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Anu Krishna |1403 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello, I am a working independant women staying with in laws. My mother in law is a narcissist. She used to boast about herself, her son, relatives anytime. I was fed up hearing all these...she wants to keep everything and everyone under her control. I used to tell my husband regarding his mom's behaviour.. He knew about his mom's behaviour from before. He supported me and told me to confront mom and tell her directly that i dont like her behaviour.. But i was afraid.. Because she will never acknowledge her mistake.. My husband and his mom had frequent fight regarding other reasons( like way she talks, controlling behavior) but she never changed her behavior.. One day my husband told her everything what i told him about her.. The way she has been treating me... She got super angry...said many bad words to me..We left the house and rented a apartment.. Still now she is angry.. Blaming me for everything.. For taking her son away.. Now what to do??

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Will you accept it gracefully if someone comes to you and on your face says that he/she does not like your behavior?
The way to settle differences in relationships is not confrontation but with a lot of strategic patience and grace; both of which were not displayed while dealing with your mother-in-law. Okay, maybe she is a difficult person to be with, but how has it helped now by your husband playing your spokesperson? It has only made matters worse for you.
What is done cannot be undone...
Wait for her anger to settle down and then approach the matter with butter fingers. Ultimately, she's your husband's mother and hence will always be a part of your life...
Remember to work around constraints and not with them...when you skirt around, you will find many alternate ways of solving a problem and when you confront, you hit egos and then will act irrationally. Wait and when the time is right, be assertive in how you want the relationship to be. Kindly do not use your husband to sort your troubles; it will go downhill yet again...It's your relationship with your mother-in-law, work on it yourself...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Asked on - May 15, 2024 | Answered on May 15, 2024

I never told my husband to confront her mother.. I just used to share my feelings.. But he was too angry with his mother for other reason and told everything...

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's done anyway...do look at the other suggestions that I have made...No one is blaming you or your husband, but do understand that they are better ways of dealing with difficult situations.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1403 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2022

Question by GG - Mar 17, 2022Hindi

Relationship

Ma'am I got married in 2017.After one month problems started. My mother in law started creating problems by emotionally blackmailing my husband. Now even after 4 years, nothing has changed. I have 1 year old son and a government job. But my husband always kept on insulting me. He behaves as per his mood. I don't know what to do. Pls help me.

Dear GG,

What is it that she emotionally blackmails your husband with? How does she do that? Also, why is your husband yielding to these blackmails by his mother?

The information that you have shared with me is incomplete and I will try my best to guide you.

If this is getting unbearable, it’s time to seek an intervention and I feel you can ask your family to step in and speak with your husband so that he can be in an empathetic place about you.

Be strong. All the best!

Anu Krishna |1403 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2022

Question by SS - Nov 16, 2022Hindi

Relationship

Hope you are doing well.I am kinda mentally disturbed and badly need your suggestion. I have been in love and married for 13 yrs. I have a son and a daughter. I'm a working woman.I'm being constantly ill-treated by my mother-in-law. I know such issues exist in every household. But here, it has been a never-ending issue for 13 years now. She is very insecure, when it comes to household chores, my kids and my husband and feels all these areas should be in her control.She feels she is to be given utmost attention and only her thoughts and feelings to be respected and are always right. She insults me, mocks me, and doesn't treat me like a part of the family, though I’m selfless and continue to care for my in-laws and other family members. She keeps hurting me with her words, gestures and behaviour.To her, I'm like a constant pester and she doesn't feel satisfied with any chores or work at home or family. I'm a big mess. She often states 'I’m her` target` and will continue to hurt me verbally and with gestures.My husband doesn't raise questions on his mom's insane behaviour, as she threatens to harm herself.This is a routine she carries out, whenever she wants to. I have zero support from my husband to change his mom and or understand my feelings. Neither should I voice out my views or feelings. I have to look out for her moods and actions and act accordingly, any time.I have no self-respect, no dignity here. It doesn't feel like this is my house or my family, except for my kids. My kids are growing up and I feel I will lose respect amongst them, when she constantly taunts me and insults me for no reason.I have no parents or siblings to share my feelings. I open up with my close friends for a temporary vent out, otherwise, it really doesn't serve any purpose.I feel like I have to live eternally with this mental abuse, as I'm unable to put up with her behaviour and harassment. Acting as if I'm fine every day is killing me.This type of behaviour makes me feel very low and my self-esteem is affected. I feel worthless and my whole life feels like a sheer curse.Please help me get out of this situation and make my mother-in-law mend her behaviour towards me.Awaiting your response.

