Hello, I am a working independant women staying with in laws. My mother in law is a narcissist. She used to boast about herself, her son, relatives anytime. I was fed up hearing all these...she wants to keep everything and everyone under her control. I used to tell my husband regarding his mom's behaviour.. He knew about his mom's behaviour from before. He supported me and told me to confront mom and tell her directly that i dont like her behaviour.. But i was afraid.. Because she will never acknowledge her mistake.. My husband and his mom had frequent fight regarding other reasons( like way she talks, controlling behavior) but she never changed her behavior.. One day my husband told her everything what i told him about her.. The way she has been treating me... She got super angry...said many bad words to me..We left the house and rented a apartment.. Still now she is angry.. Blaming me for everything.. For taking her son away.. Now what to do??

Hope you are doing well.I am kinda mentally disturbed and badly need your suggestion. I have been in love and married for 13 yrs. I have a son and a daughter. I'm a working woman.I'm being constantly ill-treated by my mother-in-law. I know such issues exist in every household. But here, it has been a never-ending issue for 13 years now. She is very insecure, when it comes to household chores, my kids and my husband and feels all these areas should be in her control.She feels she is to be given utmost attention and only her thoughts and feelings to be respected and are always right. She insults me, mocks me, and doesn't treat me like a part of the family, though I’m selfless and continue to care for my in-laws and other family members. She keeps hurting me with her words, gestures and behaviour.To her, I'm like a constant pester and she doesn't feel satisfied with any chores or work at home or family. I'm a big mess. She often states 'I’m her` target` and will continue to hurt me verbally and with gestures.My husband doesn't raise questions on his mom's insane behaviour, as she threatens to harm herself.This is a routine she carries out, whenever she wants to. I have zero support from my husband to change his mom and or understand my feelings. Neither should I voice out my views or feelings. I have to look out for her moods and actions and act accordingly, any time.I have no self-respect, no dignity here. It doesn't feel like this is my house or my family, except for my kids. My kids are growing up and I feel I will lose respect amongst them, when she constantly taunts me and insults me for no reason.I have no parents or siblings to share my feelings. I open up with my close friends for a temporary vent out, otherwise, it really doesn't serve any purpose.I feel like I have to live eternally with this mental abuse, as I'm unable to put up with her behaviour and harassment. Acting as if I'm fine every day is killing me.This type of behaviour makes me feel very low and my self-esteem is affected. I feel worthless and my whole life feels like a sheer curse.Please help me get out of this situation and make my mother-in-law mend her behaviour towards me.Awaiting your response.

Hi Anu...i hv been reading ur expertise to solve the issues of people and am really impressed. We have been married for 19years now and have a son and daughter .From the start of the marriage my wife have been inclined towards her mother and her family paying less or no heed to us. Circumstances were also favorable to her and she always got the opportunity to stay close and visit her parents often which i did not mind.We lived in Mumbai and she is from Chennai.After marriage my mom-in-law used to continuosly interfere into our lives by calling her and she used to act as per her suggestions only which led to problems as she was a puppet in the hands of my Mom-in-law. Moreover since my mom-in-law was not in good health my wife tried not to over rule as she did not want her mom to feel sick as she doesnt like to be over ruled or by pass failing which she goes on hunger strike and stop taking tablets spoiling her own health. Due to this reason everybody has been appeasing her.Initially i thought to ignore but slowly it started to affect my family as well as my wife started to see things thru my mom-in-laws perspective and find faults in everything. We shifted to overseas to stay away from all these and we really had a good life for 10 years there but since i lost job during covid i had to shift base to India for my son's education but she chose to stay back there with my daughter as she is working there.I too felt that let her spend some time so that i could settle things in India and call her but it is more than 2 years now and she refuses to come back and dont even care for us and neither call us as family. I tried to involve my in-laws to convince her but they are also playing a diplomatic game and doesnt want to go against their daughter's wish.Due to this attitude of my mom-in-law their own daughter-in-laws have been staying away and since my in-laws stay alone my wife feels that she is the only support system for her parents but it has come on my life's sacrifice. She has been ignoring us and even i kept moving for the sake of my family and children instead of respecting my feelings she has become more adamant now.Her brother is also seperated from her wife and he also looks forward for a support system from my daughter and my wife and they seem close ignoring myself and my son.We have been trying to convince her thru all means but she is caring. Even i feel that it is futile to force someone into relationship but she unknowingly spoiling my family and deprieve my son the mother;s love and also depreive my daughter from affection and love.Due to this my son has also stopped expecting from her and my daughter treats me as a stranger due to long distance. Pls suggest the way forward. Shud i wait for things to improve or leave as it is.I am 47 now and she is 45..told her that let us enjoy the best things in life rather than regretting later but she does not understand.

