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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Madam, Myself and my wife are old (79 and 73 years of age). We have only child (son) aged 50 years. My son was academically very brilliant in his school and college days. But after chicken box disease in young age he developed cardiac problem.Doctor diagnosed it as Cardiomyopathy and he is still undergoing treatment. Due to this shock, my son became too depressed and totally is disabled. He also became a psychiatric patient, diagnosis being Schizophrenia. He is not able to self manage. He is not settled in life - No job and No marriage! The concern is: After we parents leave the world there are no relatives or friends volunteer to take care of him. How to get a solution for this? Shall be very grateful to receive your advice. Regards.

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging situation you and your family are facing. Caring for an adult child with complex medical and mental health issues can be incredibly difficult, especially when considering the future when you may not be there to provide support. Here are some steps you can take to plan for your son's care:

Consult with Professionals: Seek the advice of medical professionals, including your son's treating physicians and mental health providers. They can provide guidance on his current treatment plan and any potential long-term care needs.
Legal and Financial Planning: Consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law or disability law to help you establish the necessary legal documents and financial arrangements. This may include setting up a special needs trust, appointing a guardian, and creating a will that outlines your son's care and financial support after your passing.
Identify Caregivers: While you mentioned that there are no relatives or friends willing to take care of your son, it's essential to continue exploring potential options. You might consider reaching out to local support groups for parents of children with disabilities or mental health issues to connect with others who have faced similar challenges.
Government Assistance: Research government programs and benefits available to individuals with disabilities
Care Facilities: Investigate residential care facilities and group homes that specialize in providing care for adults with disabilities. Some facilities offer long-term care options that can provide a stable and supportive environment for your son.
Support Services: Look for local agencies and nonprofit organizations that offer support services for individuals with mental health issues and disabilities. They may provide assistance with housing, employment, and daily living skills.
Include Your Son in Planning: To the extent possible, involve your son in discussions about his future care and living arrangements. His input and preferences should be considered in the planning process.
Create a Support Network: Engage with local and online support communities for parents and caregivers of individuals with mental health and disability challenges. Connecting with others who have faced similar situations can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Continuity of Care: Ensure that all essential medical and psychiatric records are well-documented and easily accessible for future caregivers. This will help provide a seamless transition in case of any changes in care providers.
Regular Updates: As your son's condition may change over time, it's crucial to periodically review and update your plans and arrangements to adapt to his evolving needs.
Remember that you are not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and professionals available to help you navigate this difficult journey. Seek guidance from experts and reach out to local disability organizations to explore available support and options for your son's future care.