Dear SS,

A story in many patriarchal households!

What can you do to change her and your husband’s attitude on this? Nothing at all.

It’s like a stubborn gene that wants to hold on to age-old beliefs where the mother-in-law rules the home and calls the shots, the son blindly supports his mother’s tantrums.

What can you do when your children also are growing up in this environment?

Here’s where you can put your foot down.

Your children have to learn to respect their mother for who she is. So, stop playing the victim in your situation and take charge.

I am sure the children are at an age where their minds are impressionable and can be beautifully shaped to accept different people in the household.

Instead of spending time cursing your situation, spend the same time being with your children, bonding with them.

Talk and spend a lot of time going out, watching TV, cooking, reading, listening to music and more.

What will start to happen is that the children will learn to hold space for you when you are down and out. And do take care that while you are bonding with them, never talk ill about their father or their grandmother.

This activity isn’t to distance one from the other but to give you a new way of thinking in the existing circumstances.

Having said this, if your husband is someday ready to talk to you about this, by all means be assertive.

Till then, it’s not necessary to suffer. Either you can fight and get fingers pointed back at you or you can negotiate a situation wisely to maintain the peace at home. You always have that choice.

Whatever you choose, never sit in silence and do nothing. That’s what your children will learn; to suffer in silence. So, time to make some subtle and meaningful changes?

Best wishes!

Anu Krishna |1403 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Hi Anu...i hv been reading ur expertise to solve the issues of people and am really impressed. We have been married for 19years now and have a son and daughter .From the start of the marriage my wife have been inclined towards her mother and her family paying less or no heed to us. Circumstances were also favorable to her and she always got the opportunity to stay close and visit her parents often which i did not mind.We lived in Mumbai and she is from Chennai.After marriage my mom-in-law used to continuosly interfere into our lives by calling her and she used to act as per her suggestions only which led to problems as she was a puppet in the hands of my Mom-in-law. Moreover since my mom-in-law was not in good health my wife tried not to over rule as she did not want her mom to feel sick as she doesnt like to be over ruled or by pass failing which she goes on hunger strike and stop taking tablets spoiling her own health. Due to this reason everybody has been appeasing her.Initially i thought to ignore but slowly it started to affect my family as well as my wife started to see things thru my mom-in-laws perspective and find faults in everything. We shifted to overseas to stay away from all these and we really had a good life for 10 years there but since i lost job during covid i had to shift base to India for my son's education but she chose to stay back there with my daughter as she is working there.I too felt that let her spend some time so that i could settle things in India and call her but it is more than 2 years now and she refuses to come back and dont even care for us and neither call us as family. I tried to involve my in-laws to convince her but they are also playing a diplomatic game and doesnt want to go against their daughter's wish.Due to this attitude of my mom-in-law their own daughter-in-laws have been staying away and since my in-laws stay alone my wife feels that she is the only support system for her parents but it has come on my life's sacrifice. She has been ignoring us and even i kept moving for the sake of my family and children instead of respecting my feelings she has become more adamant now.Her brother is also seperated from her wife and he also looks forward for a support system from my daughter and my wife and they seem close ignoring myself and my son.We have been trying to convince her thru all means but she is caring. Even i feel that it is futile to force someone into relationship but she unknowingly spoiling my family and deprieve my son the mother;s love and also depreive my daughter from affection and love.Due to this my son has also stopped expecting from her and my daughter treats me as a stranger due to long distance. Pls suggest the way forward. Shud i wait for things to improve or leave as it is.I am 47 now and she is 45..told her that let us enjoy the best things in life rather than regretting later but she does not understand.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Logic does not appeal to your wife!
What can you do with someone who is adamant about ruining her own family life? It's purely clouded judgement on her part on what to do and not!
With more people dependent on your wife for support, she has found a way of moving even more away from you...what I do not understand is: how is she able to do that to your son?

