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Kanchan Rai  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 25, 2023

Hi Mam, I am a 30 year old woman, married since 11 years. My husband is 36 years years old and have a normal intellectual relationship. The problem is since the past 2 years, we have had a very poor physical relationship. we have intercourse once in a month or 2 months (we indulge in foreplay weekly though) since my husband has been facing medical issues relating to the same and somewhat refrains visiting a doctor. He has even confessed to self consummate occasionally. We do not have a child and since many years we have been trying naturally and medically, but results have not come favorable. We have noticed that recently that our interests in each other has begun fading. My husband really loves me and takes care of me at the same time, I love him too, but things have not been very good of late. We both are very eager to start a family as well and plan to go for another medical attempt soon. Can you guide us how to get back to the healthy relationship we had?

Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a challenging time in your relationship. It's important to address both the physical and emotional aspects of your relationship to work towards a healthier and happier dynamic. Here are some steps you can consider:

Open Communication: Sit down with your husband and have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and concerns. Share your thoughts about the changes in your physical relationship, the impact it's having on your emotional connection, and your mutual desire to start a family.
Seek Professional Help: Since your husband is experiencing medical issues related to your physical relationship, it's crucial for him to consult a doctor. Encourage him to see a medical professional who specializes in sexual health. It's common for people to feel uncomfortable discussing such matters, but a doctor's guidance can help identify the underlying issues and recommend appropriate treatment.
Counseling or Therapy: Consider seeking couples therapy or counseling to address the emotional aspects of your relationship. A therapist can help both of you communicate more effectively, understand each other's needs, and work through any emotional barriers that might be affecting your intimacy.
Quality Time: Spend quality time together outside of your physical relationship. Engage in activities you both enjoy, communicate openly, and strengthen your emotional bond. This can help rekindle the connection you had before.
Support Each Other: Going through medical challenges and fertility issues can be emotionally draining. Support each other during this time by being patient, understanding, and showing empathy. Remember that you're a team, facing these challenges together.
Intimacy Beyond Sex: Explore ways to maintain intimacy that don't necessarily involve intercourse. Engage in activities that foster emotional closeness, like cuddling, holding hands, or having deep conversations.
Manage Stress: Fertility struggles and relationship issues can lead to increased stress. Find healthy ways to manage stress, such as exercise, meditation, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy.
Set Realistic Expectations: While it's natural to want to conceive and start a family, try not to let this desire put excessive pressure on your relationship. Setting realistic expectations and timelines can help alleviate some of the stress.
Rediscover Each Other: Take time to learn about each other anew. People change over time, so invest effort into discovering your partner's evolving interests, dreams, and aspirations.
Stay Positive: It's important to maintain a positive outlook. Focusing on the strengths of your relationship and the progress you make, both emotionally and physically, can make a significant difference.
Remember that relationships go through ups and downs, and it's not uncommon to face challenges. With open communication, patience, and a willingness to work together, you can navigate these difficulties and work towards reestablishing a healthy and fulfilling relationship. If needed, consider reaching out to professionals, such as therapists or doctors, to provide specialized guidance.

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Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2021

Hi Anu,I am a regular rediff news reader.I went through some of you post and I felt I can surely request you to help me in my situation.We are married since February 2017. We had a pretty good life in terms of physical and emotional as well.In Dec 2018 we had a child but after that there is a change in my wife's sexual behaviour.She is willing to have sex; we do get involved as well also. We become passionate in kissing and all but unfortunately she doesn't get wet.It's very difficult for me to keep my focus and I lose my erection.Just want to ask you is this because of change in hormonal issue due to birth of child or is this something we need to seek a professional to help us.She is really loving, caring and even she is disappointed with this.We even had a conversation over this. I asked her if she is no more interested in sex or if she doesn't find (me) attractive. Her answer was 'nothing like that'. She is very happy with me as a husband.
Ans: Dear A, being a mother is a big blessing for a woman.

She transitions into a beautiful phase of her life. But with this comes the responsibility of caring for a new-born or in your case a toddle round the clock.

She hardly has the time to focus on being a wife with the constant feeding and changing of nappies.

Added to that is she’s working, then there’s additional office work besides also taking care of the household chores.

Also, a woman goes through a lot of changes in her body after the delivery and for a few women sex is off the cards for a while after that.

This could be because some women feel that their body is not what their husbands will love anymore and also her focus has shifted on to her baby who needs her love, care and support 24/7.

There is a bond between the mother and the child that at times can irk a few husbands who can translate that as feeling ignored and angry.

This is the time the new father can also spring into action and come together for his lady and his child.

