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Kanchan Rai  |290 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 07, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Vigneswaran Question by Vigneswaran on Sep 07, 2023Hindi

I am married person, She is house wife. But she is fighting with me daily and always suicide blackmail and compare to others. What is the solution? My thought is i want to break up this female and find new life partner, is it correct?

Ans: I understand that you're going through an incredibly challenging and emotionally taxing situation. It's clear that you're feeling overwhelmed and at a loss for how to deal with your spouse's behavior. It's essential to approach this situation with care and empathy.

Safety First: If your spouse is making suicide threats, please take them seriously and prioritize her safety. Reach out to professionals or hotlines immediately to ensure she gets the help she needs.
Professional Help: Both you and your spouse should consider seeking the support of a licensed therapist or counselor. The issues you're facing are undoubtedly distressing, and a professional can guide you through the process of understanding and addressing them.
Communication: It's important to have open and compassionate conversations with your spouse. Express your concerns and listen to her feelings as well. Try to create an atmosphere of understanding and support.
Support Her Mental Health: Encourage your spouse to seek help from a mental health professional who can provide a proper evaluation and treatment plan. Mental health struggles can greatly affect a person's behavior and emotions.
Consider All Options: Ending a marriage is a significant decision that should not be made impulsively. Exhaust all available options for working through your issues before considering separation or divorce.
This is a difficult and painful time for both of you, and I encourage you to seek the guidance and support of professionals who specialize in relationship counseling and mental health. Remember that your well-being and the well-being of your spouse are of utmost importance, and compassionate communication and professional help can be instrumental in finding a resolution to these complex issues.

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Kanchan Rai  |290 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 04, 2023

My wife frequently quarrels with me, putting up baseless aligations on character shoutingly so much that everyone in our apartment hears it easily. This conduct of her is affecting badly my 4 year son and 12 year old daughter and badly tarnishing my social life. We are now married for last 10 years and she is always like this towards me. Please hlp as it is effecting my health. Thanks.
Ans: Dear Irfan,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation in your marriage. It sounds like your wife's behavior is not only affecting you, but also your children and social life.

It's important to communicate openly with your wife about how her behavior is affecting you and your family. You can try to have a calm and respectful conversation with her about your concerns and express how her behavior is hurting you and your children. It's important to avoid being defensive or confrontational, as this can escalate the situation and make things worse.

If your attempts to communicate with your wife are not successful, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist. A trained professional can help you both to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflicts and provide you with tools and strategies to improve your communication and relationship.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself. You can seek support from trusted friends or family members, join a support group, or consider individual therapy to help you cope with the stress and emotional toll of the situation.

Remember, it's not healthy or acceptable for anyone to be subjected to baseless allegations or verbal abuse. It's important to take steps to protect yourself and your family from this behavior, whether that means seeking professional help

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi
Hi, I am married from last 15 year, having a daughter , my realtion with my wife is very bad, she is like this since start of marriage, our is arrange marriage. She didn't want any kind of responsibility, she always want to go out and if possible do shopping, if I asked not to over spend she thinks not sure what and create scene. She fight with everyone even in office or with her parents, she blames other for all this, never ever think she can be wrong, she is having a feeling if you correct her , she not going to like it, she will say no need to teach me , I know. She even not hving very good relationship with my daughter, she is in class 10th and staying in baording. I am hving 2 flat just like jodi flat adjacant to each other, i am staying in one and she is in another , she hardly let me hv sex, but she talks or chat with stranger whole night, i try to question her but she started fighting, she didn't listen and do what ever she want, if u question she will fight, i really don't know how to handle this situation, I am feeling trapped and she is accusing me for all the mess. We had fight lots of time , we abused each other during fight a lot , but the problem still persist nothing changed in 15 years recently after fight i stop talking with her . Not sure how I should move forward , i talked with my daughter and she also suggesting me leave her for some time she will realize , should i go for divorce or how to move forward.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time in your marriage.
It's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is up to the individual. Here are some things you can do to help you move forward:

1. Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your feelings and provide guidance on how to move forward.

2. Take care of yourself: Make sure you're taking care of your own physical and emotional needs. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

3. Set boundaries: If your wife's behavior is causing you distress, it's important to set boundaries. This can include setting limits on spending, or establishing rules around communication.

