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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am a working independant women staying with in laws. My mother in law is a narcissist. She used to boast about herself, her son, relatives anytime. I was fed up hearing all these...she wants to keep everything and everyone under her control. I used to tell my husband regarding his mom's behaviour.. He knew about his mom's behaviour from before. He supported me and told me to confront mom and tell her directly that i dont like her behaviour.. But i was afraid.. Because she will never acknowledge her mistake.. My husband and his mom had frequent fight regarding other reasons( like way she talks, controlling behavior) but she never changed her behavior.. One day my husband told her everything what i told him about her.. The way she has been treating me... She got super angry...said many bad words to me..We left the house and rented a apartment.. Still now she is angry.. Blaming me for everything.. For taking her son away.. Now what to do??

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Will you accept it gracefully if someone comes to you and on your face says that he/she does not like your behavior?
The way to settle differences in relationships is not confrontation but with a lot of strategic patience and grace; both of which were not displayed while dealing with your mother-in-law. Okay, maybe she is a difficult person to be with, but how has it helped now by your husband playing your spokesperson? It has only made matters worse for you.
What is done cannot be undone...
Wait for her anger to settle down and then approach the matter with butter fingers. Ultimately, she's your husband's mother and hence will always be a part of your life...
Remember to work around constraints and not with them...when you skirt around, you will find many alternate ways of solving a problem and when you confront, you hit egos and then will act irrationally. Wait and when the time is right, be assertive in how you want the relationship to be. Kindly do not use your husband to sort your troubles; it will go downhill yet again...It's your relationship with your mother-in-law, work on it yourself...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - May 15, 2024 | Answered on May 15, 2024
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I never told my husband to confront her mother.. I just used to share my feelings.. But he was too angry with his mother for other reason and told everything...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's done anyway...do look at the other suggestions that I have made...No one is blaming you or your husband, but do understand that they are better ways of dealing with difficult situations.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2022

Relationship
Hope you are doing well.I am kinda mentally disturbed and badly need your suggestion. I have been in love and married for 13 yrs. I have a son and a daughter. I'm a working woman.I'm being constantly ill-treated by my mother-in-law. I know such issues exist in every household. But here, it has been a never-ending issue for 13 years now. She is very insecure, when it comes to household chores, my kids and my husband and feels all these areas should be in her control.She feels she is to be given utmost attention and only her thoughts and feelings to be respected and are always right. She insults me, mocks me, and doesn't treat me like a part of the family, though I’m selfless and continue to care for my in-laws and other family members. She keeps hurting me with her words, gestures and behaviour.To her, I'm like a constant pester and she doesn't feel satisfied with any chores or work at home or family. I'm a big mess. She often states 'I’m her` target` and will continue to hurt me verbally and with gestures.My husband doesn't raise questions on his mom's insane behaviour, as she threatens to harm herself.This is a routine she carries out, whenever she wants to. I have zero support from my husband to change his mom and or understand my feelings. Neither should I voice out my views or feelings. I have to look out for her moods and actions and act accordingly, any time.I have no self-respect, no dignity here. It doesn't feel like this is my house or my family, except for my kids. My kids are growing up and I feel I will lose respect amongst them, when she constantly taunts me and insults me for no reason.I have no parents or siblings to share my feelings. I open up with my close friends for a temporary vent out, otherwise, it really doesn't serve any purpose.I feel like I have to live eternally with this mental abuse, as I'm unable to put up with her behaviour and harassment. Acting as if I'm fine every day is killing me.This type of behaviour makes me feel very low and my self-esteem is affected. I feel worthless and my whole life feels like a sheer curse.Please help me get out of this situation and make my mother-in-law mend her behaviour towards me.Awaiting your response.
Ans:

Dear SS,

A story in many patriarchal households!

What can you do to change her and your husband’s attitude on this? Nothing at all.

It’s like a stubborn gene that wants to hold on to age-old beliefs where the mother-in-law rules the home and calls the shots, the son blindly supports his mother’s tantrums.

What can you do when your children also are growing up in this environment?

Here’s where you can put your foot down.

Your children have to learn to respect their mother for who she is. So, stop playing the victim in your situation and take charge.

I am sure the children are at an age where their minds are impressionable and can be beautifully shaped to accept different people in the household.

Instead of spending time cursing your situation, spend the same time being with your children, bonding with them.

