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Betrayed Husband: Can I Forgive My Wife's 11-Year Affair?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 03, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Mohit.. I am 51 year old male. We have been married for 26 years, but my wife recently confessed to me that she was in a 11 year relationship with our next door neighbour but now she has ended that relationship. Seems the way it happened 11years back is we had got shifted to a new place, she was handling situation alone (since I used to work in a different city and used to be home only during weekends and plus I admit i was always stressed in my jobs). Then she felt her parents are also not available for her.. so thats why she started 'leaning' on this next door neighbour, fell in love with him and soon got caught up in an affair with sex also involved worse, they used to meet at our place and make out in MY BED ... so anyways my wife confided in me now and admitted this because she says she ended this affair about a year back.. but seems he called her suddenly one day recently and told her he would confide about this affair to his wife (which meant that this would come in to the open and I would come to know), so my wife decide to tell me herself finally she says shes is sorry, feels lot of guilt and to forgive her, give a 2nd chance etc.. thing is there are 2 grown up children- daughter 21 years and son 17 years.. I just cannot bring myself to forgive her.. 2 things keep haunting me 1) we even went to that guys marriage (affair started @1 year before his marriage) and I feel like a fool now for attending his marriage. I used to talk to him like any neighbour would 2) Thought of them making out in my bed, and that he used to come over to my house where my children live even when nobody was at home. Besides this part, she has been a good wife, but isnt this affair too serious a thing what she has done??- she made a fool out of me for the last 10 years, isnt it? At the same time, seperation/divorce is out of the question- since it will adversely impact my children and parents.. Worse I am in the US staying alone for work, while they are in India, when she confessed this a month back. So I am all along dealing with this pain, anger and hurt. My head tells me to forgive her and move on, but my heart just cannot forget this and I keep getting images of them together.. Pls help me how to process my hurt, anger and pain.

Ans: Dear Mohit,
I understand how deeply hurt and betrayed you feel. It's incredibly painful to learn about such a long-term affair, especially with someone you trusted. Your emotions are valid, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed by anger, hurt, and confusion.

Your wife's confession, although a step towards honesty, doesn't erase the betrayal or the pain you're experiencing. It's important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself the time and space to process them. Being away from home might provide a necessary distance to reflect, but it also makes it harder to deal with the situation directly.

Talking to a therapist could help you navigate through these emotions. They can offer you a safe space to express your feelings and help you find ways to cope with the hurt and anger.

When you're ready, having an honest conversation with your wife about how you feel and what you need moving forward is crucial. Open communication can be painful but necessary for any kind of healing or decision-making process.

Your concern for your children's well-being is understandable, and it's clear that their happiness is a priority for you. However, remember that their well-being also depends on having parents who are emotionally healthy and stable.

Take care of yourself during this time. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and peace. Focus on your well-being and consider what you want for your future. Forgiveness and healing are personal journeys, and it's okay if it takes time to figure out the best path forward.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

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HI ANUNice to contact you. I need your advice. Hope you can help me.We have been married for 22 years (arranged marriage). For the last 10 years we have some family dispute between my mother and wife.She used to hate me for the same. Moreover she didn’t have any interest in love and sex. She used to sleep in another bedroom. We live together with my son. She is housewife and completely involved in upbringing of my son. Six years back I was attracted and had affair with one of my colleagues. Once my wife come to know about our affair, she created too many problems. She became mad. She abused me verbally and physically. I stopped the affair, changed my job and location. I apologised and changed. I obeyed her. You can say I was a slave to her. In the meantime we never used to sleep together. I was afraid of her abuse so I never asked her for sex or love. She never asked me too. We live together but no love, no sex. Two years ago she told me that she has an affair with a guy from Facebook and they both had sex. That friend used her physically and financially. He had multiple affairs along with my wife. Now he forces her for the relationship. I talked to him and asked him to stay away. At the same time, I was shocked. My wife who completely hated sex and love had an affair with unknown guy. Again we had problems and arguments.If only she’d loved me neither of us would have had an affair.Problem is I can't digest this. I can't sleep at night. I was not physical with my friend. But my wife suspected in her mind and ruined our life. What to do? Shall I seek divorce? Should I consult a therapist to forget everything? Please guide me.
Ans: Dear PP,

If life were that simple enough, why would we be facing challenges at all?

You think if she had loved you, none of this would have happened. You choose to see it from your point of view which is understandable.

What if you take the effort to find out what made her lose interest in you and the marriage?