4. Consider couples therapy: If you're both willing, couples therapy can be a helpful way to work through issues in your marriage and improve communication.

5. Think about your options: If you're considering divorce, it's important to think carefully about your options. Consider speaking with a lawyer who can provide guidance on the legal aspects of divorce.

Remember, every situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Take the time to consider your options and make the decision that's best for you and your family.

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Anu Krishna  |1047 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Hi Madam, I am married (arrange marriage) for 10 years with a son of 8 years, I am middle class person and giving Home loan EMI also, because of which no money is saved. My problem is that my wife always demands money and fights for it. She is all aware of my income and expenditures of every month (I have prepared a list and shares with her). I have no habits of alcohol or smoking, but she always fights with me that I spends money on my bad habits and on friends. She always say that you don't take me outside , don't spend on me and blah blah...(I do take her to movies and wherever she wants to go with me or with her friends). She is very short tempered that I avoids talking to her but she finds a chance for fight. For her demands, I left my parental flat and mother and lived with her in a rented house for 5 years and now purchased an independent home also. But, I am fed up of her demands and fights. She even fights when our son is around and even comes near my body as if she wants to hurt me....(although we never had a physical fight). I am very afraid. For your information, she also works as a teacher in a private nursery school (pays half of our home loan EMI) and she is from village background. My father expired long back and mother is living with my younger brother. I even don't meet my close friends frequently (once or twice in a month) because of her fear, as when I meet them she fights on this issue also. I want peace in my life. Kindly help.
Ans: Dear Sunil,
This needs a bit more of finding out what exactly is going on? What is the root cause of anger and the blame game with your wife?
Whatever I suggest will just be a BAND-AID solution and things will flare up yet again. There is deep-seated anger and insecurities rising (from what I understand from you.
The only thing I can say is; spend time with her on an emotional level and maybe this will ease her emotional highs and lows. But, I do feel it is time to have an intervention where as a Couple you are given to tools to work on your relationship.
Do see an expert who specializes in marriage therapy/counseling. They will be able to guide you in a very structured fashion as to how to re-start and re-build your marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

I am 42 and want to retire by 60, I have 10 lacs in MF, 10lac in equity, 50 lac in FD, 4cr in real estate land shops etc. I don't own a house. What should be my strategy from here my monthly expenditure is close to 2 lac.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
You are 42 years old. You want to retire by 60. You have Rs. 10 lakhs in mutual funds. You have Rs. 10 lakhs in equities. You have Rs. 50 lakhs in fixed deposits. Your real estate investments are worth Rs. 4 crores. You don't own a house. Your monthly expenditure is Rs. 2 lakhs.

Assessing Your Financial Position
Mutual Funds:

Rs. 10 lakhs in mutual funds.
This provides potential for growth.

Rs. 10 lakhs in equities.
This is good for long-term growth.
Fixed Deposits:

Rs. 50 lakhs in fixed deposits.
Safe but with low returns.
Real Estate:

Rs. 4 crores in land and shops.
Significant value but not liquid.
Monthly Expenditure:

Rs. 2 lakhs per month.
High living expenses.
Investment Strategy
Emergency Fund:

Keep at least 6 months of expenses.
This means Rs. 12 lakhs.
Diversify Investments:

Increase mutual fund investments.
Focus on large-cap and balanced funds.
Fixed Deposits:

Consider reducing FD amounts.
Reinvest in mutual funds for better returns.

Continue with equity investments.
Diversify within sectors.
Real Estate:

Real estate is illiquid.
Consider selling some assets.
Reinvest proceeds in diversified mutual funds.
Retirement Planning
Calculate Retirement Corpus:

Aim for a substantial corpus.
This should cover post-retirement expenses.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Start SIPs in actively managed mutual funds.
This ensures disciplined investing.
Regular Review:

Review your portfolio every six months.
Adjust based on market conditions.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Expert Management:

Professionals manage actively managed funds.
They aim to outperform the market.
Better Returns:

Actively managed funds often give higher returns.
They adapt quickly to market changes.
Disadvantages of Index Funds
No Outperformance:

Index funds mirror the market.
They can't outperform during good market phases.
Lack of Flexibility:

Index funds lack flexibility in volatile markets.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Complex Management:

Direct funds need more personal management.
Regular funds offer professional oversight.
Regular Funds Benefits:

Investing through MFD with CFP credential is beneficial.
They provide expert advice and management.
Owning a House
Consider Buying a House:

Owning a house gives stability.
It reduces future rent expenses.
Use Existing Assets:

Use some FD or real estate proceeds.
Fund the house purchase without heavy loans.
Tax Planning
Utilise Tax Benefits:

Invest in tax-saving instruments.
Reduce taxable income and save more.
Final Insights
To retire by 60, focus on diversified investments. Ensure an emergency fund. Increase mutual fund investments. Consider selling some real estate. Reinvest proceeds wisely. Buy a house for stability. Review your portfolio regularly. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. Stay disciplined and focused on your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more


Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

I am 43 years old and work in private sector. I have 3L salary per month and pay 30000 as PF contribution. I have a home loan emi of 30,000 with SBI, 20,000 emi for car loan. I have a chitti for 10L for which i am paying 23k per month and yet to get the amount. I have SIP of 40,000 on various funds. I have a term insurance for 2.5Cr with ICICI. I have company insurance as well. I have opted for LIC Jeevan shanti for 5L one time. I recently opted for Jeevan Utsav for 5L per annum. I am confused now, if this is a right way to plan my financials and retirement. I need to plan for a house in next 5yrs, 2 kids education- one in 4th std and another in 7th std. Pls help me to plan properly.
Ans: Current Financial Situation
You have a solid monthly income of Rs 3 lakhs. Your expenses and investments show a balanced approach, but there's room for improvement. Let's break it down.

Income and Expenses
Monthly Income: Rs 3 lakhs

Provident Fund Contribution: Rs 30,000

Home Loan EMI: Rs 30,000

Car Loan EMI: Rs 20,000

Chitti Payment: Rs 23,000

SIP Investments: Rs 40,000

Insurance Policies: LIC Jeevan Shanti and Jeevan Utsav

Insurance Coverage
Term Insurance: Rs 2.5 Crores with ICICI

Company Insurance: Additional coverage

Current Investments
LIC Jeevan Shanti: Rs 5 lakhs one-time investment

LIC Jeevan Utsav: Rs 5 lakhs per annum

SIPs: Rs 40,000 per month in various funds

Immediate Concerns
Home Loan: Rs 30,000 EMI

Car Loan: Rs 20,000 EMI

Chitti: Rs 23,000 per month

Financial Goals
New House: In the next 5 years

Kids' Education: For two children (4th and 7th standard)

Retirement Planning

Evaluating Your Investments
LIC Jeevan Shanti and Jeevan Utsav: These are traditional insurance plans. They often provide lower returns compared to mutual funds. You might consider surrendering these policies and reinvesting the amount in mutual funds for better growth.

SIPs: Investing Rs 40,000 per month in mutual funds is a good strategy. Continue this, as it provides diversification and potential for higher returns.

Focus on Debt Reduction
Prioritize Debt: Focus on clearing your high-interest debts first. Your chitti payment and car loan should be top priorities.

Home Loan: Continue with the home loan EMI, but consider prepaying if you have extra funds. This will reduce your interest burden.

Increase Investment in Mutual Funds
Diversified Equity Funds: Increase your SIP contributions gradually. These funds offer good growth potential.

Balanced Funds: These invest in both equity and debt, providing stability and growth. Consider adding them to your portfolio.

Education Fund for Kids
Dedicated SIPs: Start separate SIPs for your children's education. Calculate the future cost and invest accordingly.

Child Plans: Look into child-specific mutual funds. These funds focus on long-term growth for education expenses.

Planning for a New House
Systematic Investment Plan: Start a dedicated SIP for your new house. Calculate the amount needed in 5 years and invest accordingly.

Avoid Real Estate Investments: Instead, focus on mutual funds. They offer liquidity and better returns.

Retirement Planning
Increase SIPs: Gradually increase your SIP contributions as your salary grows. This will help build a substantial retirement corpus.

