Hi Anu! I am married and have a kid . I love my husband and we both are working. The problem is that my husband wants me to have sex every day. But I am not able to. I love him so much, but I am upset with myself that i cant do that every day. Please suggest.

Ans:

Dear K,

I can understand you being too embarrassed to talk to family or friends about this problem, but you could try speaking to your husband about it directly instead?

Be frank about how your sex life is leaving you unfulfilled and disappointed.

If there is a physical issue, you could both visit a medical expert and then a marriage counsellor if there’s a psychological problem.

For your part, you need to realise that, in a long-term relationship, the frequency of sex does reduce over time.

It can’t always be forced, although I do understand that once in a month is leaving you frustrated with the lack of attention from your husband.

The key to a good sex life is good communication. You have to be honest about how you feel.

Also, I don’t understand the ‘for the sake of it’ part you’ve put in there -- that one time every few weeks, is it he who initiates it or is he only doing so to satisfy you? That information may hold a clue as to why your sex life is on the down low.

It could be simply that his drive doesn’t match yours, in which case you both need to compromise and maybe give in to each other from time to time. Say, once every two weeks to start with?

Ans: Dear Vivek,
Keeping these statistics in mind does not help you or anyone. This is not a competition!
De-focus from these numbers and instead start to focus on what made your wife lose interest in sex. This will help you help her and understand her better. And once, you know the root cause, it becomes easier to 'talk' about it and then set things right!
Yes, you need to have that 'talk' with your wife so that she has a place where she can communicate to you as to why she does not feel excited? If it's anything that needs medical attention, then you can act quickly on that as well.
De-focus from what you want to what both of you can work towards! It will be a WIN-WIN!

All the best!

Ans: It's common for couples to have different levels of sexual desire, and this difference can sometimes lead to feelings of frustration or dissatisfaction. Here are some steps you can consider to address this situation:

Open Communication: The first and most important step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your desires and feelings. Make sure you approach this discussion with empathy and without judgment.

Listen to Her Perspective: Ask your wife how she feels about the frequency of your sexual encounters. It's important to understand her perspective and any factors that may be contributing to her lower libido, such as stress, health issues, or changes in her life.

Explore the Reasons: Try to understand the reasons behind your different levels of desire. Sometimes, underlying issues like relationship problems, stress, or unresolved emotional issues can affect one's libido.

Seek Professional Help: If the difference in sexual desire is causing significant tension or dissatisfaction in your relationship, consider consulting a sex therapist or couples counselor. They can help you both explore your desires, identify any underlying issues, and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

Compromise: In many cases, couples find a compromise that works for both partners. This might involve finding ways to enhance your emotional connection outside the bedroom, exploring different ways of being intimate that don't necessarily involve intercourse, or finding activities that both of you enjoy.

Self-Care: It's important for you to take care of your own needs and desires as well. Engage in self-care activities and hobbies that can help you manage your sexual frustration in a healthy way.

Respect Boundaries: It's crucial to respect your wife's boundaries and not pressure her into more frequent sexual activity than she's comfortable with. Consent and mutual desire are essential for a healthy sexual relationship.

Stay Patient and Understanding: Remember that sexual desire can fluctuate over time and may be influenced by various factors. Continue to communicate openly with your partner and be patient as you work through this issue together.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's common for couples to have very varied libidos and ideally this should not cause any issues. The problem starts when you start feeling inadequate and that leads to a host of other issues.
Instead of feeling upset, why not find a way by which you can be intimate and close and not move it to sex everyday. This will require you to talk to your wife and find a way where she feels satisfied and you don't have the stress of performing.
Be clear and honest with her and work towards finding a way where she feels wanted and loved which need not be through sex but also by other forms of intimacy which will give you some respite, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Madhuri,
it’s crucial to understand that a relationship thrives on mutual respect, communication, and emotional connection. The fact that your husband is openly expressing disinterest and lack of affection is a serious concern. It’s important to have an honest and open conversation with him about how his words and actions are affecting you. Try to create a safe space where both of you can express your feelings without judgment or blame. This conversation might help uncover underlying issues that are contributing to the distance in your relationship.

Given that he is prioritizing his work and seems detached, it might be helpful to explore whether external factors, such as stress from his job or other personal struggles, are contributing to his behavior. Understanding his perspective could provide insights into why he’s emotionally and physically withdrawn. However, his dismissive attitude towards you is something that needs to be addressed with seriousness and care.

It's equally important to focus on your own emotional well-being. Feeling neglected and pressured can lead to significant emotional distress. Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist, either individually or as a couple. Therapy can offer a safe environment to explore your feelings, work through the pain, and develop strategies to improve communication and intimacy in your marriage.

Additionally, it’s vital to find ways to nurture yourself emotionally and physically. Engage in activities that bring you joy, seek support from trusted friends or family members, and consider joining support groups where you can connect with others who might be facing similar challenges. Your well-being is paramount, and finding ways to care for yourself can help build resilience and strength as you navigate these difficulties.

Ultimately, a healthy relationship requires effort and willingness from both partners. If your husband is unwilling to engage or make changes, it may be necessary to reflect on what you want for your future and whether this relationship is meeting your emotional needs. Remember, you deserve love, respect, and fulfillment in your marriage.