Either the two of you talk this out and take firm decisions OR accept that this is how it's going to be...sooner or later, she will realize what is happening and will become more aware of her priorities. But, being where you are is painful and it will stress you even more...So, find a way to talk things out is a step that you can take NOW!

Impress upon her as to how important it is keep the family together as a unit for the children to grow in a healthy manner and also how much this time investment will help the two of you as a couple.

All the best!

Anu Krishna |1403 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi

Relationship

My mother in law has been exploiting us by making us do all her chores work n behaves badly rudely n always sends hidden messages making herself a victim n making us feel guilt since few months my sister in law has asked her not to talk to us as she does not like us and my mom in law has stopped talking to us since more than a month whereas my sis in law does not live together n is bitter n jealous if us how do we initiate conversations with my mother in law we are worried about her but we are afraid if her temper n she constantly fights with us ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Stay out of this drama!
Your sister-in-law is doing her best to provoke you through her mother; why are you getting provoked? The minute you give into this drama, you will become a part of it and then it gets difficult to come out of it...Be wise and let it play...
The more you display that all this does not affect you, sooner than later, things will settle either to a neutral place where no one bothers anyone OR it will be in your favor. Be patient...BUT the decision to stay out of this without crashing egos is the hard part...will you be willing to do that?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

Latest Questions

Dr Nagarajan Jsk |183 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi

Career

Hello sir I am mbbs graduated from russia in 2020,n passed with my fmge exam in india in 2021, I want to ask if i want to practice medicine or work as doctor in uk ? Is it necessary for me to pass plab exam exam? Or if i get sponsorship from any uk i will be able to work there and simultaneously i will give plab exam?? Please guide me i m so confused?

Ans: Hi, I understand that you pursued a medicine course in Russia (a non-European country) and, since you are from India, you have completed the FMGE. Now you want to practice or work in the UK as a doctor?

Based on your question, you are eligible to practice in India after completing your internship (which you haven't mentioned, but I assume you have completed it). The FMGE is essentially a licensure exam for Indian students who have completed their medical studies abroad, so you are eligible to practice in India only.

If you want to practice medicine in the UK, you need to complete the PLAB test, as you are from outside the UK/Switzerland/European countries (Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland).