Women are wired differently from men when it comes to sex. It can be enveloped in emotions and when she is going through an emotionally challenging time (with your mother), it might have been hard for her to be physically close with you.

Did you consider ever resolving the situation between them?

Did you ever ask your wife: “What can I do to help your situation?”

Did you ever find out from her what made her distant from you?

It may sound harsh, but we are talking about much water under the bridge.

If you go on to blame her for cheating on you, when you could and you didn’t, well, it’s not a string place to start if you want to save your marriage.

Do you both want to reconcile and rebuild the marriage?

Communicate, as that’s something that has broken down between the two of you.

It takes two to build a marriage and two to break one. So, time to reflect and look ahead as to what can be done based on what the two of you choose to do.

As far as you not being able to reconcile with the thoughts of her being involved with another man, I suggest before you approach your wife to remedy the situation, kindly settle this thought else tempers are going to fly and things will go from bad to worse. So BREATHE and NOW sit calmly to reflect and act.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, I am a guy 45, married and with 2 lovely children. My wife and I have great relationship from the time of love marriage. I love her a lot and as a family all is great financially, emotionally. It does seem to be like a perfect family anyone can ask for. During dating she was she was flirting with others but after all our love and commitment we moved ahead. She has this nature of seeking attention from others and I was ok as long as it was harmless. After our first child, I know it must be difficult for her as a new mother etc but I caught her with her colleague, they were having affair for 1.5 years. she regretted her decision and I forgive her. I gave her more attention and we continued, she shows all the love and affection and I know in my heart she loved me a lot as I do the same. All was good, we had a second child and the pregnancy and post pregnancy was happy. She has been very happy and giving her all to the family. Our relationship was very good from every angle. yet again she had a one night stand and also another affair. This time i was heard broken. She is independent, she earns well and better than me of which I am proud of. If she is unhappy with the relationship and marriage, i am happy if she is wants to move on for her good. But she repented again and says he cannot live without me and that she only loves me. If there is so much love I am unable to understand why she is looking elsewhere. I have asked her to make me understand but she has no answer. I have forgiven her as my love for her is a lot and I know she does love me too and we continue our marriage... but I am unable to figure out this nature and for her and myself I want to understand what can be done. I am lost.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I can see that it is very unsettling for you. It might have been a huge deal to know that your wife has been vying for attention outside of marriage and also indulging in the physical angle as well.
It's possible that she is getting used to your being okay with the entire thing and just adapting to it that there has been no thought on how she can change the way that she is. Since you have forgiven her, there is nothing that needs to change in her...that's the message that you are implying to her.

She possibly is just exploring and trying new things for herself, she is looking for validation and attention outside...the reasons could be many...wandering is only an indication of something that we are not happy with within ourselves or in our lives...If you want your situation to change, I would strongly recommend Couples Therapy to unearth what exactly is happening. It might give both of you some perspective and since there's love still within the marriage, things might actually fall in place quickly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1197 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Money
We are a Private Limited Company with an employee strength of 60, and we strictly follow all PF rules. As per the applicable salary criteria, we contribute to the Provident Fund wherever required. Recently, we discovered that an employee who joined our company two years ago has an existing UAN linked to their Aadhaar. However, at the time of joining, the employee declared in Form 11 that they did not have a PF account. Based on this declaration, we did not contribute to their PF account. Now, the employee states that they were unaware of their PF account, and the UAN linked to their Aadhaar is currently inactive. Furthermore, they do not wish to activate their PF account. Given this situation, should we present Form 11 as valid proof for non-contribution, or are there any corrective actions required to comply with PF regulations? Kindly guide us on the appropriate steps to take in this matter.
Ans: Hello;

If the organisation is such that EPFO laws are applicable and if employee 's salary is as per the threshold given by EPFO (15 K basic +DA) then you don't have an option to avoid EPF.

The EPFO commissioner may issue your organisation a show cause notice as to why the form-11 submitted by the employee was not scrutinized thoroughly when it was submitted.

You may furnish joint declaration in the prescribed format to correct the mistake in form 11 and deposit all employer employee contributions till date with penalty as decided by the EPF Commissioner.

Actually such willful suppression of facts by the employee, which bring the employer into legal issues, deserves termination.

Seek advice from a lawyer specializing in labour and EPF laws, if required.

