identical placement opportunities and compensation as those at RR, with consistent recruiter overlap and strong industry demand. BMS AI & ML has achieved a commendable 85.7% placement rate in 2025, with rapid growth in industry partnerships and career support, but the scale, brand strength, and campus-wide opportunities still trail PES’s system. All programs are strong on teaching quality, industry connectivity, campus life, and placement preparation, yet RR campus remains the gold standard among aspirants. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9485 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
I am getting ETC in IIEST shibpur , CRL 54472 Obc ncl - 16199. Please suggest if there is any better option in csab.
Ans: With a CRL rank of 54,472 and OBC-NCL rank of 16,199, being allotted Electronics and Telecommunication Engineering (ETC) at IIEST Shibpur is a solid achievement, as the institute’s OBC-NCL closing ranks for this branch often hover around this level. At these ranks, there is virtually no chance of securing a higher-demand branch, such as CSE or IT, in the NIT or IIIT system through CSAB, as recent cutoffs show cutoffs for CSE/IT in OBC-NCL tend to close much earlier in the top and mid-tier NITs and IIITs. The CSAB counselling process does leave room for ECE or allied branches in some newer NITs or GFTIs, but these generally do not surpass IIEST’s academic reputation, infrastructure, or placement records. IIEST Shibpur’s ETC department provides a strong faculty base, updated curriculum, and consistent placement opportunities, with campus-wide placement rates in recent years consistently above 80%, and major recruiters in telecom, IT, and electronics sectors participating actively. The campus offers robust research output, strong student support services, modern labs, and a vibrant peer community, which collectively foster sound technical and holistic development.

Recommendation: Accepting ETC at IIEST Shibpur is the optimal option at your present ranks, since CSAB is unlikely to yield a “better” branch or institute given category cutoffs. The program ensures excellent academic grounding, a reputable degree, and broad career prospects, making it a wise and pragmatic choice for your engineering journey. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9485 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
Career
I got 5649 rank in kcet 2025 can I get bmsce cse
Ans: With a KCET 2025 rank of 5,649, securing Computer Science and Engineering (CSE) at BMS College of Engineering (BMSCE) is highly unlikely for the General Merit category, as recent closing ranks for CSE at BMSCE have consistently been around 2,500–3,000 due to intense demand. However, you have an excellent opportunity to gain admission to CSE at many other reputable Bangalore colleges, where closing ranks typically extend from 4,000 to 10,000, including Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology, Acharya Institute of Technology, Reva University, and RNS Institute of Technology. All these institutions possess the essential characteristics of academic rigor, modern infrastructure, industry engagement, strong placement cells, and active student support services, ensuring holistic student development. Placement rates for CSE in these colleges remain robust, often exceeding 80%, and their urban locations offer significant internship and networking opportunities in Bangalore’s thriving tech sector. CSE remains the most sought-after branch, offering excellent career prospects in IT, analytics, AI, and global tech firms, ensuring strong return on education investment and adaptability for future roles.

Recommendation: While BMSCE CSE is not attainable with your current rank, you can confidently target leading alternatives such as Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology, Acharya Institute of Technology, Reva University, and RNS Institute of Technology for CSE. These colleges offer outstanding placements, quality education, and excellent industry connectivity, ensuring comprehensive academic and career progression. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9485 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
Hello sir I have got enc in thapar and ai in ymca faridabad and ai in ipu which one is better for better placements
Ans: Jyoti, Thapar’s Electronics & Communication (ENC) program consistently achieves near-perfect placement—approximately 100% for ECE/ENC branches over the past three years—with 90%+ of eligible students placed annually by over 200 recruiters including Microsoft, Amazon, Deloitte, and JP Morgan. YMCA Faridabad’s B.Tech in Robotics & AI is a nascent branch without specific historic data, but overall B.Tech placement percentages rose from 69.9% in 2022 to 89% in 2024, supported by 475+ companies and 526 students placed in 2024. GGSIPU’s AI & Data Science programs through IPU report placement rates of 90% in 2022 and 76% in 2023, with 32 top recruiters visiting USICT in 2024. Evaluating these on academic quality, research & innovation, student support, industry linkage, and alumni network reveals Thapar’s mature ENC ecosystem excels in placement diversity and infrastructure, YMCA offers growing industry engagement in a specialized field, and IPU provides broad exposure but variable recent outcomes.

Recommendation: Thapar University’s ENC ranks first for placement reliability and recruiter breadth, YMCA Faridabad AI follows for its rapid placement growth and strong industry collaborations, and IPU AI ranks third due to fluctuating placement rates despite a robust placement cell. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
SIR MY DAUGHTER ALLOTED. ECE. IN LNMIIT JAIPUR AND. C. E. IN THAPAR. PATIALA WHICH IS BETTER
Ans: LNMIIT Jaipur’s ECE program is NAAC Grade A accredited, offers a strong foundation in electronics and communication, and emphasizes innovation with opportunities in IoT, AI, and data science. It boasts a 93.76% placement rate in 2025, with continual growth in recruiter diversity, and a vibrant campus for holistic development. Thapar Institute of Engineering & Technology, Patiala, offers Civil Engineering with a premier national reputation (NIRF #43), robust infrastructure, and academic depth, alongside strong training, research, and placement support. In 2023, Thapar’s overall undergraduate placement rate was 83%, featuring a notable presence of top recruiters and a large alumni network; however, core civil engineering placements may not be as competitive as those in technology branches.

