Divorced Dad With Depressions: Can't See Son Due to Ex-Wife & Doesn't Get Financial Assistance. Help?

Ans: Dear JG,

How can you help someone who possibly doesn’t even realise that he needs help and that he needs it NOW?

Your intent to see him and his family is noble and out of care and concern. But if he is unwilling to recognise (possibly his mental state) that he needs professional help and that it will ease his situation and save his marriage, what is it that you can do?

For the sake of his wife and child, kindly ask an authoritative yet caring elder in the family to drive some sense into him.

Untreated mental condition isn’t a joyful experience for him or those around him.

Also, take him out on long walks in Nature. Nature is known to be very soothing and healing. Maybe it might help calm his nerves and he might seek help.

All the best!

Ans: Dear JG,

How can you help someone who possibly doesn’t even realise that he needs help and that he needs it NOW?

Your intent to see him and his family is noble and out of care and concern. But if he is unwilling to recognise (possibly his mental state) that he needs professional help and that it will ease his situation and save his marriage, what is it that you can do?

For the sake of his wife and child, kindly ask an authoritative yet caring elder in the family to drive some sense into him.

Untreated mental condition isn’t a joyful experience for him or those around him.

Also, take him out on long walks in Nature. Nature is known to be very soothing and healing. Maybe it might help calm his nerves and he might seek help.

All the best!

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging situation you and your family are facing. Caring for an adult child with complex medical and mental health issues can be incredibly difficult, especially when considering the future when you may not be there to provide support. Here are some steps you can take to plan for your son's care:

Consult with Professionals: Seek the advice of medical professionals, including your son's treating physicians and mental health providers. They can provide guidance on his current treatment plan and any potential long-term care needs.
Legal and Financial Planning: Consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law or disability law to help you establish the necessary legal documents and financial arrangements. This may include setting up a special needs trust, appointing a guardian, and creating a will that outlines your son's care and financial support after your passing.
Identify Caregivers: While you mentioned that there are no relatives or friends willing to take care of your son, it's essential to continue exploring potential options. You might consider reaching out to local support groups for parents of children with disabilities or mental health issues to connect with others who have faced similar challenges.
Government Assistance: Research government programs and benefits available to individuals with disabilities
Care Facilities: Investigate residential care facilities and group homes that specialize in providing care for adults with disabilities. Some facilities offer long-term care options that can provide a stable and supportive environment for your son.
Support Services: Look for local agencies and nonprofit organizations that offer support services for individuals with mental health issues and disabilities. They may provide assistance with housing, employment, and daily living skills.
Include Your Son in Planning: To the extent possible, involve your son in discussions about his future care and living arrangements. His input and preferences should be considered in the planning process.
Create a Support Network: Engage with local and online support communities for parents and caregivers of individuals with mental health and disability challenges. Connecting with others who have faced similar situations can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Continuity of Care: Ensure that all essential medical and psychiatric records are well-documented and easily accessible for future caregivers. This will help provide a seamless transition in case of any changes in care providers.
Regular Updates: As your son's condition may change over time, it's crucial to periodically review and update your plans and arrangements to adapt to his evolving needs.
Remember that you are not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and professionals available to help you navigate this difficult journey. Seek guidance from experts and reach out to local disability organizations to explore available support and options for your son's future care.

Ans: Dear Bonhoure,
We cannot control our environment but only choose how we respond to it. Life throws us curveballs all the time...do we run away from it or do we wish it away?
So, I do find it strange that the Psychiatrist you mention has actually concluded that the wife is the problem, so she should be sent away...
Why was a Couples' counseling session not scheduled? The matter could have been dealt with very intimately as she is also an affected party as is your nephew.
What if the whole thing was in reverse? Will your family be able to take it that he is being sent away as he is the problem? Would you not want him to have a chance to share his side of the story?

An expert needs to hear both sides and counsel or coach them as a unit as they are married...to simply wish someone away, is in my opinion a foolish thing to do as it will break their marriage. Since the doctor has suggested you to go for a second opinion, I suggest the same. Everybody deserves a chance at happiness, so does your nephew and his wife...even if what the doctor diagnosed is true, it is professionally correct to bring them together and work together with them It's highly possible that things might resolve itself this way...

Why separate people when there is a chance to keep them together? So, find solutions keeping the latter in mind rather than the former...

All the best!