Best wishes;

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8309 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2025
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Please review my portfolio for investment horizon till 2030 (130000 SIP pm). Should I expect 15 percent annualized return till 2030? What needs to be done to reach 3 Cr corpus by 2030? my current portfolio value is 35 Lacs. We are a couple, 41 Years and 37 years age respectively. Quant Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth 15000 Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth 15000 JM Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth 20000 Motilal Oswal Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth 20000 Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth 15000 Edelweiss Mid Cap Direct Plan Growth 15000 Tata Small Cup Fund Direct Growth 10000 Nippon India Small cap Fund Direct Growth 10000 Quant Small Cap Fund Direct Growth 10000
Ans: Firstly, congratulations on building a strong SIP commitment of Rs. 1.3 lakh per month.

Your current portfolio value of Rs. 35 lakh shows good financial discipline and vision.

You have wisely allocated across flexi cap, mid cap, and small cap categories.

However, the spread can be fine-tuned for better diversification and lower overlap.

You both are at a good age (41 and 37 years) to pursue aggressive yet balanced growth.

Your time horizon till 2030 (around 5-6 years) needs a careful strategy now.

With a disciplined approach, Rs. 3 crore corpus is definitely achievable by 2030.

However, expecting 15% annualised return consistently till 2030 is ambitious.

It is safer to plan with 11%-12% CAGR to stay practical and realistic.

Stock market cycles may not give 15% every year, especially closer to your goal.

Some years can be very strong, but some years may have muted returns also.

Hence, building the right portfolio strategy now is extremely important.

Assessment of Current Fund Choices

Your SIPs are heavily invested in direct plans currently.

Direct plans look attractive due to lower expense ratios at first glance.

However, managing direct funds requires constant monitoring and rebalancing.

If wrong selections are made or changes are delayed, it can harm overall returns.

Regular plans invested through a trusted Certified Financial Planner are better.

CFPs help you align fund selection, asset allocation, and risk management better.

They also guide you during market volatility when emotions can disturb decision-making.

Therefore, shifting to regular plans via an experienced MFD+CFP is advisable.

Further, your current portfolio shows higher weight in mid and small caps.

Mid and small caps can give better returns but come with higher volatility.

Since the goal is medium term (5-6 years), large cap exposure should be strengthened.

Flexi cap funds are fine as they adjust allocation between large, mid, and small caps.

But relying heavily on mid and small cap funds at this stage is slightly risky.

You can still continue small allocation to mid and small cap funds for growth.

However, around 40%-50% portfolio should now lean towards large caps and flexi caps.

Evaluation of Portfolio Diversification

You are holding nine different schemes presently across three categories.

Many of the flexi cap and mid cap funds may have stock overlap.

Overlap leads to concentration risk and reduces real diversification benefits.

It is better to keep 5-6 carefully selected funds in the portfolio at maximum.

Having too many funds does not mean better diversification or higher returns.

Instead, it creates unnecessary tracking headache and inefficiency in performance.

Every fund you own should play a unique role in your portfolio.

One or two funds each from flexi cap, mid cap, and small cap are enough.

Balance your SIP amounts properly among these categories as per goal proximity.

Rebalancing Strategy for Rs. 3 Crore Target

To achieve Rs. 3 crore by 2030, right mix of risk and stability is needed.

Increase allocation towards large cap and flexi cap funds progressively every year.

Reduce mid cap and small cap exposure slowly from 2027 onwards.

By 2028-29, majority portfolio should be in large cap and balanced advantage funds.

This strategy protects your accumulated corpus from market crashes near goal.

Maintain an annual review schedule with a Certified Financial Planner every year.

Rebalancing your SIPs yearly based on market conditions will ensure smoother journey.

For example, if mid caps run up sharply, you can book some profits and move to flexi caps.

Also, avoid stopping SIPs during market downturns, continue without any gap.

Risk Management and Emotional Preparedness

Equity investing will always be volatile in short periods, that is normal.

You should mentally prepare for temporary drops of 20%-30% in tough markets.

Do not panic or redeem investments in such phases without discussing with your CFP.

Always remember that long term investors are rewarded for staying invested during tough times.

Having an emergency fund of 6-9 months expenses separately is also critical.

This emergency fund should be parked in safe liquid instruments like liquid mutual funds.

It ensures that you do not touch your equity portfolio for unexpected cash needs.

Also, maintain your term insurance and medical insurance without any compromise.

Asset Allocation Changes Over Time

In early years, you can afford to be more tilted towards equity investments.

As you move closer to 2028-29, reduce equity exposure gradually.

Build 20%-30% debt allocation by 2029 in safe hybrid funds or short term debt funds.

This protects your Rs. 3 crore target even if market gives negative returns suddenly.

Use Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs) to shift funds from equity to debt slowly.