Talk and spend a lot of time going out, watching TV, cooking, reading, listening to music and more.

What will start to happen is that the children will learn to hold space for you when you are down and out. And do take care that while you are bonding with them, never talk ill about their father or their grandmother.

This activity isn’t to distance one from the other but to give you a new way of thinking in the existing circumstances.

Having said this, if your husband is someday ready to talk to you about this, by all means be assertive.

Till then, it’s not necessary to suffer. Either you can fight and get fingers pointed back at you or you can negotiate a situation wisely to maintain the peace at home. You always have that choice.

Whatever you choose, never sit in silence and do nothing. That’s what your children will learn; to suffer in silence. So, time to make some subtle and meaningful changes?

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu...i hv been reading ur expertise to solve the issues of people and am really impressed. We have been married for 19years now and have a son and daughter .From the start of the marriage my wife have been inclined towards her mother and her family paying less or no heed to us. Circumstances were also favorable to her and she always got the opportunity to stay close and visit her parents often which i did not mind.We lived in Mumbai and she is from Chennai.After marriage my mom-in-law used to continuosly interfere into our lives by calling her and she used to act as per her suggestions only which led to problems as she was a puppet in the hands of my Mom-in-law. Moreover since my mom-in-law was not in good health my wife tried not to over rule as she did not want her mom to feel sick as she doesnt like to be over ruled or by pass failing which she goes on hunger strike and stop taking tablets spoiling her own health. Due to this reason everybody has been appeasing her.Initially i thought to ignore but slowly it started to affect my family as well as my wife started to see things thru my mom-in-laws perspective and find faults in everything. We shifted to overseas to stay away from all these and we really had a good life for 10 years there but since i lost job during covid i had to shift base to India for my son's education but she chose to stay back there with my daughter as she is working there.I too felt that let her spend some time so that i could settle things in India and call her but it is more than 2 years now and she refuses to come back and dont even care for us and neither call us as family. I tried to involve my in-laws to convince her but they are also playing a diplomatic game and doesnt want to go against their daughter's wish.Due to this attitude of my mom-in-law their own daughter-in-laws have been staying away and since my in-laws stay alone my wife feels that she is the only support system for her parents but it has come on my life's sacrifice. She has been ignoring us and even i kept moving for the sake of my family and children instead of respecting my feelings she has become more adamant now.Her brother is also seperated from her wife and he also looks forward for a support system from my daughter and my wife and they seem close ignoring myself and my son.We have been trying to convince her thru all means but she is caring. Even i feel that it is futile to force someone into relationship but she unknowingly spoiling my family and deprieve my son the mother;s love and also depreive my daughter from affection and love.Due to this my son has also stopped expecting from her and my daughter treats me as a stranger due to long distance. Pls suggest the way forward. Shud i wait for things to improve or leave as it is.I am 47 now and she is 45..told her that let us enjoy the best things in life rather than regretting later but she does not understand.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Logic does not appeal to your wife!
What can you do with someone who is adamant about ruining her own family life? It's purely clouded judgement on her part on what to do and not!
With more people dependent on your wife for support, she has found a way of moving even more away from you...what I do not understand is: how is she able to do that to your son?

Either the two of you talk this out and take firm decisions OR accept that this is how it's going to be...sooner or later, she will realize what is happening and will become more aware of her priorities. But, being where you are is painful and it will stress you even more...So, find a way to talk things out is a step that you can take NOW!

Impress upon her as to how important it is keep the family together as a unit for the children to grow in a healthy manner and also how much this time investment will help the two of you as a couple.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6965 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Money
Sir, i am working as lecturer having 25000/- salary, due to family circumstances i have 30lk credit. All jewell loans, i could not able to handle. Even i sale my jewellery, i will be having 5 to 6 lk only. Any suggestion to reduce my credits.
Ans: It takes courage to address such situations, and it’s great that you’re taking proactive steps to improve your finances. Here’s a 360-degree approach to help you effectively reduce your debts while managing your monthly income of Rs 25,000.

 

Assessing Your Debt Situation
Current Debt Amount: You have Rs 30 lakhs in debt primarily due to loans taken against jewelry. If selling your jewelry will provide only Rs 5-6 lakhs, then other measures are necessary to bridge the remaining gap.

Debt Sources and Interest Rates: Understanding the interest rates on each loan will help prioritize payments. Jewelry loans often carry lower interest than unsecured loans or credit card debt. However, their high value makes them significant.

