Hello. Although i am married for 12 years and have a 9 year old son, the relationship with My Wife when it comes to Intimacy is not good. There was a Female Colleague in My Last Company who was very much similar to me when it comes to hobbies and interests. Although i and her left that Job sometime back, but till date i am in touch with her and love talking to her. I talk with her everyday wishing her on WhatsAPP and sometimes chat on life. But i guess have developed feelings for her but i am not sure. Due to lack of sex in my married life, i sometimes also fantasise about her making love. She is ok always meeting me but i fear that if i meet her i might cross the line. Is it ok to feel like that and should i share my feelings with Her?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Emotions are unruly sometimes. The thing is that life, especially a long, happy married life, can start to feel too routine and mundane. Maybe that's why you are developing these feelings. Nevertheless, this is not ethical nor acceptable in a marriage that is exclusive. If you indeed love your wife, you should either make sure to keep your feelings for this other woman in check and never act on it, or you have to come clean to your wife about how you have been feeling lately. I suppose you are merely looking for some excitement, and you can easily get that with your long-term partner if you put in some effort.

Best Wishes!

Ans: You are having an emotional affair, not a physical one. You have a choice — you say you love your wife, so one option is to try and salvage your marriage. The other one is closing that chapter and moving on with your extramarital partner — but is she willing to do the same as well? No point remaining stuck in limbo for years to come. Make a decision as to your future and move ahead.

Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.