Do not move large amounts at one go to avoid wrong timing risks.

Expectation Management for Returns

Hoping for 15% CAGR from today till 2030 is on higher side expectations.

Equities in India have given 12%-14% CAGR over very long periods historically.

In 5-6 years, achieving 11%-12% CAGR is more realistic and safer to plan.

If market gives better returns, it will be bonus, but planning should be conservative.

With Rs. 35 lakh corpus and Rs. 1.3 lakh SIP monthly, you are well positioned.

Even if you achieve around 11.5%-12% CAGR, Rs. 3 crore is a very possible target.

Staying disciplined, doing timely rebalancing and risk management will be the key.

Taxation Awareness and Planning

From April 2024, new mutual fund taxation rules are applicable.

Long term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short term capital gains are taxed at 20%.

You should plan your fund redemptions smartly around these tax rules in 2030.

If you withdraw step by step across different financial years, tax impact can be lowered.

Your Certified Financial Planner can create the right withdrawal strategy at that time.

What Needs to be Done Immediately

Shift to regular plans via Certified Financial Planner after proper rebalancing.

Reduce number of funds to 5-6 carefully selected ones to avoid overlap.

Balance SIP amounts among flexi cap, large cap, mid cap, and small cap properly.

Start creating an emergency fund separately if not already built.

Set a disciplined annual portfolio review and rebalancing cycle till 2030.

Mentally accept 11%-12% CAGR as the working return estimate for goal planning.

Keep emotional patience during market corrections, continue SIPs without stopping.

Protect your investments by maintaining full insurance coverage for health and life.

Keep final 2 years (2028-2030) focused on protecting capital and not chasing returns.

Have a well-designed exit and withdrawal plan from 2029 onwards through STPs.

Finally

You have already built a strong foundation with SIPs and disciplined saving.

With minor adjustments and careful planning, your Rs. 3 crore goal is achievable.

Focus on maintaining right asset allocation and staying invested through cycles.

Right advice from Certified Financial Planner can optimise your journey further.

Financial freedom comes from patience, discipline, and smart rebalancing at right times.

Stay focused on the journey and not just the destination.

Your financial goals like marriage, home, vacation and other dreams will surely come true.

I sincerely appreciate your systematic approach and clarity at this stage itself.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8309 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Money
Hello Sir, Over last few years I have created the below mutual fund portfolio on my own. My goal is to maximise returns for wealth creation and time horizon is 15 years. I am 42 now and can take a more aggressive approach for next 8-10 years. Post that I may want to preserve my wealth more. I am investing total of 43k which i can increase to 50k. Please have a look and suggest. 1. Invesco India contra fund - 9k 2. HDFC midcap fund - 9k 3. Kotak Flexi cap - 4k 4. Mirae Asset large cap (SIP Stopped due to poor performance) 5. SBI Focused equity - 6k 6. PPFAS Flexi cap - 10k 7. SBI Small Cap - 5k
Ans: You have taken a smart step towards wealth creation by starting early.

Your selection shows good understanding of different mutual fund categories.

You have a healthy mix of midcap, flexicap, contra, focused and smallcap funds.

This shows you have diversified your portfolio thoughtfully across different fund styles.

You have kept exposure to both growth and value-oriented investing.

You have rightly identified that one underperforming large cap fund needs review.

Stopping SIP in a poor performing scheme is a practical and wise decision.

Your discipline in continuing SIPs in other funds shows strong financial behaviour.

You have balanced your risk between aggressive and moderate categories effectively.

Overall, your portfolio looks sound and built with good intent for long-term goals.

Portfolio Strengths

Exposure to midcap and smallcap funds is good for long-term wealth creation.

Allocation to flexicap and focused funds adds dynamic fund management advantage.

Your contra fund allocation adds contrarian flavour which can deliver non-linear returns.

Fund selection shows maturity by avoiding too much overlap between categories.

You are investing consistently which is the most important factor in compounding.

Having multiple schemes with different styles reduces portfolio concentration risk.

Your monthly investment of Rs. 43,000 is significant and can create large corpus over 15 years.

Portfolio Areas of Concern

Slight overweight in mid and smallcap category is noted.

Market volatility can hurt more during sharp corrections because of smallcap exposure.

Too many funds may create slight duplication of stocks across different schemes.

Portfolio rebalancing will become slightly tedious if number of funds increase.

Mirae Asset large cap SIP is stopped but the existing investment also needs action.

Largecap exposure is now low compared to ideal for your age and profile.

Post 8-10 years, switching to capital preservation needs gradual strategy shift.