Diversified Portfolio: Ensure your retirement portfolio has a mix of equity and debt funds. This provides growth and stability.

Final Insights
Review Insurance Policies: Consider surrendering LIC policies and reinvesting in mutual funds for better growth.

Debt Management: Prioritize paying off high-interest debts like the chitti and car loan.

Increase SIPs: Invest more in diversified and balanced funds.

Plan for Kids' Education: Start dedicated SIPs for education expenses.

New House Fund: Use a dedicated SIP to save for your new house in 5 years.

Retirement Planning: Focus on building a diversified portfolio for a secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more


Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2024Hindi
Hello , I am in stock market since last 2 years and doing as primary sources of income. After doing very hard work I could only achieve 17% return per year in 2 years. However if I took more risk than could achieve more return but capital sefty is my priority. On other end many small cap and mid cap fund gave 50% per year means 100% return in last 2 years. So I'm highly doubting my skill and want to shift to 1 Mutual fund like small and mid cap 2 Debt fund with 8-10% return 3 FD under my parents account for 8-10% risk free returns , I'm preferring FD more as it's peace full investment and very safe compared to equity markets. Because MF can't give consistent returns and may dip 20-30% in covid like situation Will still invest 20% in equity or MF , current capital 50 L living with family owned house So please suggest what is good or any other good investments suggetion you have.. Thanks in advance
Ans: You've been in the stock market for 2 years. You achieved a 17% return per year. That's impressive, given market volatility. However, you seek capital safety.

Small and mid-cap funds have given 50% returns recently. It’s natural to doubt your skills when comparing. Let’s explore your options.

Investment Options and Analysis
1. Mutual Funds: Small and Mid-Cap Funds

These funds can offer high returns.

However, they come with high risk.

Market volatility can cause significant losses.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Lack of active management.

May not outperform the market.

Better to opt for actively managed funds.

2. Debt Funds with 8-10% Returns

Debt funds provide stability and regular income.

They are less volatile compared to equity.

Suitable for risk-averse investors.

3. Fixed Deposits (FD) in Parents’ Accounts

FDs are very safe.

They offer guaranteed returns.

Returns might not beat inflation.

4. Direct Funds vs Regular Funds

Direct funds have lower costs.

But they lack professional management.

Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) are better.

CFPs provide expertise and regular reviews.

Suggested Investment Plan
1. Maintain a Balanced Portfolio

Continue with 20% in equity or mutual funds.

Equity provides growth potential.

Choose actively managed funds for better returns.

2. Allocate to Debt Funds

Invest a significant portion in debt funds.

They offer stability and moderate returns.

Ideal for your capital safety goal.

3. Use Fixed Deposits Wisely

FDs are good for risk-free returns.

Keep a portion in FDs for peace of mind.

Consider splitting FDs for liquidity.

Actionable Steps
1. Diversify Investments

Mix equity, debt, and FDs.

This balances risk and returns.

2. Increase Financial Knowledge

Learn more about market trends.

Understanding helps in better decision-making.

3. Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)

A CFP can guide you effectively.

They offer tailored advice.

4. Regular Reviews

Review your portfolio every six months.

Adjust based on performance and goals.

Final Insights
Your dedication to stock trading is commendable. Safety of capital is crucial. Balancing your portfolio with mutual funds, debt funds, and FDs is wise. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds. Consulting a CFP can provide expert guidance.

Investing in FDs under your parents’ accounts is a safe bet. Debt funds provide stability. Continue a small portion in equity for growth. Regular reviews and adjustments are essential for long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more


Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi
Hello sir, hope you’re doing well. My age is 33. I am investing 40K via SIP in MF in 5 different funds, 20K per month as EPF, 50K NPS annually, 28K EMI - 20 years for 2nd flat for investment, 1st flat home loan completed, 9K car loan for 5 years, also doing SIP 5K in momentum ETF on my own, health insurance from company side but no term or life insurance yet. How am I doing financially? Scope of improvement? Please let me know
Ans: Financial Assessment
Current Investments
You invest Rs 40,000 per month in mutual funds via SIP.

You invest Rs 20,000 per month in EPF.

You contribute Rs 50,000 annually to NPS.

You have a Rs 28,000 EMI for your second flat.