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Dr Aarti

Dr Aarti Bakshi  | Answer  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Feb 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2023Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, my 19 year old son is suffering from extreme mental health issues. *. He is not interested in studies, says he cannot concentrate at all. *. He is always sleeping. *.Don't want to attain college classes but need attendance to avoid debarred list. *. Just want to go to college for modelling in college fashion shows & college fests. *. Want to spend life like an page 3 celebrity. *. Don't want to write exams but still worried that he cannot clear his graduation. *. Not at all respectful to his Mom. *. Always worried to enhance his looks. *. Needs expensive new clothes & beauty products. *. Doesn't understand value of money at all. *. Has nothing in his mind about his future. *. Cries very easily. *. Thinks he cannot do anything. *. 0% household help or support from his side. *. Always confused, nothing remembers. *. Doesn't like visiting our native place & talking to relatives. There are still to many issues. I don't understand what I should do? Please help.
Ans: Pre-frontal cortex is part of the brain which helps us make responsible decision making. It gets fully developed by 25 years of age. Yours is developed and functioning and your boy's is in the process. Have faith, you have brought him up and he will mirror your actions, your words, the tone of voice soon. Adolescence stage a teen is looking to showcase his self-esteem and identity. Dressing up, looking a certain way is part of the routine and they love adventure. My suggestions: 1. Listen and then respond. Talk of things he does at college, ask him his dreams, help him set one goal at a time and help him to achieve them if he needs help. 2. Make visiting the native place an adventure: let him plan the journey, the time, the food to carry the presents to give everyone there. Even cajole him that he would be able to make some reels there and share with all. 3. Ask for help: be a human who has emotional needs, gets tired, needs help to finish house work. Your child would be seeing you as an established adult, who manages everything, and then imagine you are asking for help from him to do things at home. 4. Career counselling and meeting people from different professions will clear his mind to choose what he loves. 5. Attending college: Ask him about his favourite subjects, what he finds easy and difficult. Peer support and sitting with friends to revise helps to attend college. do encourage that.
Show your boy you love him but also demand from your son that he is responsible for his world. He is an adult in the eyes of law and his actions has a consequences. Money matters can be solved by giving him a fixed amount to run his week. There is a balance between discipline and respect, treat him like a young adult and not a child. You are a good parent, be kind to yourself and meet your friends too. Do revert with the progress!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 22, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, my 19 year old son is suffering from extreme mental health issues. *. He is not interested in studies, says he cannot concentrate at all. *. He is always sleeping. *.Don't want to attain college classes but need attendance to avoid debarred list. *. Just want to go to college for modelling in college fashion shows & college fests. *. Want to spend life like an page 3 celebrity. *. Don't want to write exams but still worried that he cannot clear his graduation. *. Not at all respectful to his Mom. *. Always worried to enhance his looks. *. Needs expensive new clothes & beauty products. *. Doesn't understand value of money at all. *. Has nothing in his mind about his future. *. Cries very easily. *. Thinks he cannot do anything. *. 0% household help or support from his side. *. Always confused, nothing remembers. *. Doesn't like visiting our native place & talking to relatives. There are still to many issues. I don't understand what I should do? Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
He seems to want to live in a place of alternate reality where the real life is wilfully blurred and a fantasy world plays out easily. This happens when the real world facts disturb him and stress him and escaping into that alternate reality feels reassuring and calming.
This can be addressed by setting up an appointment with a Clinical Psychologist who is skilled to work with teenagers. She/he will use various techniques to ease your son into the real world. Kindly act NOW. In the meantime, surround him with a lot of love and affection.
All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 30, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, i m 45 yrs old female, not married, but have responsibility of 4 children, 2 sons of brother and daughter and son of sister. My sister succumbed to cancer 3 yrs before, her husband, mentally unfit not capable of earning, so my sister children age 17 Yr girl, and 11 yr son stays with me, Brother not supporting any way, his wife left him 6 months ago, All four children are between 10 to 17 yrs, I and my mother look after them, My only source of income is coaching classes, Plz tell how to handle such situation and have extra source of income for children education. Do you have any solution...
Ans: Dear Alka,
Kindly call your brother...let him do what needs to be done for his children...you can oversee and support him but the main parenting has to be his responsibility. Even his wife has to be party to all of this...who ever asked you to jump into this?
The more you are willing to take on, the more people will love to pile on you. I understand this in your sister's case as there is no one to care for the children...your brother and his family are simply taking advantage of your kindness.

Talk to him and tell him this cannot go on...if you really want to care for your brother's children, support them with a lot of love and affection BUT the main responsibility of taking care of their every need lies with your brother and his wife...This will enable you to have some disposable income which will start securing your life as well.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

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Relationship
Dear dr , my colleague is divorced 2 yrs back ,he is suffering from acute depression, his ex wife has not allowed her son to meet his father in last 2 yrs, as ex wife family is financial very strong they are not taking any monthly support from my colleague for his son.meanwhile son is 10 yr old and is brainwash that his father is not good ,so doesn't want to meet him. My colleague is getting more depressed and admitted for 1 month in hospital and got ECT therapy. Kindly guide ,what we can do so he xan meet his son once a week
Ans: dear Mohammad,
First, it might be helpful for your colleague to consult with a family lawyer who specializes in custody and visitation rights. Even if his ex-wife’s family is financially strong and not accepting support, your colleague likely still has legal rights to see his son. A lawyer can help him explore options like mediation or going back to court to request visitation rights. Since the child has been influenced against him, a court might consider a gradual reintroduction, possibly with the help of a therapist, to rebuild their relationship.

It could also be beneficial to involve a mental health professional who can provide guidance on how to handle this emotionally challenging situation. This professional can help your colleague manage his depression and support him in dealing with the stress related to his son.

As a friend or colleague, your support is invaluable. Encourage him to seek legal and psychological help and remind him that he’s not alone in this battle. Regular check-ins, even if just to listen, can make a big difference in his recovery.