Assessment of Each Fund Category

Midcap category is well represented but should not exceed 25-30% of overall portfolio.

Flexicap category gives flexibility but each flexicap fund behaves differently.

Focused funds are good but carry slightly higher risk due to concentrated portfolio.

Smallcap allocation is suitable but careful monitoring is required during market cycles.

Contra category adds uniqueness but returns can be very cyclical and needs patience.

Action Plan for Your Current Portfolio

Continue all your good performing SIPs without any interruption.

Review the Mirae Asset large cap investment now and take appropriate action.

You may redeem the old largecap fund units if performance continues to lag.

Redeem amount should be moved to a better managed flexicap or large & midcap fund.

Continue your exposure to smallcap but limit total portfolio allocation to 15-18%.

In midcap, ensure you are invested in a fund which consistently outperforms in long-term.

Avoid adding any more new schemes to the portfolio unnecessarily.

Aim to consolidate existing schemes if portfolio overlaps are found during review.

Increase SIP amount from Rs. 43,000 to Rs. 50,000 as you mentioned.

Divide the extra Rs. 7,000 across your best performing flexicap and midcap funds.

Avoid chasing new fund offers (NFOs) or newly launched schemes blindly.

Stick to consistent performers and follow a disciplined SIP approach.

Taxation Angle for Your Portfolio

Equity mutual fund long term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

Short term gains are taxed at 20%.

Plan partial withdrawals smartly if needed after 8-10 years to manage tax impact.

Do not redeem fully in panic if market conditions are weak in any year.

Partial SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) method can help to manage taxation better.

Keep holding periods long to minimise short term tax liabilities.

Strategy for Next 8 to 10 Years

Continue being aggressive for next 8-10 years as you have time advantage.

Increase allocation towards midcap, flexicap and smallcap slightly till age 50.

After 50, gradually shift 30-40% of the portfolio towards balanced advantage and large & midcap funds.

Start SIPs in conservative hybrid or balanced advantage categories after age 50.

These categories help in preserving wealth with moderate equity exposure.

By 50, aim for 60% equity and 40% low volatile assets like conservative hybrid funds.

After 55, move towards 40% equity and 60% defensive assets for capital protection.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Avoid judging funds based only on 1-year or 2-year returns.

Do not over-diversify with too many funds in similar categories.

Avoid direct funds if you are not monitoring performance closely yourself.

Investing through Certified Financial Planner and MFD ensures regular portfolio reviews.

Regular plans give access to better guidance, handholding and investment discipline.

In direct plans, small mistakes in fund selection can cause major underperformance.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds simply mirror the market returns with no chance of outperformance.

In falling markets, index funds fall exactly like the market without any downside protection.

Actively managed funds have potential to beat index returns with better stock picking.

Active funds can manage risks better during volatile or falling markets.

In long run, good active funds can create far superior wealth than index funds.

Since you are targeting maximum returns, actively managed funds are a better choice.

How to Monitor Your Portfolio Going Forward

Do yearly review of every scheme’s performance against their benchmark and peers.

Replace underperformers only after consistent 2-3 years of lagging.

Do not disturb top performing funds even if they show small dips during corrections.

Review your overall asset allocation every 2 years and adjust if major deviations.

Use portfolio management services of a Certified Financial Planner for objective guidance.

Avoid taking emotional decisions during market crashes or sharp rallies.

SIPs should continue irrespective of market conditions to enjoy full power of compounding.

Your Retirement and Wealth Preservation Approach

Plan to build a corpus of Rs. 2 crore to Rs. 3 crore over next 15 years.

Start partial Systematic Withdrawal Plan from corpus after 55-57 years.

SWP can provide regular income without disturbing your principal.

Move higher portion to balanced advantage and conservative hybrid funds post 50.

Keep small equity exposure even after 60 for inflation protection.

Maintain minimum 30-40% equity even during retirement years to beat inflation.

Emergency fund equivalent to 12 months’ expenses should be maintained in liquid funds.

Three Key Things You are Doing Right

You have started investing systematically and early.

You have created a diversified portfolio across different equity categories.

You are willing to increase investments and stay aggressive till age 50.

Three Areas Where You Should Focus More

Consolidate similar schemes wherever possible to avoid duplication.

Increase largecap and hybrid exposure gradually after 50 for capital preservation.

Monitor tax implications carefully while redeeming or switching after long term.

Final Insights

You are on the right track towards strong wealth creation over next 15 years.

Your fund selection is thoughtful and aligned with aggressive wealth building goals.