Your first home loan is completed.

You have a Rs 9,000 car loan EMI.

You invest Rs 5,000 in a momentum ETF on your own.

You have health insurance from your company.

You don't have term or life insurance yet.

Analysis of Investments
Mutual Funds via SIP:

Investing Rs 40,000 in 5 different funds is a good strategy.

Ensure your funds are diversified across sectors.

Review fund performance regularly.

EPF Contribution:

Rs 20,000 per month in EPF is commendable.

EPF offers safe, long-term growth with tax benefits.

NPS Contribution:

NPS is a good retirement savings option.

Contributing Rs 50,000 annually is beneficial.

Home Loan EMI:

Your Rs 28,000 EMI for a second flat adds a significant monthly expense.

Evaluate the return potential of this investment.

Car Loan EMI:

Rs 9,000 EMI for your car loan is manageable.

Ensure it does not strain your cash flow.

Momentum ETF:

Investing Rs 5,000 in a momentum ETF on your own is risky.

Consider switching to actively managed mutual funds.

They offer expert management and better risk-adjusted returns.

Insurance Coverage
Health Insurance:

Company-provided health insurance is good.

Ensure it covers all potential medical needs.

Life Insurance:

You need term insurance.

It provides financial security for your family.

Consider a coverage amount that supports your family in your absence.

Financial Improvements
Diversify Mutual Funds:

Ensure your mutual funds are diversified.

Include large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Actively managed funds can offer better returns.

Increase NPS Contribution:

Consider increasing your NPS contribution.

It offers tax benefits and secure retirement savings.

Reduce Debt:

Focus on repaying your car loan quickly.

This will free up cash flow for other investments.

Evaluate Real Estate Investment:

Review the return potential of your second flat.

Real estate investments can be less liquid and riskier.

Switch Momentum ETF:

Switch your Rs 5,000 investment from a momentum ETF to diversified funds.

This reduces risk and provides better returns.

Get Term Insurance:

Get a term insurance plan soon.

It ensures financial security for your family.

Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund.

Keep 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid form.

Final Insights
Your financial strategy is good overall.

Diversify your mutual funds further.

Increase your NPS contributions.

Focus on reducing debt quickly.

Evaluate the potential of your real estate investment.

Switch from momentum ETFs to diversified funds.

Get term insurance for financial security.

Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.

Regularly review and adjust your investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more


Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Dear Sir, could you guide me good infrastructure mutual fund ? i want invest 5k per month
Ans: Thematic funds invest in specific sectors.

Infrastructure funds focus on infrastructure companies.

This includes construction, transportation, and utilities.

Disadvantages of Thematic Funds
Concentration Risk:

Thematic funds are less diversified.

They focus on a single sector.

This increases risk if the sector underperforms.

Market Cycles:

Infrastructure sector performance is cyclical.

It may not perform well during economic downturns.

Limited Growth:

Sector-specific funds may have limited growth opportunities.

Diversified funds offer broader exposure.

Benefits of Diversified Funds

Diversified funds invest across sectors.

This reduces risk and increases stability.

Consistent Returns:

Diversified funds tend to offer more consistent returns.

They balance gains from different sectors.

Expert Management:

Actively managed diversified funds have expert managers.

They adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.


Diversified funds provide flexibility to invest in multiple sectors.

This allows for better risk management.

Recommended Strategy
Invest in Diversified Mutual Funds
Allocate your Rs 5,000 per month to diversified funds.

This ensures better risk management.

Focus on Actively Managed Funds
Choose actively managed funds over index funds.

They offer the potential for higher returns.

Expert managers make informed investment decisions.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly review your investment portfolio.

Rebalance based on performance and market conditions.

Long-Term Investment Horizon
Maintain a long-term investment horizon.

This helps in achieving better returns.

Consistent SIP Contributions
Continue with your SIP contributions.

This inculcates discipline and benefits from rupee cost averaging.

Final Insights
Investing in thematic funds like infrastructure can be risky.

Diversified funds offer better risk management and consistent returns.

Actively managed funds provide expert management and flexibility.

Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.

Maintain a long-term investment horizon for better returns.

Consistent SIP contributions help in disciplined investing.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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