My mother-in-law is making my life miserable. She is a widow. Whenever my husband and I spend time together, she creates small issues or finds reasons to interrupt us. She will suddenly need help with something or start an argument. It's like we rarely get time as a couple at home. Because of this we are constantly fighting. Please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can find some information here to a similar question.
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/how-to-deal-with-a-manipulative-mother-in-law/5142112 (Copy paste this link in your browser).

In addition to that, one thing I would like to tell you no one changes unless they want to change for the better. Your mother-in-law possibly behaves like that because she feels insecure and fearful of losing control over things and people. Not that she is justified in it, but be steadfast in what you want. Let her continue to do what she wants but at no point must it affect you. Is this even possible? Yes, it is and with a lot of practice it is possible. Ignore and sooner than later, she will know that it has stopped bothering you and she will lose control over you. The more you show her that is does not provoke you, the more she will lose control over you. It takes practice for sure but in the meantime, think of what you can achieve when you actually get your power back by being un-bothered by her!

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Again, I don't have much information as to how and when you feel that your mother-in-law is being manipulative. So, I will assume that she is...
1. Ignore her need to pull you into her drama
2. Be assertive about how you feel
3. Do not expect her to change

Instead, get what you want by being more silent and if need be not give in to her demands. When she is faced with a different behaviour from you, she might be willing to look within herself and change. Arguments only lead to more ego clashes and the need to prove that the other person is wrong. But silence at times, has known to make a point and elicit a change.

All the best!

Ans: Dealing with a challenging mother-in-law can be a delicate situation, but it's important to address these concerns to maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse and in-lawsStart by discussing your feelings with your spouse. Share your concerns about your mother-in-law's behavior and how it's affecting you. Ensure that you both are on the same page before addressing the issue with her. When you decide to talk to your mother-in-law, pick a calm and private setting. Avoid confrontations in the heat of the moment, and try to have a rational conversation. Clearly and calmly communicate how her words and actions make you feel. Use "I" statements to express your emotions without blaming her Make it clear what behavior is unacceptable and establish boundaries. Politely but firmly communicate what you are willing and unwilling to tolerate in terms of comments and expectations. If direct communication doesn't yield positive results, consider involving a neutral third party, a trusted family member, to mediate the conversation. Strengthen your relationship with your spouse and build a support system with friends and other family members. Having a strong network can provide emotional support during challenging times. Remember, it may take time to see changes, and it's essential to approach the situation with patience and understanding. Every family dynamic is unique, and finding the right balance may require ongoing effort and communication.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Stay out of this drama!
Your sister-in-law is doing her best to provoke you through her mother; why are you getting provoked? The minute you give into this drama, you will become a part of it and then it gets difficult to come out of it...Be wise and let it play...
The more you display that all this does not affect you, sooner than later, things will settle either to a neutral place where no one bothers anyone OR it will be in your favor. Be patient...BUT the decision to stay out of this without crashing egos is the hard part...will you be willing to do that?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have good respite from all of this while you are at office, right? And then there's the commute to work? Then there's sleep?
So, I guess your interactions with her maybe 2 hours?
For her, she's given up her son; many mothers find it hard cutting the cord from their children and in this case, your husband also has not learned to develop a personality off of her and hence putting him in between the two of you is only going to cause you more stress and invariably he will side with her; he's still getting used to another woman in his life, YOU...Don't test his love for you and compare it with his mother. It will drive him away from you.

Give this all sometime BUT DO NOT get him caught in the middle of all this. Teaching your mother-in-law to behave in a certain way maybe a huge task BUT for you to work around it without letting it bother you is what you must focus on. Possible? YES...Smart relationships are ones like these where you don't go around expecting change in the other person BUT you figure how you can work around and find your peace.
So, since you are going to be around her only for a few hours, start by simply agreeing to what she says. Initially it will be hard, but it will throw her off guard as when she sees that you are not provoked, there will come a time, when she will back off.
Her fault finding is only to prove that she is better than you and that you can't replace her in her son's life. Give her that pleasure by simply nodding your head knowing that it's not your fault. You will see a change in a few days.

The best way to bring people's guard down is to agree to what they say BUT do what you need to. It's just been a couple of months, give it sometime...things settle...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/