Hi....my mother in law is interfering a lot ...she is not going anywhere even once in a day...she is going out with me and my husband...she will do brain wash of my husband...my married life is fully disturbed because of my mother in law...pls suggest someone...what should i do ??

Ans:

Dear GG,

What is it that she emotionally blackmails your husband with? How does she do that? Also, why is your husband yielding to these blackmails by his mother?

The information that you have shared with me is incomplete and I will try my best to guide you.

If this is getting unbearable, it’s time to seek an intervention and I feel you can ask your family to step in and speak with your husband so that he can be in an empathetic place about you.

Be strong. All the best!

Ans: In this case, your wife is the one who needs to decide what sort if relationship she wants with her mother. If she feels, the relationship cannot be mended, then my suggestion is that you may just want to have a conversation with her and give your suggestion. Pls let the final decision be of your wife as she would not like to be forced into anything, no matter even if it is the relationship with her mother. It is also not your sole responsibility to mend their relationship. Pls take a measured approach.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're facing such a challenging situation. Balancing relationships with both your mother and your spouse can be difficult, but it's essential to find a way to create harmony. Here's some advice on how to handle this situation:

Communication: Open, honest, and empathetic communication is crucial. Sit down with your mother and your spouse separately and discuss the issue. Let them both know how much you care about them and the impact their conflicts are having on your life.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define boundaries with your mother and your spouse. Discuss what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Make it clear that you expect respect and kindness toward one another.
Counseling or Mediation: If direct communication doesn't resolve the issue, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family therapist or counselor, to mediate the conversation. They can provide guidance and facilitate a constructive dialogue.
Prioritize Your Spouse: Your spouse should be your primary concern when it comes to your immediate family. Make sure your wife knows that you support her and are taking her concerns seriously.
Support Your Mother's Transition: If your mother's actions are rooted in a sense of loss or fear of losing you, reassure her that you still love her and that your relationship with your spouse doesn't diminish your love for her.
Time and Patience: Resolving family conflicts can take time. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to mend the relationships.
Self-Reflection: Reflect on your role in the situation and ensure you are not unintentionally contributing to the conflicts. Sometimes, small changes in your behavior can make a big difference.
Establish Separate Boundaries: If necessary, you might consider setting boundaries that involve keeping your mother and spouse apart if they can't peacefully coexist.
Remember, it's crucial to strike a balance and prioritize your spouse and immediate family. While maintaining a relationship with your mother is important, your marital relationship should come first. Seek professional help if the situation doesn't improve, as a therapist can provide guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Will you accept it gracefully if someone comes to you and on your face says that he/she does not like your behavior?
The way to settle differences in relationships is not confrontation but with a lot of strategic patience and grace; both of which were not displayed while dealing with your mother-in-law. Okay, maybe she is a difficult person to be with, but how has it helped now by your husband playing your spokesperson? It has only made matters worse for you.
What is done cannot be undone...
Wait for her anger to settle down and then approach the matter with butter fingers. Ultimately, she's your husband's mother and hence will always be a part of your life...
Remember to work around constraints and not with them...when you skirt around, you will find many alternate ways of solving a problem and when you confront, you hit egos and then will act irrationally. Wait and when the time is right, be assertive in how you want the relationship to be. Kindly do not use your husband to sort your troubles; it will go downhill yet again...It's your relationship with your mother-in-law, work on it yourself...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Fight your own battles; involving your family has become a family to family issue now...
Let's imagine for a moment that it's a friend's daughter who is close to you is facing the exact same thing; what would you tell her? What can she do to reclaim her rightful place among people who act selfish?
I am sure you will ask her to find her confidence within herself, right? Then, do just that...

Be clear on what duties of the house you can take on and do just that. Also, if you are a homemaker, do find time for yourself to do things that have a lot of meaning and value to you. Classes and courses that involve you stepping out of home will give a clear signal to the members back at home that they will have to pitch in and nit expect to put everything on you. Less complaints and more action in the direction of what you ultimately want. Don't ask: Why is she doing like this? You will never get an answer to this! Instead, ask: What can I do to lessen my burden and feel better?

Changing people is almost impossible, but changing the way you think and do things is always in your hands...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/