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Sunil

Sunil Lala  |217 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Money
I m a 44 yrs old . My salary 85k net per month. Rent income 1.20 lakh per month. Fixed deposit 46 lakh PPF 21.35 lakh Lap loan 46.50 lakh OD loan 6.50 lakh. Mutual funds 2.75 lakhs Shares 3.25 laks Property in Noida, jewar, dwarka , Rohini and faridbad. My wife is earning 50k per month but not contributing in assests we spend his salary on vacations and foods and cloths as she don't want to save. According to her it is my responsibility to provide foods and investment. At this age I m going to lose my jobs. I can manage all things with rental but how can I build up financial assets from here on and my triple source like salary, rental and interest helps me a lot in past. I m simple man with basic needs no extra expenses on me. But kids are in college in class 9 how can I build assests and ensure their good education
Ans: Hello Sanjiv, you have a lot of money parked in debt instruments like FD, PPF and not-liquid assets like properties as well. I would advise you to calculate your income from each asset on a yearly basis in % terms. I think that will give you a true picture of what you are earning as of now vs what you can earn in equity mutual funds which are managed by professionals.
We can have a detailed conversation around your situation and I can help you understand what re-shuffling can be done in your asset portfolio (with continuing rental+interest income) with greater capital appreciation, visit my website www.slwealthsolutions.com if you are interested

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm 34 and have spent the last six years trying to find a genuine partner through every possible route -- dating apps, matrimonial sites recommended by relatives, setups through friends. It's been exhausting and disheartening. The men I match with are either secretly married, emotionally unavailable, or bluntly state that they aren't interested in commitment. On matrimonial sites, I keep coming across entitled MCPs (male chauvinist pigs) who want a docile, obedient wife -- someone to bear their children, manage their homes, and take care of their aging parents like we are living in 1950. The few men I've genuinely connected with emotionally have told me upfront that they don't believe in marriage or aren't looking for anything serious. And here I am, still single. I've been seriously considering signing up for an app purely focused on intimacy. I'm not looking to sleep around without thought. What I crave is connection, touch, and feeling desired, even if it doesn't lead to marriage. I've dated so many men in search of love, and yet, I've ended up alone. Is it wrong to stop chasing 'the one' and instead focus on fulfilling my emotional and physical needs without expecting long-term commitment?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's obvious to me that you haven't yet sat yourself down and asked:
- What do I want in my life partner?
- What do I want from a marriage?

You have shared about what others want from you; what do you want from a potential association?
Being clear will help you stop this chase and anyway, there's no 'The One'...if you find one, do let me know and I will be happy for you...Marriage is not about finding the right person but by knowing what you want from a marriage. This narrows down your choices to someone that close to your thoughts and value systems and then you both have to make the marriage work.

Now, if you are not looking for a committed association or a long-term one, then you will have to keep playing games with people who are half serious or just looking for some fun and hey, the chances of you being emotionally hurt will be greater here...
So, be clear on what you want and then you will know the next step, the next conversation that you wish to have with a person with more certainty that increases your chances at a good sturdy relationship.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Dear guru. I recently watched the film Aap Jaisa Koi and I could relate so much with Kusum bhabhi's character. My condition is somewhat similar. I've been married for six years now. On the outside, everything looks perfect -- a good husband, a 3bhk two storied home in Lucknow, a stable life. But inside, I feel invisible. My husband is a good man, no doubt, but he barely notices me as a person anymore. Conversations revolve around chores, family obligations, and money. There's no affection, no curiosity about how I feel or what I want from life. Sometimes I wonder if he even sees me as a woman, or just as a role I'm expected to keep performing without complaint. Watching the film made me realise how quietly unhappy I've become. I'm not thinking of anything drastic like Kusum, but I do crave connection, validation, and a sense of being wanted, not just needed. I have often felt the urge to text my college crush just to talk or sign up on an app maybe to share my feelings. Is it normal to crave for love and sex outside your marriage? Will it help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Movies can wake you up, but also don't apply everything from it onto yourself. You will feel like a 'perfect' victim. It's good that you have become aware that you truly want more affection from your husband which is what you call as connection or validation.
Also, when you start to fill the void in your marriage from outside, it's not going to be a very pleasant experience.
Working on your marriage can help; some men unfortunately are raised in homes that don't teach them on how to care for a woman and her feelings. Usually, the male figure at home will dominate in a way that the mother/sister will be submissive or subservient and then the son picks this trait from his father.
So, even if you raise this point of affection, your husband is possibly not going to understand or will simply tell you that you are overthinking. He knows only that much...
Start by being excited about your marriage...
- appreciate him often; it might teach him to do the same with you
- express your wants very clearly without making it sound like a complaint; it may teach him to follow your expectations
- ask for help within your marriage; it may subtly teach him to show up more for you

It's a long journey perhaps, but start somewhere...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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