Continue SIPs religiously and increase amount whenever possible to reach goals faster.

Take professional help of a Certified Financial Planner for yearly review and adjustments.

Keep long term focus without worrying about short term market ups and downs.

Gradually transition towards safety once you cross 50 years of age.

Wealth creation is a marathon, not a sprint; stay patient and consistent.

By maintaining your discipline, you can achieve your dreams comfortably.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8309 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2025
Money
Hello sir. I am a 23 year old student, currently doing my MBA right now. I want to start saving up, for the future, while clearing my loan (~20 lakh, 7.5% interest). An average placement in our college will be around 12-13 LPA in hand. I want some guidance on how to start the habit on investing, best areas to invest in and grow a portfolio (save up for major event, marriage, home, car, vacations) . I am more on a conservative side of investing. Please guide.
Ans: Starting to save and invest during MBA is a very good decision.

Thinking about loan repayment and investment together shows maturity and responsibility.

Planning early for life goals like marriage, home, and vacations is the right way forward.

It is very rare at 23 years to think about financial freedom, so you are on the right path.

You are planting the seed of a beautiful financial future today.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You are 23 years old and pursuing MBA right now.

You have an education loan of around Rs 20 lakh at 7.5% interest.

Your future income is expected to be around Rs 12-13 lakh in hand.

You are a conservative investor by nature, preferring safety with some returns.

You want to build savings for marriage, house, car, and vacations.

You want to build the habit of investing from now itself.

Importance of Clearing Loan First
Your education loan has a high interest of 7.5% per year.

Any investment you do must beat 7.5% returns after tax to make sense.

Otherwise, it is better to repay the loan early to save on high interest.

Clearing loan gives peace of mind and improves your financial freedom.

It is better to first build an emergency fund and then partially focus on loan closure.

Emergency Fund Must Be Your First Step
Before investing anywhere, build an emergency fund for 6 months expenses.

Keep this fund in liquid mutual funds or simple bank fixed deposits.

Emergency fund gives you safety if job placement is delayed or salary is less.

Emergency fund must be untouched unless there is a real financial emergency.

This simple step protects you from taking unnecessary loans later.

How to Approach Loan Repayment and Investment Together
Allocate 70% of your first year salary towards clearing the education loan.

Allocate 30% towards building your emergency fund and starting investments.

Once loan becomes small, reverse the ratio to 30% loan and 70% investments.

Discipline and patience are your biggest friends here.

Always try to prepay at least once every 6 months.

You will save a lot of interest by small extra prepayments regularly.

Choosing the Right Investment Options for You
As a conservative investor, focus on balanced and diversified products.

Invest in a mix of conservative hybrid funds and multi-cap mutual funds.

Choose only actively managed mutual funds and not passive index funds.

Index funds just copy the market and give average returns only.

Active funds, managed by expert fund managers, aim to beat the market.

Certified Financial Planners can guide you to select right funds through trusted MFDs.

Investing through regular plans via MFDs helps you get proper reviews and service.

Direct funds miss this regular portfolio review and personalised hand-holding.

Regular review is needed at least once every 6 months.

It is better to pay a small fee for expert guidance and stay on track.

How Much to Invest Initially
Start small with Rs 5000 to Rs 8000 per month while studying.

Once you get placement and steady salary, increase it to Rs 20,000 monthly.

You can aim for 30% of your in-hand salary to go towards investments.

If salary is Rs 1 lakh per month, target Rs 30,000 SIP after loan reduces.

Gradual increase in SIP amount every year with salary hike is very important.

This method is called 'Step-up SIP' and helps wealth grow faster.

Best Investment Areas for Your Goals
For marriage and car goals (2-5 years), invest in conservative hybrid funds.

For home purchase (7-10 years), invest in balanced advantage and multi-cap funds.

For vacations (2-3 years), invest very conservatively in short duration funds.

Always match your investment type with your goal’s time horizon.

Short term goals = safer products, long term goals = slightly aggressive products.

Taxation Awareness from Beginning
Equity mutual funds gains above Rs 1.25 lakh in a year are taxed at 12.5%.

Short term capital gains (holding period less than 1 year) taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds taxed as per your personal income tax slab.

Always invest knowing about tax rules to avoid surprises later.

Plan redemption smartly to minimise tax outgo and maximise returns.

Importance of Setting Goals Clearly
Write down each goal separately with approximate time and cost today.

Adjust the cost for 6%-7% inflation per year.

Goals must be divided into short, medium and long term.

