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Divorced Dad With Depressions: Can't See Son Due to Ex-Wife & Doesn't Get Financial Assistance. Help?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |358 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Mohammad Question by Mohammad on Jun 08, 2024Hindi
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Dear dr , my colleague is divorced 2 yrs back ,he is suffering from acute depression, his ex wife has not allowed her son to meet his father in last 2 yrs, as ex wife family is financial very strong they are not taking any monthly support from my colleague for his son.meanwhile son is 10 yr old and is brainwash that his father is not good ,so doesn't want to meet him. My colleague is getting more depressed and admitted for 1 month in hospital and got ECT therapy. Kindly guide ,what we can do so he xan meet his son once a week

Ans: dear Mohammad,
First, it might be helpful for your colleague to consult with a family lawyer who specializes in custody and visitation rights. Even if his ex-wife’s family is financially strong and not accepting support, your colleague likely still has legal rights to see his son. A lawyer can help him explore options like mediation or going back to court to request visitation rights. Since the child has been influenced against him, a court might consider a gradual reintroduction, possibly with the help of a therapist, to rebuild their relationship.

It could also be beneficial to involve a mental health professional who can provide guidance on how to handle this emotionally challenging situation. This professional can help your colleague manage his depression and support him in dealing with the stress related to his son.

As a friend or colleague, your support is invaluable. Encourage him to seek legal and psychological help and remind him that he’s not alone in this battle. Regular check-ins, even if just to listen, can make a big difference in his recovery.

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Madam, Myself and my wife are old (79 and 73 years of age). We have only child (son) aged 50 years. My son was academically very brilliant in his school and college days. But after chicken box disease in young age he developed cardiac problem.Doctor diagnosed it as Cardiomyopathy and he is still undergoing treatment. Due to this shock, my son became too depressed and totally is disabled. He also became a psychiatric patient, diagnosis being Schizophrenia. He is not able to self manage. He is not settled in life - No job and No marriage! The concern is: After we parents leave the world there are no relatives or friends volunteer to take care of him. How to get a solution for this? Shall be very grateful to receive your advice. Regards.
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging situation you and your family are facing. Caring for an adult child with complex medical and mental health issues can be incredibly difficult, especially when considering the future when you may not be there to provide support. Here are some steps you can take to plan for your son's care:

Consult with Professionals: Seek the advice of medical professionals, including your son's treating physicians and mental health providers. They can provide guidance on his current treatment plan and any potential long-term care needs.
Legal and Financial Planning: Consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law or disability law to help you establish the necessary legal documents and financial arrangements. This may include setting up a special needs trust, appointing a guardian, and creating a will that outlines your son's care and financial support after your passing.
Identify Caregivers: While you mentioned that there are no relatives or friends willing to take care of your son, it's essential to continue exploring potential options. You might consider reaching out to local support groups for parents of children with disabilities or mental health issues to connect with others who have faced similar challenges.
Government Assistance: Research government programs and benefits available to individuals with disabilities
Care Facilities: Investigate residential care facilities and group homes that specialize in providing care for adults with disabilities. Some facilities offer long-term care options that can provide a stable and supportive environment for your son.
Support Services: Look for local agencies and nonprofit organizations that offer support services for individuals with mental health issues and disabilities. They may provide assistance with housing, employment, and daily living skills.
Include Your Son in Planning: To the extent possible, involve your son in discussions about his future care and living arrangements. His input and preferences should be considered in the planning process.
Create a Support Network: Engage with local and online support communities for parents and caregivers of individuals with mental health and disability challenges. Connecting with others who have faced similar situations can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Continuity of Care: Ensure that all essential medical and psychiatric records are well-documented and easily accessible for future caregivers. This will help provide a seamless transition in case of any changes in care providers.
Regular Updates: As your son's condition may change over time, it's crucial to periodically review and update your plans and arrangements to adapt to his evolving needs.
Remember that you are not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and professionals available to help you navigate this difficult journey. Seek guidance from experts and reach out to local disability organizations to explore available support and options for your son's future care.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

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Hi Mam I need your expertly advise on this one below. I am gong to talk about my nephew ( my blood sister's son ) He is 31 YO and got married 1 n half years back. His father had a bipolar issue (who is no more now) He is a B.Tech in Comp Science currently unemployed. Now , the key issue is this boy is not physically intimate to his wife since marriage which we cud observe. Last November 2022 he lost his job also due to retrenchment. Since then he underwent depression and anxiety related disorders. So we sought a proper medical advise and under treatment since March 2023. After treatment and medication , his situation slightly improved. The Doctor ( Physichiatrist) who has been evaluating him, has recently told us that his wife is the reason for this trigger and after effects. Also explained us that " whenever he sees her wife around , his inability to perform or engage in family life strikes him and mental issues start. So on an experiment basis, Dr asked us to send his wife for a brief vacation of 10 days to her hometown and said tt his condition would greatly improve. As he foreseen, that is what has happened and Dr confirmed this in his latest review. Now He is asking us to convey this matter to his wife. We really don't know how to take this forward as the Girl would feel hurt and bad as same time His health is also equally important. P: S : 1.The Girl and their family is aware that He is undergoing treatment and she accompanied him in a few reviews too. 2. Dr suggested us to go for a 2nd opinion if we want . But the way he puts it, its clear that he is very much confident about his diagnosis. many thanks your expertly advise regards Mano
Ans: Dear Bonhoure,
We cannot control our environment but only choose how we respond to it. Life throws us curveballs all the time...do we run away from it or do we wish it away?
So, I do find it strange that the Psychiatrist you mention has actually concluded that the wife is the problem, so she should be sent away...
Why was a Couples' counseling session not scheduled? The matter could have been dealt with very intimately as she is also an affected party as is your nephew.
What if the whole thing was in reverse? Will your family be able to take it that he is being sent away as he is the problem? Would you not want him to have a chance to share his side of the story?

An expert needs to hear both sides and counsel or coach them as a unit as they are married...to simply wish someone away, is in my opinion a foolish thing to do as it will break their marriage. Since the doctor has suggested you to go for a second opinion, I suggest the same. Everybody deserves a chance at happiness, so does your nephew and his wife...even if what the doctor diagnosed is true, it is professionally correct to bring them together and work together with them It's highly possible that things might resolve itself this way...

Why separate people when there is a chance to keep them together? So, find solutions keeping the latter in mind rather than the former...

All the best!

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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