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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |560 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Madam, Myself and my wife are old (79 and 73 years of age). We have only child (son) aged 50 years. My son was academically very brilliant in his school and college days. But after chicken box disease in young age he developed cardiac problem.Doctor diagnosed it as Cardiomyopathy and he is still undergoing treatment. Due to this shock, my son became too depressed and totally is disabled. He also became a psychiatric patient, diagnosis being Schizophrenia. He is not able to self manage. He is not settled in life - No job and No marriage! The concern is: After we parents leave the world there are no relatives or friends volunteer to take care of him. How to get a solution for this? Shall be very grateful to receive your advice. Regards.

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging situation you and your family are facing. Caring for an adult child with complex medical and mental health issues can be incredibly difficult, especially when considering the future when you may not be there to provide support. Here are some steps you can take to plan for your son's care:

Consult with Professionals: Seek the advice of medical professionals, including your son's treating physicians and mental health providers. They can provide guidance on his current treatment plan and any potential long-term care needs.
Legal and Financial Planning: Consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law or disability law to help you establish the necessary legal documents and financial arrangements. This may include setting up a special needs trust, appointing a guardian, and creating a will that outlines your son's care and financial support after your passing.
Identify Caregivers: While you mentioned that there are no relatives or friends willing to take care of your son, it's essential to continue exploring potential options. You might consider reaching out to local support groups for parents of children with disabilities or mental health issues to connect with others who have faced similar challenges.
Government Assistance: Research government programs and benefits available to individuals with disabilities
Care Facilities: Investigate residential care facilities and group homes that specialize in providing care for adults with disabilities. Some facilities offer long-term care options that can provide a stable and supportive environment for your son.
Support Services: Look for local agencies and nonprofit organizations that offer support services for individuals with mental health issues and disabilities. They may provide assistance with housing, employment, and daily living skills.
Include Your Son in Planning: To the extent possible, involve your son in discussions about his future care and living arrangements. His input and preferences should be considered in the planning process.
Create a Support Network: Engage with local and online support communities for parents and caregivers of individuals with mental health and disability challenges. Connecting with others who have faced similar situations can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Continuity of Care: Ensure that all essential medical and psychiatric records are well-documented and easily accessible for future caregivers. This will help provide a seamless transition in case of any changes in care providers.
Regular Updates: As your son's condition may change over time, it's crucial to periodically review and update your plans and arrangements to adapt to his evolving needs.
Remember that you are not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and professionals available to help you navigate this difficult journey. Seek guidance from experts and reach out to local disability organizations to explore available support and options for your son's future care.

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Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Feb 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2023Hindi
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Hello Doctor, my 19 year old son is suffering from extreme mental health issues. *. He is not interested in studies, says he cannot concentrate at all. *. He is always sleeping. *.Don't want to attain college classes but need attendance to avoid debarred list. *. Just want to go to college for modelling in college fashion shows & college fests. *. Want to spend life like an page 3 celebrity. *. Don't want to write exams but still worried that he cannot clear his graduation. *. Not at all respectful to his Mom. *. Always worried to enhance his looks. *. Needs expensive new clothes & beauty products. *. Doesn't understand value of money at all. *. Has nothing in his mind about his future. *. Cries very easily. *. Thinks he cannot do anything. *. 0% household help or support from his side. *. Always confused, nothing remembers. *. Doesn't like visiting our native place & talking to relatives. There are still to many issues. I don't understand what I should do? Please help.
Ans: Pre-frontal cortex is part of the brain which helps us make responsible decision making. It gets fully developed by 25 years of age. Yours is developed and functioning and your boy's is in the process. Have faith, you have brought him up and he will mirror your actions, your words, the tone of voice soon. Adolescence stage a teen is looking to showcase his self-esteem and identity. Dressing up, looking a certain way is part of the routine and they love adventure. My suggestions: 1. Listen and then respond. Talk of things he does at college, ask him his dreams, help him set one goal at a time and help him to achieve them if he needs help. 2. Make visiting the native place an adventure: let him plan the journey, the time, the food to carry the presents to give everyone there. Even cajole him that he would be able to make some reels there and share with all. 3. Ask for help: be a human who has emotional needs, gets tired, needs help to finish house work. Your child would be seeing you as an established adult, who manages everything, and then imagine you are asking for help from him to do things at home. 4. Career counselling and meeting people from different professions will clear his mind to choose what he loves. 5. Attending college: Ask him about his favourite subjects, what he finds easy and difficult. Peer support and sitting with friends to revise helps to attend college. do encourage that.
Show your boy you love him but also demand from your son that he is responsible for his world. He is an adult in the eyes of law and his actions has a consequences. Money matters can be solved by giving him a fixed amount to run his week. There is a balance between discipline and respect, treat him like a young adult and not a child. You are a good parent, be kind to yourself and meet your friends too. Do revert with the progress!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1563 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 22, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, my 19 year old son is suffering from extreme mental health issues. *. He is not interested in studies, says he cannot concentrate at all. *. He is always sleeping. *.Don't want to attain college classes but need attendance to avoid debarred list. *. Just want to go to college for modelling in college fashion shows & college fests. *. Want to spend life like an page 3 celebrity. *. Don't want to write exams but still worried that he cannot clear his graduation. *. Not at all respectful to his Mom. *. Always worried to enhance his looks. *. Needs expensive new clothes & beauty products. *. Doesn't understand value of money at all. *. Has nothing in his mind about his future. *. Cries very easily. *. Thinks he cannot do anything. *. 0% household help or support from his side. *. Always confused, nothing remembers. *. Doesn't like visiting our native place & talking to relatives. There are still to many issues. I don't understand what I should do? Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
He seems to want to live in a place of alternate reality where the real life is wilfully blurred and a fantasy world plays out easily. This happens when the real world facts disturb him and stress him and escaping into that alternate reality feels reassuring and calming.
This can be addressed by setting up an appointment with a Clinical Psychologist who is skilled to work with teenagers. She/he will use various techniques to ease your son into the real world. Kindly act NOW. In the meantime, surround him with a lot of love and affection.
All the best!

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