Support your wife unconditionally and love her without any expectations in return

Offer to care for the baby so that she can take some time-off to rejuvenate herself

Encourage her to indulge in a hobby that she might have stopped because of the baby; this will help her be in a happy space

Compliment her and engage in a little off-the-bedroom intimacy like hugging, kissing and holding hands

Watch movies together and do a couple of things that bonded you as a couple before the baby arrived

Smile at her warmly and reassure her that no matter what nothing has changed and that she is still the woman that you loved and married

Does this work? Yes, it does…Love and reassurance can cause a lot of calmness in her and arouse her better in bed.

And if there’s something still amiss, then maybe you could talk to a gynecologist who can guide both of you on the next steps and rule out any medical challenges. All is well.

Simply be in Love. Wishing you and your family a beautiful life!


Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

Hi Anu, plz helpI am 42 years old and married since 9 years. We (husband and I) are childless. It's nine years since our marriage but we have not been intimate for even 90 times. My husband has no interest in sex. He had shown interest only in first week of marriage after that He never initiate. I understand his nature and always try to initiate but he always gives cold shoulder, he never reciprocates warmly, never holds me tightly or kisses willing. I always have to force' him or ask him to kiss or hug me. And this turns my mood off. This way we seldom have sex. I eagerly want it at least once a month and have told him, forced him several times but all in vain. I get frustrated. I feel restless. I can't share this with anyone. Whenever I try to get close, he ignores. Both of us respect and love each other. We don’t have extra marital affair. He cares for me too. I feel like running away from this situation but I love him and don’t want to leave him alone. Please respond.

Dear Anonymous,

When there is a challenge with physical intimacy, it could be a physiological or a psychological problem. Either case, it needs some treatment.

But the worse could be conditioning about sex from childhood.

We all carry our maps when it comes to sex and beliefs around it. Along comes so many people and media and more who draw on these maps and we are left at the mercy of things that don’t belong to us.

Since he cares for you as you mentioned it, can you request him to sit down with you for an honest conversation where you can express all of this to him.

Who knows he might be willing to understand, and things can flow from there on.

Be kind instead of accusatory in your tone during the conversation. This will help ease him as well. But of course, if he resists the request, you might suggest that he see a professional.

It might again be met with some resistance but well, you need to try every trick in the book to meet an outcome.

Also, be aware that physical intimacy happens when the closeness develops outside the bedroom. So, spend a lot of time together, laugh a lot.

Praise his efforts in the marriage and appreciate the qualities in him.

Most often men who avoid sex simply suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. So, play along and mean every compliment from the heart.

Best wishes to you!


Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 15, 2023
Hi Anu !! I am 53 year & my wife is 52 years. She underwent a surgery in 2021 for removal of a simple ovarian cyst and was back to normal routine after few months. However, we are not able to have sexual intercourse since then due to it being extremely painful for her. She has also lost all interest in sex & we try it occasionally only upon my insistence. Prior to her surgery, we had a rocking sex life but now it has come to an abrupt end & it feels very depressing at times, particularly for me. Life seems lack-lusture now. Is it normal or we need to have some medical or psychological intervention. My wife says we are now anyway too old to expect frequent sexual encounters as before. She had her menopause about 3 years back. Pls help, I am confused, just like teenagers are when they are at the doorsteps of adulthood.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Two things strike me as I read what you have shared.
1. The effects of the surgery and medications that are possibly not making intercourse a pleasure
2. The effects of menopause which she possibly is undergoing that can temporarily deter the body from being active for any form of sexual intimacy

So, isn't it fair to actually focus on her as she is dealing with two major challenges at this point in time? I do understand that as a man, the way the body works is not at the same pace as it is for a woman. That's how there is a mismatch during key phases of life; childbirth, menopause, illness...
For a woman, her body will cooperate for any form of intimacy only if she 'feels' it from within...with pain and physiological changes during menopause due to hormonal his and lows, it is a challenge.
Work together as a couple on this; understand what is going on with her and what she 'feels'

Address the 'feeling' part and you will get answers to what's going on with her mind and body. Is consulting an option? Yes, it is but after you have tried working together on this. Sometimes, it is good to rule out any medical issues that is causing her to still have pain or a fear due to that pain can be eliminated by working with a mental health professional. Also a Mind Expert, will be able to work on her beliefs on intimacy, sex etc after a certain age...
One can be sexually active as long as they wish to, but it need not be cut short due to health issues or belief issues. Be compassionate as you speak with her and I am sure, things will get better...

All the best!

Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2023

Hi, I am 42 and my wife is 36. Been married for close to 9 years. Had our first princess in 2015 & second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally & physically. We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of course 3 years into post our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those Intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear......parallel I am taking time to appreciate how caring she has been in respect to taking care of the family, complimenting her how beautiful she looks inside and outside, how much she is glowing, sometimes I take efforts to cook for her giving time offs and also I look after the kids, press her legs etc. but nothing is working and this desperacy is killing me inside so much that sometimes I have been getting false & weird thoughts in my mind to have an affair or go to a call girl. Need your advise on this....
Ans: Dear Chandra,
I am glad that you are putting in all efforts in a non-sexual manner which is what most people miss out on.
But since it isn't working, I think it could be just caring for two young children. It can sap a woman's/primary caregiver's energy to a point that intimacy is the last think on her mind.
You children are at an age where they are dependent on parents and also are full on energy with high demands. This could be the reason as well.
I would also suggest that with growing demands from the children in terms of time and attention, what might be overlooked is your wife has some vitamin deficiency which can lead to lethargy, lack of interest and more. My suggestion would be to visit a doctor who will write down specific tests that may get to the root of the problem.
Till then, be the supportive husband that you have been AND a call girl is a momentary rush of adrenaline; so be wise...

All the best!
Latest Questions

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2023

Can you please give me any tips for preparing for GRE?
Ans: Hello Vishal,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am happy to hear about your plans on preparing for the Graduate Record Examination (GRE). To prepare well and secure good grades, I would suggest the following tips:

1. Get to know the structure or format of the GRE
2. Make a study plan
3. Make use of authentic GRE study resources or guides
4. Practice on a regular basis
5. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses in each component of the GRE. Also, pay more attention to the areas that require improvement.
6. Sharpen your mathematical abilities by solving maths problems
7. Write Essays and pay heed to the format, flow of the essay, and clarity.
8. Enhance your vocabulary through vocabulary apps and flashcards.
9. Brush up on your reading skills by reading journals, newspapers, and literature.
10. Appear for Mock Exams
11. Understand the mistakes you have made in the mock exams and learn from them.
12. Do not practice continuously, engage in brief breaks during study sessions to remain alert and concentrate better.
13. To acquire more guidance, make use of GRE test prep books, engage in courses online, or consider hiring a teacher.
14. Register for the GRE exam well before you intend appearing for the test in order to obtain a seat.
15. If you plan on appearing for the GRE in offline mode, ensure that you visit your exam centre beforehand.
16. Be mindful of any modifications in the structure of the GRE or its rules as well as any updates.
17. Maintain a Healthy Balance
18. Master Time Management. Answer easy questions first and save the difficult ones for later. Avoid dedicating ample time to one question.
19. Stay Confident and remain assured to earn good grades in the test.
20. On the day of the test, carry all the required materials, including the ID and the admission test card.

Preparing for the GRE examination requires one to put in a lot of effort and time. I would suggest that you create a study plan in accordance with your personal strengths and weaknesses.

For more information, you can visit our website.

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 24, 2023
I have completed my BE in Mechatronics in 2016. Then i started working in embedded electronic segment. But now i want to do masters from USA with top universities in power electronics. What is process. Which university will be best. Is power electronics will be good choice as academically i am from mechatronics background but professionally i am from embedded and power domain.
Ans: Hello,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am glad to hear about your plans on pursuing a Master's degree in the USA. As an answer to your question, I would like to let you know that it is indeed possible and rather a fruitful step to shift from a Bachelor's degree in Mechatronics to a Master's degree in Power Electronics in the United States. Take the following steps into consideration.

1. Conduct a thorough study and choose: As the first step in the process, I would recommend that you conduct an extensive study on the field of your choice i.e. power electronics and take into account the employment possibilities it has to offer. Although you have a background in mechatronics as previously mentioned by you, you should make sure that the field of power electronics matches your career objectives and interests, and for the same, I suggest that you get in touch with field experts as they will be able to advise you better.

2. Select Universities: There are a number of universities that are renowned for their programs in the field of power electronics. I recommend that you conduct a comprehensive study and list universities. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, University of California, Berkeley, Stanford University, and University of Michigan are among the prominent ones. In addition, the university’s location, scholarship opportunities they have to offer, the experience of faculty members, and the likelihood of you securing admission should also be taken into account.

3. Appear for the GRE and English Proficiency Tests viz., IELTS or TOEFL: Majority of the universities in USA require students to prepare for and undertake the GRE i.e. Graduate Record Examination. You may also be required to prove your fluency in the English language through appearing for English competency tests viz. the IELTS or TOEFL, if English is not your first language.

4. Submit a Strong Personal Statement or Statement of Purpose: Next, I would suggest that you draft a strong personal statement or Statement of Purpose that outlines your reasons for wanting to pursue a Master's degree in Power Electronics, how your training in mechatronics as well as your hands-on experience in the embedded and power sectors will help you succeed, and the reasons behind selecting the universities you intend applying to.

5. Submit Academic Marksheets and Endorsement Letters: Along with the SOP, you will also need to submit your BE program marksheets, and obtain strong recommendation letters from instructors and employers who can attest to your educational and work abilities.