You also inquired about sponsorship. Here is the information related to sponsorship for practicing medicine in the UK.
(Extracted from general medical council, uk org. )Applying for registration using sponsorship
If you apply through sponsorship, you will have to satisfy the sponsor that you possess the knowledge, skills and experience required for practising as a fully registered medical practitioner in the UK. Each sponsor has their own scheme which we have pre-approved. If you can satisfy the requirements of their scheme, they will issue you with a Sponsorship Registration Certificate (SRC) which you will need for your application with us. Please ensure this is a Sponsorship Registration Certificate for GMC registration, as we can’t accept UK visa sponsorship certificates for your application for registration.
Please note that a core part of all sponsors' criteria is that a doctor applying for an offer of sponsorship must have been engaged in medical practice for three out of the last five years including the most recent 12 months. If you cannot meet these minimum criteria, it is unlikely that you'll be able to supply sufficient evidence to support your application for sponsorship.
Doctors applying through sponsorship are required to demonstrate their English language skills by achieving our current minimum scores in the academic version of the IELTS test or the OET (medicine version).
• Alder Hey International Fellowship Scheme (Anaesthetics)
• Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board - BCUHB IMG Sponsorship Scheme
• BAPIO Training Academy Ltd – BTA International Fellowship Scheme
• BAPIO Training Academy Ltd – International Training Programme for Postgraduate Doctors
• BAPIO Training Academy Ltd - BTA International Fellowship Scheme – Internal Medicine with interest in Oncology with MSc in Oncology
• Barking Havering and Redbridge University Hospitals NHS Trust - BHRUT Sponsorship Scheme for Overseas Doctors in Clinical Radiology
• Birmingham and Solihull Mental Health NHS Foundation Trust - International Medical Fellowship Programme in Psychiatry (Birmingham)
• Birmingham Women’s and Children’s Hospital – Birmingham Women’s and Children’s International Medical Graduate sponsorship scheme
• Bradford District Care NHS Foundation Trust - International Medical Fellowship in Psychiatry
• Cambridge IVF, Cambridge University Hospitals NHS Trust – IVF Senior Clinical Fellowship Scheme
• Cambridge University Hospital – Senior Clinical Fellowship Scheme in Intensive Care Medicine/Anaesthesia
• Canterbury Christ Church University
• Cumbria Northumberland Tyne and Wear NHS Psychiatry Fellowship Programme
• Derbyshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust - International Medical Fellowship Programme in Psychiatry
• Dudley Group NHS Foundation Trust
• East Lancashire Hospitals NHS Trust - Clinical Fellowship in Urology or Ophthalmology
• East Lancashire Hospital NHS Trust - Specialist Clinical Fellowship in Pain Management
• East London NHS Foundation Trust (ELFT) – ELFT Advanced International Fellowship in Psychiatry
• East Suffolk and North Essex NHS Foundation Trust – ICENI Centre Fellowships Programme
• Edge Hill University and Wrightington, Wigan and Leigh NHS Trust – International Training Fellowships in MCh programmes
• ENT UK – Royal College of Surgeons
• Essex Partnership University NHS Foundation Trust – EPUT Advanced Fellowship in Psychiatry
• Frimley Health NHS Foundation Trust – International Fellowship in Regional Anaesthesia combined with MSc in Principles of Regional Anaesthesia at the University of East Anglia
• Great Ormond Street Hospital International Fellowship Programme
• Guy's and St Thomas' Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – Critical Care
• Guy’s and St Thomas’ NHS Foundation Trust – International Clinical Fellowship Programme (ICFP)
• Guy's and St Thomas' Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – Obstetrics and Gynaecology
• Guy’s and St Thomas’ NHS Hospitals Foundation Trust – Oncology Specialty Training
• Guy's and St Thomas' NHS Hospitals Foundation Trust – Specialty Training in Anaesthetics
• Harefield Hospital, Royal Brompton and Harefield NHS Trust – Anaesthesia and Critical Care
• Hertfordshire Partnership University NHS Foundation Trust
• Hull University Teaching Hospitals NHS Trust – International Fellows at Hull University Teaching Hospitals NHS Trust
• Humber Teaching NHS Foundation Trust - Sponsored International Fellowship Scheme in Psychiatry
• Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust – Emergency Medicine
• Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust – Haematology
• Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust – International Anaesthesia Trainees
• Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust – Intensive Care Medicine
• Imperial College, London - Clinical Research
• King’s College Hospital NHS Trusts – International Critical Care Fellowship
• King’s College Hospital NHS Trusts – Paediatric Critical Care Fellowship
• Lancashire & South Cumbria NHS Foundation Trust - Psychiatry specialty Fellowship Scheme
• Lancashire Teaching Hospitals NHS Trust - Overseas Registrar Development and Recruitment (ORDER)
• Leeds Teaching Hospitals NHS Trust – International Fellowship Programme
• Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust – International Medical Fellowship Programme in Psychiatry
• Lincolnshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust – CESR Fellowship in Psychiatry or Sponsored Fellowship in Psychiatry
• Lysholm Dept of Neuroradiology – National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery, UCL
• Manchester University NHS Foundation Trust – International Fellowship Programme