Short term = next 3 years, medium term = 4 to 7 years, long term = 8 years+.

Clarity about goals will help you stay disciplined during market ups and downs.

Why Not to Invest in Real Estate Now
Real estate needs big capital and high maintenance cost.

Liquidity is very poor and selling property is not easy.

Loan for real estate will again create financial pressure.

In early career stage, it is better to stay flexible and liquid.

Mutual funds and SIPs give liquidity, diversification, and better growth potential.

Importance of Insurance Coverage
Once you get a job, buy a term insurance for Rs 1 crore at least.

Premium will be very low because of your young age and good health.

Take a simple term plan only, without any investment component.

Also buy a health insurance policy independent of employer’s coverage.

Having good insurance protects your wealth from unexpected emergencies.

Building the Habit of Saving and Investing
Start SIPs in mutual funds on salary day itself.

Make investment automatic so that you never miss it.

Track your expenses monthly and cut wasteful spending.

Increase SIP amount every year at least by 10%-15%.

Stay invested for long periods without withdrawing for small needs.

Investing is a slow and steady process, not a lottery ticket.

Emotional Discipline is Very Important
Markets will rise and fall many times in next 15 years.

Never stop your SIP during market falls.

In fact, during market fall, you should increase SIP if possible.

Time in market is more important than timing the market.

Stay connected with a Certified Financial Planner for guidance and motivation.

Regular reviews of your investments are necessary to stay aligned to goals.

Special Tips for You as a Beginner
Read basic finance books to increase your knowledge.

Avoid chasing fancy stocks, crypto, and unknown investment schemes.

Stick to simple, proven mutual fund strategies for wealth creation.

Save first, spend later should become your habit.

Enjoy life but without compromising on savings.

Start early, stay consistent, and let compounding do the magic.

Action Plan for You
Build Rs 1 lakh emergency fund in liquid mutual fund first.

Start SIP of Rs 5000 to Rs 8000 monthly till MBA completion.

Repay education loan aggressively after getting a job.

Gradually increase SIP to Rs 20,000 and later to Rs 30,000 monthly.

Stay invested for minimum 7-10 years for major goals.

Keep reviewing with a Certified Financial Planner once every year.

Finally
You are at the best age to build wealth safely and steadily.

Early action multiplies your wealth power hugely later.

Clearing your education loan fast should be your top priority now.

Saving and investing must become a habit, not a one-time thing.

Diversified mutual funds will help you balance safety and growth smartly.

Protect yourself with proper term and health insurance at the earliest.

Avoid distractions like real estate, direct stocks, crypto at early stage.

Focus on discipline, patience and simplicity in financial life.

15 years later, you will thank yourself for the seeds you plant today.

Wishing you a financially prosperous and peaceful journey ahead!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8309 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2025
Money
Sir, I'm 54 years old, having a wife and a son who is 21 years old and studying, I have set aside a sum of 60 lakhs for his future studies, marriage and also a contingency fund and emergency fund for ourselves, I also have a health insurance of 30 lakhs. I have a retirement fund of 2.3 crore and debt free living in a class B city from which we want to start an STP from 2026 January till survival, will 1 lakh per month withdrawal be a safe option so that the fund don't run out and also can grow
Ans: You are 54 years old, living a debt-free life.

You have a loving family with a wife and a 21-year-old son.

You have wisely set aside Rs 60 lakh for your son’s future needs.

You have also secured your family with a health insurance of Rs 30 lakh.

You have a retirement corpus of Rs 2.3 crore ready for post-retirement life.

You are planning to start STP from January 2026.

Your aim is to withdraw Rs 1 lakh per month from then till lifetime.

A Big Appreciation for Your Systematic Financial Planning

You have planned your son’s education, marriage, and emergency needs separately.

You have ensured health coverage without burdening your retirement savings.

You have no loan pressure, making your future cash flows smoother.

You have started thinking about withdrawal phase well in advance.

Very few people plan this carefully before retiring.

Key Points to Think Before Deciding the Monthly Withdrawal

Inflation will keep increasing your living expenses.

Your retirement fund must beat inflation and last till lifetime.

Your withdrawal must not deplete the fund too early.

Your corpus must continue growing even after withdrawals.

You should maintain enough liquidity for emergencies.

Investment must be done considering safety, growth and liquidity together.

Important Factors That Will Affect Your STP Plan

Your life expectancy plays a major role.

In India, life expectancy is increasing with better healthcare.

You must plan till at least 90 years of age.

Inflation usually averages around 5-6% per year.