6. Take necessary courses: As mentioned earlier, you have a background in mechatronics and now wish to pursue your Master's in Power Electronics. To aid in your transition from mechatronics to power electronics, and to fill in the knowledge gap between your training in mechatronics and the particular demands of power electronics, you may be required to appear for certain prerequisite courses. The courses that you may be required to appear for are mentioned on the websites of the universities.

7. Plan your Finances: Studying in the USA can be a costly affair, and so I suggest that you plan your finances adequately. Take into account your financial circumstances. Also universities in USA offer ample scholarships and assistantships, look into the possible financial aid options that universities have to offer.

8. Make Applications to Universities: As part of the application procedure you will need to submit all the necessary documentation, pay the required application fees, and adhere to application deadlines. I suggest that you complete each university’s online application procedure.

9. Apply for a Visa: On receiving a Letter of Acceptance from the university, as the next step in the process, you will be required to apply for a student visa. Generally, an F-1 visa is required to study in USA. I suggest that you submit the required paperwork and adhere to all the visa prerequisites.

10. Prepare to Migrate: The final step in the process will require you to make all the necessary arrangements. Arrange for accommodation, obtain a medical insurance, and make arrangements for other requirements in the country. Understand the customs and academic standards of the country.

As an answer to your query whether power electronics is a good choice or not, I would like to tell you that as you have expertise in the power and embedded sectors, this field can be a fantastic one. Different sectors viz., electric vehicles, renewable energy, consumer electronics, etc. all depend on the field of power electronics. As mechatronics frequently includes the combination of mechanical systems, control systems, and electronics, your knowledge in the field of mechatronics can offer a distinct viewpoint.

Lastly, the university that you select should resonate with professional ambitions and research pursuits with the filed of power electronics. I would suggest that you conduct a thorough study on not only the courses but also the expertise of the faculty members at each university to ascertain which one best suits your educational and professional goals.

For more information, you can visit our website.

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2023
I am doing WILP M.Sc IT first year BITS It is a course of 2.5 years in BITS. Can i join for 2nd year in abroad universities
Ans: Hello,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am happy to hear about your plans on deciding to pursue the 2nd year of your WILP M.Sc IT BITS Pilani program at a university overseas. As an answer to your query, I would like to inform you that a number of factors including overseas universities’ guidelines as well as your BITS Pilani program’s acknowledgement play a vital role in deciding whether or not you are eligible to pursue the second year of the program at a university abroad. Please take the following factors into account:

1. Consider the program’s acknowledgement and accreditation: Accreditation or getting certified guarantees a student that his/her degree is legitimate and recognized by universities across the globe. As the first step in the process, I would suggest that you make sure that the pertinent academic institutions in India as well as overseas, both recognize as well as accept the WILP M.Sc. IT program at BITS Pilani.

2. Get to know the Transfer Guidelines: Transfer students are generally accepted by certain universities. Nevertheless, they possess unique prerequisites and constraints, and thus, in my opinion, it’s best to consult your preferred universities overseas in order to understand their guidelines with respect to the credit transfer from other schools/universities.

3. Familiarize Yourself with prerequisites for Admission: For transfer students, varying prerequisites for admission may be set forth by varying universities. I suggest that you get to know and adhere to not only their education criteria but also their prerequisites for language competency.

4. Ensure a coherence between the course curriculum: You will need to make sure that there is a coherence between the course of study that was completed by you at BITS Pilani and the program of study at the international university. Remember that in order to fill in any gaps, you may be needed to appear for other extra courses.

5. Plan your Finances: Pursuing studies overseas can be a costly affair, and for this reason, you will need to ensure that you have sufficient funds to pay for your living costs, tuition fees, as well as other miscellaneous expenditures.

6. Get in touch with education counselors: To better comprehend the consequences and the steps involved in the process of transferring to a foreign university, I highly recommend that you get in touch with education counselors at BITS Pilani as they will be in a better position to offer specialized advice based on your circumstances.

7. Get to know the Application Deadlines: You should get to know the last date to apply to your preferred universities overseas. For that, I recommend that you start planning well in advance and send in your application as per schedule.

8. Follow Visa and Immigration Prerequisites: There are visa and immigration prerequisites associated with studying overseas that you will be required to look in. To be able to study in your preferred country, I suggest that you adhere to the visa requirements in order to acquire the appropriate authorization.

I would like to inform you that transferring to an overseas university to pursue the second year of your studies is indeed possible. Nevertheless, you will need to take into account all the aforementioned aspects and plan meticulously. To see if you qualify and to understand the likelihood of transfer, I recommend that you conduct an extensive study and directly get in touch with each university as each may have unique prerequisites and guidelines.

For more information, you can visit our website.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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