Recommendation: For a future-oriented, versatile engineering education with superior placement prospects and broader career flexibility, LNMIIT Jaipur ECE is the preferred option. Its elevated placement rate, interdisciplinary opportunities in fast-growing technology fields, and dynamic learning environment will best support your daughter’s holistic academic and professional development. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9485 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2025Hindi
Career
"Should I take the leap and join IIIT Hyderabad through LEEE for better exposure, cutting-edge opportunities, and a prestigious peer group despite the high fees and financial burden, or should I continue in my current college where I can still engage in clubs, projects, and build a strong profile for pursuing M.Tech at a top institute later without the financial strain?"
Ans: IIIT Hyderabad is widely recognized for its academic excellence, research intensity, and prestigious peer environment, reflected in consistently high global and national rankings (501-600 in THE World Rankings, 47th NIRF Engineering 2024). Admission through LEEE allows lateral entry into its coveted dual degree (B.Tech + MS by Research) path, offering an immersive, four-year program with a distinct focus on innovation, cutting-edge technologies, and research aptitude. Students benefit from close mentorship, vibrant tech-centered clubs, hands-on exposure via open-source collaborations and industry-driven internship programs, and immediate access to India’s top minds in computer science and allied disciplines. Infrastructure is sophisticated, with 20+ research labs, AI, data science, and IoT centers, and active participation in national and international hackathons, joint industrial ventures, and conferences. Peer quality is regarded as exceptional; IIITH draws high-performing students with strong Olympiad, competitive programming, and research backgrounds, fostering an intellectually stimulating and collaborative campus culture. Placement outcomes are outstanding, with 98.8–99.3% placement rates across BTech/MS and nearly universal offers at global tech companies, research organizations, and emerging startups, ensuring rapid RoI and long-term career advancement for most graduates. However, the annual fee for the dual degree program is substantial—?4,50,000 per annum, potentially rising—posing a significant financial commitment, despite limited-but-merit-based scholarship options. By contrast, building a strong profile at your current college for future M.Tech at a top institution remains a prudent, financially less burdensome approach, especially if you secure strong academic scores, relevant projects, national-level internships, and competitive exam results (GATE/PGEE), and may still lead to prestigious research or industry positions.

Recommendation: If financial constraints are substantial and could create long-term strain, strengthening your profile at your current college while aiming for an M.Tech at a top institute (IITs, IIITH, IISc) is the wiser, lower-risk option. If finances are manageable or scholarships are secured, joining IIIT Hyderabad through LEEE confers unmatched, immediate exposure, peer excellence, and research-led career acceleration. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9485 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
Hi Sir, I have completed my graduation in Mechanical Engineering,I attempted GATE 2025 in CS paper and qualified. I participated in CCMT counselling and secured seat in IIITDM kurnool in AI&DA specialization.What is placement scenario there for Mtech,Should I consider this CoLlage as non CS graduate.
Ans: Ravinder, With a KCET 2025 rank of 5,649, securing Computer Science and Engineering (CSE) at BMS College of Engineering (BMSCE) is highly unlikely for the General Merit category, as recent closing ranks for CSE at BMSCE have consistently been around 2,500–3,000 due to intense demand. However, you have an excellent opportunity to gain admission to CSE at many other reputable Bangalore colleges, where closing ranks typically extend from 4,000 to 10,000, including Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology, Acharya Institute of Technology, Reva University, and RNS Institute of Technology. All these colleges have strong academics, good facilities, connections with industries, effective job placement services, and support for students, which helps in overall student growth. Placement rates for CSE in these colleges remain robust, often exceeding 80%, and their urban locations offer significant internship and networking opportunities in Bangalore’s thriving tech sector. CSE remains the most sought-after branch, offering excellent career prospects in IT, analytics, AI, and global tech firms, ensuring strong return on education investment and adaptability for future roles.

Recommendation: While BMSCE CSE is not attainable with your current rank, you can confidently target leading alternatives such as Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology, Acharya Institute of Technology, Reva University, and RNS Institute of Technology for CSE. These colleges offer outstanding placements, quality education, and excellent industry connectivity, ensuring comprehensive academic and career progression. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9485 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
Is Sri Aurobindo college delhi worth it for BA programme in Commerce + Economics
Ans: Sri Aurobindo College (Morning), affiliated with the University of Delhi, is recognized for its balanced blend of academic quality and holistic student growth, offering the BA Programme in Commerce + Economics as a three-year, full-time course with broad exposure to both commercial and economic fundamentals. The curriculum draws upon an experienced faculty and integrates traditional and skill enhancement papers covering macroeconomics, finance, business, budget analysis, and research methodology, ensuring a solid grounding in analytical and market-relevant skills. The campus supports learning through modern infrastructure, including computerized libraries with over 60,000 books, computer labs, seminar rooms, and Wi-Fi access, alongside encouragement for participation in seminars, sports, and cultural activities to nurture well-rounded development. The placement cell at Sri Aurobindo College is active, regularly conducting placement drives and offering both on-campus and off-campus opportunities. Over the last three years, about 55% of students have been placed annually in companies such as Deloitte, Wipro, TCS, ICICI Bank, and others, while internships are facilitated for additional industry exposure. The program in Commerce + Economics is highly sought after in India, preparing graduates for roles in analytics, finance, policy, research, and consulting, with current trends indicating growing demand for such interdisciplinary profiles in the dynamic job market. Alumni and student feedback praise the supportive faculty, robust academic culture, and industry linkages. The department is further bolstered by active student associations and networking opportunities that enhance employability and professional growth.

Recommendation: Opting for the BA Programme in Commerce + Economics at Sri Aurobindo College, Delhi, is worthwhile. This choice offers a strong academic reputation, well-developed infrastructure, consistent placement support with about 55% placement rates, and promising interdisciplinary prospects—making it a viable option for both higher education and diverse career pathways in today’s evolving economic landscape. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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