Some costs like healthcare rise even faster than average inflation.

Post-retirement, medical expenses usually increase after 70 years of age.

Is Rs 1 Lakh Per Month Safe for Your Corpus of Rs 2.3 Crore?

At Rs 1 lakh per month, yearly withdrawal will be Rs 12 lakh.

That is around 5.2% of your corpus in the first year.

Withdrawal rate of 4% to 5% is considered relatively safer worldwide.

However, with 5% inflation, your monthly need will keep rising every year.

By 2036, Rs 1 lakh today will feel like Rs 1.6 lakh approximately.

Thus, you must plan for increasing withdrawal, not fixed.

How You Should Structure Your Retirement Corpus

Divide corpus into three buckets: Short-term, Medium-term and Long-term.

Short-Term Bucket

Keep 2 to 3 years of withdrawal need in ultra short-term debt funds.

This gives high liquidity and low volatility.

Medium-Term Bucket

Invest 5 to 7 years' withdrawal need in short-term debt or hybrid funds.

This balances moderate returns with lower risk.

Long-Term Bucket

Keep the remaining corpus in actively managed equity mutual funds.

Equity is needed to beat inflation over long period.

Long-term bucket gives growth and protects your purchasing power.

Smart Usage of STP for Withdrawals

Start a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP) from short-term funds to your savings account.

Monthly STP withdrawal of Rs 1 lakh can start from January 2026.

Every year, transfer some money from medium-term bucket to short-term bucket.

Every few years, move money from long-term bucket to medium-term bucket.

This step-wise movement ensures money is always available for withdrawals.

Why Bucket Strategy Is Better

Reduces the risk of withdrawing during market downfall.

Provides peace of mind with cash flow predictability.

Maintains growth potential without taking unnecessary risk.

Taxation Aspect You Must Keep in Mind

Under new mutual fund tax rules, equity mutual fund LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG in equity mutual funds is taxed at 20%.

For debt mutual funds, both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your slab rate.

Proper harvesting of gains and rebalancing can optimise your taxation.

Additional Safety Nets You Should Plan

Review your health insurance coverage once every few years.

Medical inflation can be 8-10% which is much higher than general inflation.

You may buy a super top-up policy if healthcare costs rise sharply.

Always maintain a separate emergency fund apart from STP corpus.

Emergency fund should cover at least 1 year’s worth of living expenses.

Keep your Will and nominations updated to avoid legal complications.

This gives complete financial peace to your family too.

Some Additional Thoughtful Points for Stronger Retirement Planning

Avoid withdrawing lump sums suddenly unless very necessary.

If possible, keep withdrawals lower in first few years of retirement.

This allows your corpus to grow bigger for later years.

Do not invest in risky products like unregulated chit funds or bonds offering unrealistic returns.

Stay with well-known AMC-backed mutual funds and safe debt products.

Avoid investing heavily in direct equity shares at this stage.

Direct equity needs active tracking, which becomes difficult after 65+ years.

Rebalancing portfolio every 2-3 years helps maintain proper asset allocation.

Rebalancing is shifting from equity to debt or vice-versa based on market changes.

Tax planning should be done every year to reduce overall tax outgo.

Harvesting LTCG up to exemption limit every year can save taxes smartly.

What You Must Absolutely Avoid

Do not withdraw more than 5% initially unless absolutely needed.

Do not depend fully on fixed deposits or only debt mutual funds.

Inflation can silently erode value of your money if growth assets are missing.

Do not ignore regular review meetings with your Certified Financial Planner.

Your Corpus of Rs 2.3 Crore Has a Good Potential If Handled Properly

With right withdrawal rate, proper investment split and regular monitoring, corpus can last comfortably.

You can comfortably manage Rs 1 lakh monthly withdrawals initially.

Later slight adjustments might be needed based on inflation and healthcare needs.

Answering Your Original Question Clearly

Yes, Rs 1 lakh per month from Rs 2.3 crore corpus is broadly safe.

But it should be planned carefully using bucket strategy.

Corpus allocation, inflation adjustment, taxation, healthcare costs must be reviewed regularly.

Simple, disciplined approach will make your retirement stress-free and prosperous.

Finally

Your financial preparedness at this stage is excellent.

Little fine-tuning will ensure even better results.

Retirement should be about enjoyment, not about worrying about money.

Having a structured plan with built-in flexibility is the secret to peaceful retired life.

You have laid the foundation well, now it needs regular, gentle care.

With proper planning and mindful execution, your golden years will truly be golden.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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