Problem with my mother in law and her demanding behaviour in everything i used to do.. Even if i go with my husband.. She demanding me to tell where are you going.. Everything backbithches about me n my family when i was not in home to my husband He used to tell me after that... And i completely fed up... Why is she doing like this? They always make me to do work... Even her daughters are sitting peacefully with their phones.. Recently i addressed all these through my family to them... Now its became a big problem... That i told to my parents... They are blaming me now.. On this reason.. My husband supports them What to do now

Hi Anu, Im 27yrs old. I have been married for 1.5 yrs. Me and my husband live abroad. I grew up abroad for a great deal of my life and all members of my family are post graduate degree holders from renowned universities. Recently my mother-in-law came to visit us, she is staying for 6 months. My husband prior to marriage said that his mother is educated when I asked him. Post marriage I found out she studied only till 10th and married my father-in-law who is deceased. Since her arrival, my mother-in-law’s behaviour has been very weird. 1. She once told me that in their caste Kshatriyas ( we had an inter-caste marriage) its very common for the men to have 2 wives and mistresses. This was said totally out if context. Couple of days later she mentioned that her husband had a mistress. 2. She asks me questions about why things are the way they are and why are they like that. I find it very difficult to answer to her questions at the same time I don’t want to sound condescending. 3. She complained to my mother that my husband and I are using up too much ghee and oil. She blames that I made her son fat. My husband likes to have everything deep fried when I don’t do as he asks he throws a fit like a child and refuses to eat. Now I realised why, she deep fries almost everything, bhindi, potato, gobi, arvi, and even brinjal. 4. She also mentions that some relative of their was going to give then 2kg gold dowry to marry her son. I asked her why didn’t she accept it then. They she covered up saying that our engagement was already done by then. Again recently, she was talking to her sister on the phone and was saying that a girl is really beautiful and she was considering her for my husband but he liked me. All while I was literally in front of her. 5. She tries to take over the kitchen, she wants to wash dishes by hand and there is food residue all over. She doesn't want me to use the dishwasher. When I pointedly out that there is residue all dried up on the mixer blade, she covered it up saying that its powder. 6. I asked her not to put oil or ghee on the roti pan when making rotis as its ruining the pan and to ghee after the roti is cooked. She still went ahead and melted butter and poured it on the pan and made rotis. She said that they are not puffing up without the oil. I tried it out myself and I discovered that she lied. Dishonesty is my biggest peeve. I have no respect for her now. I don’t understand why she behaves the way she does. She also expects me to listen to all her stories and express interest in her superstitions. She on the other hand shows total disregard to what I say. My parents want me to be nice to her as she is a widow and has only her son and daughter. She is not nice to her daughter. My sister in law does not want to live with her in laws and my mother-in-laws laughs when she calls her crying. I have witnessed her gas lighting her daughter on many occasions. Once my husband asked her is the sister can come stay at home with her back in India and my mother-in-law said that she does not want her daughter in the house because she is a burden. My mother in law also keeps telling me that I should press her son’s legs as it will give Lakshmi. Once he took food from my plate I told him to put it back and get his own, she said its a Maha paap to snatch from husband’s mouth. She uses this Mahapaap whenever I ask my husband to help around the house. I don’t know how to communicate this with my husband and how to deal with her. He believes he needs to provide everything his mom wants and give her the world because she went thru difficulties after their dad’s passing. However my mother in law believes her life got better after her husband’s passing. She says that her husband was abusive to her physically, emotionally and financially. What do I do?

Hi....my mother in law is interfering a lot ...she is not going anywhere even once in a day...she is going out with me and my husband...she will do brain wash of my husband...my married life is fully disturbed because of my mother in law...pls suggest someone...what should i do ??