I am married but I find my neighbour very hot. He recently smiled at me and since then I am unable to resist talking to him. Is it normal to be attracted to a male after you're married?

Ans: Dear Samrat,
We are all humans and to develop feelings for someone is not the nature of a particular gender BUT to respond to that attraction is a choice that we have...
To have feelings for someone is also not dependent on whether one is married or not as it can be a product of some inadequacy within a marriage or relationship OR simply an infatuation which knows no age or marital status...
It could also be that you admire someone for who they are and get attracted towards them irrespective of being married or not AND what you do with that attraction is something that you have a choice on...
So, these attractions can be short-lived or when responded to can turn into a full affair but not without dragging a lot of people down...
Bottom line: Attraction is normal and usual BUT how you respond to it is something that will rule the next phase of your life...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

A long-term relationship might seem mundane and routine after a while but that does not permit you to develop feelings for someone else. While meeting up with your female colleagues is no big deal, when you have feelings for that colleague and doubt that you might cross a line, do you still think it's worth considering the meet-up? I doubt that.

I understand that you have a good bond with this person, and you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage, but that still does not allow you to cheat on your wife in good conscience. I suggest three things-

1) Introspect and evaluate why you are having these feelings outside of your marriage.
2) Have a clear discussion about the same with your wife.
3) Work on the issue one step at a time, and work on it together. If needed, see a marriage counselor. We all need a little extra help once in a while.

Every marriage hits a bump or two. It will be okay once you shift your focus to the right place.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Attraction is normal BUT acting on that attraction is a CHOICE...
So, what makes you choose to gift your maid and then create nuisance within your family life?
Someday when your wife is not so 'accepting' of this great gesture of yours, she may threaten to walk out OR worse still the maid may threaten to expose your deeds to other people around.
What makes you play around with your life like this?
'I usually get attracted towards ladies' - then kindly learn and train your mind to focus on things that add value to life instead. Indulging in this attraction will only make you want to earn the attention of more women. Instead gain the same attention by using your work expertise and/or hobby within your social circle and family. But this is only temporary...Find the motivation within you to be able to focus on things that matter for your growth...that's a good way to rework this habit that you have cultivated over time.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I would need a little more detail about your relationship with your husband and why you are seeking romantic feelings outside your marriage to make any comments or suggestions. But, from a general perspective, I would recommend you focus on what's lacking in your marriage and fix it- maybe, see a marriage counselor. Plus, you mentioned having feelings for this colleague but never mentioned if he feels the same way. If not, why would you confess your feelings to him and create even the minimum chaos in his otherwise happy marriage? Again, from a general perspective, the entire thing sounds like a bad plan.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Feelings are natural but hey, what you do with those feelings are your choice!
So, if you feel happiness when he is around, then it's a red flag for yourself. What is it that you are missing with your life that you seem to get with this guy? Not healthy at all...And falling for him is a CHOICE that is in your hands...whether you choose to act on it or not, is a decision you can make...so, you are not helpless...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/