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Devastated Husband: Can I Forgive My Wife's 9-Year Affair?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |543 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2024

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

some time back, i got the shock of my life when my wife confessed that she had an affair with a neighbor for 9 years which she ended after an acrimonious split. I am unable to forgive her and cant bring myself to talk to her despite her request to start afresh. Divorce is not an option since children are involved. She says shes sorry, feels guilty etc but I feel used, hurt, humiliated, suffocated and still cant understand how she could do this to me. pls tell me what to do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I am really sorry you are going through such a tough phase in your life. Cheating is, indeed, inexcusable. I am not pushing you to get separated, but if your children are what's holding you back, I would like for you to remember that divorced but happy parents are far better for children's mental health than parents stuck in an unhappy marriage.

Since, divorce is not an option, the only choice left is to try to make the marriage work. I would suggest seeing a marriage counselor. You have every right to feel all the emotions you are experiencing right now. A counselor can guide you better in navigating these feelings and help both of you come out of this situation.

Best Wishes.

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Hi Mohit.. I am 51 year old male. We have been married for 26 years, but my wife recently confessed to me that she was in a 11 year relationship with our next door neighbour but now she has ended that relationship. Seems the way it happened 11years back is we had got shifted to a new place, she was handling situation alone (since I used to work in a different city and used to be home only during weekends and plus I admit i was always stressed in my jobs). Then she felt her parents are also not available for her.. so thats why she started 'leaning' on this next door neighbour, fell in love with him and soon got caught up in an affair with sex also involved worse, they used to meet at our place and make out in MY BED ... so anyways my wife confided in me now and admitted this because she says she ended this affair about a year back.. but seems he called her suddenly one day recently and told her he would confide about this affair to his wife (which meant that this would come in to the open and I would come to know), so my wife decide to tell me herself finally she says shes is sorry, feels lot of guilt and to forgive her, give a 2nd chance etc.. thing is there are 2 grown up children- daughter 21 years and son 17 years.. I just cannot bring myself to forgive her.. 2 things keep haunting me 1) we even went to that guys marriage (affair started @1 year before his marriage) and I feel like a fool now for attending his marriage. I used to talk to him like any neighbour would 2) Thought of them making out in my bed, and that he used to come over to my house where my children live even when nobody was at home. Besides this part, she has been a good wife, but isnt this affair too serious a thing what she has done??- she made a fool out of me for the last 10 years, isnt it? At the same time, seperation/divorce is out of the question- since it will adversely impact my children and parents.. Worse I am in the US staying alone for work, while they are in India, when she confessed this a month back. So I am all along dealing with this pain, anger and hurt. My head tells me to forgive her and move on, but my heart just cannot forget this and I keep getting images of them together.. Pls help me how to process my hurt, anger and pain.
Ans: Dear Mohit,
I understand how deeply hurt and betrayed you feel. It's incredibly painful to learn about such a long-term affair, especially with someone you trusted. Your emotions are valid, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed by anger, hurt, and confusion.

Your wife's confession, although a step towards honesty, doesn't erase the betrayal or the pain you're experiencing. It's important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself the time and space to process them. Being away from home might provide a necessary distance to reflect, but it also makes it harder to deal with the situation directly.

Talking to a therapist could help you navigate through these emotions. They can offer you a safe space to express your feelings and help you find ways to cope with the hurt and anger.

When you're ready, having an honest conversation with your wife about how you feel and what you need moving forward is crucial. Open communication can be painful but necessary for any kind of healing or decision-making process.

Your concern for your children's well-being is understandable, and it's clear that their happiness is a priority for you. However, remember that their well-being also depends on having parents who are emotionally healthy and stable.

Take care of yourself during this time. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and peace. Focus on your well-being and consider what you want for your future. Forgiveness and healing are personal journeys, and it's okay if it takes time to figure out the best path forward.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |543 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

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I am 39 years old. Married for 10 years. My wife had an extramarital affair with one boy when I was working away from her since we were both 10 years old. I found her red-handedly. She is asking for sorry. She made a mistake she will not do in the future like that she is telling me. I accepted her because of my son, but the problem is, I still can't forget because I blindly trusted her a lot and she betrayed me. I am unable to work despite living with her. Sometimes I feel depressed. Kindly guide me on what should I do.
Ans: Dear Eswar,

Your feelings are completely valid. Dealing with infidelity in a relationship is very difficult. Simply because you have forgiven your partner does not necessarily mean you have forgotten about it or have mentally dealt with it well. I suggest having an open conversation about your feelings with your wife. It is true that one mistake should not be the deciding factor, still, cheating is a pretty big mistake to forgive. If it is taking you some time to get over it, your wife has to help you get through it. When you do it together, it also helps the marriage grow. The best course of action would be to see a marriage counselor to get more structured guidance out of this.

Remember you do not have to rush yourself to feel all better. Infidelity is a traumatic experience for the one on the receiving end. Take all the time you need to get through it. And don't hold back from sharing with your wife how you are feeling. Open communication helps more than you know.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4310 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 10, 2025

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Career
I scored 99.815 percentile in general class jee mains 2025, is there any possibility of getting NIT TRICY or suratkal CSE?
Ans: Anandam, 99.815 is an excellent score. Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Once the January JEE Main session results was declared, many students and JEE applicants started asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates Option also and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, and preparation strategies, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4310 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2025Hindi
Listen
Career
My score is 88 percentile JEE Svnit possible
Ans: Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Once the January JEE Main session results was declared, many students and JEE applicants started asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates Option also and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, and preparation strategies, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

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