• Midlands Partnership NHS Foundation Trust
• Ministry of Defence – International Military Clinical Fellowships
• Modality Partnership - Modality Primary Care International Fellowship Scheme
• NAViGO Health and Social Care CIC – International Medical Fellowship in Psychiatry
• NHS England, East of England - East of England International Office GMC Sponsorship
• NHS Fife – CESR Fellowship Programme in Psychiatry
• NHS Grampian – Psychiatry CESR Fellowship Programme
• NHS Grampian – Multi-specialty SAS Fellowship
• NHS Wales Shared Services Partnership (NWSSP) – All Wales International Medical Recruitment Programme
• Norfolk and Suffolk NHS Foundation Trust (NSFT) - Advanced Clinical Fellowship in Psychiatry
• North Lincolnshire and Goole NHS Foundation Trust (NLAG) Sponsorship Programme
• Northampton General Hospital – Clinical Fellowship in Regional Anaesthesia
• Northampton General Hospital NHS Trust - International Clinical Fellowship in Regional Anaesthesia, Vascular Anaesthesia, or Peri-operative Medicine
• Northamptonshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust – International Clinical Fellowship Scheme
• Northamptonshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust – International Clinical Fellowship Scheme (Psychiatry)
• Northern Care Alliance – NCA International Medical Fellowship Scheme
• Oxford University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – Oxford Eye Hospital
• Oxford University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – Oxford Intensive Care Medicine (OxICM) Sponsorship Scheme
• Oxford University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – Oxford University Hospitals Sponsorship Scheme
• Oxford University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – The Oxford International Neonatal and Paediatric Fellowship Programme
• Rotherham Doncaster and South Humber NHS Foundation Trust - Sponsored International Fellowship Scheme in Psychiatry
• Royal College of Anaesthetists – Global Fellowship Scheme (Anaesthesia or ICM)
• Royal College of Anaesthetists – MTI Scheme
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• Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health – International Paediatric Sponsorship Scheme
• Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health – MTI Scheme
• Royal College of Pathologists
• Royal College of Physicians of Edinburgh
• Royal College of Surgeons of England
• Royal College of Physicians of London
• Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Glasgow
• Royal College of Psychiatrists – MTI Scheme
• Royal College of Radiologists – Clinical Radiology
• Royal College of Radiologists – Clinical Oncology
• Royal College of Radiologists – RCR Specialty Training Sponsorship Scheme
• Royal College of Surgeons of Edinburgh
• Royal Devon and Exeter NHS Trust
• Royal Papworth Hospital NHS Foundation Trust – Senior Clinical Fellowship Programme in Anaesthesia and Critical Care
• Royal Wolverhampton Trust – Clinical Fellowship Programme
• Sheffield Children’s NHS Foundation Trust - Rotational Clinical Fellows in Paediatrics, Trauma and Orthopaedic International Fellows, and Subspeciality Fellows in Paediatrics
• Sheffield Health and Social Care NHS Foundation Trust - International Medical Fellowship in Psychiatry
• Somerset NHS Foundation Trust – Somerset Overseas Doctors Sponsorship Scheme
• Somerset NHS Foundation Trust – Psychiatry Overseas Doctors Sponsorship Scheme
• South Warwickshire University NHS Foundation Trust - GMC Multispecialty Sponsorship Scheme
• South West Yorkshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust – International Fellowship in Psychiatry
• Southmead Hospital, North Bristol NHS Trust – International Obstetrics and Gynaecology Training Programme
• St Bartholomew’s Hospital, Barts Health NHS Trust – St Bartholomew’s Critical Care Fellowship
• St George’s University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – International Anaesthetics Fellowship Programme
• St George’s University Hospital NHS Foundation Trust (Dr Nirav Shah) – International Intensive Care Medicine Trainees
• St George’s University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – International Emergency Medicine Trainees
• Surrey and Borders Partnership (SABP) NHS Foundation Trust – International Psychiatric and Community Paediatrics Sponsorship Scheme
• Tees, Esk and Wear Valleys NHS Foundation Trust – International Psychiatric CESR or SAS Fellowship
• University College London Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust, Department of Critical Care – Clinical Fellowship Critical Care and Perioperative Medicine
• University Hospital Birmingham NHS Foundation Trust - International Training Fellowship Programme
• University Hospitals Birmingham NHS Foundation Trust - UHB LED Fellowship Programme
• University Hospitals Bristol and Weston NHS Foundation Trust – Bristol Children's Hospital International Fellowship Scheme
• University Hospitals Bristol and Weston NHS Foundation Trust - Department of General Internal Medicine at Weston General Hospital
• University Hospitals Coventry and Warwickshire NHS Trust
• University Hospitals of Leicester NHS Trust - Postgraduate Clinical Fellowship Programme
• University of Buckingham – Master of Medicine
• University of Buckingham – Master of Surgery
• University of Chester and Cheshire and Wirral Partnership NHS Trust – International Training Fellows Psychiatry
• University of Hertfordshire – Professional Doctorate in General Internal Medicine (Clinical MD) Programme
KINDLY NOTE: If your sponsor is not on this list then you cannot apply using sponsorship.
If you have any further questions, please visit the GMC website for more information.

WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST.

Dr Nagarajan Jsk |183 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2024Hindi

Career

I’m mbbs final year student from Kathmandu university want pg medicine from UAE

Ans: You have provided very limited information. I understand that you are a student from Kathmandu University and wish to pursue higher education in medicine in the UAE. To provide a more accurate response, I need the following details:

What is your nationality? (Based on your nationality, I can check the relevant requirements from the health department regarding courses and internships).

Dr Nagarajan Jsk |183 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi

Career

Sir my son has 92 percentile in cat 2024..what are his scopes of admission.

Ans: Hi Sir,
You have provided very limited information to obtain the details. However, the percentile of the candidate will not solely determine the admission process. Other factors are also involved, including:

- Course
- Institution
- Caste
- Creamy layer
- Gender

But, there may be possibilities for admission to the following IIMs: IIM Visakhapatnam, Udaipur, Bodhgaya, Shillong, and Rohtak.

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7290 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 21, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi Sir, I follow your articles regularly and your detailed assessment is really awesome.I am 47yrs Male with wife, 20&18 years kids, elder one is in B.Tech and younger one is 12th. My wife is a home maker. Coming to financials. I have 4 houses including the one residing worth 10cr(total) and getting rental income of 70k per month, invested in stocks and MFs worth 60L, have foreign stocks of worth 1.7cr, accumulated pf around 1.3cr. I have farm lands worth 5cr. Have 1.2cr loan and salary of ~4L (net). current sips in equity 70k/month, have 5Cr term plan, health insurance for family 50L. How do I plan my retirement at 52-53years assuming 80 years life expectancy. Don't want to depend on kids and need regular income ~3-4L per month.

Ans: Asset Evaluation
Real Estate:
You own four houses worth Rs 10 crore, generating Rs 70,000 monthly rental income. This is a solid base for passive income. However, real estate can have fluctuating maintenance costs, tenant issues, and varying rental yields over time.

Stocks and Mutual Funds:
Your Rs 60 lakh investment in stocks and mutual funds is a commendable step. Active mutual funds offer professional fund management and can outperform index funds over time.

Foreign Stocks:
Your Rs 1.7 crore portfolio in foreign stocks adds geographical diversification. Monitor currency exchange fluctuations and global market trends.

Provident Fund (PF):
With Rs 1.3 crore in PF, this is a reliable retirement corpus. The fund provides fixed returns and tax benefits, adding stability.

Farm Lands:
Farm lands worth Rs 5 crore are an illiquid but valuable asset. They might not generate consistent income unless leased or developed.

Loans:
A loan liability of Rs 1.2 crore needs prioritised repayment. Focus on loans with higher interest rates first.

Insurance Coverage:
A Rs 5 crore term plan is robust. Your Rs 50 lakh health insurance is sufficient for unexpected medical emergencies.

Retirement Goals
You need Rs 3–4 lakh monthly for 27–28 years post-retirement.
The portfolio must generate steady, inflation-adjusted returns.
Action Plan for Retirement
Debt Management
Prepay High-Interest Loans:
Use a portion of your surplus income to prepay loans. This reduces interest outflow and increases your cash flow.

Avoid New Loans:
Focus on reducing existing liabilities instead of taking on new ones.

Portfolio Restructuring
Real Estate:
Retain essential properties. Sell underperforming or non-essential properties to reduce concentration in real estate. Invest proceeds in mutual funds or debt instruments for diversification.

Mutual Funds (MFs):
Increase SIPs in actively managed funds. They outperform direct funds due to guidance from Certified Financial Planners and MFDs. Regular funds offer better tracking and professional assistance.

Stocks:
Monitor direct equity investments closely. Consider reallocating underperforming stocks to mutual funds for better management.

Debt Instruments:
Invest in high-quality debt funds or fixed-income securities for stability. These instruments balance equity volatility and ensure steady returns.

SIP Strategy
Increase SIPs from Rs 70,000 to Rs 1 lakh/month.
Allocate 70% to equity funds for long-term growth.
Invest 30% in debt funds for stability and liquidity.
Emergency Fund
Maintain a 12-month expense reserve in liquid funds or fixed deposits.
This covers unexpected expenses without disturbing investments.
Income During Retirement
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Use SWPs in mutual funds to generate regular income.
Withdraw 6–8% annually from your mutual fund portfolio for a steady income stream.
Rental Income Optimisation
Review property rents regularly.
Invest part of rental income in equity or debt mutual funds for compounding.
Dividend Stocks
Retain high-dividend-yield stocks for regular income.
Reinvest surplus dividends for long-term growth.
Tax Efficiency
Equity Funds Taxation:
Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds Taxation:
Both short- and long-term gains are taxed per your income slab.