 

Setting Financial Priorities
Essential Expenses: Calculate your essential monthly expenses (household, transport, utilities). This will clarify how much is left for debt repayment each month.

Debt Repayment Priority: Prioritize high-interest debts first. Any loan with a high interest rate should be addressed as soon as possible to reduce interest accumulation.

 

Exploring Repayment Options
Partial Repayment by Selling Jewelry: Selling your jewelry may not clear all debt but will help reduce a portion. Use the Rs 5-6 lakhs strategically by paying off high-interest loans first.

Consider Loan Consolidation: If possible, consolidate your loans into one with a lower interest rate. For instance, banks or cooperative societies sometimes offer personal loans at a lower rate, which can help ease monthly payments.

Restructuring Existing Loans: Contact your lenders to discuss loan restructuring options. Many banks provide relief by extending loan tenures or reducing EMI amounts for individuals in genuine financial distress.

 

Managing Monthly Cash Flow
Setting a Strict Budget: Allocate a strict budget for necessities. Consider frugal practices to reduce monthly costs temporarily, which can free up additional funds for debt payments.

Allocating a Debt Repayment Fund: Set aside a specific portion of your income every month, no matter how small, strictly for debt repayment. This will build consistency in reducing your debt.

Avoiding New Debts: Avoid taking additional loans or using credit until your current debt is more manageable.

 

Additional Income Opportunities
Tutoring or Freelance Work: As a lecturer, you could consider online tutoring or offering coaching for students after hours. Even Rs 5,000-10,000 in additional income monthly can significantly help.

Skill-Based Part-Time Work: If time permits, you could explore other opportunities aligned with your teaching expertise, such as writing educational content, creating online courses, or conducting paid webinars.

 

Support Systems and Resources
Family Support: Since family circumstances have impacted your debt, consider discussing any temporary financial support options with family members to ease immediate pressure.

Seeking Financial Counseling: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can give detailed advice tailored to your unique situation, including restructuring or debt management plans. A CFP will provide a professional outlook on maximizing your income and managing debt within a structured plan.

 

Reducing Emotional and Financial Stress
Avoid Impulse Financial Decisions: It’s easy to make financial decisions under stress that may lead to more debt. Focus on following a structured plan.

Self-Care: Financial challenges can be overwhelming, affecting mental and physical health. Maintain a balanced routine, and stay positive.

 

Final Insights
Addressing debt takes time and disciplined planning. By following these steps, you can gradually reduce your financial burden. The approach of combining structured repayments with minimal expenses and possible additional income can put you back on a more stable financial footing.

 
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6965 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir, I purchased a residential plot in 2018. Paying 6 monthly installment.Total amount paid with interest was 43,00000/- forty three lack. I have no residential house at present. Now the present price of that is 95,00000/- . Now I want to sell that and investing Rs 40,00000/- for residential house and balance in commercial land. please advise me.
Ans: You’ve achieved excellent appreciation on your plot investment, which is highly commendable. You now aim to sell this property and use part of the funds for a residential house while considering the rest for commercial land. Let’s analyse this plan from a Certified Financial Planner’s perspective. Here’s a 360-degree assessment to help you make a well-informed decision.

Capital Gains and Tax Implications
Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): As you bought the plot in 2018 and are selling it now, the capital gains qualify as long-term. Given the increased value, you may incur LTCG tax on the profit.

Exemptions: When reinvesting in a residential property, you can potentially claim exemption under Section 54F of the Income Tax Act. This exemption applies if the capital gain amount is reinvested in a residential house within a specified timeframe. Consulting with a tax advisor could optimize your tax efficiency here.

Analyzing Residential House Purchase
Primary Residence Investment: Using Rs 40 lakh for a residential house is a wise move, as it gives you a self-owned home, fulfilling a fundamental need. Without a current home, owning a residence enhances your long-term security and reduces rent expenses.

Long-Term Value: Owning a home can offer lifestyle stability, tax benefits, and asset value over time. However, as residential properties are typically less liquid and may have lower returns than other assets, it’s best to consider it a personal asset rather than an investment.

Considerations for Commercial Land Investment
Investing in commercial land may seem attractive due to potentially higher rental yields and appreciation rates. However, let’s evaluate it against alternative investment avenues.