Real Estate Capital Gains:
Use exemptions under Sections 54 or 54F to save tax on property sales.

Inflation Protection
Allocate 60–70% of your portfolio to equity investments.

Equity provides inflation-adjusted returns over time.

Debt funds and fixed instruments safeguard against equity market volatility.

Estate Planning
Draft a will to allocate assets transparently among family members.
Use nomination and joint ownership to avoid legal complications.
Consider a family trust for farm lands to avoid disputes.
Periodic Review
Review your financial plan every six months.
Adjust investments based on market conditions, goals, and needs.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner regularly for updates.
Finally
A well-diversified portfolio ensures financial independence post-retirement. Focus on debt repayment, portfolio balance, and tax-efficient withdrawals. Your assets can comfortably generate Rs 3–4 lakh monthly income, adjusted for inflation.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Kanchan Rai |444 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Question by Kevin - Dec 19, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am the eldest sibling in our families and aged 51. Normally, whenever anyone in the family has a problem - financial, mental, psychological, issue with people or anything else, they come up to discuss with me and share. Well, many would say I am lucky as people look up to me when they are in any kind of a problem. But that is not the case. Sadly no one is around with whom I can discuss or even think to share my issues, my problems. I do not have any friends. Sadly, yes, that is a fact and at my age, I dont expect that here we have a culture where we can get to making friends, at least the kind of friends with whom you can confide, share your feelings, problems. I tried and failed. Maybe because I am introvert or maybe I am too cautious. To make it more complicated, I dont work in the regular kind of job. I am a lone person who works as a freelance from home. This limits my outreach when it comes to interacting with real people. I have clients, business contacts, but I cannot get personal with them. It will never be a good choice. My wife is busy with her job + we do not have any relation beyond the daily matters related to household and it has been more than 10 years now that we live this way. Tried to sort out things with her but she just does not have time and interest (after all who wants to add on to tensions, stress). My daughter is after all my daughter - I cannot share these with her, and definitely at 10 she is too young to be one to discuss such stuff. I am not sure how far this issue can be fixed but I am hopeful to find some path here.

Ans: Dear Kevin,
Starting small can be helpful. Consider connecting with people through shared interests or hobbies, either online or in person, where the pressure to immediately open up is minimal. Online communities, local meetups, or volunteer activities can create low-stakes opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals. The goal isn’t to instantly find someone to confide in but to slowly build a sense of belonging and companionship.

Your relationship with your wife appears to be another significant source of emotional distance. While her lack of interest in deep conversations may seem like a barrier, it’s worth exploring other ways to reconnect—perhaps by spending time together in shared activities or revisiting moments that once brought you closer. Sometimes, relationships stuck in routines benefit from new experiences or even professional counseling to navigate the underlying dynamics.

Regarding your daughter, while it’s clear she cannot shoulder your emotional burdens, she can still be a source of joy and connection. Investing time in activities with her can provide a sense of fulfillment and grounding that counters loneliness.

Above all, remember that reaching out for professional support, such as therapy, is not a sign of weakness but an act of self-care. A therapist can provide a safe space to express your feelings and help you develop strategies to foster deeper connections and manage emotional isolation.

You deserve to feel supported and connected, and even if the journey to finding that seems long, every step you take toward opening up or seeking out others is a move toward a more fulfilling and less lonely existence.

T S Khurana |260 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi

Money

My Question is for New Tax Regime for Financial Year 2024 – 25. Total gross Income is Rs.9 lakhs and along with that income from share / stock trading i.e short term gains of Rs. 1 lakh. Could you please help me advise if what would be the tax liability?