Risk and Return: Commercial properties generally offer higher returns than residential properties but come with higher risks. Rental income from commercial spaces can be inconsistent based on economic conditions and tenant demand. It’s essential to assess if you’re comfortable with this risk.

Liquidity Concerns: Real estate, especially commercial property, is less liquid. Selling a commercial property may take time, and in down markets, you may not realize your expected price.

Maintenance and Management: Commercial properties often require more active management, legal clearances, and compliance checks. Unless you’re prepared for these responsibilities, this investment could become complex.

Exploring Alternative Investments for Growth
To maximize growth, diversifying your remaining funds into financial instruments can be beneficial. Here are a few alternatives:

1. Mutual Funds
Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed mutual funds, overseen by professional fund managers, have the potential for higher returns than index funds. Unlike passive index funds, active funds aim to outperform benchmarks, making them appealing for growth-focused investors.

Regular vs. Direct Funds: Regular funds come with guidance from a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) and a Certified Financial Planner, who can provide personalized advice. The convenience of a CFP-guided approach often outweighs the slightly higher fees compared to direct funds. Direct funds, while fee-saving, lack advisory benefits and can lead to suboptimal choices if not expertly managed.

2. Fixed Income Instruments
Corporate Bonds or Government Securities: These can provide steady income and safety for conservative investors. Interest rates vary based on the issuer and tenure, and they offer fixed returns over time.

Fixed Deposits (FDs): Bank FDs or other fixed-income options offer stability and liquidity. Though the return rates are modest, they add a stable component to your portfolio.

Debt Mutual Funds: For a moderate-risk approach, debt funds are ideal. Debt mutual funds invest in bonds and government securities, offering stability and potentially higher returns than FDs. Remember, debt funds are taxed as per your income slab.

3. Gold as a Hedge
Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs): Investing a small portion in SGBs diversifies your portfolio, providing a hedge against inflation. SGBs offer interest income and avoid the hassle of physical storage, making them an efficient gold investment.

Gold Mutual Funds and ETFs: Alternatively, gold mutual funds or ETFs provide liquidity and flexibility, though they may have slightly lower returns than physical gold or SGBs.

Evaluating Your Financial Goals and Needs
Based on your current objective, here’s a tailored roadmap to help meet your requirements:

Primary Residence Ownership: Prioritise the Rs 40 lakh towards a residential home purchase, fulfilling your immediate housing needs.

Enhanced Diversification: For the remaining funds, diversify between mutual funds, fixed-income products, and gold. This combination offers growth, stability, and inflation protection.

Balanced Liquidity and Growth: Consider liquid investments like mutual funds and FDs for accessible funds. These can support liquidity while generating returns.

Key Takeaways for a Secure Future
Avoid Concentration in Real Estate: Since you already hold residential and commercial property, too much allocation to real estate could limit liquidity and growth opportunities. Financial assets offer more flexibility.

Tax Optimization: By consulting a tax advisor, you can strategically reinvest and claim exemptions, optimizing your tax outgo while achieving your financial goals.

Active Monitoring and Review: Regularly review your portfolio, especially in mutual funds, with the assistance of a Certified Financial Planner. This ensures alignment with your goals and adapts to market changes.

Final Insights
Selling your plot offers a unique opportunity to balance asset allocation between real estate and financial assets. By investing in a residential property for personal use and diversifying into financial assets, you achieve both stability and growth potential.

Your disciplined approach to financial planning is commendable. With a balanced strategy, you can maximise both security and growth for a prosperous future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6965 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
Money
Dear Mr. Ramalingam Kalirajan, I am 51 years old, single with no dependent. currently I own a portfolio of INR 1.3 Cr in which 40 L is in MF and 10L in Bond and 10L in Gold. 50L in direct Shares and another 20L in Insurance (Ulip). apart from this I have a Flat which is worth of 60L. my Monthly expenses is around 40K, currently I am planning to retire, kindly let me know whether with this investment can I retire keeping life expectancy of 70-80 years. kindly advice.
Ans: It’s commendable that you’ve accumulated a substantial portfolio and are considering retirement thoughtfully. Let's evaluate each asset class within your portfolio to assess your retirement readiness.

Monthly Income Needs and Existing Assets

You mentioned monthly expenses of Rs 40,000.
Over a 20-30 year retirement period, inflation may gradually increase this amount. A sustainable withdrawal strategy will help address this.
Given a life expectancy of 70-80 years, a monthly income from investments is essential to meet your needs without depleting your corpus.
Mutual Funds

Your mutual fund corpus of Rs 40 lakh could play a key role in providing regular income.

Actively managed funds, unlike index funds, allow expert fund managers to navigate market conditions. They aim for growth even in uncertain markets.
These funds can also be diversified across equity and debt categories to maintain balance. Equity funds can support growth, while debt funds can offer stability and liquidity.
Suggested Action

Retain and build your mutual fund corpus. Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) offer guidance, minimizing risk while aiming for returns.
Setting up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) can provide monthly income in a tax-efficient manner. SWP helps maintain principal while generating steady cash flow.
Direct Share Investments

With Rs 50 lakh in direct shares, your exposure to the equity market is significant.

Direct shares can be volatile and may not always align with the cash flow needs of retirement.
However, with proper management, shares may serve as a growth engine in your portfolio.
Suggested Action

Gradually shift part of your direct shares to diversified equity mutual funds. They provide professional management, spreading risk across sectors and companies.
Review the remaining stocks for potential dividends. Dividend-yielding stocks can complement your monthly cash flow needs.
Bond Investments

Your Rs 10 lakh in bonds offers stability but limited growth. Bonds are more effective as a balance to higher-growth assets like equities.

Bonds have fixed interest, but they may not keep up with inflation. Over time, they could lose purchasing power.
Suggested Action

Retain some bonds for safety but consider partially reallocating to debt mutual funds. Debt funds offer liquidity and potentially better post-tax returns than traditional bonds.
Maintain a mix of short and medium-term debt funds. These provide safety while possibly enhancing returns over traditional fixed-income instruments.
Gold Holdings

Gold can serve as a hedge in times of market volatility, and your Rs 10 lakh in gold contributes to a diversified portfolio.

However, gold alone may not generate regular income. It is more useful for capital preservation.
Suggested Action

Keep your gold as a long-term hedge but avoid expanding your holdings in gold.
For income generation, focus on growth-oriented assets like equity or hybrid funds, which combine equity and debt in a balanced manner.
Insurance (ULIP)

Your Rs 20 lakh in a Unit Linked Insurance Plan (ULIP) provides both insurance and investment. However, ULIPs can come with high charges and may not yield optimal returns.

Suggested Action

It is advisable to consider surrendering or partially exiting the ULIP.
Reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds, which offer greater flexibility, transparency, and cost-efficiency. A term insurance policy can cover any remaining insurance needs.
Real Estate

You own a flat valued at Rs 60 lakh, which can provide security or rental income if required. However, real estate as an asset is typically illiquid, and immediate access to funds can be challenging.

Suggested Action

If rental income isn’t feasible, consider whether this asset aligns with your retirement goals. Selling the property can free up funds for more liquid investments.
Alternatively, keep it as a fallback option but prioritize liquid and income-generating investments for cash flow needs.
Creating a Sustainable Income Stream

To cover Rs 40,000 monthly expenses, an ideal approach is to create a mix of income sources from your portfolio:

A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from equity and hybrid mutual funds could provide monthly income while maintaining the principal.
Dividends from shares, if selected well, can further support your cash flow.
For liquidity, a portion in debt mutual funds or bonds can cover emergencies.
Optimizing Tax Efficiency

Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, and short-term gains at 20%.
Debt funds, on the other hand, are taxed per your income tax slab.
Setting up withdrawals strategically can help minimize tax impact and extend the life of your corpus.
Maintaining Emergency Funds

Since you are planning for a lengthy retirement, set aside a portion of liquid assets as an emergency reserve. This could be a mix of cash, liquid mutual funds, and short-term debt funds.

A sufficient emergency fund provides a buffer without disrupting your main investment portfolio.
It ensures that you won’t need to liquidate assets in unfavorable market conditions.
Healthcare Planning

Without dependents, healthcare planning is crucial to address any unforeseen medical expenses. Consider a robust health insurance policy to minimize out-of-pocket costs.

If you already have health insurance, evaluate the coverage for adequacy.
Top-up plans can provide extra protection without a large increase in premiums.
Finally

Your retirement plan appears well-structured with diversified investments, yet a few refinements could ensure financial security. By consolidating your portfolio for income generation and stability, you can enjoy a comfortable and financially independent retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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