Ans: 01. Considering your Income of Rs.9.00 lakhs as business income & Rs.1.00 lakh as STCG on securities, without any tax savings, your tax liability would be around Rs.62,400.00 in New tax regime. If we opt for the old tax regime, your tax liability would be much more than this.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

T S Khurana |260 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Question by SA - Nov 11, 2024Hindi

Money

I got a residential property through will from my mother,,property is 30 years old and i am planning to sell it, in that case i am going to get Rs 165lacks,, what will be the tax implication and how to avoid the same kindly advise i am 55 years old married man with a daughter

Ans: 01. In this case, you would be subjected to LTCG (Long Term Capital Gain) tax.
02. To work out LTCG, you should reduce its Cost from the Sale proceeds (Rs.165.00 lakhs).
of property, which was costed to your mother.
03. However, following details may help you to assess your tax liability.
Under present provisions of Income Tax Act, you may opt any of the options (Long Term
Capital Gains), as under :
(a). Tax Rate 12.50% without indexation or
(b). Tax Rate of 20% with Indexation.
04. You may calculate your tax liability under both options & may opt for the tax regime, where tax liability is minimum.
05. To avoid tax, you may invest in purchase of some house property. Exemption available would be minimum of Cost of new house property or the LTCG, which ever is less.
06. You have the option to purchase Capital Gain Bonds of NHAI etc., for tax saving.
07. Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

T S Khurana |260 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi

Money

Hello Sir, I worked in a Pvt Ltd company from 2006 to 2011, and they had their own PF trust. The company was later sold off to another firm. I still haven't withdrawn the my PF amount. How will i be able to do that. I have the PF number and ESP number. Since this was before 2011 , my UAN is not linked to this account. How will i be able to retrieve my PF amount that is still stuck here.

Ans: Kindly keep in touch with your previous employer (present owner of the company), in this connection. There should not be any problem in getting your PF amount, except certain formalities/ forms to be submitted.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

T S Khurana |260 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 21, 2024Hindi

Money

Dear Guru. I have inherited a property in Mumbai from my deceased father which was purchased in 1983 by him. If today i sell the property which is worth 2.60 Crs whats my capital gains tax and how will it be calculated

Ans: 01. In absence of exact figures, it is not possible to calculate your Capital Gains Tax. However, following details may help you to assess your tax liability.
02. Under present provisions of Income Tax Act, you may opt any of the options (Long Term
Capital Gains), as under :
(a). Tax Rate 12.50% without indexation or
(b). Tax Rate of 20% with Indexation.
03. You may calculate your tax liability under both options & may opt for the tax regime, where tax liability is minimum.
04. Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7290 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Question by Anil - Dec 20, 2024Hindi

Money

Top4 sips with 15k amount suggest me

Ans: Here’s an updated strategy for your Rs. 15,000 SIP allocation, replacing the sectoral/thematic fund with a small-cap fund for better long-term growth potential.

Suggested SIP Allocation (Rs. 15,000)
Large-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 4,000/month
Objective: Stability and steady growth by investing in India’s top 100 companies.
Why Choose: Provides consistent returns and low volatility in your portfolio.
Flexi-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 4,000/month
Objective: Diversified exposure across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.
Why Choose: Offers balanced risk and returns with flexibility during market cycles.
Mid-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 3,500/month
Objective: Tap into the growth potential of medium-sized companies.
Why Choose: Higher returns with manageable risk compared to small caps.
Small-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 3,500/month
Objective: Focus on fast-growing small-cap companies.
Why Choose: High-growth potential over the long term, though with higher volatility.
Why Include Small-Cap Funds?
Long-Term Growth: Small-cap companies have immense potential to grow significantly over time.
Diversification: Adds exposure to an underrepresented segment, complementing large and mid-caps.
High Returns: Potential for higher returns compared to other categories, albeit with higher risk.
Key Considerations
Investment Horizon: Stay invested for at least 7-10 years to mitigate short-term volatility.
Active Fund Management: Avoid direct or index funds to leverage professional expertise.
Regular Monitoring: Review fund performance periodically with a Certified Financial Planner.
Tax Implications
Equity Funds:
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh/year taxed at 12.5%.
STCG (held less than 1 year) taxed at 20%.
Final Insights
This updated allocation ensures a mix of stability, moderate risk, and high growth. With consistent SIPs and periodic reviews, you can achieve robust wealth creation over the long term. A Certified Financial Planner can assist in optimising your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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